Tag: Iowa

Ok, well I don?t have TOO too much to privately update about, but I promised Chris one, so here goes.

The past few days have been upsetting, sad, and happy all at once. I was very upset w/ the fights that we kept having. I really didn?t think they were necessary in most cases. And it just made me sad that we had to fight right before we were leaving. We went 3 months with no fights, and then suddenly we are fighting seemingly non stop. I know it wasn?t really non stop , but I was really stressed and it felt that way. However, I am glad that we have figured everything out and we are no longer fighting and everything is good between us. I think it was just the stressfullness on both of our parts, and then any little thing would set us off and then we?d fight. But it?s ok now.

Last night was really hard for me. We were laying together in bed, and I was telling Chris how scared I was to do all my orientation stuff. Eventually he started crying, and it broke my heart. Because he started really crying, and letting it all out. I just held him and told him everything would be ok and that I was here to hold him. I didn?t know what to do, I felt so helpless right then, I just wanted to make everything better for him. I started crying too. I?m halfway crying now. This is emotionally harder than I thought it would be. Last night was proof of that. I?ve never seen someone cry so hard for me. It makes me realize how lucky I am. I doubt a guy will ever cry like that for me again.

I don?t want to go, I just want to stay in Iowa, all this change is too much for me. I?m scared, I?m upset, I?m sad all the time, I don?t know what I?m gonna do in Cali. Hopefully I?m just getting lots of pre school jitters and everything will be fine. But it might not be.

Anyways?. Today was a really good day with Chris. There was lots of stress in the beginning with the post office and stuff, but then the plane ride was so fun. I thought we were just the 2 cutest little gay boys in the world, sitting on that plane, laughing and holding hands, tickling, and talking. We looked at Sky Mall and talked, and just generally had a great time. Eventually he left me ?go to sleep? but I really didn?t, I kept opening my eyes and just talking to him more. We laughed and had such a good time, and took cute pics of ourselves. Very cute.

I am gonna miss my Topher insanely after next week. It seems so weird that in a week I will be in California, away from everybody that I know. It?s very hard to think about. In between all my wanting to be sad and crying, I will have to be *extra* happy and cheerful so that I make friends. I just want to skip all of orientation and sit in my room and cry. Maybe I will.

Especially having to say good bye to Chris on Tuesday night instead of Wednesday morning. I don?t want to, but I feel it will make the goodbye easier. Well??. Nothing could really make that goodbye easier. It is very hard to say goodbye to someone who makes me feel the way he does, and to someone who really loves me, and to someone who thinks I?m sexy and sweet and smart. What if I never find that again? What if I don?t want to?

I feel weird being here, more on that later maybe. I just feel so ?? well it?s almost ashamed ? of everything. I just want to go to Cali and start my new life, away from my family?.. But I wish it was with my Topher.

A Lunch Date

You know, right now I don’t know who to be more annoyed at. Courtney or Andrew.

Today’s the second time in a week that she’s tried to take away from the time that Andrew and I ALWAYS spend together. It’s getting pretty annoying.

At first the plans were for him to go over to Courtney’s house, and have lunch there. I really wasn’t that upset about it though because it was her mom that was wanting to cook him a dinner. I can understand why I wouldn’t be invited to that. It was her families food, etc.

Well now the plan is that him, Courtney and Jean from work are going to go out to a resturant for lunch. This fairly annoys me more. I don’t see why I couldn’t have been invited to go out to the resturant as well. I mean, it’s not like I’d be a HUGE inconvience, or ruin their together time.

You know, back a couple weeks ago, something happened where someone wanted him to do something on a weekend, and only him. But he told them no because it was our time together. But now he’s just making plans without me.

Though, I know, or at least am pretty sure, he’s not doing it on purpose. Last night he read my private entry from the other day. And just broke down crying.

I couldn’t tell though what kind of crying it was, and he wouldn’t talk to me about it. So I had no idea if he was crying because he was upset that I felt that way, or if he was upset because it was true, or what.

I just really feel like shit lately. I feel like I’m putting way to much pressure on him, and taking away to much of his time from other people. Though I think that I’m justified in asking for the time together.

I really want our last few days together here in Iowa to be great. I’ve had so much planned, but I have a feeling that some of those things will get ruined because I’m a bit upset about the way that I’m acting.

Also another thing about the way that he’s acting. The other day when we were in the mall I went to hold his hand, and he pulled away from me. Then I tried kissing him on the check and pulled away again. I asked him what the problem was and he said that he felt uncomfortable doing that in public. But the thing is that we’ve held hands/kissed in that mall tons of times before. I just don’t see what the difference was that day. I was just a bit saddened by that.

CO-2845

Well I’m doing much better today and yesterday then I had been all week. Much better.

Yesterday I came into work about 8ish and got alot done. I left here at 10 and went home and waited for Drew to get here…

He finally got here and we sat around watching Ricki Lake and the Springer show. About 1:45 we decided that we were hungry so off to Great Plains we went… EVeryone there was uber bitchy. They were like “We close in 5 minutes, and there’s not slices left.” And not just ONE person told us that. I was like, “So I don’t want slices I want to order a pizza.” Fuckers.

Anyways, we got our pizza and then went off to my office since they wouldn’t let us sit there and eat it. Got here and they were tearing my office apart. I was very annoyed. I hate it when people are in my office when I’m not here. It just really gets to me.

Andrew and I sat in my office eating pizza and talking about the trip. We decided that it would be alright if I fly seperate from them out to Cali. I’d get there earlier then them, but about an hour. But that’s alright. I’ll just wait in the airport.

On the return trip back to Iowa though, I’ll be stuck in the “Bush International” airport in Texas… For about 3 hours or so. And I won’t get back to DSM tell 8pm that night. Sucky for that. And I’ll have to be back at work at 8AM the next day. Very annoying.

I’m still slightly stressed out cause I have a feeling that Andrew’s mom is going to get an UBER expensive hotel… That woman can’t do anything for cheap. Andrew and I looked online yesterday for some cheap hotels and found a few, so hopefully he can talk her into some of those. Nothing that’s more then like $70 a night I think would be reasonable.

After we got that all settled we tried to call my mom, but she was in a meeting. So we just sat around here for a bit longer and then left.

We went to the Commuter lot on campus and I taught Andrew how to drive my car… He was VERY good at it for never having driven a stick shift before. The first time he tried he actually got it moving! But he did kill it some, not near as much as Adam did when Angel and I taught him how to drive it…

Drove around the parking lot for like an hour. Andrew was really getting the hang of it all by the time we left. I was very proud of him. Perhaps I’ll let him drive my car on the street sometime. lol.

Once we were done with that we went to the bank and I deposited a check, and from there we went to the Mall. I picked up an application for the Gap, and we checked out to see what movies are playing. Nothing good was.

Decided that there wasn’t anything else to do and went back to my Apartment.

We spent the rest of the night laying on the couch/bed just talking and cuddling. Just what I really needed.

It was so good to see him again. And I’m so glad that the whole flight thing is all taken care of now. Thought I had a dream the other night that there was weather for my flight, so I was able to talk the woman into getting me on their flight, it made my day in the dream… Now lets just cross our fingers and hope that the same can happen in real life… OR knowing Chicago, there will be weather there, and they can get on my flights! lol.

Once it came time for him to leave it was very hard, as it usually is. I think now it’ll be just getting harder and harder from here on out though. Hopefully the tears won’t start running again tell we’re actually saying good bye in Orange.

I really wish we had more time in California… Mostly because I want to go HERE!

Well, that’s my life.

Thursday?

So this week has just been dragging on and on and on. It just doesn’t seem to stop. I was hoping that this week would go by fast, which, I guess it kinda has, but at the same time it hasn’t because it is only WED! Grrr.

Speaking of it being Wed. So far every day this week at some point in the day I’ve thought it was Thursday.. But thank god, tomorrow is FINALLY Thursday, the last day of work, and the last day of school for the week. I can’t wait.

And then once this week is over, only one more week of classes left! YAY! I’m so excited. Hopefully I’ll do better on this next MIS test. I never did go into that story did I? Well the first question on the test you had to assume some stuff. It was a registartion program, dealing with classes and the pre-reqs for those classes. Well in the ERD I added in the Student and Teacher relationships to those classes, and well, he didn’t want that, so he took off 20 fucking points! If I hadn’t over-assumed on that one question, I would have got a 92% on the test. Fucker!

Oh well I’m over it.

Tuesday was good, class as usuall. I also did some other stuff, but I’ll get into that story a bit later. Anyways, I talked to drew for like an hour that night, and that was good. We’ve been talking about tons of random stuff, and we’ve been talking much more then I think we would have had he been in Iowa. Very crazy! lol.

At work we bought a new firewall, that was uber exciting. We got her to go with the one that has 4 trusted ports so we can make a DMZ sometime in the future. Also talking her into Gigabit switches to replace the 10/100 switches we have now, and also racks for the server room. I’m really looking forward to the firewall and the racks. The firewall will be here on Thursday, so that’s exciting. We haven’t got the racks for sure yet, still trying to convince her that we need them! Which we DO!

Also while at work I came up with, what I think to be a sweet idea. Originally I asked Andrew for his address while he was there to send him a little card or something, but plans change, and I came up with the idea to send him some flowers. So I start looking up places to get flowers from that area and couldn’t really find anything that sounded good.

I call up the place that his family rented the apartment from and asked them for a recomendation for a place that’ll deliver flowers. They told me to call this place called ‘Belva’s’, so I did. Asked the what it cost to deliver and it was only $7, so I was like that’s fine. So I start telling her what I want. I just wanted to send him some, like 3 or 4, Spider Mums, because those are his favorite flowers. First of all, she only had 2 colors, yellow and white. So I was kind of annoyed with that, I was hoping that they’d have more colors. So I tell her that stuff and then she’s like, what else. And I’m like “That’s all.” And then she informs me that you have to buy a total of $35 worth of shit before they’ll deliver.

Now this took me by surprse because Hy-Vee will deliver for like $6, and there’s now limit that I know of, cause last time it was only like $15 total. So I’m like, well I don’t want to spend that much, so I asked her for to recommend somewhere else. Which she nicly did, we hung up and I called them.

This time it was $25 for delivery and $30 minimum order. So I was like, fuck them. And looked online for a g-store or something Hy-Veeish. I found this place called Publix and called them up.

Get this, there it was $15 delivery fee, and a minimum order of $50!! I was like, HELL NO!

Finally the last place I called was “Piggly Wiggly Florists” there it was only $5 delivery, which I find the weirdest because they are the farthest away from where Andrew was compared to all the others. And the minimum order was $25. So I felt that I could deal with that. I asked her if she had any spider mums, and she said she did, but only like 6 purple ones. Well, Spider Mums were like $1.50 each, so once you took the price of the vase out of there ($6) I could have gotten him a dozen of those. Which I really didn’t want to get him a dozen or even six (long story) of anything. So I ask her what else she has that she would like. She mentioned a few things and I didn’t know what any of them were. So I decided to just go with something simpler.

Ended up getting him 6 Yellow Roses with Orange tips. The woman said they looked really good, and it was a good choice. So I hope that they really do look good. After we got all that done she asked me when I wanted it delivered.

I knew that they would be gone from the house by the time I had called her (About 2ish Central time) and that Andrew and family probably wouldn’t be back to the house by the time the florist closed. So I just told her to deliver them first thing in the morning. So like 10ish.

Well come to find out when I talked to Andrew last night that they tried delivering them that NIGHT! I was so annoyed because the florist left a note there. I wanted this to be a super surprise. One of those, things where someone knocks on the door and you go and answer it and boom, there’s some flowers. But no, the stupid florist went and fucked that all up now.

This morning I came into work at 8 (because I had left the number here for them) and called them up. I asked the florist who had helped me the day before what was going on. She explained that she had a delivery in that area and just went ahead and tried delivering it then. So I accepted that, I wasn’t going to get mad at them since they were doing so much for me and helping me out so much. I asked her to call me back if Andrew hadn’t been in to pick them up before 1pm.

So I’ve been uber nervous all day. I didn’t think about it tell I was in class this morning, that his PU’s might not like him getting flowers or something like that there. Too gay or something, you never know. And everytime the phone here in the office rings I just like freeze hoping that they’ll buzz me and say “Andrew McGeehan is on the phone for you.” And I can say, “Thank you, put him though.” But nope, not yet.

I also have my cell phone next to my monitor, and everytime I get a call… Just a few seconds before my monitor flickers. Well today it’s been doing it even when I’m not getting a call. But still everytime my monitor flickers I just sit there for a second looking at my phone and hoping that it’ll start rining.

But it hasn’t YET!

Ok, stirke that last part… It just rang and it was the florists. They haven’t heard from Andrew yet. Very annoying. I would think that that would have been the first place they went to this morning. At least I know I would have… Grrr. I’m very annoyed and very anxious right now.

I hope that everything turns out well. I gave them Andrew’s phone number so that they can call him and find out what’s going on.

Well other then that not much else has been happening in my life lately. Last night I went running for almost an hour, and then did my abslide.

This morning I got up at 7, did my abslide and go ready for the day then went out. Rode my bike here to take care of the florist dilemma. And then rode to campus. By the time I got to campus my shirt was soaking wet from sweat, so I went to the bathroom in Carver and took it off and washed my face with cold water to cool down some. I forgot my water bottle this morning and I’m not happy about that either…Anyways, the point of the story is that I was standing in front of the mirror shirtless there in carver and I really liked the way that I looked. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought it looked like I’ve lost some weight recently. Crazyness really.

Class was class. I started reading Branned since I just finished Culture Jam. I really liked that book and recommend that everyone go read it! lol.

Now I’m at work and I’ve got quite a bit done for being as jumpy as I am. I’ve implemented SNMP on 5 machines and I’m working on getting it on the linux boxes, but the config files for it seem to be confusing me.

Hopefully things will get better!

Laters.

Shall We Do It Up There?

Today’s been sad. After the last update I went and picked up Andrew. From his house we went off to the Used Book store, it’s much larger then I thought it would be. I was expecting some dumpy little place with like 10 books. But they had TONS!

We looked around for a bit, but we didn’t have much time to get Andrew to the airport. Drove him there and went to check him in.

There’s weather in Chicago, so he was either going to have to fly there tonight and spend the night, or stay here and leave tomorrow morning. Ended up they got him on a Delta flight to Ohio and then to SC. He had a 3 hour layover there though, sucks to be him.

After we got all that straigtened out we walked over to the area before the security. It’s really annoying now that you can’t go past there unless you have tickets. I hate the new rules. I want to be able to be there at the terminal to say goodbye, so that we have as much time as possible together. I also like being there to be the first thing they get to see when getting off the plane. It’s like when someone comes out of coma or something, they should see someone that they care about.

We stood at the top of the stairs hugging, kissing. I was holding back the tears as much as possible, and I did a pretty good job. I didn’t want to start crying because I knew that if I did, they wouldn’t stop, and it’d just make it harder to leave him there.

We didn’t stay long, it was a short goodbye. A stupid fat child stared at us as we hugged, he didn’t say anything, just stood there staring at us as he waited for his slow parents to come up the stairs. Once they saw us though, the quickly grabbed the child and walked briskly the other way. The kid kept staring, and we kept hugging.

It’s sad to have him gone, though I’ve talked to him a few times already since he’s like, just for like 5 or 10 minutes at a time though, because we’ve both been busy when the other calls.

The first time he called I was just getting ready to go to Biaggi’s with my family… That’s a whole nother story. The second time he had already gotten to the villa they’re staying in, and was with his family and getting ready to go to bed. As was I. I was fairly annoyed though that he waited untell he got to the villa to call though. I wished that he would have called once he got into SC, but I suppose there was a reason for his waiting. I’m guessing that his father/family was there, and had to be nice and not just suddenly get on the phone and talk for a while. So it’s fine.

After that I tried to go to bed, but I just can’t sleep. It’s now 1:03 AM, according to my computer here.

I’m at the PU’s house, tomorrow I’ll be painting all day, then I think I’ll go up to camp. Another thing to make me more depressed.

I don’t want him to go to college, I’ll miss him too much. My mom and I made a bet this evening that he wouldn’t make it a year there. I say he will, once he’s there he’ll stay, maybe not a Chapman, but he’ll stay in school in Cali. My mom says that he’ll either come back to Iowa, and go to school here, or go to NJ with his family and go to school out there. I know she’s wrong. I should have upped the wager, though I’m not realy sure what it is now.

I wanted to get drunk tonight, or at least a little tipsy, but the PU’s don’t have any alocohol in the house.

Didn’t go to Angel’s wedding today, didn’t think I’d really be welcome there. Not after what happened last night. And also since she’s yet to call me since she’s been back. I was going to call her and at least wish her congradulations. But never did. I felt to stupid, perhaps I’ll call her tomorrow. Andrew wishes that I would call her, and find out why she won’t talk to me. She hasn’t since last summer, or perhaps it was the Christmas before that since she’s talked to me… In any case, it’s been far to long. I do know that I last attempted to contact her last Christmas break. Left her messages on her cell phone, and at her house. But never once did she return a call.

Ran into her at Wal-Mart a couple times that Christmas break, she always said she’d call, and that we could hang out. Never did. Though, I did try calling her. What did I do to her to deserve this? Nothing, I don’t think I was anything but a great freind to her. I respected her religious beliefs, I wasn’t mean to her. I always thought that we had a very close friendship. What happened?

I beleive I know, but that’ll stay between Adam and her, and I guess me and Andrew since we both know as well. But it’s not our place to tell.

Though after 14 months of dating Adam, I finally found out why he dumped me the first time. Should have left it that way.

Perhaps tomorrow I’ll have time to swim some more. I went tonight and I thourghly enjoyed it. Much great times in the at pool. I want to have a swimming party, but I guess I don’t really have enough friends to make that happen anymore.

See why I need to get drunk.

Maybe I’ll go buy some Vodka and OJ.

Night.