Why…

He’ll give me his favorite sweatshirt. (especially after he put his cologne on it)

He’ll stay home with me and watch Disney Movies.

And the only person he would ever watch it with would be me.

He’ll call me at 3 AM and ask me what I’m doing.

He’ll tell me he couldn’t fall asleep because he was thinking about me, and he needed to hear my voice.

And he always whispers something sweet in my ear.

He’ll take me to a concert to see his favorite band.

And he won’t get embarrassed to tell me he loves me in front of his friends.

When I cry he’ll tell me I’m too beautiful to and he’ll kiss every tear.

He’ll always make me feel better because he knows the perfect things to say to me.

All of his friends will know we’re in love because he’ll talk about me to them.

He’ll stay up with me all night when I’m sick.

When we’re walking together he’ll stop and pick up a flower and put it behind my ear.

He’ll love everything about me and tell me that I’m perfect.

We always end up laughing about silly fights.

We won’t get mad for making fun of each other because we crack up at every bit of it.

Even if we’re a million years old, butterflies will still go crazy inside of me…every time he kisses me.

He’ll tell me he’d die without me.

He’ll surprise me by bringing me over my favorite food when I’m having a bad day.

He would think I was beautiful if I dressed so crappy it was classy.

When we go out for ice cream, he’ll put some on my nose,then I’ll put some all over his face. And we just never stop laughing.

He wouldn’t be scared to cry in front of me– and would hold me when I cry…

He’ll introduce me to his friends as the coolest girl he’s ever met.

We would have contests of how far we could spit our gum, or how far we could jump off a swing.

He would grab my waist and kiss my neck.

And we’d always take pictures in photo booths.

He’ll let me go places with his mom.

We would play tag and not care whose watching.

We’d kiss in the rain.

And when I hear him speak, I’ll fall in love all over again.

I want a boy who can argue over stupid things with me, and than go totally soft when I got sad and apologize.

I want someone who would lay with me outside under the stars.

Someone who will squirt me with water guns in the house.

When we kissed our hips would be pressed together.

I want someone to be there no matter what … always and forever.

I’ll be his everything.

And he’ll be even more to me.

He will love me for always.

Why did I ever let it go when I already had it? Stupid fucking me.

Non-writy

I’m really not in a writing mood right now, but we’re being forced to. Grrr.

There’s some hotties from Arizona state here. Rarrr.

Umm, last night was tons of fun. We went to this concert thing, and then talked to these two really hot boys. Well the girls talked to them, I just stood there. Then we all went to this bar thing and had a really good time. I didn’t drink, but they put on sombreros. It was all crazy. We got lots of crazy ass pics.

Today has been really long, but not much to do. We first went to the this plant place. The house was so pretty and I really want to buy it and fix it up. It’d be such a cool place to live. Though I couldn’t believe how old some of the stuff there was. It was really cool.

After that we came back to the city and went to this museum, it was really cool and Andrew would have liked it.

Came back, went swimming. Which I’m really going to miss just sitting around the pool in the evenings listening to the sounds of the cities. I’m really getting into the whole routine of things and taking a nap after lunch and everything. I’ll have to change things to this way once I get back!

Umm, tonight we’re going to a cafe thing, it should be good. I also bought Andrew a magazine I think he’ll enjoy it.

I’m excited to go home, and yet not really excited to go home at the same time. I’d want to stay much longer if I had some sort of contact with Drew Bear.

Well, like I said, non-writy mood.

Laters all.

No… YOU’RE Out Of Context…

So.. Well this is the THIRD post that I’ve written today… And as you can tell, none of the other’s have actually posted… FUCKERS! Every computer that I’ve used has died just as I was getting to the end of the post. The first one was like 2 pages long… And then Netscape died. The second one was an abriged version of the first one. When I went to hit “Blog This!” IE decided that it couldn’t find the page to post it too. Fucker. So I lost that one. And then the third time, the whole fucking computer up and shit on me. RARR! So this one better fucking work!

So Friday was good, we went out and did stuff with a hell of alot of gay people… There were also alot of new gay people, who were cute. However, not the nicest people ever. Well at least in my encounters with them they haven’t been. But anyway, Friday was TONS of fun…

That night Adam and I went back to my Apartment and spent the night hanging out… Well actually we were way to tired to do anything, so we went str8 to bed once we got back, but it’s still nice to have him there.. That place gets so lonely at night.

Saturday we got up bright and early and headed back to Ankeny for a garge sale thing. I wanted to buy a Mac, but they only had old 5260/100’s and older machines. I was hoping for at least an original IMac or something, but nope. So we didn’t get anything. From there we went back to Adam’s house and he called his mom to see what we were doing. She said that she couldn’t get a hold of the guy to find out what we needed to until “later.” Adam assumed that would mean like 1 or so. So we said alright… What to do now. We decided to go see Andrew at work and get one of his 6 foot subs for $3.50 that he swore up and down they were going to have. When Adam called him mom to tell her to call him on his cell phone when she found out what to we were going to do she essentialy flipped. So we went there instead and started picking up trash and the like. It was fun working there. Although I have a HUGE blister that popped now on my thumb. It really hurts to even get water in it! Ouch!

After we were done working there we went back to Adam’s and showered and then went off and did random things. After a while we met up with Andrew downtown. It looked as if was just going to be us three that night.. But people eventually started showing up and everyone from Friday night was there again. It was much fun and I’m enjoying myself alot more. I’m starting to feel at ease with them all. Andrew, Adam and I had a hilarious talk about dildos and the like. That was great and Mike and Andrew both molested me. Ha, it was great.

We also ran into Julian and Dean downtown. It was good to see them again. We really should hang out with them sometime, it’s been so long since we did that… Perhaps another road trip somewhere would be in order! lol. But anyway, they’re going to the Cher concert. I really want to go to the Cher concert.

After we left downtown, I took Adam home and then went home myself. I told him that I’d probably sleep in really late, so not to expect me anytime in the early morning.

Sunday morning however, was I in for a surprise. My family decided that they wanted to rip half the house off, in the early morning FREEZING hours. I had to get up and help them tear out the fireplace cause they’re getting a new one tomorrow. So my dad took all the siding and stuff off the outside wall of the chimney and we had to push the fireplace out from the inside. We now have a large picture window where there once was a fireplace, and that made the house VERY cold all fucking day.

It was kinda cute though cause like 10 seconds after we had the opening and the old fireplace out of the way, Gordy jumped up onto the platform and walked right into the house as if that doorway had always been there. lol. Perhaps I’ll get pictures once we get them developed.

Oh, that’s another thing, Andrew and I were twins on Saturday night, I really wished I had taken my camera with us. It would have been great!

But anyways, after we were done with the fireplace work, I called Adam and he was still in bed. So that was cool, cause I told him that I’d probably sleep in late. He called me though about 12 and said that his dad had called and he had to go have lunch with him. He said he’d be back around 3. So I was annoyed much by this, but was ok. I wasn’t annoyed at Adam, but the fact that his dad feels he can just call after a month of not talking to them, and expect Adam to drop everything he was doing to go have lunch. Perhaps if he wanted to have lunch, he could have made plans to do so, but I was expecting to have that time, and to not have to sit around and wait for him to show up.

So 3’o clock hit and Adam still hadn’t called me. I said alright. If I haven’t heard from him in 30 minutes, I’m going back to Ames, and thus, the pissed off mood set in. So I sat there, with both phones in my hand, waiting for them to ring. 3:30 approached and I was in the process of dialing Adam’s cell phone when my cell phone rang. It was him, saying that he was just leaving his dad’s house and that he’d be home in 20 minutes. I said fine. That I’d meet him there. He called back about 5 minutes later, just as I was gettin ready to leave and said that he’d just meet me at my house, and that we could go to Saylorville. I said alright.

About 10 to 4 he called from his house and said that he had to go to Wal-Mart, and get the pictures that we took last weekend. I said alright. But was oh so pissed by then. About 4:15 he still wasn’t there, so I called him ready to tell him to just turn around and go back home, that I was going back to Ames. He said that he was like 2 seconds from my house, so I said alright.

He got there and I tried to be friendly as I could, we sat on the front porch and talked about the pictures and his visit with his dad. From there we went to Big Creek and walked around. It was nice to just hang out and stuff, although he was more interested in the damn trees then he was with me trying to be semi-romantic (arm around while walking, etc.). After that we were heading to Saylorville when we drove past the pizza place in PC. He offered to buy pizza so we stopped there and ate supper. I love thier pizza. We sat in there and I reminiced (sp) about how it used to be my dad’s store, etc.

It was hard to hold back the tears as I sat there and told him exactly where everything was supposed to have been, the early mornings that I worked there, starting when I was like 10. The dreams that I had had, hoping to get the store when I “grew up.” Sunday night was the first time I’d ever been in there since he closed, and it was hard. It’s hard for me now to not scream at the ass hole for closing it, because it was so much a part of me. Even though it is really just a stupid store, it was a part of me, because he bought it the same year that I was born. It just really meant alot to me.

I understand why he closed it though, because of the way that people in PC are. They just don’t beleive in supporting local businesses, sure we may have been a bit more expensive then Dalh’s of Hy-Vee, but we were there in town, we offered fresh produce, we got fresh meat nearly every day, and cut it in house. We’d cut it how you wanted it. But people in PC just like to complain. They complained when we had the store, and they complained when we closed it. Because they said “It was such a great thing for the town.” Yet when it was there, they just didn’t want to support it. Fuckers.

After pizza we departed our ways and I came back to Ames, I really didn’t want to though. I just wanted to hang out with Adam for a little longer. Oh well.

Today’s the first day of the fourth week of classes. It’s semi-exciting. The first round of tests are coming up. All on Wednesday. So I’m going to spend tonight studying. I’ll probaly stay on campus tell like 5 at least. Perhaps 6ish. Cause I just can’t study at home. Too many other things to do there. I can’t wait tell this semsters over though, just far to much stress. Rarr!

Aug 28, 2001

Aug 28, [Bon Jovi, "I’ll Be There For You"]

Well today has been one long ass day. I got up this morning at 6:30 and

left here for class at 7:30. I went to class, Acct 285, that was boring

as hell. Lots of hot guys in there, well actually there’s lots of hot guys

in all my classes. But yeah, then after that I went to Bus Ad 101, I have

to go get a book for that tomorrow. I hope I remember that. Then I went

to Krell to work. I should have a new e-mail there. It’ll be like black@krellinst.org

or something like that. I dunno yet. They haven’t taught me how to use the

system. I worked there tell 5, when I came back here and talked to Adam

a bit online. He’s really not doing good and I feel so bad for him. I wish

I could be there. But I can’t we’ll see what happens. I know in time things

will get better, but right now he needs people to be with him. Everything

reminds him of Angie, and that’s hard. It really is. The small things even

make him cry, and that’s hard for me to hear. I know how much it hurts him

to have her gone. And there’s really nothing I can do to help that. I really

wish there were more that I could do.

After I talked to Adam I went to my last class for the day. It’s Micro-Econ.

It’s going to be boring the frist couple weeks cause the first 5 chapters

between Macro and Mirco are the same thing. The prof is pretty young, and

he moves at a pretty fast pace. I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep that

up all semester.

Now I’m back here, it’s almost 8. I tried calling Adam cause I wanted to

talk to him, but he wasn’t home. I’l try there again later. Dean called

me and left a message on my cell phone, he’s at the Madonna Concert and

he’s pretty excited. lol. I didn’t get anything to eat yet today, so I’m

going to go and try to find something here soon. I don’t really know where

on campus you can get food after the food service closes. I really dislike

that. At DSU you could go in and order anything any time of the day, that

was really cool cause if you missed a meal you didn’t have to go off campus

to find something. Here you can’t do that, or as I’m told. I’ll have to

find something to do in that aspect of things, cause I’m going to miss alot

of meals.

Tomorrow should be a pretty easy day. I’ve only got two classes. We’ll

see though.

Aug 18, 2001

Aug 18, [New Radicals, "Someday We’ll Know"]

Ok well since fateback has been down the last couple days I’m going to

leave the last couple entrys up here.

The last couple days have been great, yet really sad at the same time.

I’ve spent alot of time with Adam and Angie. It’s been really great. Last

night we went to a concert with Adam and Tim’s band. There were some damn

hot guys there. It was a pretty good time, free food. And I got to see alot

of people from High School that I hadn’t seen in a while. After that we

went downtown, I missed my first two corners, so I just took the long ass

way around, we got there eventually. We were sitting on that brick wall

just across from Spagetti Works and these two random people walked up to

us. They started asking us where good places to hang out and drink were,

and then they asked if thier fake ID’s were good enough, it was crazy. Then

they offered for us to come back to thier hotel room. Crazy people. We talked

to them for a while, then it started POURING rain, I mean just out of the

middle of no where, it started pouring sheets of rain. It was cool, so we

ran back to Java Joe’s and got some coffee and shit.

We left there cause we had had enough of the live music in the last couple

days with the fair and all. So we left and went back to Angies house. Earlier

I had told Adam a story about the conversation I had with my parents. They

said something along the lives of, "With the life style you’ve choosen,

you’ll end up in a body bag by the time you’re 22." And when they said

it, it didn’t cross my mind at all, and I just put it off as something they

would say. I didn’t even think about it tell I told Adam the whole story,

and then it’s like, they really thinkn that, that I’m going to be dead by

the time I’m 22. So that really depressed me. Assholes. So at Angie’s we

all just talked and it was good times there. After we left there, Adam and

I went out and just drove around Ankeny and talked and did random stuff.

That was really nice to talk to him about things. We went back to his house

about 1 or so. I don’t remember how we got on the topic, but he wanted to

show me family pictures, which is cool. Cause I think I’m one of the few

people that’s amussed by such things. Well especially someone that I care

about, lol. So we sat around and looked at those for a while. It was nice

to just sit next to him on the couch again, and just hang out without any

tension. Good times last night, even though they were sad times.

I’ve only got a week tell school starts. One week. I still don’t know what

the hell I’m doing. I don’t know what’s going on this next week. I don’t

know when I’m moving, I don’t know jack shit. I just don’t know about anything.

I’m thinking tomorrow I’ll just sit down with the PU’s and talk to them

about everything. Or maybe tonight if I get home in time.