Moving On…

What a busy weekend.

This weekend I had to keep myself busy or else I would have gone crazy thinking about Const and what not.

So Friday I got home from work and went up to Santa Monica, hit the gym for a long time and then met up with Chad for dinner and a Movie. We say No Intelligence Allowed. It was actually really interesting. Although not as good as I was hoping it would be. There’s a section about ISU in there too. After that I drove home and picked up Jason and then we met up with Chad, Ronnie and some other people at The Factory in WeHo. Had a really fun night of dancing and drinking. Got home about 2:30 and saw that Const was online. It was 4:30am there! WTF is he doing online! So I freaked out, mostly cause I was drunk off my ass and started talking to his friend Tim and being all sad and annoying with him. He was actually very nice and said some nice stuff. But he also said, “Const isn’t as innocent as he seems”… WTF does that mean!? Ugh. Anyways. I went to bed at about 4am and only slept for a few hours. Laid in bed and read a book most of the time.

WacoGot up Saturday and went over to Jason’s and hung out with him, Vince and Jack all day. Jack was very cute and funny. Crazy kids. The first thing we did was drop off some stuff at the Hazardous waste disposal place. They were wearing like HAZMAT suits and shit. You’d think they were accepting Nuclear waste, not just electronics and old paint! It was very funny. Went over to Torrance Airport for a while and hung out with this guy who has an old Waco. Went back to Jason’s after that and we were going to replace his water heater. But the thing is so old that the drain was all clogged up, so we couldn’t get the heater to drain. And WHO puts a water heater on the second floor?!?

Came home after that and took a nap then headed back to Santa Monica to meet up with Jess, we went and saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall which was VERY funny. Lots of male frontal nudity which was surprising, the guy has a HUGE cock! Scary! lol. After that we went out to a bar in Santa Monica and had a few beers and chatted and had a great time. I got home about midnight and went straight to bed.

WacoSunday I got up at 5:30 and headed out to Devil’s Punchbowl to meet up with the guys for some climbing. Little did I know what I was getting into out there. We did what’s called Lead Climbing. Something I’ve never done before, so it was a bit nerve racking. We ended up about 150 in the air and then having to repel down the side. Again something I haven’t done in a LONG time and never from such a height, so it was very nerve racking. After that we went out to lunch at this place called Charlie Brown Farms which had delicious Buffalo burgers and I bought some Wild Boar Sausages.

Got home about 5 and my friend CJ came over and we hung out for a few hours watching TV, he left and I hung out and did some random stuff. Const called me at like 9:30 and we talked for a little bit. We are going to try talking every Sunday just to try and keep the friends going and communication open.

Friday I also downloaded the new Counting Crows album. Very good. I suggest getting it. 🙂

Rock Climbing photos.

Heart Broken

Well, the weekend was bad.

He got here on Friday night and right away at the airport things were awkward. We headed out to dinner and had some off conversation there. It was hard to talk for some reason and hard to find things to talk about. After that we walked to the theater to see a play. Which was horrible (the play that is). Things were starting to pick up by this time between us, but still kinda strange. After that headed out to a bar and had a drink and then came home. We got into an argument in bed because he was acting strange.

Out of LoveWe cuddled in bed, but nothing really happened, no kissing or anything. It was clear that things were not going to happen. We got up Saturday morning and I served him breakfast in bed. After that things crashed and burned. We got into it again that he wasn’t trying to get us back on track, he wasn’t trying to make things better. He was just going along with things. So we were over. He packed up all his stuff and I drove him home. Lots of crying and lots of talking on my part. He just kind of sat there. All the things i had planned for him on saturday went down the drain.

I dropped him off and went home to drown myself in wine. Sirin knocked and I bawled at her for a while and then she drug me out to Pomona. Got home that night and drank some more and cried and spent the night in misery. Sunday I woke up at 3am and decided that I had to see him one last time, so I went rock climbing with them that morning. We talked a little bit, I drove him to the airport and he confirmed that this is what he wanted.

I told him that I wasn’t going to try contacting him at all, if he wants to talk, be friends, try and start something again, he can call me. I gave him a big hug as he was leaving the car and kissed him on the cheek.

I just want to wake up tomorrow and have this all be a horrible nightmare. I want to wake up and have it be Friday morning again, so that we can start this weekend all over again. I want to go to bed tonight, and wake up in the morning as happy as I have been for the last 8 months. I want to go to bed tonight, and wake up in the morning and have him laying next to me. I want to see his smile again and be able to kiss his lips, to run my fingers through his hair. I want to tell him every day that I love him…. But I know that stuff will never happen again, I’ll still be sad, I’ll still probably cry all day tomorrow at my desk. If only I knew how to fall out of love….

California Poppy Reserve

What a busy busy weekend…

Lets see, Friday I wasn’t feeling good at work, so I headed home at noon and took a nap. That evening I went out to a play called Regretrosexual with Jess. It was a really funny play about a guy who had a 2-year gay experience. He’s dating this girl and who’s past fiance turned out to be gay. So he’s trying to tell her about her gay experiences and past. We laughed a lot and it was at this tiny theater which was fun. After that we headed out to WeHo. First stopped at Fiesta Cantina. Had a drink there and chatted for a while and then headed to a place called Trunks, I had never been there, but it was interesting. From there we headed to The Abbey. Tal met up with us there and we all hung out for a while. Eventually Tal and I headed back to his place and I crashed on his couch. I was very tired, but could not sleep.

Saturday morning we got up early and headed out for a bike ride. Ended up doing the 35 mile ride which was lots of fun. The group was very odd considering the normal group that I used to ride with. They weren’t as considerate as I’m used to. Either way we had a great ride and were done by 11 so I headed home, showered and napped some.

Saturday night I headed up to Santa Monica and went shopping at 3rd Street. I bought three new shirts which were needed because my wardrobe has been a little boring lately. From there I headed over to a restaurant called Hidden. My conclusion, it should STAY hidden. I was very unhappy with the food. We got a $25 cheese plate that was TINY. I got a $23 salad that was TINY, the other people got Kobe Beed tacos, etc that were all TINY. And considering we spent nearly $40 a person and all left still HUNGRY! How does that happen. The atmosphere was great though, I would suggest going there for drinks (DURING happy hour) and then going somewhere else for appetizers and dinner. One plus was that we saw Dylan McDermott there.

From there we headed to The Other Room in Venice which was lots of fun. I’ve never really explored Venice that much, even though it is supposed to be a great town. This place was great, and I suggest people check out the beers there. I had a really fun night with these guys though. One of them does basically the same thing as me at Cedars Sinai so it was a lot of fun to talk to him about that stuff. For once I could tell someone what I did and they actually UNDERSTOOD! Hahah.

Sunday morning I got up early and headed up to Canyon Country to meet up with Jerry and gang. We headed out to Vasquez Rocks for some quick rock climbing before heading out to the Poppy Reserve. It was absolutely amazing and beautiful out there.

You can check out the other photos of the Poppy’s on the photodump.

Got home about 5:30 Sunday night and tried doing a Skype call with Const, but for some reason it said that there was not enough bandwidth! How annoying. He comes back this weekend and I am planning lots of stuff to do. Hopefully it all goes excellent.

Just a few random words.
1) 3 years ago I upgraded to WordPress 1.5, this past weekend I upgraded to WordPress 2.5. I have to say I am not very happy with it right now. The new Admin interface is very strange, and they took out a lot of small features.
2) Absolute Vodka recently did an add in which they depicted the SouthWest US as part of Mexico. I thought it was funny. But apparently there was a huge uproar and talk of boycotts. Really? get over it people!
3) This set of Satellite images makes me very sad. 1, 2, 3. It’s the before, during and after of Jordan Creek town center in Iowa. Very sad to see that. 🙁

That’s about it! Adios!

American Gardens Suck

This weekend. I have decided that American Garden suck. They are just a hodge podge of mixed in plants and it alwasy just feels like most of the stuff is just an after thought. I went to Descanso Gardens this weekend and although it was nice. I really like European gardens much better.

Anyways, Overall this weekend has been very stressful. Const and I got in a huge fight on Thursday, we didn’t talk again till Friday afternoon and I felt like shit at work. I didn’t sleep and what not, so I just left work early and came home and was sad overall. Friday night I went to dinner with Sirin and her sister which was nice. Went to Green Temple again.

Saturday I freaked out again about Constantine going out. My fault completely because I’m crazy and this whole long distance thing sucks. I hate hate hate it. Miss him so much. I wrote him a big email which I feel like a fool now for sending to him. I also got in a big argument with Jason and ended up going to Erick’s house to chat and drink away the sadness. lol

Sunday I went rock climbing again which was tons of fun, well it was fun AFTER Const called me and we talked and got a lot of issues taken care of. I hope that he understands why I am so crazy about this stuff now and that hopefully he’ll be a little more understanding and responsive.

Rock climbing I did so much better at this weekend because I wasn’t as tired as last and I bought climbing shoes! I did an amazing job this weekend. There were some little kids with use as well and they are just crazy. One thing was that everyone kept telling me how amazing Const is at climbing. I can’t wait to get out there with him now and see what’s up. They also kept talking about other things he’s done and I feel like there’s so much more to him that I’m missing, and it makes me sad that I missed a lot of this past parts of his life. It also makes me really sad that I am missing out on this part of his life in Houston. Although he tells me about it, it’s not the same as being there to share in it. Again, another reason I hate long distance.

I can’t wait to see him on the 11th. I told him today, this is the closest I’ve let someone get to me since Andrew, and I feel very vulnerable right now with it all.

Anyways. That’s about it.

Photos are here.

Rock Climbing!

So this weekend was a little dramatic for me, as you can tell from the previous crazy post. Anyways, the rest of the weekend was alright. Even though I didn’t do anything really.

Saturday I was planning on doing a 40 mile bike ride up Stradella, but I didn’t sleep worth shit on Friday night and I woke up very sore so I didn’t go. Instead I spent 3 hours debadging my car and then washing and waxing it. It looked very pretty, up until about 15 minutes ago when a huge bug splattered all over my window! I also watched this really neat 3 hour special about Jesus: The Complete Story on the discover channel which was very interesting.

Sunday I got up early again and went rock climbing with a few of Constantine’s friends. I had a really good time with them. We were out there from 8:30-12:30 and by the end of it my muscles hurt so much that I couldn’t even wrap up the rope! lol. I wish I had taken my camera out there. From there we went to lunch at the Souplantation which was fun. Lots of interesting topics there. Today my muscles are very sore from the climbing, but it’s odd because it’s not muscles that I thought I was using while doing it! It’s mostly my back and sides that hurt and not the arms/legs like I thought they would happen.

Came home and went crazy and then went to bed.

I didn’t sleep well again last night, this is getting really annoying. There’s maybe 4-5 nights a week where I get very little sleep and just lay there tossing and turning. I did however have a very strange dream where I had 3 dogs and MooCow had a litter of kittens. Crazy, I know.

Today, Const and I start reading together. Our first book is Call Me By Your Name. Hopefully it’s good!

Ok. I’m off to start the week! Later.