Cj B – Page 114 – Chris' Site

Video Chat for AdiumX

I love Adium. I’ve been using it since June of 2005, it has the chat history of 582 contacts, and over 10,700 transcripts! (Yeah I chat a lot!). It lets me sign into all my AIM Screen names, my ICQ, MSN, Yahoo!, Google Chat and many more. It’s got a great ability to create custom actions, and tons of other features. If you haven’t used it. I highly suggest downloading it.

But there’s always been one thing missing from Adium. Video Chat! Well yesterday they released a new update for it and I was frustrated at work so I took a minute to go check out all the AdiumXtras. Ive checked them out before but never really dug into what all was there. I found tons of neat things there, of course. But one of them was called MeBeam Integration. This is an amazing little plug in. It lets you start a video and voice chat with pretty much anyone who has Flash!

I’ve been playing with it a little bit today and it works really well. There’s a little playing around you have to do to get it to work, but once you do it’s amazing for video. The voice is horrible tons of feedback if you don’t use headphones, but once you do it gets much better.

If you are missing your video chat, go check it out. It’s not as nice as a fully integrated solution, but it’ll work for now!

A Spot of Bother – Mark Haddon

Well this past weekend, I finished reading the second book that Constantine and I were supposed to read together. Obviously we are not talking any more, but still. The book was great! 🙂

The book is about a british family. The father is a retired man who finds a rash on his thigh and thinks that it’s Cancer. The wife is cheating on her husband with a former co-worker. The daughter has a kid from a disasterous marriage and is about to get married to another unlikable guy named Ray. The son is gay and his life falls apart when he fails to invite his boyfriend Tony to the wedding.

The father’s craziness gets lost in all the happenings with the wedding and when he catches his wife cheating he goes over the deep end. It’s a book where you will be laughing out loud and crying a few pages later. The writer does an excellent job of getting you into the heads of these people and really embracing you into the story.

At first the book is a little hard to read, there’s to many people being introduced in the first part of the book and the story tends to jump between the different groups of people (George and Jean; Jamie and Tony; Katie, Jacob and Ray).

It’s a great book and once you get into it you will not be able to put it down.

Living My Life…

I’m getting along pretty good really. I do have my days, I get sad, I cry a little, I have to resist calling him and screaming at him or crying my eyes out. But I am having fun again and enjoying things more.

This week has been very very busy. Lets see, I have to try and remember everything I did.

Monday, I worked. I am doing this HUGE project which is an online web-store for my company, so things are very hectic and we are trying to roll it out very fast. That night I went to the gym and then had a dinner/birthday party for this guy Cj that I met a few weeks ago. He’s a flight attendant and we met up with his flight attendant friends for dinner. His friends were very bitchy and annoying and the whole night they talked about being flight attendants. Erick came over that night and we had a very long discussion. He’s STILL lying to me about whatever happened between him and Constantine, I am not an idiot and I found proof that the story he is telling me did not happen WHEN he told me it did. Also he told me that after a week of hinting at what I knew, he finally figured it out on his own. But he then admitted that he talked to Constantine THE NIGHT I first brought it up with him asking Const, “How does he know what happened”….So I am not sure what to do with him, if we should try and be friends or not. I do not deal with liars and cheats. If he wants to be friends, he’s going to have to do a lot to show me that I can trust him again.

Tuesday, work, gym, I did something that night, I think maybe I hung out with Sirin or something? It was a pretty laid back night.

Wed I got home and went to the gym again and then went up to WeHo to meet up with Steve for Bingo. Lots of fun there, some cute boys and what not, late night. This was one of those nights I was very sad towards the end, on the walk back to the car I was nearly in tears. Ugh! I did win at Bingo though so that was exciting! I won at this game called “Rim Job” of course! hahah.

Thursday I went rock climbing with Mok which was lots of fun. I bought a 10-punch card to this indoor rock gym. We also met this really hot guy there named Adam. I hope that I run into him again while we are there. He seemed really nice and very cute. Of course there were also lots of other REALLY hot guys there shirtless and what not. So that was exciting. I got home after that and Sirin came over and we drank wine and chatted and had a great time, it was another late night for me.

Friday I went to the gym again, came home and watched this horrible movie called Tan Lines. It’s about this group of Stoner surfer boys from Australia. One of the guys is kinda hot, the rest are nasty, the movie is really fucked up at times (drinking tea and getting a blow job?), the sex scenes are horrible. I would not suggest watching it. I took a nap after that and then picked Jason up to go to The Factory again. We stopped at Chad and Ronnie’s house on the way up there and picked them up. The factory was a mess Friday night. First the bar tender was a complete ass to me, so I flipped him off, then Jason and Chad were all over each other, so I was the fifth wheel, they ditched me and just left to go to another bar which was annoying, they wouldn’t give free glasses of water, only a $4 bottle of water that you can buy at a fucking gas station for $0.69! Very annoying. We left at like 2ish and then drove and got food and hung out at Chad’s house for a while then drove home. I think I got to bed about 4:30 that night.

I was in a pretty bad mood anyways the whole night because on the drive up there Jason and I were talking and we have both decided that there is obviously some other guy down there in Houston with Const. All the signs are there, and this guy has obviously been around for a while now. Very annoying. I am also very hurt that he deleted all the facebook comments that I have left him over the months together. On the drive home, Jason and I were talking again and I said that I don’t feel like I belong here. I don’t think I am going to find the type of guy that I am looking for here. I don’t understand why guys can’t just be open and honest and want a caring loving relationship. Why do they only follow the cock? I just don’t get it. I am so sick of people lying to me and cheating on me. I am an honest and caring person and have very strong values. Where’s the guy for me? Anyways in a rare caring and emotional moment Jason was like. “I think you belong here” so that was nice of him.

In spite of all that, I still had a fun time on Friday night.

Got up Saturday morning and went to the beach for a few hours, it was UNGODLY hot here all weekend long. The beach was WAY to hot and the water was WAY to cold. So I went home, watched Hairspray which was very good and then took a nap. Got up that evening and headed up to Santa Monica for dinner with Tal. We had a really fun time and he was looking very cute that night. We ate at this place called Asahi Ramen which was very good. On my way home this hot 18 year old that I know called me and wanted to hang out, I was like a block away from his house so I picked him up and we headed back to my place. Watched But I’m a cheerleader, made out a little and then I drove him home.

Sunday I got up early and headed out to go Rock Climbing. For some reason I had a lot of energy that day so I did a lot of climbing. We also did this new climb called A-Frame which was pretty hard. My fingers were very tired by that time, so I never made it to the top of that one. I also got pretty beat up on Birdshit crack, I just couldn’t get my leg up high enough to push up the rest of the way, so I was hanging there by just my arms for a little bit which was very painful because your whole arm is jammed in this crack between sandstone which really rips up your skin. We had a great time anyways. Went to lunch after that and talked about the Death Valley trip which is coming up next weekend. I found out that I may have to drive myself up there, which is very annoying. I assumed I’d be able to ride with someone. UGH!

Drove home after that, took another nap and then headed down to Newport Beach. I had an excellent night and saw this movie called The Indian which was very good. Crashed the night at Dustin’s house.

Sunday was supposed to be Const and my day to chat. I called him on my way down to Newport Beach and he didn’t answer, and never called back. I wonder if he ever will. I know I shouldn’t, but every day I still hope that he will call and say. “I did the wrong thing, I miss you so much” or that he’ll show up at my door with flowers or something. Every time I hear a front door close in my apartment building, I have a small hope that it’ll be him letting himself in again, to come and cuddle in my bed, to laugh and chat over dinner, to talk about our days. Anything to show that he cares even the slightest. But like I said, it’s very clear he’s found some guy down there.

Honestly, not to sound like an asshole. But I don’t think anyone who’s dated me will find someone who will treat them with as much respect and caring as I do for someone. Sure, I’m a little jealous sometimes, and I might require a little to much time/work, but honestly it’s only because I care about someone. It’s only because I like talking to them and caring about them and hearing about what’s going on in that person’s life. I give them all so much, why can’t I find someone who will give it all back to me.

Anyways. I am moving on, I’m having fun and I’m getting back out there. I’m keeping myself very very busy and having a great time!

Adios!

Love Cycles…

I was reading a while back that there are now more single people then there are married couples. Which makes me really sad. The higher divorce rates, the broken families, the kids with only one parent. This is not the way we should be as a society. 30’s is the new 20’s, but it’s not really.

As we go through these love cycles. Dating/breakup/dating/breakup. I love you, I’m not in love with you. Our hearts get broken, they heal some, but we’re never fully back to the way we once were. Think back to your first love. How did you feel about them? Weren’t you totally infatuated with them, thought the world would never go on without them. Sure, most of that was probably just being young and stupid. But really, isn’t that maybe part of being in love?

When you’re young, you are more willing to change. You haven’t started your life alone yet. You don’t have your set ways of doing things, dishes go here, knives go in the rack this way, towels have to be folded like this, dinner is at such and such time. You are you, but you have not set these annoying traits that will probably stick with you for the rest of your life.

Our first love you’re open and vulnerable, you give that person everything, you trust them fully. You’re not afraid to tell them that you love them or that they mean so much to you. But when it’s all over. That person takes a little bit of your trust with them, a little bit of your heart. You eventually get over it and move on. Maybe in a few days, maybe in a few weeks, maybe it takes years. Your next love comes along and you open up to them. But how do you really feel about them?

You’re not as trusting as you once were, you’re not as infatuated, you’re not as emotionally open. You’re starting to get those traits built into you as you live your life. You’re not as willing to to compromise to make them happy. You’re only out to fulfill yourself and not fully about making each other happy.

As we move from relationship to relationship, fuck to fuck, love to love. Each of those takes a little bit of your heart, a little bit of your trust, a little bit of your lust. Until when? Until what? What are you left with?

As we age as we love as we loose; we become rigid, cold and hard. We’re unwilling to make those sacrifices that we once were. My life is all about me now. My way of doing things, my way of living, my way of loving.

Eventually we find someone. Someone we do care about and love, someone that will do for a while, but what’s left of us to give to that person? We’ve become bitter and emotionally lost from our previous bad experiences. We don’t share as much as we should between each other, we don’t trust one another 100%, we don’t make love, we fuck. That may last a year, 5 years, 10 years. But will it last forever.

Will our generation ever see the love that our grandparents have? Will we all be celebrating our 50 years together, or our 50 years apart?

Our love is never ending, but it’s also limited.

Today, we’re to willing to just throw away love. Our spark is dying, so I don’t love you any more. We have a few fights, so I don’t love you any more. I’m not as attracted to you as I once was, so I don’t love you any more. It’s to much work, so I don’t love you any more… So what is love?

Moving On…

What a busy weekend.

This weekend I had to keep myself busy or else I would have gone crazy thinking about Const and what not.

So Friday I got home from work and went up to Santa Monica, hit the gym for a long time and then met up with Chad for dinner and a Movie. We say No Intelligence Allowed. It was actually really interesting. Although not as good as I was hoping it would be. There’s a section about ISU in there too. After that I drove home and picked up Jason and then we met up with Chad, Ronnie and some other people at The Factory in WeHo. Had a really fun night of dancing and drinking. Got home about 2:30 and saw that Const was online. It was 4:30am there! WTF is he doing online! So I freaked out, mostly cause I was drunk off my ass and started talking to his friend Tim and being all sad and annoying with him. He was actually very nice and said some nice stuff. But he also said, “Const isn’t as innocent as he seems”… WTF does that mean!? Ugh. Anyways. I went to bed at about 4am and only slept for a few hours. Laid in bed and read a book most of the time.

Got up Saturday and went over to Jason’s and hung out with him, Vince and Jack all day. Jack was very cute and funny. Crazy kids. The first thing we did was drop off some stuff at the Hazardous waste disposal place. They were wearing like HAZMAT suits and shit. You’d think they were accepting Nuclear waste, not just electronics and old paint! It was very funny. Went over to Torrance Airport for a while and hung out with this guy who has an old Waco. Went back to Jason’s after that and we were going to replace his water heater. But the thing is so old that the drain was all clogged up, so we couldn’t get the heater to drain. And WHO puts a water heater on the second floor?!?

Came home after that and took a nap then headed back to Santa Monica to meet up with Jess, we went and saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall which was VERY funny. Lots of male frontal nudity which was surprising, the guy has a HUGE cock! Scary! lol. After that we went out to a bar in Santa Monica and had a few beers and chatted and had a great time. I got home about midnight and went straight to bed.

Sunday I got up at 5:30 and headed out to Devil’s Punchbowl to meet up with the guys for some climbing. Little did I know what I was getting into out there. We did what’s called Lead Climbing. Something I’ve never done before, so it was a bit nerve racking. We ended up about 150 in the air and then having to repel down the side. Again something I haven’t done in a LONG time and never from such a height, so it was very nerve racking. After that we went out to lunch at this place called Charlie Brown Farms which had delicious Buffalo burgers and I bought some Wild Boar Sausages.

Got home about 5 and my friend CJ came over and we hung out for a few hours watching TV, he left and I hung out and did some random stuff. Const called me at like 9:30 and we talked for a little bit. We are going to try talking every Sunday just to try and keep the friends going and communication open.

Friday I also downloaded the new Counting Crows album. Very good. I suggest getting it. 🙂

Rock Climbing photos.