My Life

My Wall!

So they came and “fixed” my shower last week.

But it had still been doing the same thing… run for a while, and then shut off. It wasn’t really bothering me. I could at least take showers now with pressurized water, but this morning…

This morning I got up and went to take a shower. I went in there, turned on the water, got it to the temp that I want and turned it to the shower head.


So I turned it all off, and started again…


So I tried again, and still NOTHING!

I took a bath this morning. I was really pissed. So I call the repairman they said they’ll have to tear the wall out, and replace the whole thing, it’ll take a couple days. I said it’d be alright. They’ll start work on it tomorrow.

Finally, perhaps I’ll have a real working shower.

I’ve been looking into internships for next summer, perhaps even next semester. I applied to one at Apple, in Cupertino, CA Just south of SF. I doubt I’ll get it, but it’d be sweet if I did.

I’ve also been looking into Dell, HP, Compaq, and a couple other places. Unfortunatly, I’m going to pretty much have to leave Iowa. Unless I want an internship programming COBOL. Which I totally DON’T want to do.

It’s sad thinking about it really. That I’m going to have to leave for one at some point, leave everything here, for that 3-6 months. I don’t want to, but that’s all part of living… I was thinking that perhaps Adam could stay at my apartment while I’m gone, that way I don’t have to move out, whatever. It’s still a long ways down the road. I don’t want to get into that all yet.

Well the power just went out and I’m still typing on this.. I must go now though before my battery gets drained. Laters all!

My Life


Yay, so grades are out now for the Summer Semester.. I got a B in Cobol and a C+ in my Psych class… I’m excited.

The new Macs came out yesterday and they’re really pretty.. Head over there if you haven’t seen them. I’m thinking about getting a Ti-Book. I can in theory afford it. It’s only $3200 for the top of the line one through MPC… Good times.

I haven’t really been up to much. I’ve been putting in 10 hour days. Not so much fun. But eh, $100 a day is pretty damn good I think. We’re working in this really stupid project right now… I swear they give us the stupidest things to do when we have far better things to get done… Things currently on my list to do:

1. Backups
2. MySQL
3. Heartbeat
6. Exim
7. Real
8. Real-Backup
9. NTP
10. Rsync – Windows
11. Apple Talk Zones
12. Pool IPs.
13. Rachel’s IMAP (With three !!!’s after it)
14. CSGF RM ~> Link.
15. IMAP / Exim (Mail/Folders)
16. Shellies Outlook (Corrupt??)
17. Vermont Time Frame (For Upgrade)

Now if you have any idea as to what most of this things are… Good Job!

As for other things… Well I’ve been working out as well. And watching some interesting things on the History channel.

The other night I attempted to make Mac and Cheese for the first time.. Without using a box. I got it a bit too cheesy, but it was still good. lol

Andy’s been trying to get Ramsey and I to go out to lunch with him forever… I would, but I just don’t have any money to go with him. Oh well, it’s still amusing to watch him come in every day and bother us about it.. Good times at work!

Hey look at that… For the first time in forever, I’ve got through a post without mentioning you know who’s name… It’s sad really.. That it’s not mentioned…


I really miss him. Love ::hugs::

My Life

Short Weekend.

This weekend went by really really fast… Alot happened, and yet not much really happened. It’s been very odd…

Friday I met up with Adam and we went and did some money things for him… He got debit card for himself… I told him to “be careful with it” and he took it the wrong way, we got into a bit of an argument, but after we talked it out everything was good… He cried though and that made me really sad and I felt so bad for yelling at him. It wasn’t good, but after we talked it was all good again… Then that night we went out to supper at Village Inn and we saw Dustin, he had put his two-weeks in the night before and when he came into work that night the boss man told him to just go home, so we said we’d call him to hang out that night…

After supper we went to MHM and did some shopping and shit. It was good times, then we called Dustin and met him at Java Joe’s. We had fun, Mandy was there as well and we hung out with her, that was great fun times.

We went home to go hot tubbing around 11, we invited Dustin, but he didn’t want to come. That boy is odd if you ask me, I can’t figure out what he wants… He’s still amusing to go out with, and he’s growing on Adam.

Saturday Adam worked tell 4, I was going to sleep in and do nothing all morning, but my dad decided to play jack-hammer. He finished one side of the basement, he started work on the bathroom on the other side and felt the need to rip out some of the concrete at like 7am, I swear. So I got up and took a 45 minute shower and shaved like every hair south of my neck, it was quite amusing for me.

I went to Hy-Vee about 2ish and hung out tell Adam got off at 3 (an hour early). So after that we went to Valley West and he got a Drawing Book and we went to Calypso (sp?) and hung out generally. We also went to Comp-USA, now that was amusing… We happened to wonder into the Apple area and the guy working was relaly cool, he had to be close to 60, but we talked to him for a bit over an hour about how Apple’s are cool, and how everyone just uses windows because ‘Everyone else does it’ and that mentality that America has. It was really cool, we probably would have stood there talking for longer, but he had real paying customers.

From there we called Dustin again and headed downtown. That was yet again more fun times. Two other people showed up, I can’t remember they’re names, but they were amusing. Although they were drinking str8 vodca, so I really didn’t want to hang out with them all that much… Adam and I left about 10:30 and went back and watched Porn.. That was amusing as hell.

Today’s been alright as well. Again my dad decided to be noisy at an un-godly hour in the morning, but I slept anyways… I got out of bed at 12:30 got dressed and then went to Hy-Vee… I got some work done today though, so that was good. I tried talking to Leah as well, but she was being a horrid bitch… I’ll get to more of that in a bit… After Adam got off we went back to his house and cleaned his room and put his fish tank back up. That was fun and amusement. His whole family was being a bit grouchy today though, and that was sad, maybe it’s just the weather. I dunno. But we had a good time anyhow..

About 7:45 or so we deicded to get online and see if anyone had updated, we were reading people’s things when it came to Leah’s. That really upset both me and Adam… She called our relationship a “Ricki Lake Show” and said that we fight all the time and that I want Adam but Adam just wants someone…. We don’t fight that offten and and when we do, it’s just because one of us missunderstood the other, it’s generally something stupid and we’ve made up 5 seconds later. What she said hurt me and him, it was rude and even though journals are somewhere that you can vent and say “what you want to” there are somethings that are best kept to yourself. That’s why we made “private entries.”

But she didn’t just rip on us, she ripped on everyone of her friends. She says that …. hell I dunno.

After that Adam and I talked about our relationship, about prom and what happened in the 45 minutes after it, we talked about what Andi had said, since she was there, and what she thought about those 45 minutes on the car ride home to Ankeny…. We talked about how great our relationship is and how close we are… I love him and I know he loves me… That’s what matters, is that we talk and we know how much we love each other.

So this weekend’s been long, yet short, it seems to have just started and now it’s already over.

I have a feeling this week is going to be much the same, I’m going back tomorrow for Safe Space, and Adam’s coming up here Thursday night… I can’t wait.

My Life

Aug 07, 2001

Aug 7, [New Radicals, "Someday We’ll Know"]

Ok, well it’s not really Aug 7 yet, but it’s damn close enough and I didn’t

feel like making a second update for Aug 6, cause well that’s just to much

work. Today’s been pretty good. Adam was going to come over here this morning

at like 10 or something, but he can never keep apointments, and he slept

in. So I guess Angie called him and told his mom that he was supposed to

bring her over here, and Adam’s mom wouldn’t let him leave, cause well he’s

grounded. So that fucked up those plans, I guess it’s better that way cause

I didn’t get out of bed tell 11:00 anyway. Then this afternoon Angie came

over and picked me up and we went back to her house. We hung out there for

a while and then went car shopping at the place Nick (Is that how he spells

it?) works at. There was some really assholeic guy working there and once

he found out that we weren’t actually going to buy something (which, when

he first walked up, I said, "We’re just looking") got really bitchy

with us. So we left. After that we went over to Adam’s house and hung out

there for a while. Angie and I left cause, well I was getting sad. We were

in his room most of the time, and Angie and him were cuddling, and that

just really made me sad cause, that used to be me, and now I don’t feel

comfortable around him when they are doing that. And even though it’s just

him and Angie, I don’t feel comfortable joining in either. So I felt left

out. And by the way, today Adam made a comment in his journal that everyone

feeds off messing up his hair,

and I just want to say that I only mess it up when he tells me I can, thanks.

(I think he’s alot cuter though when he doesn’t have all that gook in his

hair). But after we left there, Angie and I went to get some food and then

we headed back to my house to watch movies. We watched that one, the Hidden

Dragon. It was really fucked up. I didn’t follow it at all. Well, alright,

I got the basic jist of it. Then Xak called and came over and we watched

Power Puff Girls. That was amussing cause I’ve never seen any of them. They

were great.

I got a letter today from the housing department at ISU. They said I’d

probably get stuck in temporary housing for a time then I’d get moved into

a dorm somewhere, that’s going to really suck cause we’ll, I’ll have two

different roommates, I’ll have to move sometime. And yeah, just generally

sucky arrangments. I’m really not looking forward to school to start again.

I hope it’s a good semester, but I have a feeling it won’t be.

I want to go up to camp sometime this week. It’s the last week of Cub /

Webelos camp and I want to see how things are going with them all. I also

want to get one last time to walk around camp and just enjoy it. I wish

I still had someone special in my life to go up there with me to share it.

But I don’t so some night I’m going to go up there late and just hang out

for a while. It should be good times.

This is just like random thought night. There’s alot of things I want to

get done this summer before school starts, but I know I most likely won’t

get them done. My horroscope says that I need someone in my life that has

alot of energy cause I have all these things that I need to get done, and

ideas that I have, but I never have the time, or energy to actually get

them done. We’ll see what happens. I’m having feelings that this summer

I haven’t gotten anything done. Yet I know that I have. I’ve taken that

step to remove Scouts from my life. I’ve opened up to alot of people about

who I am and what my life is about. I’ve had alot of firsts this summer.

My first Bf and other such personal things as the major one, but there’s

been alot of them. Many more then I can really remember right now, or want

to remember really. It’s been a productive summer, yet it feels as though

nothings been done, maybe because I don’t really have anything to show for

it. I’m still the same person as I started out the summer, and I really

have nothing to show for what’s happened this summer, other then the journal.

But that’s really nothing much. It has all my feelings, but I haven’t been

able to express those feelings in other ways, other then here on the journal.

I don’t really know.

I guess the scouting’s populas has degraded alot since the high courts

ruling about the gay issue. It’s down almost 4.5% in one year. And that’s

just an average, in the northeast it’s down 7.8%. It’s even down 3.5% in

the south, which is where the scouts are supported by just about every church

and other youth orginization around. There’s a really good article about

the scouts in Aug 6 edition of Newsweek I think everyone should go

read it.

My grandma sent me an e-mail today. She really needs to learn how to form

complete sentences and thoughts. She just jumps from one subject to the

next in one sentence right after another. Here’s a sampling: Knew

one time you were talking apartment. Won’t be long now before it starts,

will it? Larry’s gave us some apples so made a pie and have been freezing

applesauce. What the hell is that? I mean, I know that I go from

thought to thought, but man, that’s just messed up. She really needs to

learn how to do this stuff. You know what’s really funny though, the subject

line says "hot" but it says nothing about it being hot in the

message. What is up with that? My grandma is just crazy.

I got a book today from Adam, well really I’m supposed to be taking it

back to the GLRC tomorrow, but I’m going to keep it and read it. It’s the

book that Ellen Degeneres wrote. Adam said it was really good, but we’ll

see. I’m not much of a book person, so it takes a really good book to keep

my attention.

I have tell Wed off, which is nice, well it kinda sucks cause Adam’s grounded

and I don’t have a car. So it gets kinda boring here during the day, but

at night it’s nice to not have to worry about working. I guess Marlin bitched

about me so they aren’t scheduling us together anymore, which is nice, cause

I hated his guts anyhow. But I want to know what he bitched about, cause

I’ve been nothing but nice to him. That fat asshole. grrr. Next week’s going

to really suck though cause I’m working mornings some days and overnights

other days. And I work Saturday overnight, and that Saturday is the last

Saturday night I’ll be in town for a while, so yeah. grrr at them.

My mom seems to be really supportive of my choices in my life. She really

likes Adam and such, she keeps asking me questions about him. I don’t think

she’s gotten that we’ve broken up, but then how could she tell a difference,

I think I spend more time with him now then I did. She also asked me the

other day wether I wanted to be active in scouting any more, I told her

I’d help out if they _needed_ me but I’d rather not be. And she said that

was cool. I’m happy that things are going good with them. I just wish they’d

actually talk to me about it. I’m not really ready to bring it up to them,

and I told them in the letter that I sent them when i came out that when

they felt comfortable talking to me about it that they could come and talk

to me. I think I should tell them that my aunt and cousin know, that might

help them out abit.

I guess Adam’s going to get high this Friday. Part of me says that I should

be there to see it cause it’ll be amusing, but another part of me says I

shouldn’t go. I think that if I’m off work by the time they do it I’d like

to be there, maybe I’ll try it. I’ve always wondered what it’d be like to

be high. But I’ve never had the guts to do it. That goes back to the whole,

having lots of ideas, but never acting on them thing that I wrote about

up above.

I’m going to have to reboot my computer here soon. It’s starting to be

all slow and things are starting to crash, well only AT&T crashes when

I sign on, but that’s nothing really big. I can still get on the internet.

But still, it’s been up for almost 30 days now without being shut off. So

I think it’s time I give it a break. I really love having Win2k on here,

it’s so great. No reboots, hehe. One of the lackeys from NP has been e-mailing

me about getting POP working on Comet B, Comet C, and Shoemaker, but since

they installed RH 7.1 and it uses a different version of IMAP then I’m used

to I can’t really help them without seeing it and I don’t really want go

in there, cause then they’ll give me a list of other things to fix while

I’m there. I really don’t want to help them any more, I enjoy it, but if

I help them once, I’ll get suck helping them with alot of other things I

don’t have the time for.

There’s alot of other stuff that I wanted to write about when I first started

this, but I’ve forgotten it all. So I’m going to go post this so Adam can

read it, cause I want his feed back on it.

[Added revision, 30 minutes later] After I wrote this update Adam started

acting wierd. I don’t really know what the hell it was all about, but it

was starting to piss me off. Then he just started sending random messages

and then signed off. The little twat. (Changing topics completely) I’m in

the mood to write an erotic story, but I just can’t get going, well actually

I had a pretty good start, but then Adam started acting wierd and worried

me. So I lost my train of thought, oh well, maybe laters. Now I’m just worried

as to what the hell Adam’s fucking doing.

My Life

March 26, 2001

march 26. ok so yesterday afternoon i got an e-mail from this

guy in SF. so i replied to it, after a bit of nagging from danny, and then

i went to bed. well like after 20 minutes the phone rang and it was this guy.

i was like omg, omg, omg,omg. it was so funny. but we talked for like 30 minutes.

he seems pretty cool. he admits he’s a preppy, but hey, what the hell. lol.

he works at Wells-Fargo as a teller. He wanted me to come down to the bank

last night and talk to him. it was odd, but cool. i might go down next weekend.

lol. ok so i’m back, and my econ prof is totaly fucking insane, he didn’t

even show up for class today, he just left the tests there and had a note

for us on what to do. and of course his test was just totaly messed up. and

ya know what else, i’ve been so fucking messed up in the days lately. like

last night when i was talking to that guy, nathan. he was like so what time

do you have class tomorrow, so i looked and was like 9-10 and then later we

were talking and i was like i have to get up early tomorrow i have class at

7. and he was like, but i thought you siad 9-10. and i was like OHH yeah,

it’s monday not tuesday. but ya know what, this morning i got up and went

to my 7 class, forgetting that it was monday and not tuesday. oh well. lol.

it gave me more time to study for my econ test. so now ihave nothing to do

for the rest of the day. boring. i got this reallly cool skin for my computer,

it looks like Mac OS X. it’s really fucking cool. ya know if i had money i

would soooooooo buy one of those titanium laptops that apple has. they are so much cooler then anything that the windows

makers put out, and i could get more done with a mac anyday. and it would

only cost me $4,096.

that’s about what i paid for my computer that i have now. damnit, i wish my

pu’s would have listened to me. but they were like, no where not going to

shop for your computer, so i had to make a last minute buy for a computer

the week before i moved up here. and i got a damn HP, i HATE hp’s. really,

really hate them. they are evil.