A Night Out

So last night was alright, I was really pretty upset and annoyed, but that was because of my headache. And the fact that Dustin had just felt like inviting Daniel along on this whole thing.

Well, alright, lets go back abit. When I said that I wanted to go out to spagehhti works, I meant that it was supposed to be a nice little romantic dinner, just the two of us. When he told me that Dustin was coming along. I was fine with that, because I had another dinner planned for Saturday afternoon. So it was fine that he came, because I know that Andrew and Dustin hadn’t had much time together this summer, so it would have been a nice time for him to catch up and all.

Then I find out that Michael was coming, which annoyed me some, but still alright because, well he is Dustin’s BF.

Anyways, supper was good. Though not the best Italian I’ve had, but still good. And thanks to Drew Bear for paying for me!

After supper we broke and went to Java Joe’s, Andrew met a TON of other people that he knew and spent most of the night talking to them. After a bit, Scott was coming down and it was getting loud, which meant my headache was getting worse. So Dustin came up with the great Idea to go to the Homeless shelter thing? To see Linda. Very strange, so we all walked over there and just as we were getting there, when James, and gang showed up. So we didn’t get to talk to Linda hardly at all. Though I really would have liked to.

We hung out there for a while and then headed back to Java’s. We were all very tired so we broke once we got there. Andrew and I came home. There was a bit of drama. Though that was covered in a private post.

We spent the night together, and that was nice. This morning he got up and left around 7:45 or so. I stayed in bed, and tried to sleep some more. Though it was really hard to because it’s very scary trying to sleep in that big bed, in this big house by myself. It’s even harder since it’s not my own house.

I finally got up about 10 and showered, shaved, etc. Then I did some laundry and now I’m stiting here writing this and watching Lucy. Good times.

Hopefully today will be alright. Andrew’s going out with Courtney and Jean after work. Which annoys me a just a tad bit. But then he’s coming home, and we’re going to do something with someone from then tell 7. From 7-9 I have him claimed for a bit of a surprise.

Anyways, I’m out. Laters all!

A Lunch Date

You know, right now I don’t know who to be more annoyed at. Courtney or Andrew.

Today’s the second time in a week that she’s tried to take away from the time that Andrew and I ALWAYS spend together. It’s getting pretty annoying.

At first the plans were for him to go over to Courtney’s house, and have lunch there. I really wasn’t that upset about it though because it was her mom that was wanting to cook him a dinner. I can understand why I wouldn’t be invited to that. It was her families food, etc.

Well now the plan is that him, Courtney and Jean from work are going to go out to a resturant for lunch. This fairly annoys me more. I don’t see why I couldn’t have been invited to go out to the resturant as well. I mean, it’s not like I’d be a HUGE inconvience, or ruin their together time.

You know, back a couple weeks ago, something happened where someone wanted him to do something on a weekend, and only him. But he told them no because it was our time together. But now he’s just making plans without me.

Though, I know, or at least am pretty sure, he’s not doing it on purpose. Last night he read my private entry from the other day. And just broke down crying.

I couldn’t tell though what kind of crying it was, and he wouldn’t talk to me about it. So I had no idea if he was crying because he was upset that I felt that way, or if he was upset because it was true, or what.

I just really feel like shit lately. I feel like I’m putting way to much pressure on him, and taking away to much of his time from other people. Though I think that I’m justified in asking for the time together.

I really want our last few days together here in Iowa to be great. I’ve had so much planned, but I have a feeling that some of those things will get ruined because I’m a bit upset about the way that I’m acting.

Also another thing about the way that he’s acting. The other day when we were in the mall I went to hold his hand, and he pulled away from me. Then I tried kissing him on the check and pulled away again. I asked him what the problem was and he said that he felt uncomfortable doing that in public. But the thing is that we’ve held hands/kissed in that mall tons of times before. I just don’t see what the difference was that day. I was just a bit saddened by that.

Last Update

Well this will probably be my last update tell I get back from Jersey/LA.

The last couple days have been very emotional and also very aggravating.

Andrew’s thought about not going to college, we’ve talked about where our relationship is going, etc, etc.

Last night I spent the night trying to watch the Lucy show, but ended up just crying the night away. I also packed, hopefully I didn’t forget anything.

We’ve decided to put end our relationship once he leaves, very sad. But I think it’s the right thing to do. I mean really how many long distance relationships work out? Hopefully someday we’ll meet up again and be able to get back together, maybe not. It was a very hard thing to do, and it hurts me a lot. But like I said, I think it’s the right thing.

Today we had a bit of a fight though about something very stupid, and I feel horrible now for bringing it up, though I think it needed to be talked about. We also are going to talk more tonight about things.

Weekend is packed with activies, hopefully they will all go well and there won’t be too much crying, etc.

Anyways, I will be taking a laptop with me, so I will be writing many updates. They will all get posted after I get back sometime.

Here’s my flight schedule:

08/11/03
CO2845 — Des Moines, IA (DSM) 16:00  TO
                New York/ Newark Liberty, NJ (EWR) 19:30

08/18/03
CO564 — New York/ Newark Liberty, NJ (EWR) 10:40 TO
                Houston/ George Bush, TX (IAH) 13:18

CO259 — Houston/ George Bush, TX (IAH) 14:40 TO  
                Orange County, CA (SNA) 16:08

08/20/03
CO5390 — Orange County, CA (SNA) 08:40 TO
                Detroit, MI (DTW) 16:01

CO7525 — Detroit, MI (DTW) 18:57 TO
                Des Moines, IA (DSM) 19:40

And I’m out…

A Simple Phone Call

So I’m pretty fucking pissed off right now.

Last night I spent the night at home, alone. Packing and getting ready to go on this trip. I was in a very emotional, spent most of the night trying to watch Lucy, but just crying.

I really didn’t want to call Andrew, mostly because I would have just broken down crying on the phone with him, but also because I wanted to see if he would call me.

I call every Thursday night, and every night that he goes out with his friends. If he’s not online by the time that I get ready to go to bed. I just give him a quick 5 minute phone call to say goodnight and wish him a happy evening.

I didn’t do this at first in our relationship, and he got mad that I never called him. Well tonight he didn’t call me.

I’m sorry if this sounds like an unreasonable request. I realize that it’s the last time he’ll see two of his best friends, but I think that he could have taken 5 minutes to give me a call, just to say goodnight to the person that he supposedly loves.

You know, I don’t really ask for much in this relationship. I’m here and I typically will go with anything. The only time that I’ve ever really had a problem with going with his plans was when we were to go out with the girls last Friday night. But since I was a good bf, or at least trying to be. I was going to give it a shot.

But I don’t think that this is an unreasonable request, to take 5 minutes, he had enough time to call SDSU, but not enough time to call me and say goodnight. I’m sure he had time once he got home to do stuff online, but not enough time to call me.

I’m sorry, but that just really hurts. There’s been a few other things lately that have been hurting me as well. Some of it makes me think if he really does feel the same way that I do.

For examply, he hardly ever asks me how my day was. That typically the first thing I try and ask him. Because I want to know how his day went, I want to know what kind of mood he’s in. And if something went wrong during the day, I want to be there to try and solve the problem.

Lately he really hasn’t been there for me.

Everything Hates Me

Ok, so this’ll be a private update, mostly because I don’t know how much info will get released…

Yesterday was pretty good. I spent the day working and worked alot.

I got a shit load of stuff done. Finally got that user account info that I wanted, and a few other things done. Spent a lot of time on Vermont, etc.

Went home and watched Gilmore girls while I spent some time unpacking a large box of shit that I took from home. After that it was Boy Meets Boy and then Queer Eye.

I didn’t really get to see too much of them though because I was uber excited about Andrew’s possible news of him wanting to switch colleges. He said that he might want to go somewhere else after a semester, or so. And currently he said that he his top pick is SDSU. Which is where I applied to, and REALLY wanted to get into.

Also that job offer, etc was there. lol.

I have also been thinking about that a lot lately, about where I want to move when I graduate, and that was my first choice. So it’s exciting that perhaps, and I think right now it’s a BIG perhaps because SDSU is hard to get into, that Andrew and I might end up in the same city a year from now.

Now, hopefully this talk tonight goes well. I really want to just hurry up and get it over with, so that I can be heartbroken faster. I’ve been dreading it all day. I know that it’s going to be bad.

I still have yet to make up my mind as to what I want with it all. I see the positives and the negatives on both sides, really. And it’ll be hard no matter what happens.

I don’t really want to get into my thinking of the whole situation here though incase he reads it before we have the talk.

And what’s even harder is that he keeps sending mixed signals about what he wants… If only he would send ONE Signal so that I could prepare myself properly!

In other news, today’s been emotionally hard. I’ve had a couple break downs in my office, tears and all were involved. Nothing too bad. Though I think the Thursday after I get back it will be.

I just can’t believe that the summer is coming to a close so quickly. It seems like just a few weeks ago that Andrew and I hooked up, that all the drama happened with Adam. Where’d my summer go, and what the hell did I do with it all…

Oh, I worked and went to school. Sure I had a TON of great memories with Andrew… Things that I’ll never forget. But my summer was pretty much wasted working away. I don’t see how people can do it. The whole coporate thing. It just sucks.

Anyways, I’m done bitching.

Lates all.