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My Life

Christmas in Iowa

Sooooo.

Here I am back at work! 🙁 Ugh. I so don’t wanna be there.

Yesterday was so long. Got up early to do stuff and ended up not having to leave the house till 10! I could have slept in. I’m not sure why, but the last few days I have been UBER sleepy! My dad and I went to look at some houses, which I think are really cute! The only problem is that the guy is asking WAY to much for them. $185k. He needs to drop it to the $150k range to make it feasible. Went to the airport and had no problems getting checked in and through security in like 10 minutes. Sat around the airport and watched The Color Purple. Which was pretty good.

Got on the flight from DSM to STL and slept pretty much the WHOLE flight. Got into STL and my flight to LAX was delayed like an hour.

So anyways, the rest of the week was great. Christmas night I went out with the gang as per usual to The Blazing Saddle. It was of course a fun disaster! 🙂 We even had a new person join this year! Amanda F from our HS. She was tons of fun! We ended up getting home at like 3:30ish. Made a fool of myself I’m sure at the Saddle but, who cares it was fun! 🙂

Friday I got up and just lounged around the house, I was pretty hung over. Wasn’t going to go out that night but I had met this really cute guy who wanted to hang out. So I headed over and picked him up and we went out to dinner at Java Joes and then met up with a bunch of his friends. Meeting his friends was a little AWK but I still had a ton of fun. We went to a few different bars including Locust Tap, 101 (SCARY!), El Bait Shop (tons of fun, including the attached 70’s bar!) and again the Saddle where we lost the girls, very annoying. I also found this really good beer called 312 Wonderful!

So anyways, I drove him home and spent the night there at his house which was a total crazyness. His dad was still up when we got there so it was like an undercover operation to get me into the house! LOL. Got up early the next morning and found out that we got a TON of freezing rain overnight. My car was COVERED in ice! So I had to drive home in that shit.

Got home only to find out that we weren’t going to go to the farm for Christmas, meaning I could have slept in more at his house. Instead I just lounged around the house all day and did nothing. That night I met up with the Adam again to go see Valkyrie. It was an amazing movie! Drove him home again and sat in his living room talking for a little bit. Got back to the parents house around 2ish.

I really enjoyed the guy, he’s very nice and very cute… I think he intrigues me most because he really compliments who I am. He’s artistic and outgoing and what not. Problems are that A) he lives in Chicago and B) has no money to come visit. He honestly reminds me a lot of Andrew, which I’m not sure good or bad? I’m hoping that maybe I can go to Chicago to visit for a weekend. I’m not to sure what will come of it all..

It was also a very sad trip home for me. First time being back to the family since Grandpa’s passing and I had a pretty hard time dealing with it. There were many times where I was holding back tears. Even at random times as I was out with friends or just sitting at home. Opening presents at Grandma’s house one of the last ones was a gift for the three grandchildren. It said “From: Grandpa” and it was a 50-state quarter set. My grandpa always collected coins and one thing we always knew we’d get was a mint set every year. This was the last gift from him, it was only 3 quarters away from being completed when he died.

Anyways, I wish that I could have spent more time back home and had more free time. I didn’t get to see many of the friends that I usually hang out with, never got to sit in the hot tub, and didn’t get to do some of the stuff that I typically do back home.

Overall it was a great trip home!

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My Life

Canyoneering!

Hmm, it’s been a while, eh?

Well not much has really been going on. I’ve been busy as per usual but nothing to interesting. Last weekend I hung out with Kris a lot and took him rock climbing. It was freezing out there! We did some other random stuff as well.

This weekend was pretty fun. Friday night Kris had a little party as his house for some of his friends. We had a good time. I cooked him dinner which was delicious! I got a little grumpy towards the end of the day which really carried over to Saturday and that sucked.

Got up fairly early on Saturday and took the car in for an oil change. Turns out it’s already time for new brakes and tires (I did put 20,000 miles on my car in the last year!) Ugh that’s gonna cost an arm and a leg!

Kris and I headed to downtown for the Prop 8 rally which was a LOT of fun, but also made me very very very angry that we have to be out here doing this shit. Who are these idiots who voted for Prop 8! I want to just beat them all to shit. And what sucks even more is that I have _GAY_ friends who voted for Prop 8. Idiots! My guess is they are into S&M in bed or something. Why would they do that to each other. The speakers there were GREAT, the Mayor of LA was there as well as Lorrie Jean from the Gay and Lesbian Center in LA! I love her! Although I thought that there was WAY to much talking and not enough rallying. It also sucked a little because all the fires around LA really knocked this story down off the front page! I read once place that there were 40,000 people downtown. I’m not sure I agree with that figure, but it was a HUGE rally!

Headed home after that and took a nap and then hung out at my apartment. I was feeling pretty down after that, sad and a little depressed. Was missing Grandpa, feeling fat, hating my apartment, pissed at the Russian, and lots of other things. Just kinda re-hashing my year! Jason invited me over, so I took a bottle of wine and we sat at the kitchen table and drank and talked about it all. I actually cried infront of him. :'( Kris also said he would call me that night but he never did.

Went home after that and went to bed. Climbing was canceled on Sunday so I slept in a little bit then headed up to Rubio canyon to meet up with this guy Trevor. We went Canyoneering which was AWESOME! Rappelling down 6 waterfalls was so cool! Got done with that in quick time and headed home.

Laid around on the couch for a while. Kris and I were supposed to watch the Sunday night line up on Fox, but he canceled at the last minute which was a bit annoying. So I ended up just watching it all alone.

This Friday I got invited to the Climbing holiday party! Very exciting, makes me feel more part of the group! I’m really looking forward to eating at the Stinking Rose as well! I’ve heard such great things about it.

I’m also really looking forward to the Thanksgiving day backpacking trip! I can’t wait for that to get here. I really do hope though that it’s not TOO cold/snowy. A little cold is fine!

Not much else going on!

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So Alone..

I feel so alone right now… I am not sure why. I have met some really fun new friends here in Redondo Beach. I’ve been keeping really busy with things, I went out all night Friday night, was busy all day Saturday except for a few hours where I took a nap and then will be busy pretty much all day Sunday.

But I still feel just so alone.

I keep killing myself, yelling at myself for not going back to Iowa sooner when things were getting worse with my grandpa. I feel like such an asshole to wait and get work done and not spend the extra money.

If only I had gone a day earlier. I could have had a day with grandpa. If only I had spent the extra $300, I could have had an hour with him… If only. I hate myself for not going. For not getting the chance to say goodbye. For not getting the chance to tell him how much I am going to miss him.

I hate that he’s gone and that he won’t be at my wedding, to meet my boyfriends. He won’t be there to tell how they shoved a camera up his dick. lol. It hurts me every time I call my grandma and he doesn’t answer the phone.

I just feel so alone…

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My Life

Happy Ending – Mika

This song just came up on my random playlist and I thought I’d post it… It makes me cry so much. I give people everything I have. I give my heart and my soul to them, and they always just leave me with no hope, no love, no glory. I do feel like each time, I just wasted all that part, I feel like every day is wasted that I spent with them. My grandpa was amazing at this, he gave everyone everything too, but he never seemed to be hurt if people didn’t give back. It seems to me like everyone always gave back to him. Grandpa, how did you do it?

This is the way you left me,
I’m not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it’s forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can’t get no love without sacrifice
If anything could happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I’ve ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I’m wasted
No happy ending
And I waste everyday

This is the way you left me,
I’m not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it’s forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o’clock in the morning, something’s on my mind
Can’t get no rest; keep walkin’ around
If I pretend that nothin’ ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I’ve ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I’m wasted
no happy ending
And I waste everyday

This is the way you left me,
I’m not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it’s forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love

I feel as if I’m wasted
And I waste everyday

This is the way you left me,
I’m not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it’s forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.

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Saddle Up Boys!

Party time in Iowa! I love $4 drinks! How fun! 🙂

This week has been very busy. I’ve been out and about almost every night and working and what not. It’s been crazy.

I’ll just hit the highlights. I went out to the Saddle on Tuesday by myself. But ended up running into a hole bunch of people that I knew, so it was tons of fun chatting it up with them and hanging out and what not. Thursday night I went out to the Saddle again to meet up with Ginny and Brandon. Ran into David again that night and he sat with us the whole night, also ran into this guy Jeremy that I used to know. He and Ginny hit it off talking about runway shows. Jenky and Scott joined up with us later that night. I drank WAY to much on Thursday night, ended the night with lots of shots. Scott was too drunk to drive home, I probably was as well, but either way he came back to my place and we crashed here. I drove him home early Friday morning and then tried doing some work but had a horrible hang over and took a nap most of the day.

Friday night I hung out with Mandy, Zach and Nic. We went to Carl’s which was tons of fun and played darts. Four drunk people playing darts is probably not a good idea. 😉 After that we went and drove the loop on our way to the gay areas. I love the loop, it’s so crazy. Hung out at this random gay bar named Buddies which had some HORRIBLE drag queen, then we went next door to the Saddle again ran into Brian who I haven’t seen in years and last I knew he was “straight”. lol. He was def gaying it up last night. Anyways, some guy was totally hitting on me the whole night, but he was a little older, so whatever.

We’ve been having some CRAZY fun storms and winds the last couple days! It’s been so fun.

This morning my dad and I got up early and headed down to the G&G’s house and started cleaning out the garage. My grandpa has so much shit in there! Tonight I was supposed to go out with a few people, but decided I needed a night at home.

I’m still very bitter with Constantine about what I found the other day. Ugh. Fucking lying boys. I don’t get it. Why can’t anyone be honest. Last night we were out and Mandy was bitching about the same basic thing. Why can’t people our age be monogamous and truthful? It’s really sad and annoying. I am hoping that Constantine will call me so that I can bitch him out… He and I are done until he learns to be honest and how to treat people who he wants to be friends with.

In other bad news, apparently my cousin’s BF is in the hospital… Get well soon Neil!

Tomorrow we are heading back down south to finish up the garage and then start on the tool shed and tomorrow night I am going to a drag show with David and some people. Should be fun! I miss drag shows.