Tag: Iowa

More Dominating.

9:03:19 PM miklaustin: hey

9:03:20 PM blackc2004 (Autoreply): I’m in bed… Call my cell if you need me.

9:03:25 PM blackc2004: hi

9:03:32 PM miklaustin: i called ur cell thrice

9:03:40 PM blackc2004: it never rang

9:03:57 PM blackc2004: did u leave a message

9:03:58 PM miklaustin: chris what do u want me to say

9:03:59 PM miklaustin: no

9:05:22 PM blackc2004: i’m just saying, we crossed a line the other night with the wwhole jacking off thing, and now i’m getting too attached, so either act like you enjoy hanging out with me or don’t. stop getting so pisssed at me because it makes me feel like shit…. and something did change after your mom left… you’ve been really different towards me, and i’m just wondering what the change was and why?

9:06:36 PM miklaustin: ok

9:06:46 PM miklaustin: i’m sorry

9:06:57 PM miklaustin: i want us to be friends

9:08:34 PM blackc2004: Fine, then act like you like hanging out with me, don’t tell me that i’m not fucking entertaining you enough… and then more more acting sexual towards me.. cuddling and laying around is fine, but grabbing my cock, etc is off limits then

9:08:46 PM miklaustin: okay look

9:08:57 PM miklaustin: ur the one who was like ‘oh i did wayyy more with my friends in iowa

9:10:03 PM blackc2004: Yeah, I made out with them, which you don’t want to do with me… Justin and I were the only one’s who were sexual and there were very strict rules that went along with that.

9:10:21 PM miklaustin: making out is ‘waaay more’????

9:10:49 PM miklaustin: i didn’t mean u weren’t entertaining

9:10:55 PM blackc2004: YES YOU DID!

9:10:56 PM miklaustin: i said i’ll entertain myself]

9:11:11 PM blackc2004: Which means that I clearly wasn’t entertaining you

9:12:05 PM miklaustin: i dont even know what to say

9:12:11 PM miklaustin: just cuz i don’t wanna hang out with u one night

9:12:21 PM miklaustin: i feel like ur upset

9:12:41 PM blackc2004: Fine, whatever the point is that I’m starting to really like you, and you’re constant changing of ways you act is just driving me crazy.

9:12:52 PM blackc2004: And it’s not just one night.

9:12:59 PM blackc2004: but whatever, i’m going to bed. I’ll call you tomorrow.

9:13:10 PM miklaustin: wait

9:13:16 PM miklaustin: OKAY LOOK

9:13:20 PM miklaustin: well lets resolve it right now

9:13:28 PM miklaustin: i like you a lot, but i don’t think ur the guy for me

9:14:12 PM blackc2004: Fine, you’ve said that. I understand… But I can’t help that _I_ still like you, and you keep flip-flopping the way you act and it’s just confusing me.

9:14:16 PM miklaustin: and i know we cuddle

9:14:29 PM miklaustin: but sometimes i feel weird like i don’t want to lead you on

9:14:45 PM miklaustin: so maybe i’m cautious about being overly nice

9:15:26 PM blackc2004: By biting my head off because I try and be nice and want to go out to lunch and hang out, and by acting like I’m a complete idiot for suggesting we go hang out at downtown disney?

9:16:03 PM miklaustin: ok

9:16:27 PM miklaustin: i think ur taking those things a bit too personally

9:16:55 PM miklaustin: i don’t think ur an idiot

9:17:02 PM miklaustin: i just would rather not do that

9:17:04 PM miklaustin: i’ve been there

9:17:08 PM miklaustin: it didn’t seem very exciting

9:17:29 PM blackc2004: Well I’m sorry, but you practically YELLED at me for wanting to go to fashion island and hang out… and I’m sorry, but you DID act like it was the stupiest idea in the world to go hang out at downtown disney.. i’ve heard it’s a fun place to go AND YOU complained about not going out, so I wanted to go check it out and see

9:17:51 PM miklaustin: OK I’M SORRY

9:18:30 PM miklaustin: i’m cynical and crazy

9:19:08 PM miklaustin: what do u want me to do

9:19:39 PM blackc2004: Fine, one last question, what about me is it that makes you think I’m not the right guy? just wondering…

9:20:36 PM miklaustin: i feel like i need someone more dominating

9:21:08 PM miklaustin: more controlling

9:21:28 PM blackc2004: lol, why do you want that though?

9:21:37 PM miklaustin: cuz i feel completely lost

9:21:56 PM blackc2004: Maybe you just feel that way because you are out of work?

9:22:05 PM miklaustin: yeah maybe

9:22:22 PM miklaustin: ive got lots of problems over here

9:22:31 PM miklaustin: it could be all sorts of things

9:22:45 PM blackc2004: Well, I want to be ther efor you to talk about your problems… But either way…….

9:24:23 PM blackc2004: My problem recently has been that we crossed that line and you’ve just been flip-flopping so much and confusing me.. I miss hanging out with you as much as we did earlier, and I miss sleeping with you…. I’d like to still do that, but we have to cut out the sexualness of it…. It (the sexualness) won’t work between us because I like you too much, but I’m sure we can work with cuddling, etc.

9:24:45 PM miklaustin: ok

9:24:54 PM miklaustin: i didn’t know jacking off was such a big deal to u

9:25:04 PM miklaustin: and i’ msrorry we wont do it again

9:26:08 PM blackc2004: It’s ok, I didn’t think it would effect me so much, but it has… I get the feeling a lot of the time that you want to do a lot more then that too, which adds to it.

9:26:20 PM miklaustin: well i’ll stop

9:26:30 PM miklaustin: since ur feelings are getting involved

9:27:42 PM blackc2004: I’ve never been one for random things, I’ve only had sex with bf’s and besides them the only person who’ i’ve done a bj with is jenks… So I get attached when I start doing those things…. And with you I feel that we connect on so much more that it’s just a million times easier to get attached… but friends it is!

9:28:41 PM miklaustin: ok

9:29:33 PM blackc2004: ok, well off to bed for me. enjoy your night

9:29:36 PM miklaustin: well i’m sorry to have hurt ur feelings

9:29:56 PM miklaustin: i’ll try not to do it anymore

9:30:01 PM blackc2004: It’s fine, mine are always hurt… i’ll call you tomorrow.

9:30:06 PM miklaustin: ok bye

Austin went away (9:30:10 PM)

Away Message: I am away from my computer right now. (9:30:11 PM)

The Real question is why? WHY does he want someone who is more Dominating, those things NEVER work out! One person always ends up pissed at the other because of something. Either one is being too controlling or the other one ends up being pissed because they feel like they are being too motherly, etc. IE, Adam and I. Blah!

What the fuck. I just hope he gets a job soon and decides he doesn’t need that. Or I can just change and be more like that. I really like this boy! … Maybe?

Saturday Night…In

Ugh, another weekend of doing nothing. And with Ausitn out of town, I haven’t even had him to bug to hang out. haha.

So I’ve sat in my apartment all weekend playing video games, catching up on the pile of reading that’s been sitting around my house for months. And getting back into my book. So I guess it’s been good. I did get on my bike yesterday and did 10 miles. I’m thinking that maybe next weekend I should get Robert together again and go biking on saturday morning before going up to LA.

Strangly enough I had a dream about that last night too… We had this big group of people together, it was WF, DS, and MH all from work, and then Robert, Ben, Austin and me. Strangely enough I introduced Austin to the work guys as “my boy”… I might get into my thinking behind that a little later. Anyways, we all went on a bike ride and it was fun.

Last night this guy Drew, who I’ve been talking to forever, wanted to hang out… But he changed his mind at the last minute. Probably for the better anyways, because I think he wanted a little more then just hanging out… As illistrated by his saying, “I’m a top and you’re a bottom, we’ll see where that goes”. He seems like a cool guy, but whatever. I ended up getting Vinnie to come over and hang out. We watched Annie. Then we hung out for a while, he left about 1am and I went to bed.

I got up about 8:30 this morning and have just been sitting around. Nothing is on TV, it all sucks. Damn football.

Ugh, I’m so annoyed with stuff right now, I’m getting really depressed. I just want that damn bf, that I was supposed to have by now. I’m getting older, I don’t want to end up being one of those old guys who hangs out at the bars all the time or on A4A because I don’t have a special someone… I know it’s been over a year and a half since Andrew broke up with me, but I’m just still so pissed that my plans got all fucked up and now I just still feel lost.

I was talking to Austin the other day about it and he said, “So you need another guy before you feel like you’ll have a purpose again.”

Well, I guess in a way… The answer is “Yes”. I want to have that life of coming home to someone every night, someone to sit down to dinner with, someone that I’ll always have to go somewhere with. I hate never knowing where I’m going tomorrow of if I’ll have something to do on the weekend. I hate not being able to plan 3 or 4 months in advance for a trip because you never know if you’ll still be talking to someone then! IE, The Iowa trip last year, going to the theater, etc.

I guess I just have kinda of a White Picket Fence House Dream… The gay version. haha.

I really hope that this next week goes by fast. Austin may or may not be out of town. But I don’t thinke ither way it will make much of a difference, as he hasn’t been wanting to hang out as much lately. (more on this later). Either way, this next weekend should prove to be a good weekend, going to dinner with Mark and Austin, then drinks with them and Scott. Sunday my aunt and the other woman are coming down this way, or I’m going that way. One or the other. And hopefully Austin will come for that as well. It’ll be good to see her, sad that beak isn’t coming as well though.

Soooo Then. About this whole Austin thing….

It’s really been messing with my emotions lately. We started out really strongly, hanging out nearly every day, he went through this period of calling me ‘hun’ and ‘babe’. We spent the night a lot (still we have not had sex/bjs/etc). He said he missed me when his mom was here, he even suggested we just spend the night at each others house every night.

Robert interrogated him, and he said he wanted more from me then just friendship. (Though, who knows if Robert understood right).

Then all of a sudden he went through this period of barely talking to me, not wanting to hang out and when we did he didn’t want to cuddle anymore.

Then last Wed, we hung out and he was all cuddly and we slept together, and he choose just hanging out and talking with me over going out to the club.

Yet he still says he just wants to be friends!

Cleary, if you’ve paid any attention to my blogs, I want more! I think if he doesn’t then we’ll have to stop the whole cuddling/sleeping together thing. Because I’m getting to attached. I got so jealous of him this weekend when I found out he slept at some other boys house.

With Justin it works, because I know how he feels about me, he knows how I feel about him, and we both know it wouldn’t work out if we did have a relationship. So we can sleep together, make out, hell, even bjs. But with Austin he’s so all over the map, that it’s just hurting me.

I’m hoping that it’s all just because of the whole no job thing… That he doesn’t want to get involoved with someone incase a job out of the area comes up.

I just wish there were a simple answer to the whole thing.

Adios all!

Old Time Movies!

So yesterday turned out pretty good.

I went home shortly after noon.. I had worked 3 hours Tuesday night, and had more to do last night. Plus as I said, I was feeling pretty shitty.

Got home and went to the gym and for some reason my key didn’t work, so I just went home and did situps and then played Sim City 4 for a few hours. My region now has 500,000 sims! How exciting! 😀

I also did some hard core cleaning last night, I haven’t cleaned since before I left for Iowa way back in Dec… So you can imagine how filthy my house was. I got everything cleaned except for the bathroom, which needs the most work. I need to hire a maid!

Austin called me in there somewhere, cause he got a job offer.. I asked him if he wanted to go out to the Boom to celebrate and he said sure, so we made plans to meet at 10 at his house. So I sat around the house till then, showered and packed an overnight bag to stay at his place, cause I Was planning on drinking.

Got there and we sat around talking about sim city and other random things. He’s encoding all his home movies from when he was a child onto DVD, which is really cool. I wish that my parents had made videos when I Was a kid. We just have lots of random pictures. And I’m not even sure where most of those are! We watched a few of those and they were funny/cute.

So it got to be late and I was like, “So when are we going” and he just said he’d rather just stay there. Which was honestly fine with me, I was just happy to be out hanging out with him again. So we ended up just staying there having a few drinks and we watched Wayne’s World. It was pretty funny, I’ve never seen it before.

OH, I forgot to mention that he said he was going out of town this weekend to someone’s baby shower, and he invited me to come along… I was quite surprised, and wasn’t sure how serious he was being. He said I could go as his date… I think it would be kinda fun to go, but I also feel like it would be wierd, plus like I said, I’m not sure how serious he was being or if he was just a little tipsy.

Anyways, we went to bed at 1:30 and I woke up sometime in the middle of the night from this horrible dream, but I can’t remember what was going on in it. Then I woke up again at 5:30 cause my body was like. “TIme to get up you lazy bitch”… Finially got up at 7:30ish and just laid in bed talking till 8 when I showered and then headed into work.

The roads were horrible, it was clogged like crazy starting at Camino Capistrano, so I just took the toll road, which even that was kinda backed up and plus the idiots there don’t know how to drive!

Oksy invited me to this huge concert in the desert in April… I’m not sure if I want to pay the $165 for tickets, but it does look fun. And we could stay at my aunt and uncles for free! 😀 Not to mention I would get to see my wife!!!

And that’s the story, Adios.

B-day

Note: Pics from the weekend

Oh, my.

First, drunk blogging is not a good idea. The computer should be TAKEN away from me when I am drunk!

Ok, so Saturday, I Spent the day alone in my apartment being very depressed and shit. Watched TV and laid on my couch in my underwear.

Austin finially called like 5ish and asked if I wanted to go to HM, I said I didn’t really feel like going out, but he talked me into it. So I decided to have a glass or two of wine before going so that it would be cheaper to drink once there. So over the two hour period of waiting for him to get there, I have the two glasses of wine and get VERY VERY drunk…

Ended up on my bathroom floor even before he got there. Thankfully he was smart enough to let himself in he took care of me for a few hours while I was throwing up, made me a hot dog and got me water, etc. So very kind of him. Though he was pretty mad at me for ruining his night. I felt so bad too, because I really did want to go out after the inital talking me into it. I think it would have been good. He left somewhere in there and I went to bed and slept till 5am when I got up and wrote him a note and then went back to bed till 9 when he called asking me about computer questions.

Oh, saturday I was out driving to the store and decided it was time to take the damn international calling off my cell phone, so I called up verizon and they have this damn automated system and it asks you for your billing zip code, while no matter what zip code I entered the damn thing WOULD NOT WORK! So when I finially got through to a woman I flipped out on her. I was so pissed. lol

Anyways, back to Sunday… Got up and went over to Austin’s about 10:30ish and we worked on his computer for a few hours. He’s trying to get Mac OSx86 installed on his computer, since you can supposedly do that. 🙂 Anyways, we got things going and then the HD that I gave him crapped out. So I’ve got to find him another one.

Once we got bored with that it was off to Oceanside to go shopping and to gamble some. We got down there and went to this big mall and got food. He had Sushi and I got some Chicken stuff. But I tried his sushi and it was pretty good really. So I’ll have to try more of it. Once we were done with food we walked around some and couldn’t find any stores that we liked so then we went car shopping. Which is always fun! 😀

Drove up north a bit to this little casino called Oceans Eleven, but Austin thought there was a bigger one around, so we drove some more and ended up back in San Clemente, so we never did get a chance to gamble, oh well. Drove around the beach some and then went back to his house. Basically spent the rest of the night there hanging out.

We watched Sword in the Stone, a movie I haven’t seen in FOREVER! I love that movie, but who knew it was so educatinal! lol. I went to the beach and watched the Sunset while Austin stayed at his house and rested. After that I went back to his place and we played cards and watched the normal sunday night line-up. IE, Simpsons, etc. 😀

We also went up to Baskin Robbins in there and got ice cream. It was so yummy!

As I was getting ready to leave he said, “Would you like your gift”. And honestly, I was completly floored that he would have gotten me anything! It was so kind and thoughtful of him. So he handed me this little box and I opened it and there’s this cute ass little ninja bobble-head thing. It’s so adorable! It has a special place on my desk. 😀

He finds out today if he gets the job in DC or not. I think I’m about as excited as he is to find out. It’ll really suck if he has to move. :'( He’s got another interview today at 1 and we are going out to lunch after that. Then tonight we are going to dinner with Robert and his bf.

Which brings up a point… There seems to be LOTS of confusion out there in internet land as to the standing of people in my life! I am NOT dating anyone. And I haven’t been dating anyone since Last May! Sure there are two obvious people in my life who I would like to be dating, but neither of them want anything like that out of me, which is perfectly fine. They have been making great friends. But you all mght be saying, “Damnit, Cj B, you spend so much time with these people and you cuddle in bed and sleep together, what the hell is that then?”… Well you should realize that when I’m not in a relationship, I always keep one friend who I’m extremely close too, someone I cuddle with, sleep with, etc. Jenkins was that friend back in Iowa… and Austin/Blake are those friends here now. Although, Jenkins and I did more then either Austin or Blake have done. haha.

But on the same topic, Austin hasn’t spent the night since Thursday when he flew back in from Oakland… Kinda sad really. 🙁 I was hoping that he would have spent the night some this weekend. But oh well. His mother flys in tomorrow, so I probably won’t be hanging out with him much this week.

Oh, also at least this year one set of Grandparents remembered to call me on my birthday! So Yay for that at least. 🙂

Overall, it didn’t turn out as badly as most. It was nice to have Austin around to hang out with and stuff. Even though I’ve known him less then a month. I’m really gonna miss that boy if he moves away.

Adios Y’all.

RoadTrip! (EDITED!!! Now with Pics)

Edit:// Pics from this weekend here.

So I did probably one of the most spontaneous things I’ve ever done this weekend. I invited a guy I had never met before out to go hiking out in the palm springs area (Up the tram).

But, anyways. Back to where we last left out…. Anyways, Friday was a boring ass day at work. I had some minor things to do, nothing exciting. Things were going slow at work for some reason, damn network issues or something like that. Not sure, anyways, I got NOTHING done because of that. I left early again so that Iw ouldn’t miss my packages, but they ended up not getting there till 5 anyways. So I did my bike ride and all that anyways. And did some more work at home.

The damn cat just threw up AGAIN! This time that bitch is NOT going to the fucking vet.

Anyways, I hung out with Robert on friday night, we watched this movie called ‘Everyone’. Horrible MOVIE! Though there was one hot boy and one boy we couldn’t decide if he was hot or not. lol. But I couldn’t be brought to turn it off because I wanted to know how it ended! lol.

After the movie we talked for a while and then he left. Saturday I got up and couldn’t bring myself to do my laundry cause I was too lazy. I just wanted to get out. So I went on my bike ride. On the way out though I saw these two women and a bunch of kids in scout uniforms, so I went up to them and introduced myself and got a phone number of a local scout troop that could use some help. So I gotta call that guy.

Did my bike ride and went a lot further back there I usually do, it gets really pretty. Came home and showered and talked to this guy Austin for a while online, then he said he was going to go shower, so I went to best buy because I somehow ended up with two DVD’s of Star Wars I, so I traded one in for a III. 🙂

One the way there and back though I just thought that I had to get out of the OC for a day and get to the country… So I decided to go up to the Mount out by Palm Springs. I had told Austin that I wanted to hang out too, so when I got back I invited him and to my surprise he said he would go!

So I called my aunt and uncle to let them know I’d be in the area and they asked that we stop by when we were done and do dinner with them at the Club, which meant we had to bring some nice clothes.

Austin got here at 1, and we went up to subway, grabbed a quick bit to eat, and then headed out. While we were talking though at Subway we found out that we both know someone from Iowa! It’s very random!

We headed out to Palm Springs and made really good time, got up to the top of the tram and walked around for about 2 hours. Got some great pics, which I’ll hopefully get up on the photodump soon. We had a really good time, he was very nice and we had a lot to talk about. And have a lot of the same ideals about people inthe OC. It was pretty funny.

After that we headed over to my aunt and uncles house and changed then we went to the Club house. Of course you HAVE to have a drink there, so I got an apple martini! Yum yum… And then… Well I had another. lol.

And then.. I had a glass of wine. Needless to say, there was NO way we were driving home that night. So we stayed at thier house. I have to say, I didn’t get shit for sleep last night. 🙁 But it was nice to have someone to lay next to in bed. He also gave me a really nice back rub. 🙂

So we got up this morning, ate breakfast and then drove back to the OC. Hung out here a bit while we downloaded the pics and got them sent to him at his house, and then he went home.

… So, in short, I had a really good weekend and hopefully Austin and I will become some good friends. Time will tell. Seems we might be going camping sometime.

Speaking of which though, I’m not sure if I mentioned this or not, but my on call week was changed from my birthday weekend to the weekend before. So I think I’m going to be going camping the weekend of my birthday. I WAS thinking channel islands, but that seems like too much work for camping by myself, since you have to pack everything in. So now I’m thinknig Anzo.

Yep, and that’s been my weekend!