Sept 17, 2001

Sept 17, [Jean Michele Jarre, "Oxygene Part IV"]

Today’s been shitty as hell. I don’t really know why. It just has been.

I haven’t really cared about anything and I haven’t paid attention to any

of my classes. Like this morning I just went to English and I sat there

not paying attention, the stupid bitch called on me and I was like, "Hmmm,

what?" Everyone laughed at me. I just wanted to scream at them. I’ve

got better things on my mind. I’ve got all these pictures of Angie here

now and it just reminds me about how much I miss her and how much I miss

this summer and everything that’s happened this summer. It’s just realy

not helping. I know everything that happened this summer was so great and

that i’m sure it’ll happen again this next summer, but that’s just so far

away. Adam just made a really great quote: "I know, pictures can be

great, and they can be shitty. On one hand they bring back memories, on

the other hand they bring back memories, right?" And it’s so true.

It really is.

Adam and I are getting along so well and things are moving along in our

relationship as friends, we’re so close now and he cheers me up so much,

we’ve had so many great memories. And I know that in the future we’ll have

so many more, I know that in the furture. I’ll have so many more great memories

of all my friends.

Sept 16, 2001

Sept 16, [Soundgarden, "Black Hole Sun"]

Wow, is the only word that pops to mind when I try to descrive this weekend.

It’s been full of emotional out pourings from everyone in every sense of

the word. It’s been by far one of the best weekends since school started.

I hope they keep up.

Friday night was quite the night. Adam and I were going to go to the homecoming

football game, but itwas cancelled, so we went downtown. Ryan Mcconnell

(sp?) called Adam and asked him out. Adam seems to feel that it should bother

me, but it really doesn’t. I mean I know that he’s going to have to start

dating again sometime, and it will hurt me when he does. But I know that

he will eventually and I feel as though I’m ready to see him do that. It

doesn’t bother me that ryan called and asked him out, what would bother

me though is that if Adam did go out with him. When we broke up, he said

that he didn’t feel that he was ready to date at this point in his life,

and he’s still saying that, so right now I would be hurt if he did. That’s

right now. But I know that that will change someday, and I feel as though

I’ve moved on enough so that when it does happen, it won’t kill me. I’ll

be sad about it, but I’ll also be happy that he’s dating again. Emotions

are such a fucked up thing. I love the relationship that I have with Adam

right now. We’re so close and I love it. I don’t want to lose the friendship

that I have with him.

Saturday was just a totally fucked up day all in all, but it was really

cool. Adam and I met up about 11 or so. He didn’t have any money so he had

to call him mom to see if she would loan him some so he could go to the

dance, well he was on the phone and said that I was going with him to the

homecoming and Rob started making really derogetorry statments and us going

together, and that really pissed me off. He said, "Well Chris, you

should get a dress for prom." I just wanted to fucking scream and him,

and that wasn’t the only time yesterday that he pissed me off. The second

time he was trying to buy my car from me and I told him "NO" and

he just kept going. Grrr. But yeah, Adan and I went out car shopping after

that. It was fun, then we went back to his house and hung out and talked

and just messed around there. Then we went out with my mom to supper. It

was fun, but my Parents just annoy me. She let my brother wear a bright

orange shirt and camo pants to the Macarroni Grill. I was like, OMG. We

heard stories about drunk Little Chris, it was fun. Then after that we went

back to Adam’s so he could get him money, and his mom was really sad I guess

is how I would put it. Bad times there. Then we went to the dance, that

was alot of fun. First schoolesk dance I’ve ever been to. It was great.

After that we went back to the park with Andi and Leah and we hung out and

talked about anything and everything. Adam vented which was good for him

to do and we talked about him and Angie and such. Then we went back to his

house after Leah and Andi left and we ended up talking to him mom for 2

hours, it was really cool to be able to talk to her about everything. I

wish I had a relationship with my parents like Adam does with his.

Today, Sunday’s been just a downer day. It’s been raining all afternoon

and it’s been cloudy all day. I dunno. I was going to leave home at 12 or

so, but I went up to see Mandy at work before I left. I ended up not getting

back to the dorm tell 6. Oh well I had lots of fun, Mandy and I went and

got pictures developed from when Angie left. It was sad. I have them posted

on my wall now, and I’ve been sitting here listening to Graduation Song

and just thinking about how everyone’s changed since high school and everyone

that I haven’t seen since graduation. I dunno. I really didn’t want to come

back to campus today. I just wanted to stay in Ankeny and hang out with

Adam.

Tonight I went out with Katie, Vero, and Ryan. It was good times. We went

to get Katie’s car and she thought she had lost it. It was really funny

cause we were in this parking lot and she was like going insane cause she

thought she had lost it, or it was towed or something. But no fear we found

it. Then went over to Ryan’s and played video games and ate pizza. It was

cool.

I dunno. I’m just really depressed today. I really didn’t want to leave

Ankeny. I’m so sad being back here in the dorms, they’re so depressing and

Grrr. I just hate it here. :'(

Sept 9, 2001

Sept 9, [Silverchair, "Black Tangled Heart"]

Hmm, to describe this weekend. Well to say the least, it’s been one of

many experinces. Good and bad. Friday after classes it was pouring down

rain and I had to walk all the way across campus to get to my car, that

sucked ass. I was soaked to the bone. I drove home and just as I walked

in Adam called. So I changed into som dry clothes and then we went over

to his house, we hung out and talked for a while and then we went out. It

had cleared up a bit, so we were going to go downtown and take some pictures

and shit. Well we got down there, went to Java Joe’s and once we got there,

it started pouring down rain again. It sucked. I mean it wasn’t just raining,

but it was fucking pouring. So we waited around in JJ’s for a while, and

we saw Nathen (Spelling’s wrong cause he spells it funky and I don’t care

enough to look it up). Adam said he didn’t think he was very cute, but I

think he’s damn hot. Oh well, so it let up some in the rain so Adam and

I went to the skywalks and we walked around there for a while and took pictures.

We went to 801 Grand and they had all kinds of paintings and shit, and Adam

was walking next to one and all of a sudden this really fucking loud alarm

went off, so we just went away from it. Adam set it off like three more

times though before we left. Then we wanted to go up to the top so we got

in an elevator and hit a button, it wasn’t tell after we hit it that we

saw this thing next to it that said private. Well we went up there anyways

and we get off the elevator and there’s this guy. We asked him something

and he was really rude to us, so we left. I don’t really remember what we

did after that I think we left DM all together and just went out and hung

out. Oh, hehe. Friday was Tara’s b-day and Adam and I took her out to supper

to that night. I almost forgot about that.

Saturday was great times too. Lots happened that day. In the moring Adam

and I went out malling and we just hung out, then he had to go to work at

three, so I went home and hung out there, about 7 I went to Hy-Vee and went

on break with him and Leah, and Andi. After he got off work we went back

to his house cause he had to watch his sister and we just hung out in the

park and played truth or dare, that was amusing as hell. At 11 Leah and

Andi had to leave so Adam and I went back to his house and we just hung

out and talked tell 3 Am this morning.

Today I went over to Adam’s about 12 and we went to DM and took pictures

of stuff. It was fun. Then we went to BN and looked at books and shit. We

got back to his house about 4:30 and found out that Adam was supposed to

work at 3, so I left and he went to work. Now I’m here, doing this instead

of my HW. Oh well. It’ll get done soon enough.

(The rest of this post is private)

Sept 7, 2001

Sept 7, [Filter, Take A Picture"]

Last night was an odd night. I was laying in bed and thinking about alot

of things, and there was so much I wanted to write here about what was going

on in my head and what was going on in my life and such. But now I just

can’t remember any of it. I know it had something to do with Adam, Angie,

Nick, and I. But there were also other things, things about my childhood

and such. Whatever. Maybe I’ll remember it laters. But I realized alot last

night.

Today’s going to be a good day, it’s only 8:00 AM and I’ve popped 2 No-Doz

already. I just felt that I needed them, lol. I get to go home tonight as

well, that’s going to be lots of fun and shit. Cause well I get to see Adam

I’m so excited about that. I miss him so much. I fell as though if I don’t

get home every weekend, I’m going to miss out on so much. But at the same

time I think it’d help for me to not see Adam for a while, that might help

me get over him. But then there’s also the aspect of I WANT TO FUCKING SEE

HIM. lol. I dunno, just being around him makes me so much happier. This

is a great time in my life.

I feel like newborn

and I feel like a newborn

awake on my airplane

awake on my airplane

I feel so real

could you take my picture

cause I won’t remembe

September 3, 2001 #2

Sept 3, #2 [Oasis, "It’s Gettin’ Better (Man!)"]

Ok, well I got Dreamweaver 4 installed and got those cool navigation buttons

working. I’m so happy! Today’s been pretty boring. Grrr. I hate boring days.

Last night I had written Adam a letter basically talking about random things

and how the weekend’s been and shit. I knew he was working all day, so I

went over there and got this card. And got him some flowers, you know just

to say, Thanks for such a great time this summer, I’m glad to have you as

a friend. I wanted to get him Carnations cause they’re more of a freindship

flower, but they didn’t have any good looking ones. So I got him two yellow

roses, and put them and the card and the letter in his car. I hope he gets

them alright. This really are getting better!

I really didn’t want to leave this morning though. I didn’t want to come

back here. But I know that I have to. I’ll have lots of other good times

with Adam and people soon enough, but sometimes school / work gets in the

way. When we move to AZ we’ll have lots of great times together.

Good times. I got back here and there were like a shit load of e-mails

for me. I got two from random people. One was from this

guy. I’ve seen this guy before. His

pictures are used in a brochure thing for one of the local studios that

does HS Senior pics. He said that he hangs out at Java Joe’s and the gay

loop alot. I’ve never seen him there, but then said he was at the Alliance

meeting and I didn’t remember seeing him there, but then he described what

he was wearing and I was like, "OH YEAH. I remember you." So yeah.

He’s damn hot. He’s from DM and not going to college yet this year. Then

there was this other guy. He goes to ISU,

but I’ve never seen him on campus. We’ll see if he e-mails me back. 🙂 Whatever.

Ok I suppose I should finish my randomness from last night, eh?

So first topic, Time With Adam. Over the last three days I’ve spent alot

of time with Adam. Personal one on one time. I’ve really enjoyed it and

we’ve talked about alot of wierd things. We’ve talked about those plans

to move to AZ, we’ve talked about anything and everything under the sun.

I fell so much closer to him now. I don’t really remember where I wanted

to taket his to last night. But lets just say I’m glad that we’re such good

friends.

Second topic, Julian. Last night Adam and I had to run an errand for his

mom. We went to Wal-Mart of course to get her some stuff. Well first we

went back to see Julian. He looked really mad. So we hung out and talked

to him for a bit. Then he got some more customers, so we left to get what

we went to Wal-Mart for. We had to get Adam’s mom a fish, and her film.

Well we went and got the film, no problem, then we went to get the fish.

There was a line and the person there, didn’t want to touch the fish so

she was really slow at it. Adam, being the crazy guy that he is. Jumped

in there and started helping people, then he got the fish we needed. Then

I had to go get some things. By the time we had gotten everything it was

late and we’d been gone for a while with Adam’s mom’s credit card. So we

left and completely forgot that we were going to go back and see Julian

until we were like pulling in Adam’s drive way. Again. I felt bad cause

we didn’t go back and see him.

Third topic, Adam’s mom. Well Adam told his mom that I was gay. She’s cool

with it. But some things have been happening lately that have been really

wierd. Well first. I gave Adam some rainbow colored condoms cause I found

them amusing. Well he left them in his pants pockets and his mom washed

them and found them. I can just bet what that conversation was like. But

later that day. I was at his house talking to him mom and they came up and

I was like, "I have every color of the rainbow." She just gave

me the wierdest look. But then later. I guess Rob said there was something

wierd about me to Melinda. He thought that I was gay. And I guess Melinda

told him that I was. So that’s oddness. I’ve written this down somewhere

today, but I don’t remember if it was on here, or in an e-mail. Adam and

I think that his PU’s think that we’re together. Whatever, it’s so amusing,

the life that is Adam’s. I bet it’s not as amusing for him, but from the

outside it is. And he’s got good PU’s I think they’d be cool with what ever

he tells them. I guess also they talked to him about Saturday night when

they came home and Adam and I were there. And about us wanting the house

to ourselves. They didn’t say it str8 out, but I guess the thing that Adam

got out of thier convo is that it’s ok if you bring your BF’s home, just

don’t bring them home to make out, or something like that. I was amused.

Forth topic, Angie and NP. The other day Angie randomly called me and said,

"What’s North Polk’s school song." Well since I played a low insturment

I didn’t get to play the chorus type part, so all I knew was my part, which

wasn’t what she wanted, so I put her on speaker phone and got my brother

(At her request) and asked him. Then he sang like a few notes of it and

then I broke into it and then Angie started singing the words. It was so

amusing. My mom laughed at us all.

Fifth topic, My Grandma. The other night as well my grandma called and

said that he computer wasn’t working. She said she didn’t have a start bar,

or anything on her desktop and that her mouse wouldn’t work. Well I couldn’t

think of anything that would be causing this and I couldn’t explain to her

what to do to try and figure it out (She didn’t even know what the shift

key was). So I told her to leave it there and I’d come down some weekend

and look at it. Well the next day she just showed up at our door with her

computer and shit. I was like, WTF? So she brought it in and we set it up

and stuff, I started it up and it worked fine for me, so she drove all that

way (2 hours) for nothing. Oh well. She hung out there for a couple hours

and talked to my PU’s and shit.

Number six. My Crazy Aunt. After my grandma left I checked my voice mail

on my phone. My Aunt had called at 11:38 the night before and told me that

my grandma was going to be coming up. I was like, "WHO THE HELL GAVE

HER MY CELL PHONE NUMBER!" Cause of all people, she’s someone who shouldn’t

have it. My mom said, oh she called last night and I gave it to her. Apparently

they all knew my grandma was coming up, but not me. Nope, don’t worry about

telling Chris. That’s ok.

Ok, so that’s all the topics. Adam called a bit ago and was said thanks

for the flowers. I guess Tara called and told him that they were in his

car. I had mentioned to her that I was worried they’d be wilted by the time

he got off. And she asked me if I wanted her to call him, and I was like,

I don’t care. So I guess she did. That’s cool though. Adam said they meant

alot to him, which is nice. He means so much to me. It’s going to be an

amusing story though when he tells his mom that I gave them to him. He said

he might say that Angie sent them or something, which is cool with me, cause

well. We don’t need his mom suspecting more then she does now, lol.

Ok this is long enough and I’m sure everyone’s bored, So I’m going to go

now, laters.