Month: October 2002

You Hide!!

“It’s hard to “find” gay people, so they’re like “Hey, here’s one, over here.” It’s like hide and seek, or something. It’s generally nice of them, and it’s always good to meet another homo, even if we don’t hit it off, or become friends, it’s stil good just knowing they’re part of the “team”/”family””

So yeah, not much to really report lately. I dropped my first ever class today, Religion 105. I’m going to miss that class, the hot bois, and I was excited, because I was starting to make friends with this cute one in there. But now I guess that won’t happen. It’s sad, cause it’s hard for me to meet people, it’s hard for me to make friends, so I was excited that we talked every day, even though it was just about class. But that’s how friends start, talking about what you know you’ve got in common.

Anyways, that class is over, so I now have 2 hors between my 8’oclock class and my 11. I dunno what I’m going to do with that time now. I thought about just sitting in on the Religion class, that way when I take it again, I’ll know some of it.

We had mid-term confrences in my Engl 302 class. I didn’t do so hot. WE just turned in this paper, in which we worked in groups. Well, I had done a rough draft at home, and took it in. We sat there in class, on the computers, and fixed all the errors. I then sent it to myself. Well apparently when I went to print it off, I got the wrong copy, and turned in the old one. That really sucked cause we ended up getting a B- on it. So now I feel really bad cause I brought down the other girls grade as well. Someone just shoot me now, it’d be so much easier. But anyways, I am doing good in that class, I should be able to pull off an A in there… ::crosses fingers::

I had two tests today, I think I kicked both thier asses. So that’s good. I should have only one mid-term then, Math, but I expect that one to go up here soon.

I always hate TV. Every year I tell myself that I’m not going to watch any, that I’m going to work out, go out and do things, get involved, but every year, there’s a week where there’s nothing going on, so I turn on TV, and I get hooked on the shows. Monday it’s Third Watch, Tuesdays it’s RW at 8, Wed it’s Ed, and then West Wing, Thursdays it’s Will & Grace. Do you think I can sue the TV companies for getting me hooked on TV and ruining my life? Hell, it worked for Tobacco and Fast Food joints. Why can’t it work for this too?

I got my Degree Audit today, and if I stay according to plan, I’ll have 15 hours per semester for the next three semesters. And I’ll be out of here on time. YAY!

This entry is a bunch of random rantins, so bear with me here. lol.

There’s this group called “Change Scouting” trying to get started, so I thought I’d apply for the web design section of it. It sounds like it’d be fun. But I dunno if I really have the time for it. I’ll have to see. They don’t even have a real name yet, but it’s a really cool idea. The guy from Cali called me a while ago, and I haven’t gotten back to him yet. I should do that.

Ok, there’s alot more that I want to write about, but it’s just small random shit. Laters!

it’s hot up in this bitch

Yay! I am happy happy happy! And a big ol loser! lol.
I am happy because David called me! Hence the reason for the title: that’s a classic David line… as in “Why don’t they turn the air on? It’s hot up in this bitch?” I usually just said “Maybe it won’t be as hot if we take off all our clothes.” Lol, no I didn’t really say that, but what a good line!
Anyways, my phone rings (imagine that), and the loser I am, I always think it’s David. Well, I was like “No, it’s only 8 something, he wouldn’t call this early.” I figured it was Courtney because we were supposed to have dinner together and she never called. ANYWAYS, so I answer, it’s him, I’m all “oh my!”. Anyways, he said he was just calling to say hi and that he wanted to see how he was. I told him about my survey (I was in the middle of tallying) and he told me about his Stat survey as well. It was crazy, we were both doing like the same exact thing.. weird.. ooga booga. So I told him more about my life and what was happening (which isn’t much) and I asked what was going on with him. He was like “Oh you know, school, Patrick (that’s what I THOUGHT I heard), but this stupid bitch in my Stat class…” And went off on that. I was thinking “Did I catch a Patrick in there?” Well I really wanted to comment and be like “Who’s Patrick?” But I never got the chance to and I’m not even sure he said Patrick. But honestly, ANYTHING is better than Nate! lol. So then he was like “Well, I gotta go” and I went “So soon?” And he was like “Well, you can call me you know.” ::cue whiny voice:: “You never call me, why don’t you call me?” I was like “Uhh… actually I almost called you yesterday, but my phone was on low battery.” And he was like “Well, at least you are thinking about me.” I was thinking “more than you know.” But I kept it to myself. Anyways I said I would call him this weekend and we said our goodbyes and that was that.
YAY!!!! It’s so funny because I was just telling someone how I don’t like to call him because I always feel like the weak one. Well, HELLO, he calls me like every week now. I almost burst out laughing when he said “You never call me.” Cause at first I was thinking “Yeah, well you never call me” but then I was like “Wait, you always call me.” lol. So I am happy because clearly he remembers me and by his “at least you’re thinking of me” comment, it indicates to me that he doesn’t want me to forget him. Not like I was gonna.
Well I could rant about this for another 19283745091237984172349871239609127635 hours, but I really need to finish documenting my survey. Just wanted to express my happiness. 🙂 Smiles!
BREAK!

And the prize goes too…

JULIAN! He’s the first one to catch the mistake of who protested at Matthew Sheppard’s funeral. It was Phelps, not Falwell. I noticed it after I posted, but didn’t care enough to change it… Good job Julian, you get a cookie! lol

Anyways, today was a total waste of going to campus. We did NOTHING in every one of my classes, however, I do have two tests on Wed, so it’s a good thing I went.

I’m out, laters all!

FYI hate you

Tonight I guess was fairly interesting. Skinny and I went to Allysons and then the 3 of us went to Hairy Mary’s, to a punk rock show. It was the first I’d ever been too. It was interesting, the music was cool, and some big fat drunk men were definitely flying into me. That was a bit unsettling, but I had fun. I did not enjoy the fact that it probably reached 10000 degrees in the place. I thought I would collapse. Then we went to Fazoli’s and creepy man was weird. “Do you know the score to the Iowa game?” “No.” “Do you know the score to the Iowa State game?” “No.” “Is your car the white one with its lights on?” “NO, what is this 20 questions?!?!” Yeah that happened, it was really funny.
Anyways, we ended up going downtown (imagine that) and we met up with Brian Niblo and Alex and Brian’s friend Sree. Yeah Jeremiah was there too. I was like eww gross, but oh well. I was Mr. Quotes tonight. I honestly couldn’t think of anything funny to say on my own, so I just quoted random shit all night. Everyone found it funny, so that’s what counts. I made people laugh. yay.
On the way home, Skinny and I talked about how guys here suck. Everyone is either slutty, and if not that, then they have some sort of problem with them *ahem*alocholism compulisive lying*ahem* Not that I know anyone like that.. lol
But it just kinda sucks. I honestly do not think I will date until I go to college, or at least until the summer when David comes back. I miss David. The more I see and meet more gay people here, and the more I realize how people really are, and the more I see the reality of some shit that goes on, the more I realize that David is my soul mate. I just can’t imagine being with anyone else, or wanting to be with anyone else. Seeing how everyone is slutty, or problematic, or whatever else just proves that. Because David was such a wonderful guy, my standards have been raised HIGH. And the thing is, I don’t think there is another guy out there who can/will do for me what David has done/will do(?). It just sucks that circumstances don’t work and all. Though I have a fear. My biggest fear right now is that over the summer or xmas break or something, I’ll see David. If I see him, no fail, both of us will fall in love again (actually, it isn’t falling in love again, it’s seeing the person, and realizing that you never stopped loving them). And what happens next? Well, let me tell you. We hang out, we kiss, we proclaim our love for each other, regardless of whether we are seeing someone else (hmm sound familiar?), and then we date (maybe). But my fear is this: That all this shit will go down over the summer, we spend 3 wonderful months together, and then.. BAM! Andrew moves off to California and everything is ruined. I have wanted to go to college in California all my damn life. I’m not sure how I could possibly pick between my love and my dreams. There is always the fear that things with David would not work out and then I would be stuck at a school I didn’t want to be at. I like how none of this has even happened. But I really think its gonna. I know that I won’t go the entire summer without seeing him. And in all honesty, I want to ask him to come to NJ with me. There isn’t anyone in the world I would rather go with. Which is weird, cause it would be like “Hi, we’ve talked some, and haven’t seen each other all year, but will you go to New Jersey to see my family with me?” Right. But I think he would do it. And that would be great. We could tour NY together, go swimming in the ocean together, go visit Erin, take walks down the boardwalk. I wish it was like that. Perhaps I’ll convince David to come move to California with me. We can live together and be the happy couple that I know is within us. Or maybe I have to wait 5 years until we can be together. Ugh, I’m so damn impatient. I think I am gonna call him later this week. He did tell me to call. It sucks, everytime I call, I want to ask if he still has feelings for me, and everytime we hang up, I always want to say “I love you.” Honestly, there always seems to be a little pause when we are about to say bye, and I think both of us wants to say I love you, and at the same time, both of us knows it just makes things harder. Like it’s not so bad when I don’t know what he feels, but if I know for a fact that he loves me, it makes it worse b/c I know that we CAN and SHOULD be together, but we AREN’T. I am so reading far too deep into everything. But it’s like, I don’t even find people very attractive anymore. David was the epitome of everything. Grr.. why is it like this? I think life is playing a cruel trick on me. It must hate me. Oh well…. I’ll survive, as I always do.
I love my Goose. Hope he still loves me too.