A Loss For Words…

Wow, so there were a lot of emotional developments this weekend.

Friday we didn’t really do much, just hung out. It was really nice, we went and saw our second movie together, and hence our second typical date. I guess you could call it. Though there wasn’t any dinner, so does it count as one or not? I’m going to say that it does.

Saturday was really good, even though we spent a lot of time at his house. Like I said in the main journal. Sure watching him pack is boring, but I think it’s worth my time to be there. Both to support him, and to get to spend time with him. I know that if I were moving as far away from my friends as he is, I would want someone there every time I was packing. Otherwise I’d just break down in tears and not ever get anything done.

It was really hard to sit there and watch him pack. I know he really didn’t do that much, just one box. But he did go through all his clothes, etc. And it’s really starting to come down to the end. There were a few times while I was sitting there watching him that the tear factory started up. I contained it though before it really got into full gear.

Bowling was tons of fun, though he really kicked my ass. I used to be much better at bowling, but I just seem to have lost it. And plus the ball was way to heavy for me.

After that was the porn store. I haven’t been in one in forever. So that was amusing as hell, then to supper. That was nice to just hang out with him there. Although the place we went was way more expensive then I remember it being and there were a lot of white trash people there.

After that we went back to my house and went hot tubbing. That was nice, even with all the stupid bugs and such flying around and eating us alive!

We didn’t spend much time in there, just enough to talk some. From the hot tub we went right to my room. I took Andrew’s undies to put in the dryer. I really like when he goes nude, though I know that he doesn’t enjoy it. I’m glad that at least sometimes he will do it.

Anyways, we were laying in my bed, making out, etc. He gave me a rimmy, a really good one. Lots of the dry-humping, which has now become a fairly regular thing. And a very enjoyable thing, I think. I dunno, I just really like it.

Well we were doing that, and Andrew leans into me and says, I want to make love to you. And at that moment, and even now just thinking about it, it makes my heart stop, and I’m at a loss for words. That meant so much to me, that he cares so much for me, and I care so much for him. It just makes me so happy, and it means so so much to me.

I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to, but I just didn’t know what to say. I wanted to make sure that he was ready, but I didn’t want to just stop and go, Well are you sure you’re ready.
I knew that I was, I had been thinking about that lately. I felt that we were ready, or close to being close enough to do that. But what was he really thinking.

The whole time I was debating this in my head we were hugging and kissing, and I was just holding him so close, but I wanted to hold him closer.

I finally decided that he’s mature enough, he would know when he was ready for something like that. Not like my last bf, who freaked out after wards and caused a huge fight… Andrew’s mature, and he wouldn’t say that if he didn’t mean it.

We fooled around some more, he would give me a rimmy, and then more dry-humping… Finally we got into a good position, and he got Enfuego nice and lubed, and gave me a good rimmy and then slowly got it in.

That was by far the best I had ever had, and also the most meaningful. When Adam and I first did it, we weren’t even dating, there was no emotional feelings there that time. This time it was so wonderful. So great, and so pleasurable as well. I was so close to coming but he pulled out just before both times.

That night I was so happy, Andrew and I had shared so much, and I think we became closer on an emotional level. The feelings are just so indescribable.

Sunday was nice, though Andrew was acting a bit weird. I really wanted to talk to him the whole day about what had happened the night before, but the right time never seemed to come up, though I really didn’t try that much, because I attributed most of his weirdness to the moving since we spent the whole day packing.

Finally that night we got to talk about it while laying in his bed. It was good to hear that he wasn’t really regretting what happened, just that he was scared that I didn’t feel the same way that he did. And I do, so I reassured him on that. And hopefully all was better after that. We talked some more about other things, and he said that I should come with him to Cali.

I really wish that I could, I don’t want him to move away. I’m going to be losing so much when he leaves. Hopefully I won’t lose it for good.

Leaving was even harder then usual that night. I really wanted to just stay there and hold him, and let him know that how much he means to me. But eventually I had to leave.

And that drive home, seemed even longer than normal. Way longer. All I could think about was him, and how hard it’ll be without him here this fall. I know I’ll get through it, but it’ll be hard… And I know that he’ll do just fine out there in Cali.

The weekend that wouldn’t stop…

So this weekend just seemed to keep on going. Which was really good. Friday I met up with Andrew about 5:45ish, his mom was supposed to be cooking supper, but the people that have looked at the house 4 times were going to be coming over, so she decided not to. We ate something real quick and hung out at his for a while. Once we left we headed to the half-price store to get sell some books back. I took in some old computer books. I got $15 back for them, which was pretty good I thought, considering how old they were.

From there we went downtown for a while. And then decided to go see a movie. Legally Blonde 2. Very good movie I must say. After that I drove Andrew back to his car and we broke for the night.

Saturday I awoke really early, 7:30. But I didn’t actually get out of bed tell about 10 or so. Once I did, I just sat around and didn’t really do much. Andrew finally called me about 12:20 and we made plans to meet up at about 1ish.

I left PC and drove there, stupid stupid people driving that day. Very annoying.

Got to his place and we finalized the dates for the trips to EWR/LAX. Aug 11th is the day we’re leaving. I’m still very worried about all the flights though. Ate lunch there and then spent a large part of the day helping/watching him pack stuff. It was nice to hang out with him, a bit boring. But I’m totally understanding that he has to pack, and the weekend is one of the few times that he has to do that. I also want to be there when he packs because I think that’s probably the time that he most needs someone there. Packing just brings to reality how soon he is moving.

We left there about 3ish, I think. The weekend just seems to be all blurring together for some reason this morning. Anyways, I do remember that we drove from his place to the new porn store off exit 159. That was very amusing times. The guy that was working was uber friendly for some reason. And then have a HUGE, and I mean HUGE!, gay porn DVD section. Very good. Now I just wish that it was closer to here to rent porn from! Lol. Though, it’s probably closer then driving all the way to the south side.

After that we drove back to Ankeny, stopped to eat. It was uber expensive there, but I already told Andrew that I would pay, and that we were eating there. So it was too late. Whatever though, the food was good.

Oh, I forgot that we went bowling on Saturday too! That was fun. Thanks Beak for the free tickets and if you get anymore that you don’t want to use, I’ll gladly take them!

After supper we went back to my house, hot tubbed and then went to bed. Andrew spent the night.

Sunday morning we got up, showered and ate breakfast at my house. From there we went back to his and packed some more. We also took TONS of pictures for his ebay items that he has up. Everyone should go bid on them to make him happy! Lol.

After that we went to the half-price books store again to sell more books. I took in a bunch more compter books and an old Business book that I have. All the computer books were about the same age as the ones that I took in on Friday. Though this time they only offered me $1 for all of them. I mean this was like 10 books! I was uber pissed about this. Because it just shows that they really don’t have much of a plan on how they pay for books. They just guess or something. I was very annoyed, and they wouldn’t even take my Business book because It has highlighting. Well duh, of course it does, it’s a fucking college text book! Grr. I was just annoyed with that.

Once we were done with that we went and got ice cream. Which I really didn’t need but it was so good!

From there back to his house, where we met up with Ginny. And then went to the airport to pick up Jenny and her sister. That was fun times.

Broke late that night after some laying in bed talking about things, and a bit of crying.

Got home late that night and got my mail… Two bills of course. Very annoyed with that, though I realized that I already paid one of them, and my electric bill is only $1.88 this month. Which is very odd. I’ll have to look at that again tonight when I’m more awake to figure out what’s actually going on there. Because it should have been closer to $30.00 or so.

Also thinking about where I want to move after college. With everyone else that I hang out with talking about their moving, and going away to college it’s got me thinking a lot. I really want to move west, and I have for a long time. Though I don’t think Cali is the place, and if it is, it would either be San Diego, or more north, but not around LA, or SF. I was thinking Washington for a while, but I want to stay away from there because they are infected with the evil M$ Virus there. Arizona still has potential. But I don’t really know how much. I’m very scared about it all though, because I know that at the job fairs here at ISU they only have employers from this area of the country. As Sue said not that long ago, And why did you stay here??

One year seems like a long time, but I know that it’ll go by really fast… Just look at how fast the last 2 months have gone by already.

Today I’ve been very busy at work, though I think things will slow down now this afternoon. I went through my old entries this morning and changed a few of them from private to public, and I’ve been thinking about some more code upgrades, but those would all be for me. We’ll see if I get around to it or not.

Tonight will consist of 80’s music and CD burning.

And that’s my life.

So let’s see here, what’s been going on. This weekend was tons of fun, I was SO happy to be back and in my Topher’s arms again. Though VERY annoyed at the stupid plane people. GRR.

That night I gave Chris lots of good pleasure (I hope!) in the tent and it was fun b/c it was outside and in a tent and that just made it fun. We both shot some nice loads that night. Yeah.

Sunday again was good, though I woke up with a raging headache. We did just a lot of random things that day. Then we went to camp at night and it was really cool to hear all about it. So much more complexity to BoyScouts than I ever imagined. But yeah I get most of it (that doesn’t mean I REMEMBER all of it) and I am trying my hardest to rememer as much as I can, and I think I’m doing a fairly ok job. Like I know the OA goes Ordeal, Brotherhood, Vigil. Hows that eh? lol.

It was hard to say bye Sunday since I still wanted to spend time with him since I had just gotten back. But we managed and nothing happened till Wednesday.

Wed he came down and we hung out here, scanning pictures, which he didn’t want to do but I REALLY had to get done. I need to scan a whole lot more cause in a few weeks, I won’t have a scanner anymore! I just wish I hadn’t put all those pics in my photo album now, since I want to scan most of them! DAMN!

We just generally had a good day, we went swimming and popped in the hot tub for a few. After that, went upstairs where I got a very nice massage and rubdown. It was very nice. Very nice. Then I got a rimmy mmmm mmm. And other stuff, my boo tay let Chris in again, I think he was excited about that. I don’t know how much he had in but it sure felt good. Once or twice it was a bit too much of a push, but overall VERY enjoyable. I came with Chris fingering me, jacking me, and licking my knee. I was close, and then he licked the top of Enfuego, and I just fucking blew. I shot up to my ear. Crazyness. Then I jacked him and licked him and he came too. Then we watched a movie about the floods of 93. Very interesting, though had they only used each clip of footage once, it would’ve been about 1/2 the length it was. After that we had some yummy hamburgers and then broke for camp. Drove up there and hung out,something bugged me in the car but I can’t remember now, so it obviously wasn’t big.

Got there, walked around just a little, then went to the Tower thing but it was cancelled, so we headed to the amphitheater. Got some good seats and waited for the Scouts to come. They finally did, there were 10 million of them, and the show thing started. I really liked it, mainly b/c of the randomness. SPOONS! lol cracks my shit up. And the Prince/Princess skit was good and really funny too. An enjoyable time no doubt. After that we allfiled out for the calling out ceremony. Stood there and got eaten by the bugs and watched the scary, half naked people stare at little children meanly. Good times! After everyone got called out, we broke b/c Chris didn’t want to stay and hear all the names being called out. Drove home, talked, blah blah, said goodbye in the driveway. Again, hard to leave. Isn’t it always??

Now it’s Friday, and I get to see him in just about 10 hours! Yippee yay! Unfortunately, getting to see him means I first have to suffer through 7 1/2 hours of work. I think that maybe work is like my task. Once I overcome it, then I get rewarded (IE, Chris) but if that’s so why does it suck so much? I dunno, work may actually be so that I can make lots of money. But whatever.

ANyways, time to start getting ready.

I Have To Pee!!

So today’s been very boring so far… Thank god it’s already 2:30. Otherwise I’d shoot myself.

I went into campus early this morning and sold my MIS book back. I only got $24 for it. Though, it’s better then nothing. So that’s good. I treated myself to some Chinesse food for lunch from that money. I also grabbed a bunch of books from my Apartment that I want to sell at the Half-Price Book store so perhaps we’ll go do that tonight. I really need the money.

I also have a ton of books from my house that I want to sell too.

Class was good, we were done by 11:00 so that was good. We gave our presentation and he seemed to like it. Everyone did about the same I think, presentation wise. I don’t think he was really grading it, he just wanted something to waste time on the last day and get people to show up.

After that I came to work. Nazanin’s gone today, so no one is really doing much. Though it is very hectic because everyone’s getting ready for a conference next week. Well actually two conferences. I need to get that damn firewall working properly. Perhaps I’ll call Lighthouse and get some info from them. Whatever. It’s very frustrating that it’s not working properly.

Not much else going on around here today. I’m very excited to get to be home this weekend. One month from tomorrow Andrew and I shall be off to EWR.

And that’s my life…

Lenni Lenape

It’s the Nanticoke Lenni-Lenape. That lived in New Jersey, not the main tribe of the Lenni Lenape. 😛

Anyways, yesterday was so great. We spent some time scanning pictures at his house, which was nice. Though, boring for me all at the same time. lol. I didn’t mind really, beecause what else would we really have been doing??

After that swimming, then hottubing. I really wish that my PU’s wouldn’t have been home when we were doing that. Perhaps this weekend we can go after dark if it’s still warm enough. Hopefully it will be.

From the pool/hottub we went up to my room, where we made out for a while. Then I gave Andrew another nice massage. I don’t think he really needed it, but he earned it. 😛 I also got more access again. Which is very exciting. I hope that means he’s getting used to it, so that way it’ll be easier in the future. He sure came a good one though last night. lol. I laugh just thinking about it… But I also get hard at the same time… “Down Hoody, Down!”

Once we were done with that, it was movie, food, camp. Camp was so nice to have him there, and so great that he really wants to learn about it all, and is trying to understand it all. Because I know it can be confusing. It really means a lot to me that he came. I’m still contemplating whether I want to go up on Friday or not. WE’ll have to see if we have any other plans for that day before then.

Drove home talking about more camp stuff and the like. Got home and just sat in my drive way forever saying goodbye, it’s always so hard. I don’t know how it’ll happen in LAX.

He said “I love you” again. It’s always so reassuring to hear him say it, and be the first to say it. It really makes me feel good when he says it those words.

We finally parted ways.

As I said in the public update… I can’t wait tell Friday!

Laters.