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A Loss For Words…

Wow, so there were a lot of emotional developments this weekend.

Friday we didn’t really do much, just hung out. It was really nice, we went and saw our second movie together, and hence our second typical date. I guess you could call it. Though there wasn’t any dinner, so does it count as one or not? I’m going to say that it does.

Saturday was really good, even though we spent a lot of time at his house. Like I said in the main journal. Sure watching him pack is boring, but I think it’s worth my time to be there. Both to support him, and to get to spend time with him. I know that if I were moving as far away from my friends as he is, I would want someone there every time I was packing. Otherwise I’d just break down in tears and not ever get anything done.

It was really hard to sit there and watch him pack. I know he really didn’t do that much, just one box. But he did go through all his clothes, etc. And it’s really starting to come down to the end. There were a few times while I was sitting there watching him that the tear factory started up. I contained it though before it really got into full gear.

Bowling was tons of fun, though he really kicked my ass. I used to be much better at bowling, but I just seem to have lost it. And plus the ball was way to heavy for me.

After that was the porn store. I haven’t been in one in forever. So that was amusing as hell, then to supper. That was nice to just hang out with him there. Although the place we went was way more expensive then I remember it being and there were a lot of white trash people there.

After that we went back to my house and went hot tubbing. That was nice, even with all the stupid bugs and such flying around and eating us alive!

We didn’t spend much time in there, just enough to talk some. From the hot tub we went right to my room. I took Andrew’s undies to put in the dryer. I really like when he goes nude, though I know that he doesn’t enjoy it. I’m glad that at least sometimes he will do it.

Anyways, we were laying in my bed, making out, etc. He gave me a rimmy, a really good one. Lots of the dry-humping, which has now become a fairly regular thing. And a very enjoyable thing, I think. I dunno, I just really like it.

Well we were doing that, and Andrew leans into me and says, I want to make love to you. And at that moment, and even now just thinking about it, it makes my heart stop, and I’m at a loss for words. That meant so much to me, that he cares so much for me, and I care so much for him. It just makes me so happy, and it means so so much to me.

I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to, but I just didn’t know what to say. I wanted to make sure that he was ready, but I didn’t want to just stop and go, Well are you sure you’re ready.
I knew that I was, I had been thinking about that lately. I felt that we were ready, or close to being close enough to do that. But what was he really thinking.

The whole time I was debating this in my head we were hugging and kissing, and I was just holding him so close, but I wanted to hold him closer.

I finally decided that he’s mature enough, he would know when he was ready for something like that. Not like my last bf, who freaked out after wards and caused a huge fight… Andrew’s mature, and he wouldn’t say that if he didn’t mean it.

We fooled around some more, he would give me a rimmy, and then more dry-humping… Finally we got into a good position, and he got Enfuego nice and lubed, and gave me a good rimmy and then slowly got it in.

That was by far the best I had ever had, and also the most meaningful. When Adam and I first did it, we weren’t even dating, there was no emotional feelings there that time. This time it was so wonderful. So great, and so pleasurable as well. I was so close to coming but he pulled out just before both times.

That night I was so happy, Andrew and I had shared so much, and I think we became closer on an emotional level. The feelings are just so indescribable.

Sunday was nice, though Andrew was acting a bit weird. I really wanted to talk to him the whole day about what had happened the night before, but the right time never seemed to come up, though I really didn’t try that much, because I attributed most of his weirdness to the moving since we spent the whole day packing.

Finally that night we got to talk about it while laying in his bed. It was good to hear that he wasn’t really regretting what happened, just that he was scared that I didn’t feel the same way that he did. And I do, so I reassured him on that. And hopefully all was better after that. We talked some more about other things, and he said that I should come with him to Cali.

I really wish that I could, I don’t want him to move away. I’m going to be losing so much when he leaves. Hopefully I won’t lose it for good.

Leaving was even harder then usual that night. I really wanted to just stay there and hold him, and let him know that how much he means to me. But eventually I had to leave.

And that drive home, seemed even longer than normal. Way longer. All I could think about was him, and how hard it’ll be without him here this fall. I know I’ll get through it, but it’ll be hard… And I know that he’ll do just fine out there in Cali.

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