Month: October 2002

Happy B-day To you!!

So this weekend has been TONES of fun…

Friday night Adam worked tell 10, so I went downtown about 8:30,after stopping at home to see what all they had at the garage sale. Lots of old crap, but there was some good shit there too.

So I got down there and Andrew and Mike were there, so we hung out and talked and shit. Good times. Adam got there about 10:30 and from there we just hung out and did the normal Java Joe’s thing. We also went to Perkins on MH, good times, like always there. Except the waiter was a TOTAL ass hole! Rarr! lol.

Anyways, we left there about 1:00Am, about 4 minutes after Matthew Sheppard died, four years ago.

Saturday I met up with Adam about 12 and we went to the mall, where we met Mike and Andrew and some of thier friends. It was amusing, they were all off bowling. hehe. There was some semi-cute str8 boy there, that apparently Adam knew from his earlier years…. Something about a fight. I’m sure he can elaborate on his website. lol. After that we came back to Ames, where we were planning on going to campus and seeing all the pretty trees and bois. But we got here three minutes after the bus left, and I didn’t feel like trying to find a spot on campus to park, so we just hung out here tell 6:30. I gave him his b-day presents and his cake (peanut pie) since we had nothing better to do. I hope he enjoyed the sweatshirt.

I also gave him tickets to the Laramie Project, so we went to that about 6:30, it was SOOOO fucking good. If anyone reads this before 2 today, I HIGHLY suggest you go and see the final performance of it at 2… In Fisher Theater.

I cried, alot. I dunno what it is about Mathew’s story, but every time I hear it, or see anything about it, I cry. They did this part, where Falwell was protesting his funeral, and these people came dressed as angels and blocked him out from the press/everyone, and it was sooo moving, and soo good. I LOVED it!

After the show was over, we came back here and went to bed.

This morning so far, we’ve gotten up, and I drove him back to Ankeny so that he could have brunch with his family. Now I’m back in Ames, I must study today, I have two tests next Wed… But the good news is that my 8am class on MWF is cancelled, so that’s cool! Weee!

I’m out!

if you are in love, then why let it go?

Come Closer (Brandy, #14)

I know that it’s late and maybe I shouldn’t be so into you.
It’s just that tonight, I am so taken, I’ve fallen for you.
When I look in your eyes, I can see… a million possibilities.
And I know you’ll be leaving me soon, but tonight…

Come a little bit closer, let me hold you baby, I will be good to you.
And we can try, to forget tomorrow, make it last forever tonight.

So if you must go, know that I’ll be missing you, wishing you closer.
So let’s make the most of these moments together, we’ll never forget.
And it’s breaking my heart, cause I know (I know), that tomorrow you’ll be miles away (miles away)
And I catch myself wanting so much more, more, more, tonight….

Come a little bit closer, let me hold you baby, I will be good to you.
And we can try to forget tomorrow, make it last forever tonight.

So if you’re leaving me now, baby I don’t know how, I will ever get over you.
Cause you opened my eyes, to this love that’s inside, oh baby baby,
Don’t ever leave me…..

Come a little bit closer, let me hold you baby, I will be good to you.
And we can try to forget tomorrow, make it last forever tonight.

Picture that song in the background, and David and I sitting in my car, holding hands, and just bawling hysterically, a week before he left for college. As David said, the song never had more meaning than it did that night, and he also said it was like we were singing it to each other.
Well, here I am, depressed again, over David. Imagine that. We were watching the movie “Trick” at Skinny’s, and as I watched, I just got so sad because I didn’t have anybody. Then on the way home, I was listening to “I’ll find a way” and started crying, so of course, then I got weak and put Brandy in and started just bawling. Then I had to compose myself to come inside, where I went to my room and just collapsed and cried some more. I need to learn how to deal. Clearly I’m not doing a good job. And it’s weird because I was better with things awhile ago, and now it’s like, I can’t go a day without wanting to cry because I miss him so much. I’m glad I didn’t get so weak that I called him. Leaving insane “I love you” messages or crying on the phone is probably not gonna be winning him back. As if I even need to “win” him back. I’ve already got him. We both know it. Except….
I know he loves me. 99% of the time. There is that 1% of me that says “No, he’s gotten over you, he’s found someone better, and he doesn’t need or want you in his life anymore. EVER.” Unfortunately, that 1% is pretty damn strong and always overpowers my thoughts. I HATE IT! I want to just freaking ask him, but of course, I can’t.
*ring*
Hello?
Hi. It’s Andrew, I just called to find out if you still love me.
What? Uh.. psycho.
*hang up*
I imagine it would go something like that. Then I cry a lot. I’m always the little victim. I don’t like that either. But you know what.. It’s almost 4 months now that we haven’t been together. That’s longer than our relationship. And I’m still not over it. The other day, on our way downtown, we drove past where I would turn to go to Davids, and I wanted to just go down there and talk to his parents. It felt like it would be the most natural thing in the world to see Jack and Rita. (I didn’t do it, don’t anyone worry.) It’s just things like that.
David wrote me this once:
Do you understand?
Can I understand?
Will we understand?
Should they understand?
…and does it move you?
…dreams? they no longer exist. I have everything I need. imagine that. no one would have, could have guessed. imagine that. anything else? I didn’t think so. It is all undeniable. It is out of our control. I believe that I like that. I don’t even believe it. Uncontrollabe. Never has one been able to show me such a light to brighten so many parts of one day, one hour, one minutes, one life. Take me on. We have so far to go. imagine that. undeniable.

What am I supposed to do? I guess writing tons of volumes about it on my journal doesn’t help any, but I don’t know what else to do. I can’t talk to him about it. He probably is still dating Nate. But I doubt Nate does for him what I do/did. Highly doubt. Even when we fought, it was like “I know things will be ok, because our love is strong.” And it did. Every time. We always worked things out, and made up with a hug and a kiss and a “I love you.” It’s what I need right now. I need someone to hold me when I’ve had a bad day, and remind me that nothing else matters except that they love me. No, not they. David. David is the one who loves me.
I think I’m crazy. Laura told me to put a band-aid over my heart. I wish it was that easy.
I flipped through our pictures tonight, and I just cried and cried. We were so motherfucking happy together. I don’t know that I could be that happy with someone else. I loved all of David’s little eccentricites, and all his random sayings, and all his thoughtfullness, and all his cuteness, and all his everything. I don’t like living without it. I miss being able to curl up with someone and watch a movie, or spending the night and sleeping in each others arms. I can’t deal with this.
Bed is calling. Unhappy thoughts will go away now, only to return tomorrow morning, the second I wake up.
Goodnight, I love you.

Soups On

LOL oh the Simpsons. YAY SIMPSONS! Anyways, today has been rather uneventful. I reshot all my pictures so hopefully they come out well. If they don’t I’m gonna shoot myself in the face… or shoot again, whichever will work better.
Well I got a request for a character list. LOL. So here goes.
MAIN CHARACTERS-these are the people I will probably be referring to most often.
Andrew McGeehan-this is me. Anyone who reads this should know who I am, so no further explanation is needed.
Erin-this is my best friend in NJ. She isn’t really a girlscout cookie seller, but I love her anyway. Oh, and she can’t conduct herself at wakes.
David-this is my ex boyfriend that I am still in love with. Yeah, it sucks, but he really is a great guy.
Skinny AKA Mike-a good friend of mine, I used to have a crush on him.
Jenny-another good friend of mine, we have grown a little apart in the recent weeks, but I still consider her one of my better friends.
Ginny-another good friend. Freshman year she was really mean to me. She’s still mean, but I like her now! 🙂
Mom-my mother. She’s eccentric, weird, crazy, and everything else. But I love her!
Dustin-a really good friend of mine who moved to Iowa City to go to college. We dream of going to California together.
Rachel-she has been there for me ever since freshman year. We’ve always been good friends. She is VERY eccentric (more so than mother) and sometimes she can pull me out of a bad mood with a simple song and dance lol.
Katie-Katie is another good friend of mine (sheesh I have a lot of good friends) She is bitter as anything, and that’s what we love about her. Sarcasm is needed when dealing with her.
Courtney-Yet another wonderful friend. We’ve been friends forever, and she is just great. Also known as my “sugerpie” and “honeybunch.”
Sheila-a good friend. We met on the job (at Hy-Vee). The night we met, we performed “Operation Ben” and have been inseperable ever since. She goes to U of I.
Emily-wild and crazy girl who moved here from Milwaukee. She’s really sweet, and we always have good times scooping the loop together!
Laura-she is awesome! We are eyebrow ring buddies. I really like Laura and don’t get to see her as much as I’d like to.
Adam-a really cool guy that I met through Skinny. He is awesome, and he used to hate me, but now things are excellent! I love you!
Chris-Adam’s boyfriend. He is really fun and random, that’s what I like about him. He’s really cool to hang out with.
Brian Niblo-another friend from downtown. He’s really smart and interesting to talk to.
NOT SO MAIN CHARACTERS-this is the section for everyone else. (no offense, these are just people I don’t get to see or talk to as much.)
Julian-another boy from Group, Youth Alliance, etc. He shares the same passion I do for excellent RPG’s. He’s really cool too.
Theresa-her and Laura usually come as a pair, but not as much lately. She is really fun as well.
Lindsay-the only sophomore in Publications, she is really cool and even though I used to not like her, she is A-OK by me now!
Jeremy-the boy who incited me to write this list. The self-proclaimed “Queen of Sass” he’s really sarcastic, but in a fun way.
Sarah S.-she is really fun. She took my place at the Floral Department. She’s so cute and we always have Espanol together!
Kristin-we have been friends for awhile, and we always have good times together. I usually don’t see her except for English and Spanish class, but she is great!
Samantha-another friend who I don’t get to see too much, but she is so cute and great! I love having Physics with her!
Marcus-Katie’s boyfriend. He is really nice, and a good guy to have around.
Gerry-about the best straight guy friend I have. He’s into gay rights and loves every last one of us! yay Gerry!
Savanna-she’s sooooo sweet! She is really fun and I love to talk to her, she always makes me laugh.
Erin M-I talk to her all the time at my locker, she’s really fun and super cute!
Alanna-alanna is a speech buddy of mine “bubble together” and we are always laughing and entertaining each other.
Scott-we have been friends ever since my freshman year. Sadly, I do not get to see him as often now that he is at college, but he’s still around!
Danielle-a real cool cat who is currently in Argentina, studying. She will be back in January, I can’t wait! Love you!
Sonoma-she is so sweet! I used to refer to her as “the girl that keeps me straight” Not so much anymore, but she is still wonderful!
Natalie-another friend from school, who is precious!
Jesup-a boy I work with at the Gas Station. He also goes to my school, he’s really nice.
David 2-this is not to be confused with the original David. This David is nice and we see each other a lot downtown, he also gets gas at my gas station.
Alex-new boy from Tennessee (sp?) He has a cute little accent and is pretty nice.
Stephanie-she is the greatest! She wrote me a note practically every day during Advanced Math last year. A very nie and kind person!
Sasha-very uplifting and spiritual person. She is always trying to make everyone happy and she is involved in EVERYTHING!
Tracey-I have known her since freshman year, and I think we’ve had a billion classes together. She’s nice and can sometimes be very funny.
Chelsy-she is soo cute! we’ve also been friends since freshman year (not good ones though) and we have lockers next to each other, so we always bitch about the idiots at our school.
Kaci-I haven’t really talked to her much except this year, she’s really random though, that’s what I like!
Erin T-she is super-smart, and also really nice. We gripe about things together.
Kiersten-she is fairly new to our school. She is very pretty, and we laugh a lot during econ. Especially when we use “predatory pricing” to destroy the game. Whoops..
Jessie-Katie’s sister, I don’t see her very much, but she rocks!
Sarah W.-she is really cool! We did an acting ensemble freshman year and I’ve never forgotten her! I don’t see her much because she is always at Central. She’s great though.
PEOPLE I WISH I COULD FORGET (AKA EX BOYFRIENDS)
Jeremiah-first guy I ever went out with. Nuff said.
Naithen-we dated for a month and he broke up with me right after his show choir show, on stage, in front of everyone. Tactful.
Will-really hot guy. We dated for a little bit.
Jeremy-ooh, not my greatest decision. Oh well, he was nice, I guess..
Brian-also known as Big BP. He moved to Texas. I haven’t seen him in awhile.

Well, I think those are all the people that I’ll ever mention, unless I meet new people in which case I won’t be adding them here because that would be too much work. Now on to what is actually going on in my life.
Well I go upstairs today after school, and Kelly (my sis) and Mother seem to be fighting. I guess John is going to have an interview for a job in Florida. So she was freaking out because she thinks just cause he has an interview, we are packing our bags next week. Hello, first of all, we aren’t going to go at least until I graduate, cause I’m not just gonna pack up with only 3 terms left. I’m gonna stay at Waukee. She is just stupid. She was like crying and stuff. I think it would be neat to move again, and I regret that maybe I won’t be around to experience that. My mom was like “Now go look for colleges in Florida.” I was like “mmm no, Florida is too hot for me.” Anyways, she started yelling at me about something random, which made no sense. I was like “Do what you want, I’m going to California.” The only downside, which I just realized, is that if they move to Florida, then I have absolutely no incentive to come back to Iowa ever. I won’t come back on holidays cause I won’t have any family here. Which would be sad, because I might not be able to see my friends anymore, or David, and that would just be traumatic. But I’m not gonna be like my sis and pretend we’ve moved already. I personally doubt that we will actually move, and when we do, it won’t affect me. However, if they move to Florida, Mother will be even further from California, and she may not enjoy that, and may prevent me from going. GRR… why does she have to try and stop me from doing what I want to do? Sorry, but I have my own life, and I am going to go where I want to go. I want to experience everything I possibly can. Oh well.
Skinny better call soon, I’m getting restless.
My first Friday in, oh I don’t know, EVER, that I don’t have to work! YAY!
BREAK!

I’m going to…

…Write the 70’s next week.

Lol. So that’s one of the good quoutes from the guy last night. It was a really good speach and he has like 9 books out. I must have them! I met Julian and Mandy there and it was good to see them, we were also harrased by this cute lesbian about the BBQ that’s today. I might go, but I dunno yet. We’ll have to see what happens later. The guy that talked last night is also having a lunch today where people can go talk to him. I really want to go, but I have class and after the ass raping that I just had, I don’t want to miss any classes.

Speaking of that ass raping, I just got done with my Relig 105 test. It was 1/3 Multiple choice, 1/3 short answer, and 1/3 an ESSAY, as in two to three pages, hand written essay about a topic he gives you in the test… no idea what the topic is going to be until you get there! RARR! I totally failed it. I think I did alright on the mulitple choice part, but when I got to the short answer, I had no clue… When I got to the essay, no clue. So I left, rarr.. I wanted to cry to bad. I really enjoy that class, and I do the reading, I try my hardest, I listen in class… everything, but the test was just sooo fucking hard! Rarr. 😥 I’m going to go talk to the prof on Monday and perhaps drop the class on Tuesday, we’ll see.

Not much else has happened since the last update. I worked long hours yesterday, it was annoying but nice. We’re getting ready to spend everyone off to SC, and the Matrix site went live yesterday which was cool, I guess. They purchased a $1500, 20.1 Viewsonic flat panel monitor the other day, and they’re going to buy another one… They are VERY sweet! I want one now! I also got a webmail system up and running, which was nice, and we’re well on our way to getting Vermont upgraded. It’s very fun times.

Mmmm, hot boi!

Anyways… I’m going back to DM tonight to see Adam and that’s very exciting. However, I took him away from his family on his b-day (tomorrow) and I hope they aren’t mad at me… But what we’re doing is far more important, lol.

Ok, I’m going to go read the paper and then do my HW. Laters all!

uhh… its denser?

Ha! That was my response to the question in Physics, “Why is poisonous gas used to fill airbags?” I definitely did not know the answer.
Oh well. Anyways, NEWS! Sorta. When I turned my phone on, I definitely had a message. “Hey Andrew, it’s David. I hadn’t talked to you in awhile, and just thought I would call and see how you were doing because I was thinking about you. I tried to call the residence, but no one picked up. Call me back soon, I would really appreciate it.” That isn’t the exact wording, but its the basic jist. Anyways, that put me in a good mood. So I decided to call him when the day was over. We got out at 1, and I went home. Emily called me. Then my cell rang. It was him. I picked up and he was like “Wait, shouldn’t you be at school mister?” or something like that, it was cute. Anyways, I was thinking “Uhh… if you thought that, then why did you call..?” Anyways, Emily needed to talk so I told David I would call him back. When I got done talking to Emily, I called. I was afraid that he might not answer his phone, but much to my happiness, he did. We just talked for like 20 minutes about randomness, what was going on in our lives, etc. I just wanted to scream out “I LOVE YOU!” but I kept it inside. I wonder what he feels. I really want to know. But we talk so sporadically that I don’t want to ruin everything by bringing it up. So I don’t know. When we were about to get off the phone, he said we’d talk soon, blah blah blah. He was like “you can call me you know.” I was like “Yeah, you can call me too, we’ll get ahold of each other sometime soon.” I really wanna see him! I miss him a lot. As a friend, boyfriend, everything. I just miss him. I hope he misses me too, and I hope I get the opportunity to see him soon. I’m also a little confused. I don’t get why he keeps calling and saying he’s thinking about me and wondering how I am and stuff. It implies to me that clearly feelings are not 100% gone.. am I wrong? I really need help, if anyone has an opinion on this, definitely leave me a message. I’m so confused!
In other worlds, we went to look at this house today that was ABSOLUTELY amazing!!! I guess this guy is selling it for 700,000 dollars, but no one is buying it. So we are hoping I guess to talk him down or something, and we may make a deal with him because he likes our house or something like that. But this house, oh my goodness! It was the greatest house. It had a really beautiful everything. It had this really cool multi-leveled deck that was just fabulous. And it had a little brook under it.. perfect for moonlight kisses :). But I would basically have the whole downstairs which was like a media room, a kitchen, my bedroom, a den area, and like 3 bathrooms. Oh my, it was wonderful. I told my mom that we could start moving in today. It was just crazy! So I hope that we can possibly move into it. Moving will be a whole lotta work, that I probably won’t want to do, but it would be worth it to be in this house. You have to see it to believe it and hopefully all of you will cause hopefully we move there!
Anyways, my bed is calling, I am tired as a motherfucker. lol
Nite!
BREAK!