Private Post

Know how sometimes you scream at the person you love more than anything for over an hour? Yeah.. I know how it goes. Unfortunately.
Chris and I have been fighting a lot lately. It really makes me sad… as I explained to him, every day I go to sleep after we fight, wake up the next morning upset b/c of what happened. Then nothing happens to fix it, we fight again that night, and the cycle continues.
He only called to say goodnight. I only called back to say goodnight. And an hour and 15 minutes later, after both of us cried, we finally got off the phone. It started b/c I mentioned that the liberrey had Adbusters.. then he said I should pick 5 back issues that he should get… then that made me realize he was gonna buy the thingy that was like 100.00 and it was a package thing. Then I remember he told me he bought the GPS thing.. well, actually he DIDN’T tell me, but that’s another whole situation. I said he didn’t need to spend the money, and the fight began. We fought about that for awhile, then I very calmly tried to explain to him what was wrong with me lately (me always calling and him never calling back, or calling to begin with…. asking me twice what I did during the day… and maybe other things as well). All seemed well, we worked it out and there wasn’t much yelling.
Then I remembered that I had yet to tell him of my plans to go to lunch w/ Court and Ann H. Honestly, it should not have come as a surprise to him. We went through the same thing the last time I was there and several times over the summer. Yet he still took it terribly. I try so hard to see it from his point of view.. but I simply can’t. I see several points:
1. Just as he wants alone time w/ me, so do my other friends.
2. It would be weird w/ him along, going to lunch with an old teacher and Court. He would be out of place.
3. We both need to spend time with other people that aren’t each other.
4. It is different when he comes along.. and when I’m back for just 3 days, my friends don’t want to see Chris, they want to see me.
I don’t try to be mean to him… but these points make perfect sense to me. We fought about that for so long and he just kept screaming and he was so upset and that made me so upset, and I started to cry. I wanted to just sit there and bawl but I couldn’t b/c I was sitting right outside my door and people were coming in and out. It was just terrible… I can’t believe it happened like that. I just need to see him again. I can’t wait to go.
I seriously hope that he really won’t bring it up at all when I’m there and just take me, drop me off, maybe be mad while I’m gone, but be fine when I see him again. I don’t want to fly all the way to Iowa just to fight with him. He means too much to me for this to happen to us.
He said he sees similarities to Adam… that hurt me very deeply. I really hate being compared to him.
He said he loses faith very quickly… if he loses faith in our relationship, then we are done for.
Please don’t honey. I love you so much and I miss you even more. I can’t wait to see you and I’m sorry for being a bad boyfriend and for everything else I do to you.
I’m so sorry that this night had to happen.

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