Tag: Iowa

Back To The MidWest

So, I just wanted to get a quick post up about what I was writing about the other day….

Saturday at JJ’s, Andrew told me that he didn’t think he was going to go back to Chapman after the end of this year, and that he was thinking about coming back to Iowa/Midwest.

There are no schools in Cali that will even take him without 60 credits, so it’s understandable.

I’m still very sad about the whole thing and very upset. I hope that everything works out, and that he doesn’t come back. It’d be way to sad. It would mean the end of us, and I’m not ready for that yet. Specially after living together for a month, I’m really not ready for it at all.

I can only hope that he has the time of his life this semester.

:'(

Not Much Changed

Wow, so not much has changed since last year at this time. We went to the Mr. Gay Iowa thing again at the garden, #1 was WAY hot and Andrew and I wanted to take him home. The sluts were there, being sluty, though the group was larger this year then last.

Lots of hanging out this weekend, it was really good times. We went Ice Skating, and found the under 16 (IE, not old enough to drive) white trash. Went home nad sat around, well actually we went right to bed.

Sunday we got up, did laundry and watched TV, then went out to Half-Priced books and had a good time there. I found two books that I really wanted to buy, but didn’t because I shouldn’t be buying things like that right now. After that we met up with Dustin at the mall and I got a calendar, since no one bought me one this year. From the mall we went to Hy-Vee and ate, then off to JJ’s to hang out and then the gay iowa thing. It was good times… Again, Number one can come home with us!

Friday we spent the night home, watched a movie, or was that Saturday, I don’t really remember. Anyways, we didn’t really do much. Andrew had a break down this weekend though, and that was sad. Mucho sad.

Oh, also on Friday I got a job offer… But it’s only for a weekend of work. I’m going to do it though. Cause it’s $240 for setting up computers, good times. Now I just have to get ahold of the guy again.

Speaking of jobs, I’ve now applied to 66 jobs and sent out 16 cold letters (Mostly to schools).

Today school starts. I’m VERY nervous about it all. It’s my last semester… ::shakes:: Today I only have two classes though, so that’ll be good.

Today’s also Andrew’s B-day! Happy B-day to him! We are going to Hickory Park with people tonight to celebrate. It’ll be good times.

I’m out. Laters all.

Maybe An Update

Ok, well this week has been going really well, up tell last night. But that will be saved for a private update. Tuesday we didn’t really do much but sit around, we did go to the ghetto gym here on Campus, hey at least we didn’t have to pay! I forget what we did the rest of the day, I’m sure we sat around a lot or something. But it was fun.

Wed we didn’t work out, but headed back to DM pretty early. Like 1ish. We were supposed to meet up with Jenny at 3, but had some errands to run first. So we went and did those. We now have a joint checking account, lol. Long story. I’ll be taking his name off the account at the end of the month though. lol.

We also went to WF to give Courtney some flowers for helping us out. The Security gaurd was an ass and wouldn’t let us go up, so that annoyed both Andrew and I. After that we called Jenny and she wasn’t home, so we went off and did other things tell like 5ish. Finally met up with her at B&N and caught up on all the gossip. Good times there. lol. Though I had no idea who half the people they were talking about were. Oh well. I can deal.

After that we hung around tell 8ish when we went to meet up with Court at her house. From there it was off to the new years party. It was tons of fun. Though they had this game, which I really hate, and didn’t want to play. But everyone was trying to get me to play it. I don’t like games like that because I don’t think well when put under the pressure of that situation.

Court also invited me to her B-day dinner, which I felt was very very nice of her, and it made me feel good. But a couple days ago I had quite the break down about things, not regarding her, but mostly about my b-day coming up… And this doesn’t really belong here, but I just felt like throwing it in. So yeah, breakdown == bad. I just don’t like my b-day. Andrew comforted me, and hopefully this year will be good.

We finally broke from there about 1ish I think, after having ate WAY to much! Headed back to my house where I got REALLY pissed off at my dad. But I don’t want to write about that.

Got up the next morning, had a bit of a yell at father and then headed back to Ames, where we spent the rest of the day. Got into a bit of a tiff last night, but everything is good as of now. I think mostly I was just tired and very easily annoyed.

Today I got up and we were going to go work out, but the gymn didn’t open tell 10. So I came into work and have been here since 9. I’ll work tell 5.

The other day I found out about something incredibly sweet. And it was very very nice. It made me happy!

We just got out of the staff meeting a bit ago. We had a VERY long one today, because some how we got onto the topic of the Iowa Education system and how it used to be REALLY good, but now the politicians are taking the idea that it’s not Iowa’s core value. People expressed that they feel that Iowa has decided that since all it’s educated people leave the state once they graduate, why spend the money to educate them. I agree. And I think if they want people to stay in the state, they need to offer jobs that AREN’T insurance. Grrr.

Anyways, I’m out. I’m working on Resumes and Cover Letters. I’ve found some REALLY good jobs that I think I might have a shot at getting.

Laters all

Edit://

I Love Google!

Ranked Feelings.

Last night we have a very big fight. A fight that shouldn’t have happened. But I’m not in the wrong here. As I said at the end of one of my other entries. “Most of all, I want to know that he’s going to change to make me happy, the same way that I’ve changed to make him happy.” Obviously he’s not going to do that, and it hurts greatly.

The whole drinking thing, why must it be such a big deal really. Because it’s not. I ask that he not do it, and when he does, I get annoyed, hurt, sad, yes even mad. It’s something that I feel strongly about, and I disapprove of it. I just don’t see why he can’t understand that. I just don’t see why he feels the need to drink, why. You can still go out and have a good time and not get drunk.

Honestly, I don’t know if I can handle it all. If I had talked to him yesterday morning, if we had fought yesterday morning as we did last night, it would have been the end. And at the point that we were at last night, I didn’t know if I even wanted him living with me when he comes back to Iowa. I just, I just didn’t feel it.

And now, he still has the away message up that he put up lat night, he hasn’t been to my website, he hasn’t updated. It makes me nervous, scared. My mind runs a bit wild. And I hate it. I hate not knowing what happened, if things are alright, if he’s alright. I hate not knowing, and every minute I don’t know, I get just a little bit madder about the whole situation.

Last night he said that I was trying to control him. I don’t really think that I’m trying to control him. I’m ASKING him to not do something that I strongy disapprove of. And YES, when he goes and does it, even though I don’t like it, and have asked him not to, I WILL get mad about it. I jsut don’t see how he can not follow this logic here. It seems perfectly clear to me.

When I make fun of him, about making out with randoms, or any of the other many things that he’s ASKED me not to do, he gets mad/annoyed at me. It’s the exact same thing. Only here, I’m completely out of line according to him.

Anyways, I have to go to a meeting. I shall finish this later.

Edit://
Well, I’m back. But not anymore in the mood to write this. So I’m going to go do some actual work.

Private Post

Know how sometimes you scream at the person you love more than anything for over an hour? Yeah.. I know how it goes. Unfortunately.
Chris and I have been fighting a lot lately. It really makes me sad… as I explained to him, every day I go to sleep after we fight, wake up the next morning upset b/c of what happened. Then nothing happens to fix it, we fight again that night, and the cycle continues.
He only called to say goodnight. I only called back to say goodnight. And an hour and 15 minutes later, after both of us cried, we finally got off the phone. It started b/c I mentioned that the liberrey had Adbusters.. then he said I should pick 5 back issues that he should get… then that made me realize he was gonna buy the thingy that was like 100.00 and it was a package thing. Then I remember he told me he bought the GPS thing.. well, actually he DIDN’T tell me, but that’s another whole situation. I said he didn’t need to spend the money, and the fight began. We fought about that for awhile, then I very calmly tried to explain to him what was wrong with me lately (me always calling and him never calling back, or calling to begin with…. asking me twice what I did during the day… and maybe other things as well). All seemed well, we worked it out and there wasn’t much yelling.
Then I remembered that I had yet to tell him of my plans to go to lunch w/ Court and Ann H. Honestly, it should not have come as a surprise to him. We went through the same thing the last time I was there and several times over the summer. Yet he still took it terribly. I try so hard to see it from his point of view.. but I simply can’t. I see several points:
1. Just as he wants alone time w/ me, so do my other friends.
2. It would be weird w/ him along, going to lunch with an old teacher and Court. He would be out of place.
3. We both need to spend time with other people that aren’t each other.
4. It is different when he comes along.. and when I’m back for just 3 days, my friends don’t want to see Chris, they want to see me.
I don’t try to be mean to him… but these points make perfect sense to me. We fought about that for so long and he just kept screaming and he was so upset and that made me so upset, and I started to cry. I wanted to just sit there and bawl but I couldn’t b/c I was sitting right outside my door and people were coming in and out. It was just terrible… I can’t believe it happened like that. I just need to see him again. I can’t wait to go.
I seriously hope that he really won’t bring it up at all when I’m there and just take me, drop me off, maybe be mad while I’m gone, but be fine when I see him again. I don’t want to fly all the way to Iowa just to fight with him. He means too much to me for this to happen to us.
He said he sees similarities to Adam… that hurt me very deeply. I really hate being compared to him.
He said he loses faith very quickly… if he loses faith in our relationship, then we are done for.
Please don’t honey. I love you so much and I miss you even more. I can’t wait to see you and I’m sorry for being a bad boyfriend and for everything else I do to you.
I’m so sorry that this night had to happen.