Author: Cj B

Let me tell you, after going through that. I never want to do it again. But we have 8 more days to go…

We left Hampton and the weather was amazing. There was this beautiful parade of boats, everyone leaving at once. Lots of radio chatter. It was fun.

The first 24 hours were perfect sailing. Calm seas, good winds, the stuff you dream of when you sail! we got through the Gulf Stream with no problems at all…

Then it all went to shit . The next 72 hours were terrible. HUGE waves, some of them crashing over the helm station. Strong winds mostly 25+ gusting to 30-35. At one point gusting above 40.

Squalls, rain storms, waves. It was just not fun. I think I slept an average 1-2 hours each night. I kept waking up and checking on the people who were at the helm.

The boat did good overall. We only broke a few small things.

Other boats did not fair so well. Broken booms, broken windows, etc etc.

Our weather router was telling us that it would die down and we’d have to motor for 4-5 days!!! So that was very frustrating. We were debating a detour to Bermuda… Then he said “You need to get 520 miles in 72 hours or you’ll get hit by another big front”

That sealed it for us. We went to Bermuda.

So we’re here in Bermuda. It’s been so nice to have land, somewhere to eat. I slept like a rock last night.

I can definitely say I do not ever want to do a passage like this again.

Been in Hampton the past week getting ready to leave for Antigua….

My parents came up to Baltimore and Dad helped me sail the boat south down to Hampton. IT was a fine trip but somehow the leaf spring on my truck broke. That was crazy.

Both my mom and dad clearly hate each other and it’s sad to see. They keep talking about selling then house which also upsets me, but what can I do about it?

Hampton is a weird little town. It’s so DEAD. There’s a fucking university here but there’s no PEOPLE anywhere. Like we go out to the Main Street area and it’s just dead. Friday night, Saturday night. Dead! Where is everyone?

I don’t want to go to Antigua. But again, what else am I gonna do? I keep hoping someone will want to buy the boat. But nothing.

Lalo has been saying “Love you” a lot lately… I also don’t know what to do with him. I love him too. But he’s just so young.

Life.

I’m still here in Baltimore, getting the boat ready to go for the Caribbean. I really do not want to go. I want this fucking boat to sell. I don’t want to end up farther away from home and not have friends come visit. Lalo says he will come spend a whole month with me. But we will see if that happens or not.

Charles and I haven’t talked or texted since the Don phone call. He hasn’t looked at my stories/posts since then either.

Things with Lalo… I mean he’s great, but can I date a 20 year old? He does everything I want in a relationship. He sends me these cute little videos, updates me about his day, asks how my day is. Has open and honest conversations with me. Ugh

Friends here in Baltimore are strange… You know one of the big reasons I came up here was because of Danny, Matt and Irina. I haven’t seen any of them basically since I got here… Matt was here at the dock this past weekend with Jae. They texted me at like 6pm and were like “hey we’re hanging out on the boat”. TBH if you’re my friend and you want me there, you would have texted earlier and said something. So frustrating.

Things with the Apartments are also driving me insane. Tenants are fucking idiots. I hate most of them.

Dixon passed away which is sad 🙁

So I’m back on the boat with astra now. She clearly hates it here.

Let’s go back to before the trip, Charles texted me one day asking if he could get some advice. I’m always up for helping out so I said sure. He said he would call me the next morning before work. He didn’t…. HOURS AND HOURS later, typical Charles, he texts and says “can I call you on my lunch break”. Yeah sure.

So he calls and starts talking about Don and how Don is still in love with him and how Don just broke up with his BF because he’s still in love with Charles. How him and Don text every day, blah blah blah. WTF. Why the FUCK would you call me about this topic? I got pissed off. He started the call with “You’re the only one who can be impartial about this.” on WHAT planet do you think I can be impartial about anything to do with Don? On WHAT PLANET do you think I want to hear about how Don is still in love with you. WTF. I hung up on him. Haven’t heard from him since. Fuck that.

Anyway, Lalo (19 year old) and I did a road trip across the country back to the boat. I was really nervous about how it would go. what do I have in common with a 19 year old, what do I have to say to him for 24 hours a day for 7 days. But it ended up being amazing…. We had so much fun, talked, laughed, joked around. We got sick together which sucks so we didn’t get to do everything I planned, but it is what it is, we still had a lot of fun! I think I am def falling for him. He’s exactly the type of person I want to date, but only 20 years too young 🙁

He helped with dishes, cleaned, we planned stuff together. Everything I had been wanting out of Charles, everything I would want out of a BF. He kept saying things like “You’re teaching me what I want in a relationship.” Ugh, why am I always the teacher. Why can’t I find someone like that who is ready to date ME.

Speaking of dating, I’ve been matching with people on hinge here in Baltimore, but honestly I have no interest in even meeting any of these people. I have no interest in really meeting people and being social with them. I kinda worry/wonder if I am turning into my aunt Janell, gonna be a hermit, hide in my house, hoarder. I sure hope not.

I think part of it is also just the uncertainty of what is going to be coming with the boat. Am I going to Antigua? Am I staying here, is it going to sell. There’s still been ZERO interest in the boat… And now that leaving for Antigua is TWO MONTHS away I just sit here and I’m like. WTF that is so much shit to get done… So many people I have to beg to come with me.

Hahah. wicked 😛

Anyway, I re-downloaded “dating” apps. Hinge mostly is what I’m trying to use now. Within a few days, I matched with 40 people. All of them seem to be very well off, like nice jobs, etc. Cute. But honestly I just don’t have the energy to do the whole “dating” BS.

Asking about your life, following up on shit. It’s just annoying now. Half the guys I’ve already rejected for one thing or another. The other half I’ve forgotten most of what they’ve already told me.

This one guy seems really good, he and I have done a few FaceTimes but he just makes it feel so transactional. IE he will text a few short things in the morning then nothing the rest of the day. At the end of the FaceTime he will be like “So what did you find most interesting about today’s chat” or some other therapist like question. It’s just weird.

I dunno. I just don’t enjoy this right now still. I just don’t enjoy dating.

Even with 19 year old. Like I know I don’t want to date him. But I struggle with when and how to reply to him sometimes. IE the other day he sent me this cute video telling me all about his day. WTF do I say/do in reply? He’s also started texting me good night messages….

Maybe it’ll chance once I get to Baltimore and I feel more stable.

But then when I tell people I am on a boat and only here for the summer, that’s probably a turn off for them. Right?

Ugh….