Author: Cj B

I mean seriously. If that wasn’t a good candidate for a long term, what is? From the start, things were great. He texted me, he was kind, he cared about my day. Sure there were some small things that weren’t perfect. But overall things were amazing. I was happy, I felt secure in what we had and what we were working towards.

his good mornings, his good nights were consistent. His “how was your day?”, his actual interest in hearing about it.

Then suddenly, I’m the one demanding he text apparently? I never once pushed him to text me, never once gave him shit or complained if he didn’t.

and then gone. “time to move on”.

Everything I felt, invalidated.
My hopes for the summer, shattered.
Daily happiness, disappeared.

IF this wasn’t what a good relationship was, then what is?

if this wasn’t meant to be something better. Where is it then?

I don’t get it.

Well…

He just sent me this: “I want to thank you for everything and all the experiences and memories we made together. It really means a lot to me. But I think it’s time for me to move on. I wish you all the best. Don’t give up on your dating app and all your goals, you have so much potential! Thank you once again.”

The past few days things have been cold. He stopped saying “love you”. Wasn’t texting as much. So yesterday I asked him what was up. He sent me this: “You know I’ve been busy. Sometimes I really don’t like feeling obligated to text all day. Especially when I got off work some days the last thing I want to do is chat after a long day. Like today all I wanted was to sleep????”

Then today I asked if we could have a call to talk about what’s going on. And he said I was being dramatic. and then I got the breakup text.

Wtf. how can he be so cold after everything I’ve done for him. After all the love and the time together.

I fucking hate this shit. Where is the person who’s goin to LOVE ME FULLY.

So, I’ve been busy writing a new grindr. Everyone’s always complaining about how terrible it is, with the ads, the constant bots, the insane high monthly fees. I wanted to create something better. Something more useful. Something that actually works. $0.99/month. $10/year. Cheap enough for nearly everyone to be able to afford it.

I spent tons of time planning, writing, etc.

Get ready to launch and Apple rejects, “saturated” market
Stripe rejects, “dating apps are against out TOC”
Microsoft Ad’s Rejects, “Violation of our TOC”

I’m giving up. No one is going to ditch grindr anyway, no matter how much better another app might be. They are too ingrained in our society. There are to many other “apps” that no one uses already anyway.

If you want, check it out before I delete it all: https://gettit.app/

So Lalo just left and I’m a bit torn about how I feel over the whole situation and past couple weeks. On one hand, I enjoyed his time. He’s cute, funny, caring, etc. But on the other hand there were a lot of little things that really bothered me.

First, he’s too fucking obsessed with TikTok. We go out to dinner and he sits there scrolling through TikTok non-stop. Most of the day, scrolling through TikTok, At night, scrolling through TikTok. It gets frustrating because you cannot talk to him or enjoy time with him because he’s just looking at TikTok.

Second, He made a lot of frustrating comments about my age. Like yesterday we were driving home and we had two other people in the car he said “This grandpa music is putting me to sleep”. Or while on the boat I usually go to bed and watch a movie/show around 8:30pm. He would make a comment about “grandpa forcing me to go to bed so early”. I’m not forcing you to do anything. You can stay up if you want.

Third, Sexually he is so boring. He only wants to have sex in missionary, he takes FOREVER to cum. And he doesn’t do anything to help me finish (or even seems to care if I finish). He won’t give BJ’s, or do anything besides just missionary sex.

Fourth, he just doesn’t want to enjoy things sometimes. Last night we went out to this food truck place and they had a live band. We sat and ate dinner in a spot far away from the band. Before we left I said “let’s go watch the band for 5 minutes”. He said “no, they are too loud”. And he just wanted to sit there and scroll TikTok.

Fifth, he seems a bit homophobic… We were walking around old town San Juan and we passed this bar that looked gay. I looked it up and sure enough it was a gay bar. I said “let’s go have one drink” and his reply was “FuuuuuccckKKKKKK NO!” followed by some derogatory comment about “faggots”. Also any time we would see other gays out and about he would say “look at those faggots”.

It’s just frustrating. On paper he seems great, smart, funny, texts back quickly, etc etc. But now after spending 2 weeks together like this. Just not right fit at all.

Ugh..

We lowered the price to $525. A boat came on the market, one year newer for $520. We lowered the price to $519, the other boat lowered to 500. We went to 499. They went to 495.

I am getting more and more worried this damn boat will never sell. So when do I just embrace it and say “this is my life now”.

Phil and Andrew are leaving today. Lalo leaves in a 4 days. Then I’ll be back alone again.

TBH, I’m so ready for Phil and Andrew to leave. This time around there’s been some massive passive aggressive BS going on that is really pissing me off. The best example is that they will just randomly cook themselves food without saying anything. A simple, “hey, we’re going to make lunch are you interested in anything” would be super nice.

Or like we’ll be cooking dinner together and Phil will just get TWO plates out of the cabinet one for him and one for Andrew, like WTF. Also they have been drinking the SHIT out of my alcohol stash. They went through two BIG ASS Costco sized bottles of liquor. Phil also has this super annoying habit of talking down/condescendingly to you.

Next week I’m going to be PR and I’m so looking forward to just having a hotel, going to the gym, going to Starbucks, having a normal life again for a bit.

Also things with lalo, it’s very very clear this will never work out. He’s just too young. Like last night we went out and the whole night he just sat on his phone playing TikTok. Like interact with the group damnit!.

Anyway. I dunno. I’m ready to be home again. But what does that even mean any more.