Two years ago this past weekend, Charles and I did our road trip to fort Bragg. Two years ago this weekend, I wanted to say “Be my boyfriend”. Two years ago today, he broke my heart by ghosting me to date Eric. Two years of heartbreak. I’m still heartbroken over him. I still miss him. This past weekend, I kept just hoping. “Ok, it’s been a month, maybe he will message me”. I kept getting TONS of tiktoks this weekend with things like “He is thinking about you, he will reach out to you soon” or “He misses you so much and you are always on his mind. blah blah blah”. I hope they are true. But why after two years of heartbreak am I still missing him, wanting him back. Wanting him to WANT me.
This past weekend was good. Friday I went and volunteered in the city. It was fun and quick. I will go back to them again. After that I met up with bathhouse guy (Pete) and we went to Napa wine tasting with two of his friends. They are a bit catty and Pete dresses kinda queeney. I don’t like catty gays. But he was holding my hand in the car the whole time, we were taking pics together, etc. It was cute and felt good. At one point I mentioned that I was going to portland alone. He and I joked a bit. He said something like “Oh, I’m free that weekend” and I was like “well you should come”. I say that kinda shit to people all the time, they never come. I just joke around. Well a few minutes later he said “Ok, I booked my flights”. So I guess now he’s coming to Portland with me.
Saturday I did a 40 mile bike ride with Frank. It was good to see him again and have him remind me of all the shit Charles did to me. But yet, I still want him. We talked about franks’ love life and stuff. Ate doughnuts, good times as usual.
After that I came home, napped for a bit and then Jun came over for a sleep over. We had an edible and watched a movie and cuddled. It felt good to be held again.
Sunday we got up and met up with Yan, Wingbing, Walter, Jun and myself. We all went for a hike in San Ramon area and it was fun. I hope that they all had fun. After that we had lunch and I came home for a nap. Yan called me later and asked if I would go look at a bike with him so we did that and then had dinner. He wants to bike with me, but I’m going to be way too fast for him.
Got home and just sat here watching TV. Hoping that Charles is seeing the same “photos memories” as me from our fort Bragg trip two years ago and he’s remembering all the good things about me.
Jim texted me at some point asking if I knew the Dunkin manager (I do). He asked if we were dating. I asked him how he knew that I knew the Dunkin manager. He said “My manager (Charles)”. WTF, why is Charles talking to his co-workers about who I know or don’t know.
Am I getting better, yes. Do I still miss him, yes. Am I living my life and trying to be happy. Yes. I’m good without you.