Tag: zoo

Two Years

So tomorrow.

2 years ago tomorrow, I was sitting at my desk, working away and taking phone calls, when I turned around and saw my supervisor walking in my general direction with some flowers. It was Johnny’s last day (he sat right next to me) so I assumed they were for him. Instead, Brent set them down at my desk and said “these just came for you.” My heart raced, my cheeks flushed, and I hurriedly opened the card.

“Andrew- Let’s drop the ‘almost’ – Topher”

And just like that, I had a boyfriend. At that instant in time, I had no idea that I was in for the happiest 14 months of my life, and the most depressed 9 months after. I had no idea this would take me to Omaha, to Kansas, to NJ, to Cali, to zoos, malls, gardens, hot tubs, coffee shops, museums, and everywhere in between. I had no idea I’d be so in love with someone and fly home twice my first semester to see them. And that they would love me so much they would come twice to see me my second semester. I had no idea I would give everything I had to one person, and receive it in return. I had no idea I would know real love, and be taken to heaven. And I definitely had no idea I’d drop so far into hell afterwards, and experience a sadness and depression I’ve never known.

Yes, 2 years has passed. What started out as a love that yearned to live forever, has now degraded into him wishing I’d rot in hell. Him having another boyfriend, who he openly admitted would never be as good as me. And me. Here, unable to understand why I can’t stop crying. Forcibly stopping myself from calling, and wishing things had turned out different.

It is kind of funny. I told him one time that I would be willing to move back to Iowa and go to ISU for him, if he thought that’s what it would take to get us back together. I was that in love with him, that I would’ve uprooted my life just for us to be happy again. And now I am leaving… but without him. And now he hates me for leaving. And I might never see him again. All I have are pictures, and I can’t even look at them, it’s too painful. All the while he is happy with someone else.

We’ve been broken up 9 months now. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday we kissed for the first time, or just yesterday that we spent all day at Rieman Gardens, or just yesterday that he flew me out to college… or just yesterday that I flew back to Iowa just to tell him I loved him.

“Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth,

Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt,

Still a little hard to say what’s going on

Still a little bit of your ghost, your weakness

Still a little bit of your face I haven’t kissed

Stones taught me to fly

Love taught me to lie

And life it taught me to die

So it’s not hard to fall

When you float like a cannonball”

I wish this wasn’t happening to me. I wish everything would be alright. I hate feeling like this, and I don’t know when it’s going to stop.

Tomorrow is going to be even worse. I’m going to try not to cry, but I’m not promising anything. Based on today, I probably won’t be able to control myself.

Links Links Links!!

Ok, well this is going to be a post of a lot of links….

First, I love this TV show called. “Low Carb and Lovin’ It” And there’s this really cute boy on there, who I thought was gay. guess he’s not though, but anyways, I found his blog and it’s very amusing… I highly recommend listening to StellaStyle. He’s also has some really good photos.

Ok, and I know you all love PORN! So here’s a great website for you. Now, I’m sure I’ve all heard me complain about how you can’t RENT porn here in the OC… Well this site is just like netflix! How amusing. If I watched enough porn to justify it, I’d totaly sign up, but at least now I can rent porn for a weekend or two at a time when I want too.

Speaking of netflix… Here’s a better replacement for it… It costs about $2 more per month, but they send money back to local movie places.. IE: GreenCine is partnered with a few key organizations like the San Francisco Film Arts Foundation, the Academic Film Archive of North America, Consolidated Works and the San Francisco Silent Film Festival, all devoted to keeping independent, international and classic film alive. So yeah… I’m thinking I might sign up for them.

Ok, I’ve known about this place for a long while, but now I found the website and really want to go! Uncliamed Baggage! I want to take a road trip to the store sometime.

And lastely… Here’s some amusing Post Cards

Umm, so what’s been up in my life? Well as usually not too much.

I got an interview offer to a place up in Santa Ana… I called and told them I wasn’tinterested… It was some random job involving more business then I care for right now.

I also have a meeting set up at work with the new Business opps guy… We’re going to talk about some projects I’m going to be taking over. That could be exciting. Though he mentioned PHP, which I haven’t done anything with in a long while, so I’m kinda nervous about that.

I’ve started my diet again… It’s going ok.. I’m limiting my calories, and also going to start going to the gym more. I went monday, or was it tuesday… Either way, I’m sore as hell and can’t lift anything with any wieght.. It sucks ass. I guess I pushed myself too much. Going to go back tonight and just do the elyptical.

Going to retake my test tomorrow. Hopefully I can get those 5 points that I missed last time. Gah! I better.

There’s only two more episodes of GG this season. I’m so SAD that it’s ending.. I must make a trip up to LA sometime and do the whole WB tour…. Maybe May 30th, cause I’ve got the day off and Andrew should be out of school by then. That way we don’t have to miss anything.

I’m very excited about going back to Iowa this summer. I really hope that I get the chance too… Things that I want to do while back so far include:

Mitigwa (Maybe even go down to Wapello for an OA Ceremony)

State Fair

HuHot

Biagis

RedLight

Java Joes

Art Center

Adventurland

Blank Park Zoo

Porn Shop

The G&G’s house.

Chat Noir

Reiman Gardens

And of course Hot tubbing/swimming at the Parents!

Well, that’s about it for now. Night all.

Eat Your Grapes…. They Keep You Regular!

I heard that phrase like 100,000,000 times this weekend…. but it was a GREAT weekend!

I can’t remember the days that we did everthing on, but here’s a brief list of the shit:

Koffi

Living Desert

Shopping

Gay Mart

Shopping

Botanical Garden

Zoo

Date Festival

and more Shopping.

We also went to the club house for dinner one night and ate out a lot… The bill for us at the club house was $115!! It was insane.

I really loved that area though, it was so pretty even though it rained a lot.

And my aunt is a drunk, a HUGE drunk it was hilarious!

Anyways, took my SECUR test today… Missed it by 5 fucking points.. I was so mad after that… Though it’s a HELL of a lot better then I thought I was doing on the test… I swore I was going to get like 60% on it or something, so getting 85.5% is a hell of a lot better. Though it sucks ass cause I have to pay for the $125 dollars now cause I failed it. 🙁

Umm, not too much else going on with my life. Starting a hard core diet now, fewer calories and more working out. I did my upper body today and it hurts like a mo-fo already!

Well, laters all. Work calls.

4-day weekend.

I really don’t want to be at workright now. The weekend was so nice and relazxing and I was back on a night time sleep schdule and everything. It was great.

Besides the little fuck up with the hotel, and a bit of an annoyance finding dinner, and then screaming at Ty when I had to park forever away Saturday in San Diego was fun. Though I need to go back and actually spend the night and get everything done that I want to do.

Andrew and I found the bath house in hillcrest though. I want to go, but I’m really scared at the same time. I think it’d be funny to just go in and look around.

Seawolrd was alright, though I’m not sure if the year pass will be worth it. Though I suppose now that I have it, I’ll have to make use of it. I just wish there was more places you could go watch the big animals. Fuck all the little things you can see at any fucking zoo. Bah! Though feeding the sea lions looked fun. They’re so cute.

Thursday and friday were both very relazing. Hanging out wiht people and just not doing anything in general. Not like every other day I don’t every do anything, but whatever. It’s all the same.

I did get very pissed at Ty this weekend though. Mostly because of the parking situation when I got home saturday. I had to park all the way up Alicia, just under a mile from my apartment. And I get home and find out that Chris has the pass in his truck and he’s parked in the spot. This just really annoys me because they do that all the time. Either chris has the pass and is parked i nthe spot or Ty has it and is parked in a green and I’ve asked them many times that if they are going to HAVE the pass then to use it. Not just come home and immedietly park in the spot or whatever. I thikn it’s only fair that I get use of the spot 50% of the time since I pay rent. But whatever. I was just really pissed off already that night and it was the third night in a row that I had to park all the fucking way up there. Gah!

But anyways, I went off on Ty about that and then about Chris paying rent/utilities. Apparently Chris DOES pay rent, though I doubt he pays Ty much. That really doesn’t affect me any though so I don’t care, as what i’m paying is very fair for what I get. The thing that really annoys me is that Chris DOESN’T pay any utilities. And he comes home EVERY night and washes/Dries hiis ONE TOWEL. which is a HUGE waste of energy and costs ME money. He also showers/uses the lights and everything else. Which costs ME money. I think he should be paying 1/3 of the utilities since he DOES LIVE THERE.

Ty came back with the fact that JonJon is over a lot and that maybe he should pay utiliies, which is completely UNFAIR. First he doesn’t do laundry there, second and mostly he DOESN”T LIVE THERE. He doesn’t have a key and he’s NOT THERE when I’m not there. So it’s not like he’s using any extra utilities. Every utilitie he uses is also consumed by me, because wether he’s there or not, I WOULD BE there at that time.

AND, he has cleaned our apartment/done dishes/etc. WAY more then CHRIS ever has. So I think that Ty saying JonJon should pay utilities is completely unfounded.

Needless to say, Sunday I spent looking for apartments. I didn’t find anything good in the paper though. Prrobably because it’s so close to the end of the month that everything is already rented out for Nov. I figure the first sunday of the month is probably the best time to look. So I’m going to do that.

I really want my own place, but at the same time I want to save that money. If only I could find a roommate that I can get along with. JonJOn would be a great roomie, if only he were more financially stable. He suggested Dave, who I’ve met a few times and seems to be a nice guy, but I understand he does pot a lot. Whcih I couldn’t stand. It wouldn’t be bad as long as he doesn’t keep it in the apartment. But who knows.

JonJon said he knew of a place in Dana Point that’s $900 for 1bedroom, all utilities included. So I might look into that. But that might be a little to far south for me. I’ll have to put some real thought into this. Though once you add on internet and etc, that would be about 40% of my income, which is higher then it should be. (You’re supposed to only spend 33% of your income on housing).

Umm, today I went and got a membership at 24 hour fitness. We went to the Ultra-Sport up here in Newport Beach. It’s the only one in Southern CA. The cheapest I could get for there was 24 months at $31 a month. But that was for the all club, but it came out to be twice what it was if I got an all club to the club size just one down from the ultra-sport. So that’s what I got 36 months at $20 a month. And the only club I can’t go to is that Ultra-sport. but they gave andrew and I a free one month pass to the ultra-sport.

The girl that gave us the tour was so cute though and so fun. She was new and so confused when it came to signing us up. And she gave us hugs at the end cause we were so patient with her. And her boss was a total ass to her though and I felt bad. I really liked her though. And she gave me a lead for some aparements up here in Newport that might be cheap. I’ll look into those as well.

After that we worked out for a short bit and then went back to Andrews. Ate supper and then Andrew went to his meeting. Came back and shortly after he got back we started playing FFx-2… For some reason I just could not keep my eyes open, so I took a short nap, which ended up being about 3 hours. 🙁 So I wasted the whole night hanging out with him.

He said in his journal that he’s noticed the differences in me. Yes, like i”ve said I’ve changed a lot. And honestly, for the worse. You’re seeing what I was in HS. the depressed state of me.

Umm. I don’t want to be at work right now.

My PU’s bought another batch of 700 trees. She also mentioned going to Mexico, and looking at this property that the Keebler guy bought and stuff. My PU’s are crazy. Oh, I also found it strange that my cousin steven and his girl had a child… I didn’t even know she expecting. maybe I should talk to them more offten.

I also forgot to mention that ty bought another ugly rug.

Long Weekend

I know, it’s been a long time since I posted, and I’m sorry. but it’s been a long weekend.

Thursday I went out with JonJon and gang. Had a great time. mall, petting zoo, walking around, dinner at CheeseCake Factory. I had a really great day. I also bought some really nice smelling oil at the Gift Godess, it’s Vanilla Orange. Yummy! I also want to go back and buy the hemp hand lotion she had. It made my hands really soft!

The day also included swimming, where JonJon got his phone all wet and also watching movies. It was a great time! 🙂

Friday-Saturday was spent with Andrew,we had some good times, some bad times, some nutral times and some really bad times. So it was a very mixed day. He amazingly made it up to 6am, which was good. We also went to this crazy diner at like 2:30 am and had some really good food there. Yummy!

We also spent lots of time watching Gilmore Girls and also talking and everything else. Though I kept getting very annoyed with him because after everything we did it’d be like, “So what now” and he’d be like, ‘Lets talk” and it’s like, what do you want to talk about. Then we’d sit there and stare at each other for a while and I’d get very annoyed.

Saturday night I spent with JonJon. We went up to Long Beach again and I had really good time. Though I got annoyed with JonJon about something stupid and made him leave earlier then he wanted to. But he said it was alright. I got to drive his cougar again though which is TONS of fun! 🙂 I love that car. It’d really been making me want to buy myself a new car. I was thinking an RX-8 or maybe A VW or something. Who knows. In the long run, I’m sure i’ll end up keeping the saturn for another few years. Though she needs some work done to her. The 80+ mph trips between chapman and my apartment have been taking a beatingon her.

JonJon spent the night at my place again cause he was really drunk. I hope that we didn’t wake the roomies again though, cause last time we had because he was being too loud. We keptit down this time though, so I don’t think we did.

Speaking of the roomies. I haven’t seen them in like forever it seems. And I don’t really care/mind. It’s nice to be getitng out of there again.

Oh, so at the party, straight girl was trying to get me to make out with her and touch her boobs and ass and she was telling me I was “sex” which apparently is a very good thing. And then today when I went into ON to return JonJon’s plug apparently the girl that I asked where he was at, was all wierd or something… Well here’s what JonJon said happened: “after u left jenny o came running back to me and was like “HE’S SO CUTE!!! HE ASKED WHERE U WERE AND ALL I COULD DO WAS SMILE!” all loud and giddy”

lol

What crazies. lol

Anyways, today was spent catching up on sleep, cause I didn’t get my full 8 hours Thursday, Friday or Saturday. So I did today. It felt nice.

After I work up, like I said, I returned JonJon’s Plug to him and then went up to Chapman.

Things were alright, though lots of yelling/crying happened. It was bad.

I also told Andrew what I’m feeling about our relationship. I still love him, and I can still see myself getting back together with him eventually. But right now, I’m in a new place and have been really regreting not living up my life in college and HS and would just like time and space to do that right now. I’ve finally made headway in life as to regard to being able to make new friends and stuff and I’m feeling really good. And now I want to have that experience of being able to make out with randoms and go out and party without having to worry about doing something stupid and fucking up my relationship. I guess I’m kinda going through an early mid-life crisis. One in which I just want to relive the last four years as fast as I can. We’ll see how well things work out.

I know it sucks, and I probably wouldn’t have felt this way if he hadn’t broken up with me, but now this is how I feel. And I’m going to go with it. I’ve always regretted so much of my HS life, and I don’t want to regret my College life as much. So now I have the chance to make up for that. So I’m going to.

Anyways, I’m out. I have lots of work to do.

New site is in good progress. Need to still get a few functions working properly. then the DB uploaded and then the pages uploaded and all will be good.

Laters all.