So it’s over. Chris is back in Iowa, and I’m sitting here in my dorm at Chapman, all alone. Saying goodbye last night was uber tough. I don’t even know what to write about anymore….
I feel like I’ve alread written it all.
We both got fairly hysterical saying goodbye. Lots of crying and stuff…. I really didn’t want him to go, I was so afraid to lose him and also to be alone in this big scary place. We stopped crying and just talked and then both got really annoyed w/ the stupid taxi bullshit. Listening to the CD he made me, I started crying in my bed. I had to control myself b/c my roommate was on his bed reading… but I really wanted to just let it all out. I don’t know when I will be able to….. I’m alwasy afraid someone will see me. I need to make a little gay friend who won’t mind if I come to them and cry hysterically.
I talked to him tonight for like a 1/2 hour. Told him about my day and we talked about random stuff, our days etc…. still calling each other honey and baby like its not over. That’s the worst part.. I don’t FEEL like it’s overa. I really don’t. It just feels like he isn’t around and won’t be for awhile. I’m sure when/if the realization sets in that we really are not together, I will go through a really tough period.
I kinda need to stop, I’m getting a bit emotional…. I don’t know if I’ll go to that karaoke thing tonight or not…. I’m not feeling very social..
Where’s my Christopher?