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My Life

Gays and Financial Planning

So, this past weekend my mom bought a new iMac for the family computer… GO HER!

But, she’s not telling my dad about it till the credit card bill comes. This was brought up between Constantine and I while we were driving somewhere this weekend. I mean, does that really seem like the right way to do it? If you are spending the family money, you should really discuss it with the other family people before you go out and buy it, right? This happens all the time in my family and it’s really quite frustrating.

So Constantine and I were talking about it and it’s been on my mind since… How would you handle the financials in a gay relationship? When you are straight and married, there’s precedence for how these things would work out in the legal battles of divorce, especially if there are children.

I have a few ideas on the whole matter. First, if you are just living together, a newly formed household, after only dating for a year or whatever. Money matters should probably be kept separate. This would be a time of testing still to be sure you are compatible. Once you move in there’s tons of things that can change or you might realize while you are just dating. Did you know that he or she gets a $5 cup of coffee every morning? Did you know that even though they say they are making and saving a ton of money that they actually just spend it all?

I don’t really feel like it’s my place to ask to see my partners financials until we are very serious. IE although I have an idea of how much Constantine makes and what he spends, I wouldn’t flat out ask him to see. These are pretty personal things, and although I feel you should ask BEFORE you move in together, sometimes that just doesn’t happen.

During this first year or so of living together, the household expenses should really be split based on how much money the person brings in. Lets say that person A brings in $100,000/yr and person B brings in just $50,000/yr. Your rent is $1,000/mn. In this situation, person A would pay 66% of the rent, or $666. While person B pays $333. This will tend to keep things fairly equal to how they were before the move in and they should both still have a fair percent of income to live on. It would be unfair to make person B pay an equal share in the rent in this case because it would take a larger portion of their income.

Also during this time, you should really try and discuss any major purchases with each other before they happen. Even though the money is still technically, “MY” money and not “OUR” money, this will help you to work out the kinks in money spending. In this case, person A may be used to buying Gucci clothes and eating $40 lunches where as person B may be used to buying Old Navy clothes and taking lunch to work. During this time you can work out how the family money should be spent. Should person A still be getting $40 lunches and person B be taking lunches to work after the merger of money? Probably not as this would build up anger over the years between the two.

After a sufficient amount of time, the money should be merged. By now you should both be pretty close to being on the same page. Do we still spend all that money on Gucci clothes, or do compromise and both get cheaper but still nice clothes at the Banana Republic?

How do you handle big purchases like cars? Do you both get new ones at the same time, do you stagger them? It’s all so confusing!

All this stuff is really pretty standard between gay and straight….

But all this brings up the idea of, what if we split up? How do you un-merge a gay relationships money? Should both of them be allowed to get half of everything as if this were straight? What if it’s 20 years later and now person B is making $200,000/yr while person A is still only making $100,000/yr? And what if this huge increase in person B’s income is only because person A supported them while they got a masters or other education? On the other hand, what if the increase in income was all because of smart choices before the two got together?

This is all very twisted, in most cases people would say, “well what about a pre-nup”, etc.

But are those even really fair? Do they hold out? For me, personally, they are just asking for failure with those. It’s as if you are admitting straight out the door that you are expecting failure.

These are all just the millions of other thoughts that have been flying around my head the last couple days. I wish there were easy answers!

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My Life

I Just Saw Myself on SUZE ORMAN!

Ok. I finally JUST got to see myself on the Suze Orman SHOW! Yay!

First off, oh god. I sound horrible!! Is that what I really sound like?!!? Secondly. They did a lot of changes since from what I heard. When I was on the phone with her, she just said the whole “That’s really fishy” thing and to contact the PBGC.

So this weekend has been just GREAT. Friday night after work Constantine came over and I made him dinner again. We then went out to see West Side Story at the Torrance theater. It was pretty good considering it wasn’t professional. The lead was HOT. But everyone in the play was SOOO GAY! It was hard to believe that the lead was in love with Maria because he was just toooo gay! One boy had a HUGE ass too. It was hard not to stare at it.

Came home after that and we sat around and talked for a while then went to bed. Saturday morning I was SOOO tired for some reason and we didn’t get up till 10. Made him breakfast and then we went out shopping. Hollister was having an amazing sale so I bought three shirts. YAY! $9 each! 🙂 We also decided that we’re going to be going to Prague and Vienna. I really hope that this trip works out and he doesn’t start hating me like everyone else does! 🙂 I’m soo excited to go there! I think we’re going to be going from 11/15 to 11/25. That is if it all works out.

After that we came back to my place. Washed our cars and then I took pics of mine cause I posted it on Craigslist. From there we headed down to the beach with Erick. It was an AMAZING day! The beach was perfect.

Got home from that and showered and then Sirin stopped by and asked if we wanted to do dinner. So we headed up to Green Temple. Excellent food. If I could ever get Dustin to drive up here, I think he’d really like it! haha.

After that Erick came over again and the four of us went off to see Stardust. Which was JUST amazing!!! I highly suggest everyone go and see this movie!!!

Got home and went to bed. Constantine left this morning and now I’m doing laundry and working and some other random stuff.

I need to get to work on these two clients that I am working on. One has been on vacation for the last week. He told me that his graphics person was going to be contacting me over the last week, but I haven’t heard anything from her, so Idunno what to do. He gets back tomorrow so we’ll see what’s going on.

Best Mac Software

If business meetings were like internet comments. VERY funny!

Harry Potter in BUTTER!. How I love the state fair!

405 in 1972. Wow, what a difference!

Also, I’m gonna be in Iowa from Sept 7-10th! It’s going to be mostly a business trip, but I’ll have some free time!!!

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My Life

Ohh. The days of AOL..

Oh, how I remember the days of AOL chat rooms:

How’s everyone like the new Theme? Still some work to do on it. I’m thinking of adding another layer/color to under each post.

The clock is coming along amazingly! I have the hour sections done now. One of the three boards is completely done, the second is nearly done and should be completed by tonight. The last one only requires a few more things to be 50% done. I’m Soooo happy with the way it’s coming out now. I’ll probably spend part of saturday trying to come up with a way to mount the boards so they aren’t just flopping all over the place. I’ve got pictures and video that I’ll post when it’s all done!

I’m trying to get a group of people together to go out tonight, the group that I mentioned in the last post is taking over a bar at the Grove, it sounds like tons of fun! But not having very good luck with it. Perhaps I’ll just spend another lonely night home alone with the cats.

Speaking of, this weekend marks my 2 year anniversary with the kitties. At least something in my life lasts!

Talked to my dad today, I’ve got to make an appointment with a realtor while I am back in Iowa. Probably the 21st, I’ve been finding some really good looking places in WDM, Waukee, etc. So yeah, we’ll be looking at those.

I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to figure out management situations. I figure I can do the management from here, and just hire someone when I need a movein/out situation. But I’m not sure. That means that I’d still be on for any emergencies, etc. So I started looking into full time PMs today, 10% cut for most of them, plus expenses. We’ll see what comes of it. I did a google search for “pre-approved loans” and the first site that came up with Jay’s company. Wouldn’t it be funny if I applied and got him as my guy. lol. Not really, but whatever.

I went biking yesterday. Did a good 35 miles up past Mothers Beach and back. It’s a good thing I bought arm warmers the other day, as they came in very handy. It was 56 by the time I got home.

Haven’t heard from Chiba since Wed… I called him yesterday and txted him but no reply as of yet. Wondering if this is another disappearing boy case. I can’t even keep onto the ones that I’m not 100% into, but at least like enough to see where it goes! UGH! Perhaps he’ll call later.

OH! One of the guys that we ran into last Friday at The Abbey finially contacted me again. That was a wierd conversation. But at least I know he doesn’t hate me! haha.

Ok, adios!

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My Life

Don’t Wanna Be Back

Ugh, I so don’t wanna be back at work today. I took yesterday off basically. I worked some here and there, but mostly didn’t. I sat on the beach for 2 hours and have a sun burn now. I went to the gym.

I’m such a weakling now. I used to bench 130, now I can only do 70. I also dunnno if my asthma is just getting worse as I get older or if I’m just really out of shape, because after only 10 minutes on the elliptical machine, I was out of breath. It was horrible. I’m really sore today.

Other then that I wasted the day away at home. Watchin Mary Tyler Moore and analizing every little thing that the boy has done, or not done, over the last few days. Outlook is looking grim to me. 🙁 We do have a date set for tomorrow though. Dinner and then the new Pirates movie. I’m going to bring all this up to him then, find out what he’s looking for forsure. It just seems like he’s way too busy to have time for a bf. Perhaps it’s just all previous commitments or something.

So… net neutrality was defeted yesterday in the Senate committee.. It’s good to know that people like Senator Ted Stevens are the people who are voting for these things… Go listen to this MP3. Then PLEASE explain to me why this guy is even ALLOWED to vote on something that he clearly has NO understanding of the impact. And then read this HILARIOUS explanation as to why the internet took 5 days to get to the Senator

Also, Ken Lay died yesterday. It’s sad that he won’t rot in jail.

Phil sent me this link to “Another Gay Movie“. It looks hilarious, I can’t wait for it to come out. Andrew, here’s your mainstream gay movie that’s not sad! haha.

Also, Stranger’s With Candy comes out this month. The boy and I have a date to go see that movie as well. I can’t wait!

The company re-imbursed every penny of my moving expenses, which I am THRILLED about! 🙂 I’m out of debt again!

I posted about this forever ago, but since getting my new Mac I hadn’t installed it yet. I found a link to it on Digg over the weekend and thought it was time to re-install this nice thing.. So I did…. You should go here: Ad Blocking Hosts File. And follow the instructions. It will block those ANNOYING ass Ad’s on most sites, including! The ones on Myspace. 🙂 It’ll work for ANY Operating system, so Windows/Mac/Linux/Unix users should all go do it!

Adios.

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My Life

Randomness.

Chick #1: Who’s that actress who plays Blanche Devereaux?

Chick #2: Rue McClanahan!

Chick #1: Okay, you can say it. You’re not drunk enough yet.

I admit I can’t let things go… I still hold little bits of my heart for Adam and Andrew, etc. I still get mad about thinking about things Andrew did to hurt me forever ago. I still wonder what would happen if Justin and I had gone further, or if Jed and I had been honest with each other those many years ago at Camp, or what if I had made out with Ben Shep that night in my car? I need to work on just getting over things and moving on.

Speaking of Andrew, I think he got a new screen name.. And even though I haven’t talked to him in months.. It annoys me that I don’t have his new one.

I spent half an hour last night trying to find a song that was stuck in my head.. I had the music, and the video stuck, but I couldn’t think of the damn Band or the song name or the lyrics! It was so annoying.. It ended up being “The World I Know” by Collective Soul.

Yesterday was an even busier day for e-mail, 445. God, why is this such a mess.

I’ve got an office lined up now. Now to talk to the boss and make a final decision about going back. My mother said to just wait till Easter and take it as a vacation. I dunno if I can wait it out that long. But now things aren’t seeming as bad as they were, so I’m not sure if I want to go to the expense of doing it.

I’m such a nerd, I have 38 playlists in iTunes.

OG posted a great blog yesterday.. Go read it.

It looks like Germany isn’t going to happen.. The cous can’t get funds.. Anyone else want to go with me?

It’s been so long since you’ve gone away

And I know things will never be the same

I break it all down so it will show to me clear

But all the while I’m wishing you were here

In my dreams I can see and feel your face

But next to me sits an empty space

Sometimes this life doesn’t make any sense to me

I need some time to heal and some space to breathe

I’m breathing you in and I’m breathing you out

As I lay on the floor and I wonder why

I thank God for you and the memories

But I still wish you were here with me

I’m breathing you in and I’m breathing you out

Gone away and I pray for the strength to

Strength to carry on

As I am breathing you in and I’m breathing you out

I still feel you though you’re gone

I’m breathing you in and I’m breathing you out

Breathe – Seven Channels