Tag: picture

Blakes Bad News

So I just got some bad news from Blake.

Apparently he’s got a tumor on his lung, which they think may spread to his heart. That would really suck. I guess they are really going to up his treatments now or something. I’m not really sure. He said he would explain in more detail later.

This makes me really sad, to the point that I’m almost ready to break into tears. I’m sure if I weren’t at work I would be crying. This is bad news. Ever since he told me that he has cancer, I’ve been hoping that he pulls through. I mean, he was a good friend by that time, and it’d suck to lose even a friend, but now that I’m falling in love with him or maybe even in love with him. That’ll suck even more. I want to do something, I wish there was something that I could do for him!

But there’s nothing. 🙁 Not a fucking thing I can do for him, except to sit here and watch him die infront of me.

Fuck you god! Fuck you.

Why do these things have to happen.

I also wish that I could bring pictures to work… I wish I could have it like I did at Krell where I covered my wall with pictures of friends. 🙁 Fuck me for being gay.

You know god, if you’re going to be so evil as to take away Blake, take me too, ya? I’m sick of being gay, and I’m sick of this world!

Issue 1

So I think I’ve made a decision about Blake’s number one issue…

I don’t think I’m going to let it effect me in any way. And if he dies because of cancer, then I’ll just have to live with that. I really like him and think that there might be something there that can work out in the long run. I mean, he was so amazing. I haven’t felt like this since andrew and I started.. Honestly. I mean even after this short weekend together I find myself thinking about him all the time.. And not to sound creepy but I like to look at his pictures and just sit there and think about him. And I missed him when he was gone.

So yeah, I think that if something were to happen.. and then he passed. I’d be happier in the long run then if nothing happened. Because at least then I can say, I had this great boyfriend… (Well hopefully he’ll be a great boyfriend. haha).

But I really hope that he can pull through. I guess only time will tell.

Ab Fab Weekend

Ok, well I was going to update more about my weekend tomorrow.. but I have a feeling I won’t have time.. And plus I’m bored now, so why not! haha.

So, lets see..

Friday, i got home from work and hung out here for a while. Then JonJon came over and dropped off my key. We talked for a while and then I took him out to dinner because I promised him dinner for taking care of the kitties. On the way out I was leaving my apartment building and this stupid bitch woman screamed at me for “driving too fast”. I was already in a bit of a pissy mood and she had been giving me an evil look, so I screamed at her, and we got into a Bitch, Jerk” yelling contest. She threatened to turn me into the office and I was all, “Go for it bitch”. I thought it was really funny and I enjoyed yelling at the stupid bitch. How I miss ames where people KNOW how to walk when cars are around! When you see one coming.. Don’t fucking STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and stare at them….. GET YOUR FUCKING FAT ASS MOVING!

You see, in Ames… Although it’s well known that peds have the right of way no matter where they are (IE, in the middle of a four lane road, or just crossing through a road on campus)… The only time a car will actually yeild to a ped is if the ped is ON or AROUND campus… It’s a survial skill there!

Anyways, we went to greek food and ate… I was kinda annoyed with him because he barely talked to me the whole dinner…. So yeah. Whatever. He’s always calling me and IMing me and being like. ‘Lets hang out” and then we do, and he doesn’t talk to me.. WTF?

After that I came home.. I had been invited out to a few places friday night but decided I was tired and really not in a social mood. So I stayed in and watchd some tv and had a good time.

Saturday I walked to the grocery store and bought some wine, bananas, pudding, and a pie crust… I came home and made the pie… Needless to say, that was 8am.. The pie was gone by 10pm! haha… Next time I make a pie, I’m going to do a “day in the life of a pie” it’ll be hilarious! And totally random! Anyways.. I spent the rest of the day Saturday cleaning my living room, and bedroom. I finially unpacked all my boxes from Iowa, and set up my shelves in the living room. I’ve had these shelves forever and they’ve been empty for the longest time… But they finially have stuff in them, and I really like it. I should post a picture.

Speaking of pictures.. While unpacking the boxes, I came across a picture at the very bottom of one.. It was from my Philmont trip in 2000.. back when I was 260 pounds…. God I look hidious! If I can find a scanner I’ll scan it in. 🙂

Saturday ngiht I drank my wine and had a good time at home… Oh, I also went to the gym that night. I was in bed by 10.

Sunday I got up and finially got my mythtv box working.. Fucking ‘vesa’ driver. I just had to change it to ‘radeon’… I’m still having problems runnig live TV, but at least recorded shows work now. I also have fallen in LOVE with the web frontend to mythtv.. They’ve had it forever, but I’ve never used it before. It’s amazing! You can set the recording shows, and see what’s been recorded and there’s the TV listings… which I can look at without all the fucking ads that TVGUIDE.com puts on thier site… And the best part is that I’ve deleted all the channels that I can’t understand. And all the relgious channels! haha! (Kinda sad, I deleted chan 23-43)

Anyways, after that I cleaned my kitchen and my bathroom. It was filthy. I even washed the cat’s rug… which was so dirty. It was gross! lol. I made jello for later that night too. Other then that I didn’t do too much on Sunday.. that is till later! 😉

Blake got here about 8:30 and he ate the jello I made.. I had promised him I’d make him jello the first time we hung out, but i forgot. So this time he got it. 🙂 We hung out talking and watching tv till 11ish, at which time he was really tired. (He’d been up since 2am PST). Sounds like he had a really good tim eback in the mid-west… He even went down to New Orleans for a day to help out down there.. He’s such a good boy. haha.

Anyways, he was really tired, so I invited him to just spend the night.. Since we were going to be hanging out on monday anyways. So we went to bed and cuddled till like 2am.. When i finially fell asleep, but sadly that didn’t last for very long. 🙁

It was really nice to have someone to cuddle with in bed again… And he’s so cute and adorable. 🙂 More on that later. 😉

Well, sadly to say, I got my first wake up call at 4:30 this morning from the UK… I was SO ANNOYED though because it was TOTALLY not something URGENT! Grrr. They wanted a new user created, which the CA over there can DO HERSELF! I got the txt page at 4:30 and got online and checked my e-mail to see what it was… I decided to leave it till I got up later that day. Then I went back to bed.. But by that time I couldn’t get back to sleep.. So I layed in bed and cuddled with blake. (He’s got a really big ass, and some HUGE thighs, it’s hot….. PS he bikes like crazy, so they are very muscular. 🙂 )

We layed in bed till about 6 or 6:30 and I finially made him get up.. He went and showered, while I called back the UK… explained to the lady that it was a holiday here and that she can create the account herself. After he was done, I went and showered then we walked down to starbucks and got some coffee… walked back here and then decided what to do for the day.

We ended up going down to Dana Point and San Jaun Capistrano.. I love that area, it’s so pretty.

Dana Point was really nice because the fog was all rolled in, and the sun was peaking through it.. So pretty.. I REALLY wished I had remembered my camera. 🙁 We walked along the beach for a while and talked and then went on up to San Jaun.. There we walked around a part that I had never seen before and after that went to the mission. It’s so pretty there…. We really didn’t spend too much time at the mission, but walked around san juan a little more… after that we went to Ruby’s and ate breakfast.. it was like 10:30 or so.

Ruby’s was really good, I had these cinimon french toast things.. Yummy! But the eggs weren’t cooked all the way and my tummy is feeling a bit upset. 🙁

After Ruby’s we came back to my place and watched “The Wizard of Oz”… He had NEVER seen that movie. I couldn’t belive it… but we cuddled on the couch and talked and… yes, ended up kissing. 🙂 Well anyways.. After the movie he had about an hour before he had to leave to go to UCLA to get some meds and then back home… So we went into my bedroom (the couch isn’t very big)… And just cuddled in my bed and talked and made out some more. 🙂 He’s so adorable (See previously posted pics).

Well he finially left about 2:30ish and I wanted to kiss him goodbye when we were at his car, but I’m always afraid because people here aren’t as open about that sort of thing as we were back in iowa… They’re always afraid of who might see and well I didn’t ask him before hand so I didn’t want to risk making him made. So we just hugged and talked and he said that he wouldn’t be online tuesday because he’s got a doc appointment, so who knows when I’ll talk to him next.

I really hope he had as much fun as I did….

There are however two issues with him… The first one is very sad and VERY private, so I won’t talk about it here, but I wanted to say something so that I remmeber for furture times.. Number 2 is that he lives in Bakersfield…. for those of you NON-OC people, that’s about 2.5 hours away from me.. On some of the busiest parts of LA freeways.. IE, 3-4 hours if he or I wanted to drive to the others place on a friday afternoon, or sunday afternoon… so that really sucks! So that really sucks….

But he was way cool… He’s an Eagle, and an Econ major…. Which I love Econ, so taht’s cool! And I too am an Eagle… So we had a lot to talk about. 🙂 I think there could be a great friendship in there somewhere. 🙂 At least I hope. 😀

I’ve also made a decision about my friend problem here in the OC, well first.. I think that I do good with people because… A) I’m very easy to get along with as long as you make a good impression in the first 10-15 minutes and B) because I screen people throughly by talking to them online for a long time before I actually meet them IRL.

For instance: Blake and I have been talking for over 2 months online.. and we have chatted for 8 hours on skype in 5 conversations… So yeah. And I mean.. I’m usually chatting with someone new online every since day.. and the number that I end up meeting in person is like maybe 2-3%.. So when i do finailly meet someone in person.. it’s usually because we’ve been having really good chats online and would thus hit it off in person. Because to be able to keep up a chat online, you have to have a lot in common to be able to talk about it and to have good chats.

Otherwise all your chat would be is. “hi, how’s your day, what’s up… etc” And would thus be very short. So yeah. I can only think of one person I’ve ever actually had long conversations with online where it didn’t work out IRL.. Myke… everyone else that I’ve met IRL and had it not work out, I was pretty sure it wouldn’t while we were chatting online… IE, Stalker boy, gap boy, ta-ubby boy, asian boy, etc. 🙂

I also think I’m going to buy a beretta. 🙂 A guy at work is selling one.

Speaking of Guys at work… One of them is having a party and I got in invite. I feel loved.. haha. Anyways, I hate going to these things alone, so I might ask Blake to come with, we’ll see.. He said he might be busy that weekend.. So I’m going to give him some time to figure out his schedule since he’s been gone for so long and then bug him about it again.

Anyways… I think that’s enough blabbing for me… I’m going to hit bed here soon… I’m just going to finish up Good Eats and then an episode of West Wing and then it’s bed time for me.

(PS, sorry about all the emoticons, I’m obsessed)

Flight Back… :(

Well here I am sitting on the flight back… I’ve got about 7 hours before I’m back in the OC. It’s so sad. I really love Iowa.

Today has been very stressful though. I thought that my flight left at 3:55, so we were planning on leaving at 12:30, we’d be to Omaha by 2:45ish and I’d have plenty of time to get on the flight and all that shit. But I got online at noon to set up my flight notifications for my cell phone and found out that my flight was at 2:55!! So I was like, “Lets get going!”

My dad drove like 80 all the way to the airport and then we got lost (he took 680 instead of taking 80 around). We got the airport at 2:20 and then of course there was a bit ass line for check in and then a line at the fucking security gate. I was SO fucking stressed. And then the bitch at the security gate was being a whore and made me take my sandles off! I’ve NEVER had to take these off. I was just annoyed about that.

Anyways, got to my gate at 2:45 and they hadn’t even started boarding yet so that was good… Yep

Andrew called me on the drive over though. It’s good to know that he’s back in the states. I really wanted to talkto him, but I find it wierd to talk to him infront of my parents. So we only talked for a few minutes. I can’t wait to get to talk to him again.. I just wish that I could have seen him. I’m so depressed about having to go back to the OC.. All I’ve wanted to do today is cry. It’s so sad.

Anyways, before I start complaining about that I’ll tell you about how much fun I’ve been having!!!

So I think the last time I updated was Thursday, no? Let me check…OK yep…

So FRIDAY! I went up to Ames to meet Oksana at 1.. But she wasn’t there, so I drove around ISU for a while and went to CBS and bought some ISU stuff. Oh how I miss ames so much! There were so many hot boys wondering around campus… And I love the fact that you can fucking take the bus anywhere you want! And I love that you can pretty much WALK to anything as well! I should have just stayed there and got my masters.

Well Oksana finially called me and we met up at Howe, then went over to the Gardens.. It was SO HOT that we didn’t really spend too much time there, just walked around quick and took some pictures then went and saw the butterflies.

After that we went up to the mall and were going to see a $1 movie, but they had all JUST started. 🙁 So we just wondered around and I bought a pair of really cute $10 shorts from GAP. From there we went to Hickory park and ate dinner and then I broke and went home.

We had an amazing super cell thunderstorm that afternoon which was VERY nice because it killed all the humidity. Friday night I went out with Zach, Mandy, Nic, Angel and Vero. It was really good to see them. We went over to the Crows Nest in Ankeny which was really ghetto and there were some horrible people doing kareoke (sp). I broke from there about 10:30 or 11 and went to the Frathouse and met up with Justin and a bunch of his frat buddies. They were all really nice and I met this guy named Chris who apparently knows Andrew, either way he was cute and I wouldn’t have minded making out with him, but he had his eye on someone else. 🙁

Sadly I only made out with Justin once this whole trip. And that’s all I did. 🙁 Oh well… I’m still a prude!

Anyways, Frathouse was amazing as usual. I ran into Jed there and his boy. It was really good to see him again and he’s still hot as HELL! I just wish we could have hung out more so that we could have talked.. It’s really hard to talk at the frat…. Also saw David Brokaw which was amazing. He’s still skinny as hell and hot has hell as well…. I got his number but he never called me back Saturday night when I called him. I was kinda pissed about that. 🙁

Left the frat about 2 and went home. I thought about it later and I should have just invited Justin and the frat boys back to my place for hot tubbing.. Cause that would have been fun.

Saturday I got up early and we went over to my grandma’s house in Western Iowa. We ate brunch at this place and the girl was SO STUPID! My dad asked for milk 3 times and she didn’t bring it.. He did eventually get it though. haha.

After that we went back to her house and I had to set up this new DVD player she got. I got it all set up and spent like 30 minutes training her how to use it then found out that it doesn’t just pass CABLE through the dvd player unless it’s on. So I had to go get a splitter and re-arrange some things. Then I had to re-train her.. Hopefully now the rest of the family can figure it out enough to get her to use it right.

Finally left there and went home for like 10 minutes and then went and shipped two big boxes to myself. Straight from there it was off to the spawns b-day party. We got there and had a great time. We were there till 8pm. She got SO MUCH SHIT! It’s crazyness… But I think my present was the best… 😉

Started planning the night while I was there. Jed wanted me to go see a movie with him, Justin wanted me to go to Ames with him and The gang wanted me to go bar hopping with them. So I was trying to figure out a way to fit it all in. For some reason Jed eventually just stopped responding to txt’s like in the middle of a conversation, so I just gave up on him. I was really pissed too because I REALLY wanted to hang out with him again… So I ended up just meeting Zac, Mandy and Nic at a bar downtown… the Royal Mile… We stayed there for almost and hour and had a good time, then Angel called and said she was at the Surf shack so we went there and met up with her. We had drinks there and then headed off to Diesel. Where we ended the night. It was a good time. 🙂

Overall I really loved my time backin Iowa and I love Iowa even more now then I did.. And HATE the OC even more.

One issue is that the homo community here is so small, but I don’t think I’d have a problem with that considering I don’t even live here and I already have 4 people saying they’d date me if I moved back! And the best part about iowa is that everyone is so fucking nice! Like at the bar everyone is so friendly and there’s no real bad group lines. Yes there are some, but people all get along, and it’s so easy to just meet people when they are there. Like the 5 people from Justin’s frat that I met there. Amazing people. 🙂

It also reminded me of all the great friends I have there… I have so many people that wanted to hang out with me and so much to do…. in the OC I don’t have that, it’s so frustrating! Here I have a problem of deciding WHO to go out with! I’m a part of 4 distinct groupings, I just wish they were all more connected.

I do however wish that i had more time there, there were some people who I didn’t get to see at all that I would have loved to have seen and I just didn’t get enough time to hang out with the people who i did get to see!

And there’s only a few activities that I didn’t get to do on my calendar, but that’s ok with me… I had a really busy week and I’m really tired.

Someone find me a fucking JOB so I can move back there. 🙁

Edit:// I forgot to mention that I got the most random message on myspace.. Fucking Myke messaged me and was like. ‘i was using fedora and thought about you and that I hadn’t talked to you in a while’… And I was like, ‘why is he messaging me if he doesn’t want to hang out again’. I’m sorry, but if you don’t want to hang out with me IRL, then I don’t want to talk to you online either. He also tried to add me as a friend again on his thing.. How random!

Adios all.

Doesn’t anyone SLEEP!

So the last couple days have been TONS of fun!

Yesterday I got up and met Beak, Niel and the Spawn at 9am. The fair was TONS of fun… We spent like 6 hours there or something. I’m so red. At least my forhead is…. But god I love the fair here… It was fucking Tuesday morning/afternoon and the place was packed! Not like the OC fair when I went on a FRIDAY afternoon and the place was dead.

Got home about 4:30ish or so.. I was supposed to go out to dinner with Jed, but he never called me back. Iw as pretty pissed about that so I just ate at home. Stayed home till about 8ish then went downtown to Court Ave and met up with Justin. We sat this place down there and talked and had a few drinks. Then Ginny came and we had a good time with her. Went over to the Saddle for a bit, but that place scares me. So we went back to Court Ave and had another drink or two then Ginny went home and Justin and I went to Perkins and ate.

After that I came home. I got home and my dad was leaving for work. Then I went to bed, got about 2 hours of sleep and then my brothers alarm clock went off.. Finially got back to sleep about 6ish then my mom’s alarm went off and woke me up. Got back to sleep about 8 and slept till 11. Got up and went ovet to meet beak. Her and I went out to lunch and then went to the zoo with the spawn. I love that place!

Got back here just a bit ago and am waiting around… having dinner with the fam tonight. then going out bar hoping in PC (a town with TWO bars!) tonight with Ginny, Justin and a few other people.

So yeah… Been tons of fun!

I’ve taken like 200 pictures so far.. haha.