Constantine – Page 2

Funeral Stuff

So, it’s been one LONG LONG week.

I got into Omaha at 3pm. As I was walking into the baggage claim area I spotted my mother on the phone… I walk over to her and she tells me the news… :'( Lots of crying in the airport. Drove to the grandparents house and lots of crazyness. The week has really just been a blur. Tons of people in and out of the house, lots of people sleeping here, people brining fooooood and I mean TONS and TONS of food. One day we had 5 people bring lunch over. I honestly can’t remember much of what else has happened.

One morning I was a mess and texted Constantine that “I wish you could be here.” Because I was really needing someone to talk to besides family and stuff here and someone who knew just how much grandpa meant to me. The jerk never replied. You’d think of all people, he would at least CALL and talk to me a little bit. He knows how much I cared about grandpa. Ugh. Really, I have had some of the most random people send emails or call, people I haven’t talked to in years. And yet he couldn’t. Very annoying.

Wed morning we had the private family viewing which was nice. Grandpa looked really good. Thursday was the public viewing which had TONS and tons of people there. After wards the pastor came and chatted with the family and we all sat around talking about grandpa and sharing stories and stuff. I was bawling my eyes out there.

Friday morning was the funeral and of course that was very sad. My grandpa used to drive around town every morning, and you could always count on seeing his truck come around the corner, the pastor opened with that. He said that he always looked forward to Kenny driving by in the morning. He worked in all the stories that we had told the night before, and the buckets, rhubarb, bukeyes, and biscuits and gravy. We cried and we laughed, the church was packed.

After that we drove out to the cemetery. We were lead out by the Lenox Emergency Services and drove down main street and past the house. It was so sad. Got out there and he had the full honor guard and they did the whole flag folding and then we released some balloons. After taps was played all the firefighters pagers went off and they put out a last call for kenny black. The woman doing it could barely make it through. Even the funeral director broke down crying when he was trying to explain it to the family before hand. That went to the whole county which was very neat. The whole thing was just amazing to see how many people came.

My grandma was thinking that she’d get maybe 3 or 4 hundred for the memorials, but so far we have $1,700 already! She’s giving money to the Ambulance, Fire and School and then also going to create a Scholarship in his name.

Last night we all got a little crazy with my two aunts and my cousin and went out to the grave a few times and drank JB Whiskey and stuff. It was fun and refreshing.

Today we are all just chilling and trying to clean up the house and stuff and are going out to a nice place for dinner. I am staying till Monday and then going home.

Later all.

Weekend Recap…

Ok, So I am on the plane now and thought I would take some time to write about the weekend.

Lets see, I really didn’t do to much during the week. I went to the gym with Dustin one day and no gym the rest of the week. Iw as pretty lazy. Friday I went out with Sirin and Christian to this place in downtown LA called Seven Grand. It’s a whiskey bar that Guerrilla Gay bar was hosting at. Tons and tons of fun! We hung out and talked and played pool and what not. Matt was there and I tried buying him a drink, but he declined. How sad! 🙁 OH well.

Drove back to my place after that and the three of us drank the bottle of wine that Constantine and I brought back from Austria. It was not very good. Christian spent the night and Saturday morning I drove him home and then was getting my car washed when I got the first of many bad news phone calls during the weekend. I had planned to hang out with a bunch of people and go to a gallery opening that night, but I cancelled all those plans and just ended up sitting at home all day reading and doing random computer stuff and debating about what I should do.

Sunday I got up and went rock climbing. It was just me and Jerry setting up so that was fun. We talked a lot and he taught me some interesting stuff. Jenny and Megan showed up and some other guy. We all did some rock climbing on three different climbs. I made it to the top of two of them and then failed on the last one. The last one is called Birdshit crack and I have yet to make it up that one. There’s this weird move you are doing because you’re coming out of this crack and have to turn and get yourself up somehow. Anyways, it’s hard to explian, but I just can’t keep my footing on it. Very annoying.

Had a great time rock climbing, but I got two calls during that with more bad news. After climbing we went up and had a picnic up on this mountian thing and just chatted and stuff. Lots of fun!

Drove home after that, called Constantine on my way home and of course he didn’t answer. I was debating about what to do and ended up just calling my boss and he said to go home and work from there. So I bought the tickets and then freaked out because my flight left at 5am Monday morning and this was 5pm Sunday night. So I had to arrange someone to take care of the cats and drive me to the airport and I had to pack everything. What a mess. I was freaking out.

My friend Rob came over and we hung out for like 45 minutes and watched some TV and caught up. It was relaxing to have him chill with me. He’s very laid back and cool.

Called Constantine again and left another message about me being in Houston on Monday for 3 hours and seeing if he wanted to have coffee or something.

He called back a little later and we talked. I was very angry with him and with everything else that’s going on and called him an asshole. As soon as it came out I felt so horrible. I wish I could have taken it back, rewind the tape…I didn’t know what to do. We talked about a lot of random things. Sounds like he’s having a great time in Houston, sounds like he’s moving on and forgetting about me and all the great times we had together. When I got back from Lone Pine….(stop me if I wrote about this already??) anyways, I noticed that someone from houston opera house and Halliburton had both spent a LARGE amount of time reading EVERY entry about Constantine and I all the way back to when we first met. I find this very very strange, why are they reading about all this a month after it happened. Why are they spending so much time going back and reading about everything that’s happened… I don’t get it. He said he knew they had done it. Sirin has her theory, but I am guessing that’s not the case.

Anyways… Being in Houston, being so close and yet so far away from him. In the short month I feel like we’ve already grown so far apart. I’m moving on very well, but with all this shit going on, I just want him back. I want to hear his voice and have him comfort me. After readin “Call me by your name”. I keep hoping that he’ll show up in Iowa, we’ll see each other from across the room, run into each other’s arms and kiss and swing each other around and be so happy (ala the wedding scene). I kept hoping while I was waiting in Houston that he would show up at the gate and say. “I’m comging with you”. I know that he won’t, but I need support right now, I could really use someone to lean on. To cry on his shoulder, to hold him and have it feel like everything will be ok. I wish he could be there in Iowa, to sit in the hot tub, watch the sky and talk about my grandpa with me.

My crying has been so random lately. I just can’t stop it. It’s very annoying.

On a funny note. There is this spanish couple in the seat infront of me on this flight, they have lunch on this flight (amazing!) anyways, they don’t speak ANY English, the flight attendant was aksing everyone if they knew how to say “Turkey” or “Ham” in spanish. No one knew. She had chicken, beef and fish on her little translation card, but no Turkey or beef. Anyways she started making farm sounds. It was really funny. Then they answered by mimicing the sounds. Very entertaining. lol. On the flight from LAX to Houston, I had the whole exit row to myself. That was very nice. 🙂

Lone Pine Trip

This weekend was very long and yet tons of fun!

Friday I got up early and headed out to Pasadena to pick up this guy Jimmy, from there we headed up to Canyon Country to meet up with George, Jason, Merot and Lewis. Headed from there up to Red Rock Canyon. Hung out there for a little bit and did some running around. Nothing to crazy.

After that we drove from there up to Fossil Falls for some rock climbing. We setup up at the top of the canyon and then rappelled down. I did some pretty good climbing, I was very impressed with myself. One of the climbs that I did you had to climb up to this small ledge about 15 feet off the ground, and then the rock comes out over your head. You have to put your hand in this little slot in the rock and make a fist to lock it in there, then pull yourself up while trying to get your feet into this tiny hole that was about waist level. From there you have to get both your hands up over this rock and then pull yourself the rest of the way up. I made it up that, but fell just as I was trying to make the last move to get my feet up on top of the ledge. 🙁 It was our last climb, so I’m very impressed I even made it that far.

From there we headed out to this place called Dirty Sock. It was this very interesting hot spring pool out in the middle of no where. It was really weird because when we would throw in a rock, it would bubble and create this neat fizzing sound. After that we headed up to Lone Pine and at dinner at this little cafe and then went to the GHETTO hotel. There were 6 people in our one room.

Saturday we got up at 5am and started a 13 mile hike across the desert! We started in a little town called Keeler, CA and then hiked somewhere between 10 and 13 miles across the salt flats/desert/swamp to get back towards Lone Pine. It was a lot of fun to do and not as hard as I thought it would be. The weather was wonderful. There were these two little kids with us who were lots of fun, but they were very slow so I stayed back with them for a little bit and sang old scouting songs with them and told stories. Sadly I can’t remember any of the good scouting songs any more so that didn’t last very long.

From there we headed up to the Obsidian Domes up by Mammoth lakes. On the way there we stopped at Erick Schats that was kind of hard for me up there because that was the bakery that Constantine and I stopped at on our way back from Mammoth Lakes, and played a big part in my realization that I loved him… It was there, at that bakery that I looked at him and said to myself. “Oh my god, I love this guy.” … Ugh. Anyways, there was lots of snow on the domes which was fun!

We headed down from there and went to this place called Hot Creek sadly it was closed currently to swimming, but it was still very pretty. Wish we could have got in.

That night we to this crazy party in a small town called Darwin. It was very strange and very scary. Everyone was wearing these weird ass costumes and shit. I felt like we were going to be killed!

After that I drove back to the hotel and hung out with Alisa, Edder and Matt for a while and we had a drink. Went to bed and got up at 6am to drive back. We did a lot of random driving to strange places. We stopped somewhere that morning, but I can’t remember exactly where, drove through Trona and then stopped at a tiny little ghost town run by these two crazy hicks. They let the children shoot black powder rifles. They also had what they claimed was Charles Manson’s old truck. Stopped off in Atolia as well which was fun, but they put up fences around everything since the last time Constantine and I were there. So that’s sad.

Overall it was a really great trip and I’m really glad that I went.

In sad news though, Tuxedo is missing. He’s been gone since Friday Morning for sure, but maybe even since Thursday afternoon. I left my door open while I was packing up my car. I do this a lot, and have never had problems before. Friday morning I went to say goodbye to my kitties and couldn’t find him anywhere! I spent nearly 30 minutes outside calling for him and looking for him, but I just don’t know where he is at. 🙁 I am hoping that he’ll come back. I have put food out and will be putting up posters later today.

I stayed home from work this morning and am working from home. I’m also watching this movie Wild Tigers I have Known. I KNOW that I’ve seen this movie before, but I cannot remember where or who I saw it with. Very annoying.

So that’s about it.

You can download the tracks with pictures of the weekend for google earth here. I’ll update this post when the pictures are all uploaded as well.
UPDATE:// Photos are now posted on the photodump.

Adios.

A Spot of Bother – Mark Haddon

Well this past weekend, I finished reading the second book that Constantine and I were supposed to read together. Obviously we are not talking any more, but still. The book was great! 🙂

The book is about a british family. The father is a retired man who finds a rash on his thigh and thinks that it’s Cancer. The wife is cheating on her husband with a former co-worker. The daughter has a kid from a disasterous marriage and is about to get married to another unlikable guy named Ray. The son is gay and his life falls apart when he fails to invite his boyfriend Tony to the wedding.

The father’s craziness gets lost in all the happenings with the wedding and when he catches his wife cheating he goes over the deep end. It’s a book where you will be laughing out loud and crying a few pages later. The writer does an excellent job of getting you into the heads of these people and really embracing you into the story.

At first the book is a little hard to read, there’s to many people being introduced in the first part of the book and the story tends to jump between the different groups of people (George and Jean; Jamie and Tony; Katie, Jacob and Ray).

It’s a great book and once you get into it you will not be able to put it down.

Living My Life…

I’m getting along pretty good really. I do have my days, I get sad, I cry a little, I have to resist calling him and screaming at him or crying my eyes out. But I am having fun again and enjoying things more.

This week has been very very busy. Lets see, I have to try and remember everything I did.

Monday, I worked. I am doing this HUGE project which is an online web-store for my company, so things are very hectic and we are trying to roll it out very fast. That night I went to the gym and then had a dinner/birthday party for this guy Cj that I met a few weeks ago. He’s a flight attendant and we met up with his flight attendant friends for dinner. His friends were very bitchy and annoying and the whole night they talked about being flight attendants. Erick came over that night and we had a very long discussion. He’s STILL lying to me about whatever happened between him and Constantine, I am not an idiot and I found proof that the story he is telling me did not happen WHEN he told me it did. Also he told me that after a week of hinting at what I knew, he finally figured it out on his own. But he then admitted that he talked to Constantine THE NIGHT I first brought it up with him asking Const, “How does he know what happened”….So I am not sure what to do with him, if we should try and be friends or not. I do not deal with liars and cheats. If he wants to be friends, he’s going to have to do a lot to show me that I can trust him again.

Tuesday, work, gym, I did something that night, I think maybe I hung out with Sirin or something? It was a pretty laid back night.

Wed I got home and went to the gym again and then went up to WeHo to meet up with Steve for Bingo. Lots of fun there, some cute boys and what not, late night. This was one of those nights I was very sad towards the end, on the walk back to the car I was nearly in tears. Ugh! I did win at Bingo though so that was exciting! I won at this game called “Rim Job” of course! hahah.

Thursday I went rock climbing with Mok which was lots of fun. I bought a 10-punch card to this indoor rock gym. We also met this really hot guy there named Adam. I hope that I run into him again while we are there. He seemed really nice and very cute. Of course there were also lots of other REALLY hot guys there shirtless and what not. So that was exciting. I got home after that and Sirin came over and we drank wine and chatted and had a great time, it was another late night for me.

Friday I went to the gym again, came home and watched this horrible movie called Tan Lines. It’s about this group of Stoner surfer boys from Australia. One of the guys is kinda hot, the rest are nasty, the movie is really fucked up at times (drinking tea and getting a blow job?), the sex scenes are horrible. I would not suggest watching it. I took a nap after that and then picked Jason up to go to The Factory again. We stopped at Chad and Ronnie’s house on the way up there and picked them up. The factory was a mess Friday night. First the bar tender was a complete ass to me, so I flipped him off, then Jason and Chad were all over each other, so I was the fifth wheel, they ditched me and just left to go to another bar which was annoying, they wouldn’t give free glasses of water, only a $4 bottle of water that you can buy at a fucking gas station for $0.69! Very annoying. We left at like 2ish and then drove and got food and hung out at Chad’s house for a while then drove home. I think I got to bed about 4:30 that night.

I was in a pretty bad mood anyways the whole night because on the drive up there Jason and I were talking and we have both decided that there is obviously some other guy down there in Houston with Const. All the signs are there, and this guy has obviously been around for a while now. Very annoying. I am also very hurt that he deleted all the facebook comments that I have left him over the months together. On the drive home, Jason and I were talking again and I said that I don’t feel like I belong here. I don’t think I am going to find the type of guy that I am looking for here. I don’t understand why guys can’t just be open and honest and want a caring loving relationship. Why do they only follow the cock? I just don’t get it. I am so sick of people lying to me and cheating on me. I am an honest and caring person and have very strong values. Where’s the guy for me? Anyways in a rare caring and emotional moment Jason was like. “I think you belong here” so that was nice of him.

In spite of all that, I still had a fun time on Friday night.

Got up Saturday morning and went to the beach for a few hours, it was UNGODLY hot here all weekend long. The beach was WAY to hot and the water was WAY to cold. So I went home, watched Hairspray which was very good and then took a nap. Got up that evening and headed up to Santa Monica for dinner with Tal. We had a really fun time and he was looking very cute that night. We ate at this place called Asahi Ramen which was very good. On my way home this hot 18 year old that I know called me and wanted to hang out, I was like a block away from his house so I picked him up and we headed back to my place. Watched But I’m a cheerleader, made out a little and then I drove him home.

Sunday I got up early and headed out to go Rock Climbing. For some reason I had a lot of energy that day so I did a lot of climbing. We also did this new climb called A-Frame which was pretty hard. My fingers were very tired by that time, so I never made it to the top of that one. I also got pretty beat up on Birdshit crack, I just couldn’t get my leg up high enough to push up the rest of the way, so I was hanging there by just my arms for a little bit which was very painful because your whole arm is jammed in this crack between sandstone which really rips up your skin. We had a great time anyways. Went to lunch after that and talked about the Death Valley trip which is coming up next weekend. I found out that I may have to drive myself up there, which is very annoying. I assumed I’d be able to ride with someone. UGH!

Drove home after that, took another nap and then headed down to Newport Beach. I had an excellent night and saw this movie called The Indian which was very good. Crashed the night at Dustin’s house.

Sunday was supposed to be Const and my day to chat. I called him on my way down to Newport Beach and he didn’t answer, and never called back. I wonder if he ever will. I know I shouldn’t, but every day I still hope that he will call and say. “I did the wrong thing, I miss you so much” or that he’ll show up at my door with flowers or something. Every time I hear a front door close in my apartment building, I have a small hope that it’ll be him letting himself in again, to come and cuddle in my bed, to laugh and chat over dinner, to talk about our days. Anything to show that he cares even the slightest. But like I said, it’s very clear he’s found some guy down there.

Honestly, not to sound like an asshole. But I don’t think anyone who’s dated me will find someone who will treat them with as much respect and caring as I do for someone. Sure, I’m a little jealous sometimes, and I might require a little to much time/work, but honestly it’s only because I care about someone. It’s only because I like talking to them and caring about them and hearing about what’s going on in that person’s life. I give them all so much, why can’t I find someone who will give it all back to me.

Anyways. I am moving on, I’m having fun and I’m getting back out there. I’m keeping myself very very busy and having a great time!

Adios!