I’m a Jealous Asshole…

//Warning: Major drama to follow…..

Ok, so not only am I the biggest asshole in the world. I’m also a very jealous asshole. And I HATE long distance relationships.

UGH! I feel myself slipping into the shit that Andrew and I went through back in the day. UGH. The last two nights Const has gone out with friends. One night just to coffee and then a movie, and then last night to some bar. I get very very jealous and annoyed. I hate this feeling and I know I shouldn’t be. But I am and I do.

Then to top it all off today, his phone is broken and I have not talked to him since 5pm yesterday. So I am getting VERY very annoyed and pissed and of course my mind always goes to. “Oh my god he’s out fucking someone” or “oh my god, he’s going to call and break up with me”…. Mostly that’s because it’s what happened with the last long distance relationship.

We got into a huge fight yesterday about a lot of stupid annoying shit that bugs me. I know I am completely at fault for it all. A) because I don’t bring them up when they first bug me and B) because then I dwell on them and make the issue way bigger then it really is.

Today it’s really annoying me that he never left a message on AIM or has tried contacting me at all in any way. Again it’s all because I’m insecure and worry that something bad is happening and that I can’t get it out of my mind and every minute, every second that goes by without hearing from him makes me even more crazy! I’ve probably called him a hundred times today and it always just goes straight to voice mail. I know his phone is broken! But anything, any sort of communication would have helped. A message on AIM, a txt message, borrowing a friends phone to call me.

I _HATE_ this feeling and I hate being this way. Like I told him yesterday, he’s the best boyfriend I’ve had so far, and lets be hopeful that I’ll ever have, but I still can’t help but feel this way. I _KNOW_ that ultimately he’s probably just out with friends again, maybe at a movie, buying a new phone, who knows. But that NOT knowing is what drives me nuts. I always try and let him know what I’ll be doing if I am not around when I should or normally am. I let him know last night that I was going rock climbing today, which meant I was not home all morning. But UGH.

Make this feeling stop! Please. I wanna be the most amazing boyfriend and I try so hard. But days/weekends like this make me feel like I fail so badly at that and makes me feel like I’m a horrible boyfriend and horrible person to know. It makes me realize that I really don’t have any good friends around here, because well. I’ve sat at home all weekend. I only went rock climbing today because of Const’s friends! Not even my own friends.

Yesterday when we were talking, I broke down crying a few times because I just can’t believe how fucking stupid and crazy I am sometimes. And living here and hanging out with certain people has really ruined my feeling of being in a real relationship. A lot of things that I used to have done by this time in a relationship I haven’t done yet with Const because those people always make fun of me and make me feel horrible for wanting to be a “WE”. I don’t tell Const as much as I should that he’s a great boyfriend, and honestly I don’t feel that he tells me that enough either. I try and show it as much as I can for him, but when we’re doing the LDR thing it’s hard to show how much you care for someone.

UGH! I’m sorry for the dramatic post. I just had to write……


What another great weekend with Constantine!

Friday night he came over after work and we went out to the Chicago Rib Company down the street. Very yummy food! 😀 After that we came back to my place and we watched a movie and drank some wine.

Saturday we got up and I made breakfast from the leftovers from the Rib place and then went up to Santa Monica to drop my car off at the mechanic for the girl. The guys working there were crazy. Went new car shopping at the Santa Monica Honda dealer and test drove an Accord.

Headed off to see Wicked after that. It was AMAZING! We were 8 rows back from the stage, right in the center! Best seats I’ve ever been in!!! The play was GREAT too. I highly suggest you go and see it. We headed back to Santa MOnica after that and ate at Panera Bread. Then back to my place where we hung out the rest of the night.

Sunday Constantine left to go rock climbing with friends and I stayed home and did some work. I took a nap from noon-6. Watched some TV and then went to bed at 10. I’ve been SOO tired lately!

My fingers hurt today and I can’t really type very well. Ugh.

Found lots of neat stuff on the internet this weekend:

Do you know what GoatSe is? If not.. Click here (NSFW!!!). Anyways, this is a really cool thing of people’s reactions of seeing GoatSe for the first time.

See the moon turn RED!

20 Fresh and free icon sets!

George Carlin’s New Rules for 2007. Very funny!

Turn your handwriting into a font!

Find autos near by!

Rock Climbing & Camping!

I’ve been very active this week and yet I feel as though I’ve done nothing! Oh my. Work has been crazy busy, my personal life has been packed. Things are crazy!

So Wed night I went rock climbing with Mok. That boy has some HOT legs! Oh my. And the other boys there at the gym. I thought I had died and gone to heaven! We had a great time, it was only $20 to climb and rent. We went to this place called Beach City Rocks. The first wall that I did was very hard, so we moved over to the easier walls. Which were way toooo easy. Also the movements required were hurting my arm/shoulder and hip a lot. Especially the landings on the way down. After about 4 or 5 times up the wall I couldn’t do it any more. Mok kept pushing me, and I tried a small wall got up it fine, but then you just jump down and the landing killed me. This morning I couldn’t walk at all. After that we went to this really good place called Rice Things and then back to his place to hang out.

The camping trip is really coming along and we are now officially turning people away! How exciting is that. When I first signed up for it I was planning on maybe 3 or 4 people. We now have 8 people who have said they are HIGHLY interested. Of course this doesn’t mean that they WILL be coming, but it’s a great sign. I really think this will be a great group as well. Mok is going to try and book a second camp site because the one I have is filled up. I looked for a group site there, but it is gone already. 🙁 The only issue right now is…. HOW TO GET EVERYONE THERE! We are only allowed 2 cars up there and everyone that’s coming only has tiny cars! Damn LA! So I looked into renting a van and the prices are insane! Like nearly $250 for the weekend. I’m hoping to keep the price per person to below $80!

Thursday afternoon I got off work and got home and it was just the most beautiful day we’ve had here in a while. The skies were clear, the boys were out. You could even see Catalina clear as day! So I had to get out there and enjoy it. So I changed into my biking gear and headed out. It was very painful, but the day was just too perfect to miss. I did about an hour of riding and then headed home. OH my god, the beach boys were just gorgeous.

Friday morning I woke up in some pretty bad pain, so I didn’t come into work till late. Which kinda sucks cause I wanted to hang out with Constantine that night. I got a lot done at work and still have tons to do though. I put in a bid on ebay for a truck, I won the bid, but it was below the reserve by about $6,000.

Friday evening was quite scandal filled. I picked up Mok about 10 and we headed out to Weho to meet up with Constantine. We got there and went to Fiesta Cantina. It was two for one, so I just got Mok and I a double vodka cranberry each. Well little did I know that he’s never been drunk before! Opps! Lets just say that he was very drunk after that. We only spent about 20 minutes there because Chad was at The Abbey and txting me to come over there and hang out with him. We head over there and meet up with him. Well apparently the only reason he wanted me there was to make out! Which would have been fun, but not with friends there. So we split ways and got more drinks and then hung out at The Abbey the rest of the night. Met up with Jason and Steven and a bunch of their very gay friends. Jason was plastered off his ass which was very entertaining. Some cute guy even came up to Mok and they exchanged numbers! 🙂 We left about 1:45 and grabbed pizza and then headed home.

Saturday morning I slept in till 9 and then did Laundry for the morning. That afternoon I headed down to Laguna Beach to see Pageant of the Masters. But first I met up with Nick and Dustin. Nick was hosting a little get together for a bunch of ALC people. That was really fun and met some more good people from the ride and we all talked and shared stories. After that we all headed over to the Pageant. We met up with Nick’s friends Steve… Steve and I actually talked about a year ago via AIM for a while and then we just kinda stopped talking cause he was always too busy to hang out. All I have to say is that I should have kept trying to hang out with him because he was adorable!

The Pageant of the Masters was just AMAZING! You would not believe it till you saw it. So if you’re in the OC/LA area, you MUST GO SEE THIS! If you aren’t in the OC/LA area.. GET YOUR ASS HERE AND GO SEE IT! Very very cool!

After the Pageant the 5 of us went back to Nick’s house and chatted for awhile and shared ALC pics and just talked. I left about 1:30 and came home.

Sunday morning I again slept in till 9, got up and got ready for brunch at Ocean Diner. Constantine, Sirin, Robert, Mok, Adam (The guy from Weho on Friday) and Eric were all there. Brunch was tons of fun and we got the ball rolling for the camping trip. I think that this group will be great and very nice. I sure hope that everyone gets along. I can’t wait for the trip. After that we all headed down the street because I wanted to buy a hat. It’s very cute! I wasn’t sure about it at first because it’s not at all the type of hat I would wear. Not that I even wear hats!

From there we all headed back to my house and went to the beach. Erick joined us and later on Jason and Steve were there as well. A big old group of homo’s on the beach. Two of them in hot speedos! 🙂 How can that not be fun! We were there for like 3 hours or so. Once the evening clouds rolled in we all broke from there and headed over to the Dominator Shipwreck which I’ve talked about before. It was of course tons of fun. However we did come across three dead seals. 🙁

Moving soon? Check out MovingScam.com


Back Home

Well, I’m back from camping… a little red, very dried out and extremely tired.

The weekend was tons of fun. Though I was very annoyed about getting there at 10pm, and having a head ache on Saturday night. But other then that, lots of good times rock climbing, and doing tons of other wondeful camping stuff…

I also learned a few things this weekend.

Hopefully I will get pics from lauren soon so I can post them to my myspace.

nothing else has really happened to me since I left on Thursday. I mean, I went camping for gods sake.. It was in the middle of the desert. No hot boys, no Tv, no compter… Though there were cell phones which was a bit annoying.

Also got the SA on call schedule for this month… Good news! I’M ON IT! How exciting it that…

Well for most of you it’s not exciting at all, but for me, it’s way hot! It means I’m moving up in the world and I can now be on call, so they assume I have enough knowledge about this place to get things working and to do stuff when it breaks. Though I’m sure I don’t know near enought to fix major issues, I can at least take care of the small ones.

I’ve got a lot of reading done in Quicksilver. I’m realy liking this book, so far the time periods have been 1660-1667 and 1712-1713. They’re talking about Newton and lots of other people of the time, plus all these crazy experiments and stit. It’s so fun. I meant to bookmark a page to write here about this poor dog, but I’ve lost it now. So I guess you all get to be spared the grossness this time….

Ok, well I have a TON of work to do, so night all