Not Published – Page 31

Heading Home

Well, when it rains it pours. I found myself booking tickets yesterday afternoon and am on my way back to Iowa now.

I am currently in Houston. What a perfect stop over.

My grandpa has been in and out of stuff for the last month. This past week it’s gotten much worse. He’s in hospice care now. Yesterday they were saying he wouldn’t make it through the night. I just didn’t know what to do stay and work or try and make it home. I called my boss and explained to him that things weren’t good.

He said, “Go home and just work from there”. So I will be in Iowa till June 1st.

I love my grandpa. He’s been an amazing person in my life, he’s taught me so much, been there for me and it’s been so sad over the past few years to see him getting less and less active. We all knew this was coming, but we thought it would be a while yet. This has all come on so fast.

Anyone who knows me well knows how much I talk about my grandpa and how much I look up to him. I just wish this wasn’t happening. I wish I had had a little more time to go back and be with him while he was still able to comprehend what was going on…

The weekend itself had some ups and downs, but that’s all suited for another entry, another time.

Tuxedo has been FOUND!

I found Tuxedo!

It’s been a week since I’ve seen him. I wish he could talk to tell me where the fuck he’s been all this time and what he’s been doing.

Yesterday morning I left my apartment and noticed my car was COVERED in cat prints. I was wondering what was up with that.

Behind where I park my car, I still have my TV box which is huge. Inside that I have a ton of other boxes from random stuff that I’ve purchased over the years. On top of that is a screen from the window in my house. When I got home yesterday, I noticed the screen was all messed up. So I start looking around and calling Tux’s name. I hear a faint Meow and dig through the box and there he was laying in the bottom all curled up.

Yay he’s been found! 🙂 I was beginning to lose hope that he would be found.

Lone Pine Trip

This weekend was very long and yet tons of fun!

Friday I got up early and headed out to Pasadena to pick up this guy Jimmy, from there we headed up to Canyon Country to meet up with George, Jason, Merot and Lewis. Headed from there up to Red Rock Canyon. Hung out there for a little bit and did some running around. Nothing to crazy.

After that we drove from there up to Fossil Falls for some rock climbing. We setup up at the top of the canyon and then rappelled down. I did some pretty good climbing, I was very impressed with myself. One of the climbs that I did you had to climb up to this small ledge about 15 feet off the ground, and then the rock comes out over your head. You have to put your hand in this little slot in the rock and make a fist to lock it in there, then pull yourself up while trying to get your feet into this tiny hole that was about waist level. From there you have to get both your hands up over this rock and then pull yourself the rest of the way up. I made it up that, but fell just as I was trying to make the last move to get my feet up on top of the ledge. 🙁 It was our last climb, so I’m very impressed I even made it that far.

From there we headed out to this place called Dirty Sock. It was this very interesting hot spring pool out in the middle of no where. It was really weird because when we would throw in a rock, it would bubble and create this neat fizzing sound. After that we headed up to Lone Pine and at dinner at this little cafe and then went to the GHETTO hotel. There were 6 people in our one room.

Saturday we got up at 5am and started a 13 mile hike across the desert! We started in a little town called Keeler, CA and then hiked somewhere between 10 and 13 miles across the salt flats/desert/swamp to get back towards Lone Pine. It was a lot of fun to do and not as hard as I thought it would be. The weather was wonderful. There were these two little kids with us who were lots of fun, but they were very slow so I stayed back with them for a little bit and sang old scouting songs with them and told stories. Sadly I can’t remember any of the good scouting songs any more so that didn’t last very long.

From there we headed up to the Obsidian Domes up by Mammoth lakes. On the way there we stopped at Erick Schats that was kind of hard for me up there because that was the bakery that Constantine and I stopped at on our way back from Mammoth Lakes, and played a big part in my realization that I loved him… It was there, at that bakery that I looked at him and said to myself. “Oh my god, I love this guy.” … Ugh. Anyways, there was lots of snow on the domes which was fun!

We headed down from there and went to this place called Hot Creek sadly it was closed currently to swimming, but it was still very pretty. Wish we could have got in.

That night we to this crazy party in a small town called Darwin. It was very strange and very scary. Everyone was wearing these weird ass costumes and shit. I felt like we were going to be killed!

After that I drove back to the hotel and hung out with Alisa, Edder and Matt for a while and we had a drink. Went to bed and got up at 6am to drive back. We did a lot of random driving to strange places. We stopped somewhere that morning, but I can’t remember exactly where, drove through Trona and then stopped at a tiny little ghost town run by these two crazy hicks. They let the children shoot black powder rifles. They also had what they claimed was Charles Manson’s old truck. Stopped off in Atolia as well which was fun, but they put up fences around everything since the last time Constantine and I were there. So that’s sad.

Overall it was a really great trip and I’m really glad that I went.

In sad news though, Tuxedo is missing. He’s been gone since Friday Morning for sure, but maybe even since Thursday afternoon. I left my door open while I was packing up my car. I do this a lot, and have never had problems before. Friday morning I went to say goodbye to my kitties and couldn’t find him anywhere! I spent nearly 30 minutes outside calling for him and looking for him, but I just don’t know where he is at. 🙁 I am hoping that he’ll come back. I have put food out and will be putting up posters later today.

I stayed home from work this morning and am working from home. I’m also watching this movie Wild Tigers I have Known. I KNOW that I’ve seen this movie before, but I cannot remember where or who I saw it with. Very annoying.

So that’s about it.

You can download the tracks with pictures of the weekend for google earth here. I’ll update this post when the pictures are all uploaded as well.
UPDATE:// Photos are now posted on the photodump.

Adios.

Love Cycles…

I was reading a while back that there are now more single people then there are married couples. Which makes me really sad. The higher divorce rates, the broken families, the kids with only one parent. This is not the way we should be as a society. 30’s is the new 20’s, but it’s not really.

As we go through these love cycles. Dating/breakup/dating/breakup. I love you, I’m not in love with you. Our hearts get broken, they heal some, but we’re never fully back to the way we once were. Think back to your first love. How did you feel about them? Weren’t you totally infatuated with them, thought the world would never go on without them. Sure, most of that was probably just being young and stupid. But really, isn’t that maybe part of being in love?

When you’re young, you are more willing to change. You haven’t started your life alone yet. You don’t have your set ways of doing things, dishes go here, knives go in the rack this way, towels have to be folded like this, dinner is at such and such time. You are you, but you have not set these annoying traits that will probably stick with you for the rest of your life.

Our first love you’re open and vulnerable, you give that person everything, you trust them fully. You’re not afraid to tell them that you love them or that they mean so much to you. But when it’s all over. That person takes a little bit of your trust with them, a little bit of your heart. You eventually get over it and move on. Maybe in a few days, maybe in a few weeks, maybe it takes years. Your next love comes along and you open up to them. But how do you really feel about them?

You’re not as trusting as you once were, you’re not as infatuated, you’re not as emotionally open. You’re starting to get those traits built into you as you live your life. You’re not as willing to to compromise to make them happy. You’re only out to fulfill yourself and not fully about making each other happy.

As we move from relationship to relationship, fuck to fuck, love to love. Each of those takes a little bit of your heart, a little bit of your trust, a little bit of your lust. Until when? Until what? What are you left with?

As we age as we love as we loose; we become rigid, cold and hard. We’re unwilling to make those sacrifices that we once were. My life is all about me now. My way of doing things, my way of living, my way of loving.

Eventually we find someone. Someone we do care about and love, someone that will do for a while, but what’s left of us to give to that person? We’ve become bitter and emotionally lost from our previous bad experiences. We don’t share as much as we should between each other, we don’t trust one another 100%, we don’t make love, we fuck. That may last a year, 5 years, 10 years. But will it last forever.

Will our generation ever see the love that our grandparents have? Will we all be celebrating our 50 years together, or our 50 years apart?

Our love is never ending, but it’s also limited.

Today, we’re to willing to just throw away love. Our spark is dying, so I don’t love you any more. We have a few fights, so I don’t love you any more. I’m not as attracted to you as I once was, so I don’t love you any more. It’s to much work, so I don’t love you any more… So what is love?

Moving On…

What a busy weekend.

This weekend I had to keep myself busy or else I would have gone crazy thinking about Const and what not.

So Friday I got home from work and went up to Santa Monica, hit the gym for a long time and then met up with Chad for dinner and a Movie. We say No Intelligence Allowed. It was actually really interesting. Although not as good as I was hoping it would be. There’s a section about ISU in there too. After that I drove home and picked up Jason and then we met up with Chad, Ronnie and some other people at The Factory in WeHo. Had a really fun night of dancing and drinking. Got home about 2:30 and saw that Const was online. It was 4:30am there! WTF is he doing online! So I freaked out, mostly cause I was drunk off my ass and started talking to his friend Tim and being all sad and annoying with him. He was actually very nice and said some nice stuff. But he also said, “Const isn’t as innocent as he seems”… WTF does that mean!? Ugh. Anyways. I went to bed at about 4am and only slept for a few hours. Laid in bed and read a book most of the time.

Got up Saturday and went over to Jason’s and hung out with him, Vince and Jack all day. Jack was very cute and funny. Crazy kids. The first thing we did was drop off some stuff at the Hazardous waste disposal place. They were wearing like HAZMAT suits and shit. You’d think they were accepting Nuclear waste, not just electronics and old paint! It was very funny. Went over to Torrance Airport for a while and hung out with this guy who has an old Waco. Went back to Jason’s after that and we were going to replace his water heater. But the thing is so old that the drain was all clogged up, so we couldn’t get the heater to drain. And WHO puts a water heater on the second floor?!?

Came home after that and took a nap then headed back to Santa Monica to meet up with Jess, we went and saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall which was VERY funny. Lots of male frontal nudity which was surprising, the guy has a HUGE cock! Scary! lol. After that we went out to a bar in Santa Monica and had a few beers and chatted and had a great time. I got home about midnight and went straight to bed.

Sunday I got up at 5:30 and headed out to Devil’s Punchbowl to meet up with the guys for some climbing. Little did I know what I was getting into out there. We did what’s called Lead Climbing. Something I’ve never done before, so it was a bit nerve racking. We ended up about 150 in the air and then having to repel down the side. Again something I haven’t done in a LONG time and never from such a height, so it was very nerve racking. After that we went out to lunch at this place called Charlie Brown Farms which had delicious Buffalo burgers and I bought some Wild Boar Sausages.

Got home about 5 and my friend CJ came over and we hung out for a few hours watching TV, he left and I hung out and did some random stuff. Const called me at like 9:30 and we talked for a little bit. We are going to try talking every Sunday just to try and keep the friends going and communication open.

Friday I also downloaded the new Counting Crows album. Very good. I suggest getting it. 🙂

Rock Climbing photos.