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My Life

HI Again.

Well, surprise surprise, Charles is back!

A couple weeks ago he started messaging me on instagram, soon it was more and more. Then he messaged me over thanksgiving saying he was doing a project on HIV at school. I asked him “why HIV” and he said that I had inspired him. He said he wanted to ask me some questions, etc. Then Thanksgiving night he messaged me on instagram wanting to video chat. I was sleeping and when I replied he said he wanted to “show” me something.

He invited me to go to tennis on Tuesday and honestly I thought it would be super awkward. But it was a lot of fun and we chatted the whole time. He got red rubber bands on his braces in honor of World AIDS day, that was super cute. Went to dinner and finally had a the serious talk we needed. He apparently broke up with Eric and wanted me back. He said things from the start with Eric weren’t all that great.

We went back to his house and talked some more but didn’t make any definite decisions.

I got home that night and derik screamed at me for even meeting up with him. He was screaming shit like “these fucking faggots”; “this fag” blah blah blah.

Thursday we hung out during the day. Had another good time, we did mani&pedi and then went to lunch then back to his place to talk more. I agreed to give it another shot but I have to protect myself and be more careful. I cannot have him breaking my heart again. We talked about what our goals are for the next 5 years and what he wants out of a relationship. We seem to be pretty aligned on that.

We’ve of Course been back to chatting the same as before, sending kissy faces, etc. Yesterday I went to RENT with Derik and ShooFu and while there Charles texted me this: “Im just so excited I have you back and I don’t ever want to let you go again!!”

I will just have to see what happens here. Honestly, I PUSHED him to deal with Eric, I knew back then that things couldn’t be healthy between us with the cloud of Eric’s love over us. I never thought he would GO the route he choose to go and yeah it fucking hurt and sucked. But I’m willing to give him a third chance. Third time’s a charm?

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My Life

World AIDS Day

Today, Dec 1st is World AIDS Day and I wanted to take some time to share my story and why I’m riding in AIDS/Lifecycle. Growing up in the mid-west in the ’80s and ’90s, the only thing I knew about HIV/AIDs was that it was a death sentence. When I came out to my parents in 2000, pretty much the only thing I can remember from that conversation was my dad saying “You’ll be dead from AIDS by the time you’re 25”.

Moving to California in 2004, as a young gay man, my world changed. I signed up for my first AIDS/Lifecycle in 2007 completely ignorant of HIV. I met so many amazing people and learned so much about HIV/AIDS. It isn’t a death sentence, you can still have a long and healthy life by taking just one pill a day. You could be “undetectable” and have a healthy, loving relationship. I made some of my closest friends on the ride that year.

In May 2011, my life changed forever. I tested positive for HIV. I was 28 years old. I walked out of the clinic and broke down crying. I called my friend Mok and we spoke for hours, he reassured me that everything would be alright. He reminded me of all the things I learned on the ride, about how it’s treatable, you could still live a long healthy life. But even with that knowledge I still felt scared, ashamed, dirty, and that no one would love me again. I wanted to kill myself. Without the love and support of the people I met on the ride, my close friends, I wouldn’t be here today.

Over the past 10 years, I’ve been ashamed of my status and battled horrible depression. Even in places like Los Angeles and San Francisco the rejection and ignorance is abundant. The number of guys who reject me because of my status or end up rejecting me due to fearing it, is disheartening.

I’m now finally coming to accept myself, I’m thriving, successful, and happy. However, I still constantly face rejection and fear of HIV. Every time this happens, it hurts and brings back those painful memories.

It’s time to end that stigma, it’s time to be proud of who I am, I am not defined by my status. It’s time to share my story and help educate people. We need to end the stigma. With medications such as PrEP we can easily prevent the spread of HIV. With the knowledge of U=U we know that an undetectable person cannot spread the virus to anyone else and with the advances in technology we will soon have an HIV vaccine and one day a cure.

I’m riding in AIDs/Lifecycle again in 2022 to help end the stigma, spread the knowledge and fight to end AIDS. Please join me by donating to my ride using the link in my bio. 100% of your donations go directly to helping people with HIV and to educate people about HIV. If you have any questions or want to learn more about HIV/AIDS please feel free to reach out to me.

Take some time out of your life and learn about HIV, learn that undetectable = undetectable and reach out to someone you know who’s positive and tell them you love them.

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My Life

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy thanksgiving! Today I am super thankful for everything that is in my life. This year has been incredible in setting me up for my future. I went from having two SFH in HCOL areas to owning almost 80 MF units in a LCOL. Went from gross rents of just over $60,000/year to gross rents of nearly $575,000/year and NOI of $275k/year.

I just have to admit, I’m a bit down though about my relationships of course. I am so frustrated that people like Charles, Glenn, Mark, etc etc etc are all getting to share a day like today with their bfs. While here I am sitting alone on the couch.

Speaking of Charles, he’s been very texting lately. Mostly he’s been asking about homework but he’s also been replying to a lot of my stories. I dddunno. Whatever.

I’m out. Happy Thanskgiving. Love ya’ll.

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My Life

Fights, travels, friends.

Hmmm, not even sure where to start right now. A lot has happened, a lot I want to write about but at the same time, I don’t want to really talk about it again.

Let’s start off with Cody, we’ve hung out a few times since Toad Hall, he’s super cute, very smart, I love his communication and the way he thinks about things. But he’s got a LOT of problems, personally. We will see where things go. I am happy to know him so far but we will just see.

Second, Charles. He messaged me randomly the other day. He’s doing a presentation at school about HIV. I asked him, “How did you end up with this topic”.. He replied with “You inspired me…. Another person choose HIV as their topic before me and I was so furious”… WTF. Like I’m glad he’s learning about it and everything but.. I dunno.

Also, Charles caused a HUGE fight between Derik and I, well not directly but there was a lot of other stuff going on. I don’t really want to get into the details of it. But basically we spent two hours SCREAMING at each other. Cody was in the apartment while it was all going down, he tried to help moderate but that didn’t go over well.

I decided we needed time apart so I came down to San Diego to hang out with Hut and Sean.

I met up with Bryan while I was in LA. That was a good time and we talked about a lot of random stuff. He gave me a lot of good advice and I honestly wish I had that knowledge in my life more often. I wish I had an older Gay friend who is closer so that I can get advice. I feel like I am always the one going and giving advice to people.

I really want to go on this Belize trip. But no one seems to be able to commit/go with. So annoying.

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My Life

Feeling a bit down

Been feeling a bit down the last week or so. Hopefully I can kick it out soon and get back to normal.

I had LASIK and it’s amazing to be able to see normally without glasses/etc.

I haven’t been on many dates lately. Went out with this one guy Jacob who ended up being super awk and not my type at all. Been chatting with a bunch of guys but nothing super interesting.

I am kicking Jaime to the curb. We met Tuesday night and had dinner/sex. I told him that I was getting LASIK on Thursday and how nervous I was, etc. I didn’t hear from him again until last night. He texted me that he had been in LA. I know it’s still early, but the lack of communication is just not cool for me. He knew how nervous I was for LASIK, he couldn’t even bother to ask how it went. Even Charles messaged asking how it went.

Mark is in Europe until Nov 28th so I won’t see him for a while. We will see what happens when he gets back. This past weekend I just kinda hung out with people. Dinner Friday night with Derik and Thomas, ALC ride Saturday (which was fucking amazing), Toad Hall Saturday night with people, date Sunday.

Oh! Speaking of Toad hall, a couple things. 1) Cody came with us to Toad Hall! He’s super cute but has WAY too much energy for me. I don’t think tings will happen between us. But we will see. We came home to my place and had drunken sex. But when I told him about my status he freaked out and said he was scared, etc. I sent him the same list of links that I had put together for Charles. He spent the night and I walked him back to his apartment the next morning. We held hands the whole way there. 2) Charles messaged me while we were out and about and he said “TFTI”.

It’s weird, like when he and I were going out, he didn’t seem to ever want to get drunk around me, he didn’t want to go out with me. When we would hang out, we’d drink but he’d always be very caution about how much he drank. We chatted a bit that night but nothing serious. I sent him a message sunday morning and he still hasn’t even read it.

I still am down about all that honestly. I know I said I won’t write more about him but, I still miss him. I still think about him every day. I still want to see his face popup with a random phone call just to chat. I still think about all those times and everything that happened between us. How it felt so perfect, how it felt things were finally moving forward an then in 24 hours, it all changed.

The house officially sells today, I’m a bit torn on that too. I went up there Friday and locked up for the last time.