Author: Cj B

So Alone..

I feel so alone right now… I am not sure why. I have met some really fun new friends here in Redondo Beach. I’ve been keeping really busy with things, I went out all night Friday night, was busy all day Saturday except for a few hours where I took a nap and then will be busy pretty much all day Sunday.

But I still feel just so alone.

I keep killing myself, yelling at myself for not going back to Iowa sooner when things were getting worse with my grandpa. I feel like such an asshole to wait and get work done and not spend the extra money.

If only I had gone a day earlier. I could have had a day with grandpa. If only I had spent the extra $300, I could have had an hour with him… If only. I hate myself for not going. For not getting the chance to say goodbye. For not getting the chance to tell him how much I am going to miss him.

I hate that he’s gone and that he won’t be at my wedding, to meet my boyfriends. He won’t be there to tell how they shoved a camera up his dick. lol. It hurts me every time I call my grandma and he doesn’t answer the phone.

I just feel so alone…

The Dinner Game

I love dinner parties. I really miss the ones we used to have with the group, perhaps we should start it back up in the way the french movie, The Dinner Game did. Each week a well known/wealthy person invites someone to a dinner party. There’s only one catch. It’s a game to find the most idiotic person around.

Whoever brings the dumbest person to dinner wins the night. Pierre invites François Pignon, a man that works in the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) and makes “maquettes” to forget his beloved wife, who had went away with a friend of him two years ago, for the dinner. However, they never make it to the dinner. Pierre, has back pains, his wife leaves him, his lover is crazy. Everything truly falls apart.

Even though this movie is in French with English subtitles, it’s a laugh riot. Once things start going, you can’t stop laughing! It’s done so well that you can pay half attention to the dialog and just watch the faces/expressions of the characters. It’s all put together so well.

The movie is based off a play, I hope the play will come to LA sometime soon! I’d love to see it!

Go rent this movie tonight and laugh the night away!

Happy Ending – Mika

This song just came up on my random playlist and I thought I’d post it… It makes me cry so much. I give people everything I have. I give my heart and my soul to them, and they always just leave me with no hope, no love, no glory. I do feel like each time, I just wasted all that part, I feel like every day is wasted that I spent with them. My grandpa was amazing at this, he gave everyone everything too, but he never seemed to be hurt if people didn’t give back. It seems to me like everyone always gave back to him. Grandpa, how did you do it?

This is the way you left me,
I’m not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it’s forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can’t get no love without sacrifice
If anything could happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I’ve ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I’m wasted
No happy ending
And I waste everyday

This is the way you left me,
I’m not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it’s forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o’clock in the morning, something’s on my mind
Can’t get no rest; keep walkin’ around
If I pretend that nothin’ ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I’ve ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I’m wasted
no happy ending
And I waste everyday

This is the way you left me,
I’m not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it’s forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love

I feel as if I’m wasted
And I waste everyday

This is the way you left me,
I’m not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it’s forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Bedrooms and Hallways

This past weekend, I watched a VERY funny movie called Bedrooms and Hallways.

It’s basically a movie about sexual experimentation. It’s a gay British movie in which a gay man (Leo) decides to join a straight man’s support group. He then admits during one of the meetings that he has a thing for one of the straight guys which starts a cascade of sexual reassessment between the members of the group. Leo and the straight man end up having an affair, while Leo’s roommate is having naughty sexual encounters in other people’s homes with his real estate lover.

It all gets very confused when Leo re-connects with his high school lover who believes Leo’s female roommate is having an affair with her husband!

This movie really is a non-stop laugh experience-everything is so funny. I highly suggest seeing it!

Broken Ankle!

So, a lot has been going on. Friday I had dinner with a bunch of friends, then we went out to The Factory and I got very drunk. Had tons of fun. Saturday I spent the day around the house doing stuff that I have been putting off. Sunday I went rock climbing…

Where I broke my fucking ANKLE!

I have a cast on it now! 🙁

I cannot believe this! I have so much planned for the next month! Now what the fuck am I going to do!!! I have to cancel everything, and Now I don’t know about going to Houston or not. I am not going to gimp around down there! UGH! So fucking annoying!

Other then that, not much going on. I watched a few movies on Saturday. First I watched Mandragora which was HORRIBLE. It’s about gay prostitutes in Prague. It did make me really miss Prague though! Then I watched The Ten. Also HORRIBLE!

I was going to write a big long entry about other stuff. But it’ll have to wait.

Later.