9:03:19 PM miklaustin: hey
9:03:20 PM blackc2004 (Autoreply): I’m in bed… Call my cell if you need me.
9:03:25 PM blackc2004: hi
9:03:32 PM miklaustin: i called ur cell thrice
9:03:40 PM blackc2004: it never rang
9:03:57 PM blackc2004: did u leave a message
9:03:58 PM miklaustin: chris what do u want me to say
9:03:59 PM miklaustin: no
9:05:22 PM blackc2004: i’m just saying, we crossed a line the other night with the wwhole jacking off thing, and now i’m getting too attached, so either act like you enjoy hanging out with me or don’t. stop getting so pisssed at me because it makes me feel like shit…. and something did change after your mom left… you’ve been really different towards me, and i’m just wondering what the change was and why?
9:06:36 PM miklaustin: ok
9:06:46 PM miklaustin: i’m sorry
9:06:57 PM miklaustin: i want us to be friends
9:08:34 PM blackc2004: Fine, then act like you like hanging out with me, don’t tell me that i’m not fucking entertaining you enough… and then more more acting sexual towards me.. cuddling and laying around is fine, but grabbing my cock, etc is off limits then
9:08:46 PM miklaustin: okay look
9:08:57 PM miklaustin: ur the one who was like ‘oh i did wayyy more with my friends in iowa
9:10:03 PM blackc2004: Yeah, I made out with them, which you don’t want to do with me… Justin and I were the only one’s who were sexual and there were very strict rules that went along with that.
9:10:21 PM miklaustin: making out is ‘waaay more’????
9:10:49 PM miklaustin: i didn’t mean u weren’t entertaining
9:10:55 PM blackc2004: YES YOU DID!
9:10:56 PM miklaustin: i said i’ll entertain myself]
9:11:11 PM blackc2004: Which means that I clearly wasn’t entertaining you
9:12:05 PM miklaustin: i dont even know what to say
9:12:11 PM miklaustin: just cuz i don’t wanna hang out with u one night
9:12:21 PM miklaustin: i feel like ur upset
9:12:41 PM blackc2004: Fine, whatever the point is that I’m starting to really like you, and you’re constant changing of ways you act is just driving me crazy.
9:12:52 PM blackc2004: And it’s not just one night.
9:12:59 PM blackc2004: but whatever, i’m going to bed. I’ll call you tomorrow.
9:13:10 PM miklaustin: wait
9:13:16 PM miklaustin: OKAY LOOK
9:13:20 PM miklaustin: well lets resolve it right now
9:13:28 PM miklaustin: i like you a lot, but i don’t think ur the guy for me
9:14:12 PM blackc2004: Fine, you’ve said that. I understand… But I can’t help that _I_ still like you, and you keep flip-flopping the way you act and it’s just confusing me.
9:14:16 PM miklaustin: and i know we cuddle
9:14:29 PM miklaustin: but sometimes i feel weird like i don’t want to lead you on
9:14:45 PM miklaustin: so maybe i’m cautious about being overly nice
9:15:26 PM blackc2004: By biting my head off because I try and be nice and want to go out to lunch and hang out, and by acting like I’m a complete idiot for suggesting we go hang out at downtown disney?
9:16:03 PM miklaustin: ok
9:16:27 PM miklaustin: i think ur taking those things a bit too personally
9:16:55 PM miklaustin: i don’t think ur an idiot
9:17:02 PM miklaustin: i just would rather not do that
9:17:04 PM miklaustin: i’ve been there
9:17:08 PM miklaustin: it didn’t seem very exciting
9:17:29 PM blackc2004: Well I’m sorry, but you practically YELLED at me for wanting to go to fashion island and hang out… and I’m sorry, but you DID act like it was the stupiest idea in the world to go hang out at downtown disney.. i’ve heard it’s a fun place to go AND YOU complained about not going out, so I wanted to go check it out and see
9:17:51 PM miklaustin: OK I’M SORRY
9:18:30 PM miklaustin: i’m cynical and crazy
9:19:08 PM miklaustin: what do u want me to do
9:19:39 PM blackc2004: Fine, one last question, what about me is it that makes you think I’m not the right guy? just wondering…
9:20:36 PM miklaustin: i feel like i need someone more dominating
9:21:08 PM miklaustin: more controlling
9:21:28 PM blackc2004: lol, why do you want that though?
9:21:37 PM miklaustin: cuz i feel completely lost
9:21:56 PM blackc2004: Maybe you just feel that way because you are out of work?
9:22:05 PM miklaustin: yeah maybe
9:22:22 PM miklaustin: ive got lots of problems over here
9:22:31 PM miklaustin: it could be all sorts of things
9:22:45 PM blackc2004: Well, I want to be ther efor you to talk about your problems… But either way…….
9:24:23 PM blackc2004: My problem recently has been that we crossed that line and you’ve just been flip-flopping so much and confusing me.. I miss hanging out with you as much as we did earlier, and I miss sleeping with you…. I’d like to still do that, but we have to cut out the sexualness of it…. It (the sexualness) won’t work between us because I like you too much, but I’m sure we can work with cuddling, etc.
9:24:45 PM miklaustin: ok
9:24:54 PM miklaustin: i didn’t know jacking off was such a big deal to u
9:25:04 PM miklaustin: and i’ msrorry we wont do it again
9:26:08 PM blackc2004: It’s ok, I didn’t think it would effect me so much, but it has… I get the feeling a lot of the time that you want to do a lot more then that too, which adds to it.
9:26:20 PM miklaustin: well i’ll stop
9:26:30 PM miklaustin: since ur feelings are getting involved
9:27:42 PM blackc2004: I’ve never been one for random things, I’ve only had sex with bf’s and besides them the only person who’ i’ve done a bj with is jenks… So I get attached when I start doing those things…. And with you I feel that we connect on so much more that it’s just a million times easier to get attached… but friends it is!
9:28:41 PM miklaustin: ok
9:29:33 PM blackc2004: ok, well off to bed for me. enjoy your night
9:29:36 PM miklaustin: well i’m sorry to have hurt ur feelings
9:29:56 PM miklaustin: i’ll try not to do it anymore
9:30:01 PM blackc2004: It’s fine, mine are always hurt… i’ll call you tomorrow.
9:30:06 PM miklaustin: ok bye
Austin went away (9:30:10 PM)
Away Message: I am away from my computer right now. (9:30:11 PM)
The Real question is why? WHY does he want someone who is more Dominating, those things NEVER work out! One person always ends up pissed at the other because of something. Either one is being too controlling or the other one ends up being pissed because they feel like they are being too motherly, etc. IE, Adam and I. Blah!
What the fuck. I just hope he gets a job soon and decides he doesn’t need that. Or I can just change and be more like that. I really like this boy! … Maybe?