Month: October 2002

Very Amusing

So yesterday was VERY long… I left my apartment at 7am and got back to it at 9pm. Rarr.

I went to class, and then to an interview and then to class then to work, then to a gay meeting. It was very fun.

I think the interview went alright. I hope I get it, it’ll be cool!

Adam comes back today! YAY!

Ok, so here’s the MOST amusing thing I’ve seen since the last time I said “here’s the MOST amusing thing..” Anyways, it’s a story on slashdot, although the link to the site is down, the comments are HILARIOUS! Great times!

Sodium + Private Lake = Fun

Wee! Crazyness

So today has been very stressfull. I’ve had TONS of work to do, and I’ve got most of it done. So that’s cool.

First thing: John D’Emilio is coming to ISU this week to give his lecture, “Black, Red, and Lavender: Bayard Rustin, Civil Rights and American Homophobia” (Sun Room, MU, Thursday, 8 pm). Sounds like it should be good. So everyone should come!

So yeah, in Calc we got the tests results back. We didn’t get _our_ grades, but he gave us the curve, etc. Yeah… Umm 79% of the class FAILED the test… That’s WITH the curve applied. It was NOT good. So I hope that I did fairly well at least.

Umm, I ran into Julian today around lunch and we talked about things, it was amusing as hell.

Not much else going on. I just got my internet fixed, so it’s super fast again it appears. WEEE! ::surfing motion:: lol

Yeah, I have an interview tomorrow. There’s also a coming out talk with the PFLAG group, which should be really cool.

I can’t wait tell Adam gets back. ::sighs::

And thanks to Andrew for pointing out my HORRIBLE spelling. I was in a hury damnit!

Laters!

25 years… That’s a long time.

So yeah, this weekend has been alright. I went home Friday night and hung out, hot tub, etc. I didn’t want to go out cause I thought that I had to get up early to go to the PU’s anniversary thing. So I went to bed early and got up early… Got all cute and shit and then came downstairs to find the rest of the family….

PAINTING THE CIELING??? I was so confused… I know that someone told me that thing was on Saturday. Once I get time, I’m going to go look and find out who it was. Cause it WASN’T saturday, it was SUNDAY. Rarr!

So I spent Saturday sitting around my house doing ABOSLUTELY NOTHING! It was so boring and shit. I went downtown about 7ish and ran into James, who I haven’t seen in like forever! So we talke for a while, but he was on his way to Homecoming. So he went off with girl. After that I walked around tell like 9, when no one was there, I went home.

As soon as I got in the door, Andrew called and said he was at Jester and wanted to hang out. I said only if he drove, so he came over and picked me up and we went downtown. I was kinda hoping there wouldn’t be many people there so we could talk about things, but like EVERYONE was there… It was very good to see everyone again. It’s been soooo boring with out them. Mike had apparently walked to Java Joe’s from his house (go read his site for his rantings about there). Poor him. But had he given me a call, I would have GLADLY gone over and picked him up. Cause at the time that he left, I was sitting around my house SO VERY Board!

Anyways, we hung out and it was fun times. Andrew and I left about ten tell midnight, and took Mike home. We got back to my house about 12:30 and Andrew had 30 minutes to get home before his curfew, so I gave him directions to get there the fast way, instead of going to back to Johnston and then to his house, which if he hadn’t got lost would have got him home about 5 minutes before 1.. So he went off and I was like, I should stay up to make sure he doesn’t get lost. Cause I know how hard it is to get to DM going that way… And of course, about 10 to 1 he called, Lost as hell! He had followed the directions, but missed his corner, so he went on to the next corner which took him to the same spot that he would have come out had he taken the previous corner. But instead of turning left to go east to DM, he turned West… Cause he didn’t realize what side of DM he was on…. Anyways, when he called me he was at the Boone exit… Totally out of the way. I told him to turn around and he did.. And apparently he made it home in time… I hope he’s not in very much trouble.. Cause that would suck!!

Anyways. Today was that family thing and it was amusing. Umm, then I came home and did HW and now it’s late, so I’m going to go do other stuff to releive some pressure… Laters!

i know that its late and maybe I shouldn’t be so into you…

And with those words, the song that can always make me cry begins. Why can’t things be easy? Why can’t people understand? I am sad. I am upset. I am crazy. I am sick. I am in love. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
Driving home from Skinny’s, I was feeling sad. I just was. Mostly because David said he might call today and maybe we could hang out. Well, I knew from the get-go that he would not call, but I held on to this very small glimmering hope that maybe, just maybe, he would realize some things and want to see me. I don’t understand. I gave him everything he possibly needed. I bitched minimally. We had the best relationship I have ever been in, and the best I foresee myself in. I can’t believe I can’t have that anymore. But he loves me. I know he does. He has a hard time admitting things, and he probably is trying to repress everything, just like I try to do. However, I tend to fail and then I explode and end up crying a lot. Sometimes I like to cry. Driving home, when I was listening to our song (Brandy #14) I cried. But I liked it, I needed to do it. But as I was crying, all I could see was David sitting next to me in the car, and us both holding hands and both crying, and him telling me how he never should’ve let me go, and how much he loved me, and how proud he always was of me, and how no one ever genuinely cared for him that way I did. What did I do to have that ripped away from me? This sucks. I hate this. I want to be happy. Being with David makes me happy. He did so much for me that no one ever knew about. And of course, as soon as I got home, I had to go and pull out the box with all our pictures and all the gifts he gave me. Of course, that incited another round of crying. We were so perfect together. We are so perfect together. When will this happiness resume? Christmas? Summer? Next year? Five years from now? I can’t wait that long. I can’t even get close to anyone anymore. I don’t want to be close to anyone anymore. I want to be close to David. I want him to be in my life. I want him to love me. I want us to be the happy, loving, great and wonderful couple that we always were. I want things to be the way they used to. The laughter, the late night phone calls, the walks, the watching COPS with his parents, the dinners, the drinks, the kisses, the hugs, and everything in between. Oh why can’t it be that way?

I have to go to a wedding now. I’d rather shoot myself.

Rape!!!

So, we had our first Calc test today, and I got totally ass raped by it. It sucked MAJOR ass…. Every problem but one he you had to use this (f(x + h) – f(x)) / h. Something that looks easy, but I never did understand it. I figured we’d be able to use all these other rules that we’ve been learning about since like the 2nd week. But nope. So yeah, I got the right answer for EVERY problem, but I didn’t do it the way that he wants, so I’ll get 2 of the 6 points for all the problems, which isn’t passing. So that’s NOT good. Rarr!!

But in good news, this is the 6th week of classes… So we’re getting there…

Adam was online today for like 10 seconds, but I was busy with a group project, so I couldn’t talk to him 🙁 He said he’d be on later tonight, but I don’t think I will be. Rarr!

Umm, Redhat 8.0 is SWEET!! I love it. Everything’s so pretty and shit. I just haven’t found the place to change the theme, etc. It’s usually under something called “Look and Feel” but it’s not here anymore. Rarr! But I’m happy with it. Samba STILL doesn’t work, which was the reason that I upgraded, but I’m sure it’s just some stupid thing. (Mental Note: Must find a SAMBA expert)

Also Opera doesn’t work, but I know why. Damn librarys and shit! But Mozilla’s nice.

Anyways, I’m going to study… Or at least attempt too. Laters!!