Tag: Iowa

The End

So it’s over. Chris is back in Iowa, and I’m sitting here in my dorm at Chapman, all alone. Saying goodbye last night was uber tough. I don’t even know what to write about anymore….

I feel like I’ve alread written it all.

We both got fairly hysterical saying goodbye. Lots of crying and stuff…. I really didn’t want him to go, I was so afraid to lose him and also to be alone in this big scary place. We stopped crying and just talked and then both got really annoyed w/ the stupid taxi bullshit. Listening to the CD he made me, I started crying in my bed. I had to control myself b/c my roommate was on his bed reading… but I really wanted to just let it all out. I don’t know when I will be able to….. I’m alwasy afraid someone will see me. I need to make a little gay friend who won’t mind if I come to them and cry hysterically.

I talked to him tonight for like a 1/2 hour. Told him about my day and we talked about random stuff, our days etc…. still calling each other honey and baby like its not over. That’s the worst part.. I don’t FEEL like it’s overa. I really don’t. It just feels like he isn’t around and won’t be for awhile. I’m sure when/if the realization sets in that we really are not together, I will go through a really tough period.

I kinda need to stop, I’m getting a bit emotional…. I don’t know if I’ll go to that karaoke thing tonight or not…. I’m not feeling very social..
Where’s my Christopher?
*sigh*
Goodbye

4 Months Is Too Long

I really hope that the next 4 months go by as fast as the last 4 months have.

Lets start off with Monday night. After we got back to the hotel room we were laying in bed and Andrew said that he wanted to make love one more time before he left, since we didn’t get the chance to the other night. So we started making out and everything.

We did make love Monday night, and it was really good. I’m so glad that we shared those emotions and that we were able to do that. I’m so happy that he cared for me so much that we were able to make love, and so passionately, it wasn’t like, Oh, I just want to fuck you it was always, I want to make love to you

We spent a while making love, and it was really great, we did it on the balcony and a few other places in the hotel room. We ended up with him sitting on the back of the chair and me licking his balls, he came all over my face and my chest, it was very nice.

I really wanted him to cum inside me because A) I think that’s more special and B) it feels so much better, but he was wearing a condom, so it wouldn’t have made since. So I choose for him to do it that way.

After we were done making love we cleaned up and then laid in bed talking. He asked what my favorite memory is of our relationship. I couldn’t pick just one, there are so many times that I love, and so many great and wonderfull memories of our relationship, from the trip to Omaha and my G&G’s, to the day at the lake (his and mine, respecitvly). But there are so many other things that I love so much about our relationship. I love every instant we got to spend together, from the time at the mall long before we were dating, that wonderful Friday tradition, to coming to see him at Speech, to his graduation party.

From the trips to Minn, to the trips to Iowa City and then to Kansas City. I only wish we had been able to go to Chicago.

The day at the fair, and the day at Remein gardens.

I loved it all and I can’t pick just one favorite time,

After that I gave him the key to my apartment and the CD that I had made him. He seemed to be really touched by the key gift and I hope that he is. I really don’t like other people having access to my place, and like I said I never gave Adam a key because Inever trusted him enough, or cared for him enough.

With Adam the reason that I never gave him a key was because I never really saw a long future in our relationship and if/when we ever broke up I didn’t want him left with a key in his possession.

With Andrew though I feel comfortable giving him a key, not because he’s half way across the country but because I trust him to do the right thing with it. Because I believe that someday in the future there could be more of a relationship and I want to show him that by giving him a key. I really hope that when he comes back to Iowa he uses it. Because I want him to feel welcome in my home anytime.

After the cryfest that that caused we laid there together and just cuddled. Looking back on that night I really wish that we had talked more, about the history and the future of our relationship. Because I think I would feel better if we had. But as it is, we didn’t. We laid there together and cuddled for the last time, which is very nice too.

Tuesday was a very hard day for me from the time we got up, to the time we broke for the last time, I wanted just hold him and not let him go. I wanted to lay and cuddle with him on his bed and tell him how much he means to me. Tell him how much I really wanted to keep our relationship alive, then to let it die, and just be best friends.

I know it’s the right thing to do, but I really don’t want to do it. I just can’t. He means to much to me. I kept pushing to make a deal about the final cut off time, but he wouldn’t. I think I really needed the closure though. To know that yeah, it’s now over. We’re now just friends. Who happened to have had a wonderful four months of a great relationship.

I’m going to miss him so much, those big dark brown eyes looking at me in the morning’s when we spent the night together, those big lips that he puckered up when he was pouting, those wonderful full black eyebrows, and that sexy eyebrow ring, His jet black spiked hair, that wonderful Enfuego who let me make him cum, and that sexy Mr. Ass who never really did like me.

But most of all I’m going to miss what’s inside him, that wonderful personality that he has. The jokes that he makes, the crazy faces that he’s always wearing, to express how he’s feeling, that cute voice that he always makes when he wants to make a point, there’s just so much to him and so much that makes him who he is. He’s his own person and I love that so much about him. I’m going to miss that so much.

Who do I have now to go to the mall with, to hang out at my house and watch movies, to see on Wed nights to bring my week together.

Who do I have now to rid ein the car with and always listen to the Cranberries, a group that I got him stated on. Who do I have now,.

No one, and I’m so lost and alone now.

I have no one to hold me when I’m feeling down, and I have no one to tell me that things will be better. I have no one to wipe away the tears and no one to go shopping with to help me pick out clothes, I have no one to look forward to seeing on the weekends, and no one to make fun of all the white trash with. I have no one.

I only hope now that he remembers me and that when I get out of school I’ll be able to move out closer to him, because I want to be there. Not only because he’s there, but also because I want to be there. I love that area, and I want to make it my home.

I really hope that we can stay close, and that someday in the future we can be together again.

As We Say Goodbye

Wow, All I’ve got so far is the title, and I’m already starting to cry. I have a feeling this isn’t going to be a happy entry.

Lets start off with the rest of Monday night. We got to the Airport and I waited around for them to get there. Finally they showed up, but then it took forever to get the luggage.

Got to the hotel and dropped off our stuff and then headed out to Target to get stuff fro Andrew’s Dorm room. We found it and then decided to eat, so we stopped at a Subway and got some food. Good times, after that we walked over to Target and got stuff.

Andrew seemed to be getting very annoyed with his mother there. I tried to comfort him some, but I don’t really think it helped much. We got a bunch of stuff and then headed back to the hotel.

Sue’s a very scary driver. Especially when she’s on her cell phone and trying to drive at the same time. I’m surprised she hasn’t killed someone yet!

Back at the hotel, Sue went to bed and Andrew and I went to the hot tub. Sat in there and talked untell some straight boys notice there was a gay couple in there and stated sitting on their balcony and yelling funny things.

Went back to the room after that and sat and talked, we didn’t really talk about much and now I’m really regretting that. There’s so much that I wanted to talk about now, so much that I wanted to say to him to tell him how much he means to me, and how much I’m going to miss him. Anyways, All the gushing is for a private entry, I’ll spare all you that.

About 11 or so we went to bed, though that was really about 2AM New Jersey time, so we were really tired.

Didn’t sleep well at all that night, probably because of my nerves, we both were awake again by 5:30. Again, I would also have to say that has to do with our biological clocks, it would have been 8:30 in New Jersey.

We laid in bed tell 7:30 when Sue called us to see if we wanted to go to breakfast, so we did. Ate and then went back to the room to get ready to go. There was an accident on one of the roads that we needed to take, so Sue insisted on leaving UBER early, we left the hotel about 9:30, even though Andrew didn’t check in tell Noon.

Got there about 10:30, after stopping at a drugstore to get a few things we forgot, and driving around the area. The accident wasn’t.

Once we got there we walked around campus some. It was so pretty there and it makes me REALLY mad that I didn’t get into SDSU, and didn’t apply anywhere else. I really liked it there even though it was a pretty small campus. It was nice and comfy and Andrew should get along great there! All the people were so friendly.

About 11:30 or so we headed over to his dorm and got checked in.

One of his other roommates showed up shortly after we got there and they talked. Both of his roommates seem very nice, though one of them is a Basketball player and the other is a football player. That’ll be semi-nice for Andrew because that will mean they will be gone a lot, for practices and away games, etc. Also they both live fairly close, so I would guess they would go home on some weekends.

The whole move in thing was a mess and I just stayed back out of the way. The parents were all fighting over how the room should be set up and the Kids didn’t care, all very funny. Plus the other two roomies both brought like their WHOLE family with them, there were so many people in the room it was hard to get around.

We broke for lunch about 1ish and it was really good. After that went back to his room and hung out some.

His mom called and got an earlier flight, so she left about 3ish. I tried giving her some money for everything that she’s done for me, but she wouldn’t take it. I eventually got her to, after throwing it at her and then quickly jumping back in the room and locking the door.

After that it was just me and Andrew for a little bit and he set up a lot of his room, he really does well with that, and it was starting to look like someone lived there by the time that I left. Very cute area. I have pictures of it all and I’ll have to post them when I get time. Actually I have close to 150 picutres of the trip. Everyone of them is cute and has a wonderfully story behind it.

We sat around his room forever, him talking to his roommate and setting up.

About 6:30 we went over to the Luau (Spelling??). That was tons of fun, though the food sucked. So we hung out there for about an hour and then went over to a c-store and got some ice cream with his roomie.

After that it was back to the dorm, I sat around while he and everyone else was in meetings. That was alright, I put the pictures that I had on his computer and watched a slide show of them all, set to the music of the CD that I had made him. I cried a lot while he was gone, mostly because I wanted to get it all out before we had to say our final goodbyes that night.

After he got back we headed right out to say our goodbyes. I got a bit annoyed because as we were walking across campus I wanted to hold his hand, it would be the LAST time that I got to walk around with him, and hold his hand, but he didn’t want too. He was too afraid. But I was annoyed because there was NO ONE around to be afraid of, it was just us. Whatever though. I got over it. I didn’t want to ruin our last time together.

I called a taxi at 10, and asked for it to be at the corner of Orange and Palm at 10:30. We had 30 minutes to say goodbye.

Well 10:30 rolled around and we had got most of the crying out of the way and were just waiting around for the taxi to get there,. 10:40, I called the company to find out where the hell my cab was. They said that it had already picked someone up,.

I was SO pissed off, I mean how the hell could it have picked up the wrong person. WE were the ONLY people standing at the corner of Orange and Palm. How in the WORLD could it have picked up the wrong people, so I stated bitching at the guy, mostly because I was very emotional and very stressed out. And the fucker HUNG up on me!

So I called back and just calmly asked for another cab. By that time it was 10:52 or so. The cab finally got there at 11:10 and I got home at 11:30.

I’m very glad that I had a good cab driver though, he talked to me the whole way home, so I didn’t have any time to just sit there and stew about Andrew being gone, about how I had to leave him in this place where he’s all alone. But I’m sure that by that time today, he’ll have made friends.

The ride was $31 dollars though, I couldn’t believe how expensive it was.

Saying goodbye wasn’t has hard as I thought it would be, Don’t get me wrong it was so hard for me to get in that taxi and leave him standing there on the corner by himself. I couldn’t hardly stand it.

And I was very annoyed with myself because while I was waiting for him to get out of his meeting, I though of so much that I wanted to say to him before we left each other, but then as we were standing there saying goodbye, I couldn’t think of any of it. And there still is so much that I want to say to him,.

I still can’t believe though that last night was the last time I’m going to get to see him tell Christmas. The last time, All I have now are the pictures and I just don’t know if I can handle that. I didn’t want him to go. I want him to come back to Iowa.

I can’t believe that when I get back to Iowa, I won’t have him to call up on the weekends and say, Hey want to go out.

I can’t believe that I no longer have such a wonderfull boyfriend. I’ve lost him. And I can only hope that some day our paths will cross again.

This flight home is going to be a long one, and so is theride home for the airport. I don’t know if I can handle that or not. I just want the next 4 months to be over, I want it to be Christmas so that we can see each other again. I want it to be next summer so that we can be together again.

I really really hope that plans work out so that he can be in Ames next summer. And I hope even more that he can get into SDSU. Because now being back in Cali for even these three days I’ve fallen back in love with it.

I remember when I loved it there so much the first time, and now I want to go back and make that my home.

Anyhow, once I got back, was very hard though, staying in the hotel room where just the night before we had been together, and slept in the same bed together. Seeing that he had forgotten his flight stubs, and there was a pair of his underwear in the bathroom. These little reminders of him, made me so sad. I just laid in bed for a while crying.

This morning I got up and checked out. I got a nice driver again for the ride to the airport and I was the only one in the shuttle, so we talked a bit. He was deffinitaly gay and we talked about the area and how great it is to live there.

Got to the airport and the lines were all uber long, though I got through in plenty of time. I only had to wait about a 20 minutes before they stated boarding the plane.

And now here I am, we’ve been in the jet about an hour now, and it’s a 4 hour flight, I’ll be into Detroit about 4:00 Eastern time. I don’t want to be there.

A Day In New York

Well yesterday was very fun. We spent the day in New York City. So much excitement there.

Though it really wasn’t at all what I was expecting. WE got up about 8 and got ready and drove into the city with Sue and John, got there about 10ish and went to Sue’s office. That was fairly interesting. After that we walked out of the office and towards Central Park. Sue showed us where to go and we headed into the park. That was really cool. I was very amazed at how there could be such a huge park in the middle of such a big city!

I was also very amazed at how many people there were in the park running and such. Very interesting. We headed towards the Central Park Zoo and had a good time there it wasn’t as big as I thought it would be, but it had all the major animals that make a zoo, so I guess it counts. So that was fun.

After the zoo we headed back into the park and found this REALLY cool area, where we both declared it would be a great place to hold a wedding. It was so pretty! We sat there and had a hot dog and pop. After that we headed back towards Central Park West and 77th to the Museum of Natural History. We got there and the line was REALLY long. So we stood in it and there was this Indian woman that kept staring at us. Very annoying. We finally got through the line, it cost me only $9 to get in, so that wasn’t too bad.. $3 less then normal admission.

We got in there and walked around forever! It was really really cool, but again, I wasn’t in the mood to sit and read everything. Museums that big need to be a two or three day thing. I really do think so. Again, it was a really cool museum, but about half way through my feet really stated to hurt, so I sat down for a bit. After that they felt better, but we just breezed through the rest of the place. Good times though.

Headed out of there about 3:30 and towards 5th (back through the park again) and then took 5th from 77th down to about 42nd. We stopped in all the crazy expensive shops. It’s so insane that in some of them it’s like $200 or $300 for a fucking t-shirt. Very annoying. And some of the suits were like $1800, and all they were were plain black two button suits. Crazyness. And of course everyone in the stores was UBER bitchy. It’s like, HELLO, why would anyone shop here, people are far too bitchy.

Kept walking and we ran into these people that we’re like, What are you guys following us it was very weird because we had no idea who they were and they were just like randomly talking too us. They claimed to have seen us in the museum and the zoo, then again where we were. Very scary. We crossed the street to avoid them.

The Gap store was closed, the only store that we could afford and it was closed, How sad is that! Grrr.

Anyways, kept walking to 42nd and then took that down to 7th, where times square is. That was really cool to see, I took a panoramic picture of it and hopefully it’ll turn out well.

We shopped a bit more after that, and then headed down 7th where there was this HUGE street fair. Very cool times. We were a bit pressed for time by then, so we didn’t hang out there too much. After that we kinda headed over to 8th and walked down it a bit, Found more porn stores in like a 2 block area then we have in all of Iowa. Very insane! But since we didn’t have time we didn’t go into any of them, very sad!

Once we found 33rd street we looked for the train station, because it was about 6:30 by then. Found what I thought was it, but since it didn’t say Penn Station on it, we didn’t know if that was right, so we walked across the street to Macy’s and asked. It was indeed Penn Station, so we walked down there and couldn’t figure out the trains, so we had to ask this crazy woman. She was very helpful though and we figured it all out.

The little display that had the info on it as to where our train was coming it at (Tracks 1-12, but who knew which track it would be on) didn’t have the track number on it, at about 6:50 it FINALLY got the number on it and everyone that was standing around stated RUNNING like mad men to the train. So Andrew and I were like, we better run too. So we ran through all the people and got to the door for track 12, and found out that all those people were actually running to somewhere else (I’m guessing track 13-21 since they were in the same area). So we got on the train and just picked the first door that we came too, went in and sat down.

My god was that a BAD idea. It was so fucking hot in there, and since we had never been on these trains before we had no idea if it was supposed to have been that hot or not. So we sat there for a while and everyone that came in was like, OMG, it’s HOT

Eventually someone said that it was cooler in the other cars, so we went and sat in the one behind us.

It was very scary sitting on that train though tell it left the station because we had no idea if we were actually on the right train or not. But once the train stated moving they said that it was going to the place that we needed to go to. So that’s good.

The train ride was all right. I tried to sleep, but really couldn’t.

Got home and it was late, we laid around in bed for a bit, then went down and got cheesecake, then came back upstairs and Andrew gave me a message. That was VERY nice 😉

Today we didn’t get out of bed tell like 11, and haven’t done much since. His grandma came over and she was funny. But she didn’t stay long.

Anyways, I’m out, Laters all!

The TurnPike

So yesterday was tons of fun. Though I did get annoyed a few times.

We got up fairly late, compared to what we normally do. It was 9:30. We have been sleeping in everyday since we got here. This can’t be good for my sleeping habits, I wanted to start getting up earlier then I had been, not later! Lol.

Anyways, we got up, got ready and waited around for Erin to get here,

After a bit, Andrew was like, I need to go clean my eyebrow and as soon as he got up stairs, the doorbell rang, and the phone started ringing, so I went and opened the door and assumed that it was Erin. She looked pretty cool, and I introduced myself to her, and such. Then showed her into the living room where Andrew was on the phone.

They hugged and made crazy noises. After that we were off. First went to the mall here, that was nice, and it was pretty cool. This mall is really nice I think. At least compared to the ones we have in DM. We were there for a while and ate lunch there, then headed off to his old school.

That was fairly scary. The school it self seemed pretty run down, at least comparitivly to North Polk. We went in, after taking a pic of Andrew outside, and stated walking down the hall.

We passed the principal’s office and saw that someone was in there, so just hurried on by and kept walking past, We were about half way down the second hall way when we hear this voice from behind us,

Can I help you??
Hi sister Cathleen, we’re just looking around
I can’t allow that
Alright
You need to leave
This is Andrew Mcgee, do you remember him
Oh, hi, . Where are you going to school?
Chapman, in Cali
Well I’m going to have to ask you to leave

She was an uber bitch! I thought religious people were supposed to be more friendly then that.

After that we went back to Erin’s house and got her change then went off to this store, where they have a machine that counts your change for you! This is insanity!

After that back to Erin’s house where we sat around for like an hour waiting for her to get ready/dressed. It was fairly amusing there. Her mom is crazy!

From there it was off to Joe’s house which is in bum-fuck-egypt.

Taking the turnpike was much like driving a busy interstate in Iowa. It really wasn’t that bad after all. Though Erin had never drivin it before and was freaking out. I really wanted to just scream at her and say, Shut up and just calm down, Her constant, OMG, OMG, etc was very annoying. We were on there for about 30 miles or so. Not too bad. If I had known she was going to freak out so much I would have drivin.

After we got off there we had to get onto 68 South. We were driving along and the way we needed to go was on the left. Well we both say that, after we realize it, but it was pushing it. Though she could have easily made it across the lanes to get there.

So we miss the turn for it and she keeps going on the road that we’re on, it was like university or something, not a really busy highway or anything. But Andrew and I were like, just turn left into a business drive and turn around. Well she refused to do that because you Can’t cross a highway. I was very annoyed at that was well because it wasn’t that bad of a highway,

Anyways,. After we FINALLY got turned around we were driving along on and South 68 just randomly ENDS in Fort Dix, Say that ten times fast!

So we go in there and Andrew and I are like, Just ask the guy for directions, but she didn’t do that, she was like, So you need to see and ID and the guy was like, What’s your business

So we drive and drive and eventually get to the right place, then realize we’re on the road we need to be on, so we turn around, but instead of going the way that I said to go, she’s like No we need to go the other way. But we did end up having to go the way that I said we did.

We eventually find the place, after FINALLY pulling over and calling for directions. Though we only had to go like 2 more blocks down the street.

After that he took over driving which was both a relief and also a bit more frustrating because he drove like a crazy mad man!

We finally got to Sea Side about 6ish and walked around. It was so much fun there, we ate Zeppoles, and pizza and ice cream and I got Salt Water Taffy, and it was so much fun!

There were tons of neat little shops along the boardwalk, and they were having fireworks and we just hung out all night. About 8:30 or so we finally went down on the beach and sat on a blanket and watched the fireworks and made out. It was so cute!

And I do have to say that Andrew and I were the cutest gay couple on the whole beach! Lol.

Once the fireworks were over Andrew and I went for a walk along the beach. It was so cute! We held hands and walked along the shore line and just talked and listened to the waves breaking. So uber cute!

We stood there on the beach talking about how much we’re going to miss each other, and I stated to cry. But held it back. After a bit we went back to the blanket and got our stuff and then went off. We shopped a bit more and then headed out, Even more drama on the ride home. Though Andrew and I slept most of the way. They got lost coming back and it took us like twice as long to get home from the beach as it did to get there. Very annoying. We got home shortly after 1AM.

Once we got home we went right to bed because we were both very tired,.

This morning for some reason about 5:30 or so Sue came into our room and turned on the light and let the dogs in and then yelled at them, It’s like, HELLO, people SLEEPING! We weren’t loud when we came in last night, so why are you being loud this morning!

We finally got up about 9:30 or so, Andrew sat on the bed playing video games and I slept for a bit longer because I was really tired.

I don’t know why, but this whole week I’ve been really tired all week this week. I mean like every day I’ve just been like I’m so tired

Whatever.. Today we were supposed to go over to Andrew’s Dad’s house and spend the day with Mary and the boys, and then go out with his dad after he got off work. Though apparently Mary has a play date, and can’t cancel or something? Who knows. So we’re sitting here all day waiting for his dad to get off work so that we can go with him. I think the plan is to go mini-golfing.

I’m still in awe that I’m in New Jersey.. Very crazy,.

Laters all!