I really hope that the next 4 months go by as fast as the last 4 months have.
Lets start off with Monday night. After we got back to the hotel room we were laying in bed and Andrew said that he wanted to make love one more time before he left, since we didn’t get the chance to the other night. So we started making out and everything.
We did make love Monday night, and it was really good. I’m so glad that we shared those emotions and that we were able to do that. I’m so happy that he cared for me so much that we were able to make love, and so passionately, it wasn’t like, Oh, I just want to fuck you it was always, I want to make love to you
We spent a while making love, and it was really great, we did it on the balcony and a few other places in the hotel room. We ended up with him sitting on the back of the chair and me licking his balls, he came all over my face and my chest, it was very nice.
I really wanted him to cum inside me because A) I think that’s more special and B) it feels so much better, but he was wearing a condom, so it wouldn’t have made since. So I choose for him to do it that way.
After we were done making love we cleaned up and then laid in bed talking. He asked what my favorite memory is of our relationship. I couldn’t pick just one, there are so many times that I love, and so many great and wonderfull memories of our relationship, from the trip to Omaha and my G&G’s, to the day at the lake (his and mine, respecitvly). But there are so many other things that I love so much about our relationship. I love every instant we got to spend together, from the time at the mall long before we were dating, that wonderful Friday tradition, to coming to see him at Speech, to his graduation party.
From the trips to Minn, to the trips to Iowa City and then to Kansas City. I only wish we had been able to go to Chicago.
The day at the fair, and the day at Remein gardens.
I loved it all and I can’t pick just one favorite time,
After that I gave him the key to my apartment and the CD that I had made him. He seemed to be really touched by the key gift and I hope that he is. I really don’t like other people having access to my place, and like I said I never gave Adam a key because Inever trusted him enough, or cared for him enough.
With Adam the reason that I never gave him a key was because I never really saw a long future in our relationship and if/when we ever broke up I didn’t want him left with a key in his possession.
With Andrew though I feel comfortable giving him a key, not because he’s half way across the country but because I trust him to do the right thing with it. Because I believe that someday in the future there could be more of a relationship and I want to show him that by giving him a key. I really hope that when he comes back to Iowa he uses it. Because I want him to feel welcome in my home anytime.
After the cryfest that that caused we laid there together and just cuddled. Looking back on that night I really wish that we had talked more, about the history and the future of our relationship. Because I think I would feel better if we had. But as it is, we didn’t. We laid there together and cuddled for the last time, which is very nice too.
Tuesday was a very hard day for me from the time we got up, to the time we broke for the last time, I wanted just hold him and not let him go. I wanted to lay and cuddle with him on his bed and tell him how much he means to me. Tell him how much I really wanted to keep our relationship alive, then to let it die, and just be best friends.
I know it’s the right thing to do, but I really don’t want to do it. I just can’t. He means to much to me. I kept pushing to make a deal about the final cut off time, but he wouldn’t. I think I really needed the closure though. To know that yeah, it’s now over. We’re now just friends. Who happened to have had a wonderful four months of a great relationship.
I’m going to miss him so much, those big dark brown eyes looking at me in the morning’s when we spent the night together, those big lips that he puckered up when he was pouting, those wonderful full black eyebrows, and that sexy eyebrow ring, His jet black spiked hair, that wonderful Enfuego who let me make him cum, and that sexy Mr. Ass who never really did like me.
But most of all I’m going to miss what’s inside him, that wonderful personality that he has. The jokes that he makes, the crazy faces that he’s always wearing, to express how he’s feeling, that cute voice that he always makes when he wants to make a point, there’s just so much to him and so much that makes him who he is. He’s his own person and I love that so much about him. I’m going to miss that so much.
Who do I have now to go to the mall with, to hang out at my house and watch movies, to see on Wed nights to bring my week together.
Who do I have now to rid ein the car with and always listen to the Cranberries, a group that I got him stated on. Who do I have now,.
No one, and I’m so lost and alone now.
I have no one to hold me when I’m feeling down, and I have no one to tell me that things will be better. I have no one to wipe away the tears and no one to go shopping with to help me pick out clothes, I have no one to look forward to seeing on the weekends, and no one to make fun of all the white trash with. I have no one.
I only hope now that he remembers me and that when I get out of school I’ll be able to move out closer to him, because I want to be there. Not only because he’s there, but also because I want to be there. I love that area, and I want to make it my home.
I really hope that we can stay close, and that someday in the future we can be together again.