SPRING!!

I love spring rain… I wish they could just bottle this smell and sound and sell it, oh wait… They already have. Well I wish they would sell the real smell rather then that fake smell they have, it doesn’t really smell like it does now… It’s so great.

I love the rain in the spring, it’s just coming down at a nice heavy down pour… It’s so relaxing and nice… I’ve been out walking round in it for the last hour or so. It’s fun… Lots of other random people out as well… good times with the rain.. It reminds me of summer.

Why?

Last night I thought about alot of things… and I had a lot of stuff to post about today, but I’m just not in the mood to do it…

There’s two things in this world that I truly love, Adam and scouting…. Last night both of those came into my thoughts a lot.

First was the fact that yesterday was the first day that it was realy nice out, and that reminded me of all the weekend campouts, the conclaves, the pow-wows, the summer camping trips, the high-adventure. All the camping, the weekly meetings… I miss those and that really hurts. I want to go back and do that again, I miss all the weekend camping, the weekends out on our own, in nature, I miss the weekly troop meetings, the first wed of the month meetings, the second tuesday of the month meetings and the third thursday of the month meetings.. I miss it all. I want to go back to badly, why can’t something that I love so much, hate me so much.

Second was Adam, the story yesterday (yes, that was written about us, by one of our friends) really hit home for me, it really meant alot to me and there’s so much that I wish I could add onto that story. I won’t do that, but looking back, I’m glad things happened the way they did, and it’s another one of those times in my life where I wish I would have taken more memories from, I wish that we would have danced another song, I wish that we would have gotten our pictures taken professionaly, there’s so much that I wish… But I enjoyed the night for what it was and will always remember it, I’ll always have the pictures that were taken there, and the song that we did dance too. Those memories will never leave…

I also thought about alot of other things, mostly about last summer, at camp, just random memories of camping and things that happened, or Angels leaving in August, that made me cry again, because when it happened, Adam was so hurt, and I didn’t know what to do. I wish that I could have just laid there and held him, but that was still to close to after our break-up to do that…. I just stood there and told him it’s alright, and I don’t feel that was enough for me, I wish that I could have done more. I also thought about Linda Anderson, my Engl prof from last semester and how much I hated her, and the fact that when I bitched her out there was so much more that I could have said to her to make my point more clear….

Last night was full of wishes, but not wishes for the future, wishes of things I should have done.

“If I were not a Boy Scout… I don’t know what I’d be”

Prom

He sat at the table, pertrified. “Don’t worry about it,” “Everything will

be fine,” “Nothing will happen,” “We’ll be there right behind you.” The

constant buzz of words was becoming grinding. His sight went blurry. Then,

a gentle touch on the knee brought him out of his trance. “C’mon, let’s

go.” He stood. The familiar fingertips led him out into the open. Music

played but it faded into the buzz, just like the words. Everything began to

play in slow motion. The protective bubble he had always felt, popped. He

embraced his boyfriend on the dance floor. Terrifying thoughts raced through

his mind at 600 mph…..”Are people staring? Are they talking? Are they

going to do something? Will anything happen when we try to leave?”

Suddenly, he felt a soft kiss on his cheek along with whispered words, “It’s

okay.”

He turned away. An eternity later, the buzzing ended. They lost their

embrace. The urge to run away and hide was so overwhelming, he could hardly

walk back to the tables. “Let’s leave now to beat the rush in the parking

lot.”

In the car, tears formed pools in his eyes. He was engulfed by

disappointment and shame. The pools turned into rivers. He choked out the

first words he had uttered in half an hour, “I’m sorry…” His boyfriend

looked at him lovingly and replied, “You have no need to be.”

And he was right. The event that occured in the last 30 minutes was filled

with more emotion than most people experience in a lifetime. This one single

event revolutionized their relationship. They had always loved each other

but never found it necessary to prove it. Especially to other people. But

this oen tremendous feat proved to his boyfriend, and all of the people in

that ballroom, just how deep his love flowed for him. Despite all of the

terror and dread, he still stood up and proudly walked onto the dance floor,

at his high school prom, with his boyfriend.

Nothing he could ever do again would even come close to what this meant to

both of them. Their relationship was indestructible and we should all be so

lucky to experience even a fraction of the love they shared against all odds.

–Anonymous

Spring

Well I do beleive that spring is here. It’s so fucking nice outside… Yay. And all the hots guys are out in their tight little t-shirts and shorts that show off thier great asses… It’s so nice. lol.

I wanted to just grab them all and say, “lets go to the bathroom for a minute.” But I couldn’t, cause today was the Day of Silence. That was amusing as hell. But it’s all cool. I also went to the MU and looked at the display of posters. It was bad.

Not much really happening today. I’ve got a program to write here later, and I have a WindowsXP box to learn about. And get my Webcam working… It was working before, but then I updated the drivers for it and now it’s not working. Damn thing.

I’m going to start hauling shit that I don’t need back home this weekend… I hate having to move/pack so I do it in little increments… it’s all good.

I’m out, It’s so nice out side.

New Computers

Well it’s a good thing I got my computer when I did…. Today they raised the prices by $100 on the one that I got, the other two stayed the same… But the $100 is well worth it. They also upgraded to a cd-rw, added an extra 128 megs of RAM and 20 more gigs of HD space… I’d be willing to by another one… lol

I’ve got XP installed on the new computer. It’s going good so far. We’ll see how it works.

I’m off to play with my computers now.. Laters all.