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My Life

Aug 07, 2001

Aug 7, [New Radicals, "Someday We’ll Know"]

Ok, well it’s not really Aug 7 yet, but it’s damn close enough and I didn’t

feel like making a second update for Aug 6, cause well that’s just to much

work. Today’s been pretty good. Adam was going to come over here this morning

at like 10 or something, but he can never keep apointments, and he slept

in. So I guess Angie called him and told his mom that he was supposed to

bring her over here, and Adam’s mom wouldn’t let him leave, cause well he’s

grounded. So that fucked up those plans, I guess it’s better that way cause

I didn’t get out of bed tell 11:00 anyway. Then this afternoon Angie came

over and picked me up and we went back to her house. We hung out there for

a while and then went car shopping at the place Nick (Is that how he spells

it?) works at. There was some really assholeic guy working there and once

he found out that we weren’t actually going to buy something (which, when

he first walked up, I said, "We’re just looking") got really bitchy

with us. So we left. After that we went over to Adam’s house and hung out

there for a while. Angie and I left cause, well I was getting sad. We were

in his room most of the time, and Angie and him were cuddling, and that

just really made me sad cause, that used to be me, and now I don’t feel

comfortable around him when they are doing that. And even though it’s just

him and Angie, I don’t feel comfortable joining in either. So I felt left

out. And by the way, today Adam made a comment in his journal that everyone

feeds off messing up his hair,

and I just want to say that I only mess it up when he tells me I can, thanks.

(I think he’s alot cuter though when he doesn’t have all that gook in his

hair). But after we left there, Angie and I went to get some food and then

we headed back to my house to watch movies. We watched that one, the Hidden

Dragon. It was really fucked up. I didn’t follow it at all. Well, alright,

I got the basic jist of it. Then Xak called and came over and we watched

Power Puff Girls. That was amussing cause I’ve never seen any of them. They

were great.

I got a letter today from the housing department at ISU. They said I’d

probably get stuck in temporary housing for a time then I’d get moved into

a dorm somewhere, that’s going to really suck cause we’ll, I’ll have two

different roommates, I’ll have to move sometime. And yeah, just generally

sucky arrangments. I’m really not looking forward to school to start again.

I hope it’s a good semester, but I have a feeling it won’t be.

I want to go up to camp sometime this week. It’s the last week of Cub /

Webelos camp and I want to see how things are going with them all. I also

want to get one last time to walk around camp and just enjoy it. I wish

I still had someone special in my life to go up there with me to share it.

But I don’t so some night I’m going to go up there late and just hang out

for a while. It should be good times.

This is just like random thought night. There’s alot of things I want to

get done this summer before school starts, but I know I most likely won’t

get them done. My horroscope says that I need someone in my life that has

alot of energy cause I have all these things that I need to get done, and

ideas that I have, but I never have the time, or energy to actually get

them done. We’ll see what happens. I’m having feelings that this summer

I haven’t gotten anything done. Yet I know that I have. I’ve taken that

step to remove Scouts from my life. I’ve opened up to alot of people about

who I am and what my life is about. I’ve had alot of firsts this summer.

My first Bf and other such personal things as the major one, but there’s

been alot of them. Many more then I can really remember right now, or want

to remember really. It’s been a productive summer, yet it feels as though

nothings been done, maybe because I don’t really have anything to show for

it. I’m still the same person as I started out the summer, and I really

have nothing to show for what’s happened this summer, other then the journal.

But that’s really nothing much. It has all my feelings, but I haven’t been

able to express those feelings in other ways, other then here on the journal.

I don’t really know.

I guess the scouting’s populas has degraded alot since the high courts

ruling about the gay issue. It’s down almost 4.5% in one year. And that’s

just an average, in the northeast it’s down 7.8%. It’s even down 3.5% in

the south, which is where the scouts are supported by just about every church

and other youth orginization around. There’s a really good article about

the scouts in Aug 6 edition of Newsweek I think everyone should go

read it.

My grandma sent me an e-mail today. She really needs to learn how to form

complete sentences and thoughts. She just jumps from one subject to the

next in one sentence right after another. Here’s a sampling: Knew

one time you were talking apartment. Won’t be long now before it starts,

will it? Larry’s gave us some apples so made a pie and have been freezing

applesauce. What the hell is that? I mean, I know that I go from

thought to thought, but man, that’s just messed up. She really needs to

learn how to do this stuff. You know what’s really funny though, the subject

line says "hot" but it says nothing about it being hot in the

message. What is up with that? My grandma is just crazy.

I got a book today from Adam, well really I’m supposed to be taking it

back to the GLRC tomorrow, but I’m going to keep it and read it. It’s the

book that Ellen Degeneres wrote. Adam said it was really good, but we’ll

see. I’m not much of a book person, so it takes a really good book to keep

my attention.

I have tell Wed off, which is nice, well it kinda sucks cause Adam’s grounded

and I don’t have a car. So it gets kinda boring here during the day, but

at night it’s nice to not have to worry about working. I guess Marlin bitched

about me so they aren’t scheduling us together anymore, which is nice, cause

I hated his guts anyhow. But I want to know what he bitched about, cause

I’ve been nothing but nice to him. That fat asshole. grrr. Next week’s going

to really suck though cause I’m working mornings some days and overnights

other days. And I work Saturday overnight, and that Saturday is the last

Saturday night I’ll be in town for a while, so yeah. grrr at them.

My mom seems to be really supportive of my choices in my life. She really

likes Adam and such, she keeps asking me questions about him. I don’t think

she’s gotten that we’ve broken up, but then how could she tell a difference,

I think I spend more time with him now then I did. She also asked me the

other day wether I wanted to be active in scouting any more, I told her

I’d help out if they _needed_ me but I’d rather not be. And she said that

was cool. I’m happy that things are going good with them. I just wish they’d

actually talk to me about it. I’m not really ready to bring it up to them,

and I told them in the letter that I sent them when i came out that when

they felt comfortable talking to me about it that they could come and talk

to me. I think I should tell them that my aunt and cousin know, that might

help them out abit.

I guess Adam’s going to get high this Friday. Part of me says that I should

be there to see it cause it’ll be amusing, but another part of me says I

shouldn’t go. I think that if I’m off work by the time they do it I’d like

to be there, maybe I’ll try it. I’ve always wondered what it’d be like to

be high. But I’ve never had the guts to do it. That goes back to the whole,

having lots of ideas, but never acting on them thing that I wrote about

up above.

I’m going to have to reboot my computer here soon. It’s starting to be

all slow and things are starting to crash, well only AT&T crashes when

I sign on, but that’s nothing really big. I can still get on the internet.

But still, it’s been up for almost 30 days now without being shut off. So

I think it’s time I give it a break. I really love having Win2k on here,

it’s so great. No reboots, hehe. One of the lackeys from NP has been e-mailing

me about getting POP working on Comet B, Comet C, and Shoemaker, but since

they installed RH 7.1 and it uses a different version of IMAP then I’m used

to I can’t really help them without seeing it and I don’t really want go

in there, cause then they’ll give me a list of other things to fix while

I’m there. I really don’t want to help them any more, I enjoy it, but if

I help them once, I’ll get suck helping them with alot of other things I

don’t have the time for.

There’s alot of other stuff that I wanted to write about when I first started

this, but I’ve forgotten it all. So I’m going to go post this so Adam can

read it, cause I want his feed back on it.

[Added revision, 30 minutes later] After I wrote this update Adam started

acting wierd. I don’t really know what the hell it was all about, but it

was starting to piss me off. Then he just started sending random messages

and then signed off. The little twat. (Changing topics completely) I’m in

the mood to write an erotic story, but I just can’t get going, well actually

I had a pretty good start, but then Adam started acting wierd and worried

me. So I lost my train of thought, oh well, maybe laters. Now I’m just worried

as to what the hell Adam’s fucking doing.

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