Tag: movie

Always a let down.

Why is it that things are always a let down for me… And never what I was expecting.

Grrr.

So Friday I got home from work and was just going to spend it alone and sit on my damn couch being pissed off at Austin and humanity and the world and just wishing I could not fucking care about it.

I watched Dorian Blues and talked to Angel… Talking to her REALLY makes me want to move back to Iowa.

But Austin called and asked if I wanted to go out to H Marys with him… Stupidly I said yes…. BAD FUCKING IDEA. So he wasn’t going to come over till 10:30, and I was just going to sit and watch TV and shit till then. But he ended up showing up at like 9:30. We sat and tried talking, but he was just giving me short one word answers and shit. So I just stopped talking.

Then he was like, “Lets watch this movie”, it was “Best In Show”. I said I didn’t want to start it because we would be leaving soon, but he said, “We can watch it and go whenever”

So then like 40 minutes into the movie he says to stop it and go to the club. I said that I wanted to finish the movie. So thenhe’s like, “Well I’m just going to go now then”. So I get pissed off at him for being such a jerk about things. So I tell him to just get the hell out, and I go and lock myself in the bed room.

Well everyone knows me, I can’t just let things go. I have to try and talk them all out. So I call him and we start talking and then talking leads to major yelling and It’s all very reminicent of Andrew.

Then there’s a knock on my door and it’s him and he just walks in and I try getting him to just talk to me, but he pushes me into the bed room and tells me to lay down. So I lay down and we talk for a bit with him just standing there. Then he gets in bed and starts trying to be all cuddly and shit. And he’s just like, “I’m just trying to change you to be more emotional and to show more excitement”. And blah blah blah. I dunno. Somehow it ended up with him spending the night! GOD, how did that fucking happen?!

So he spent the night and then in the morning we got up and I cooked him breakfast and then we went out shopping for a bed frame for me. Went to Levitz and then Ikea, and we had a really good time. Came home and he left and I sat around for the rest of the afternoon.

Went to Verizon to get a new phone cause they are having an amazing sale. Well I get there and am told that I have to sign up for help? WTF is that? Then I wait for 30 minutes to get someone to even talk to me. Then I’m told that they can’t do ANYTHING because I don’t have a California number. So I get pissed and just leave. Fucking Idiots. So I call the customer service and THEY tell me that they CAN help so I go back in and am told that I’ll have to wait in line AGAIN. So I said SCREW that and left.

Came home and sat around some more then Michael called me, and I went over there and watched Rent. He tried making out with me, but I’m just not into him like that. So I had to tell him to stop. Austin called in there and said he wanted to go out that night. I told him No that I was hanging out with Michael that night. But then Michael wouldn’t stop trying to make out with me, and I got annoyed, plus I wanted to try making up for Friday night. So I left as soon as the movie was over and called Austin… Suddenly he was TOO TIRED. YET ANOTHER LET DOWN. Fucking shit.. I just can’t stop torturing myself, huh? Guess what time he ended up going to bed…. Anyone? Oh! That’s right, 1am! Yep tooooo tired to do anything? Eh?!

God.

So I get up this morning and sit around my house. I went shopping to the Nursery and bought some new plants and some fertalizer for my Hibuscus. Hopefully they will be more happy now.

Came home and there was SHIT on TV. So i read some of my book.

Talked to Austin some more… There I go torturing myself again! I asked him if he wanted to hang out and watch the sunday night line up on Fox, like we’ve done before… Again, maybe to salvage just a little tiny bit of this weekend…

He said, “I dunno”… Which was fine, cause that was a like 1 or something.

So I sat around and watched Stripes which I’ve seen like a million times before. Such a horrible movie.

Anyways, Austin finially gets back to me about this and says that he’s going to go see Brokeback with the guy who was over on Friday when I went over there.

Ugh, very pissed off.. A) Because I’ve asked Austin to go see Brokeback with me like 5 or 6 times, and every time he says he thinks it looks stupid and he doesn’t want to go see it. B) I’m pissed because I wanted to fucking hang out with him.

So now we’ve been fighting for 2 hours now. And he just said:

4:13:25 PM austin: sorry i ruined your life

4:13:55 PM blackc2004: you’ve been nothing but an emotional roller coaster for me austin.

4:14:12 PM austin: well sory

4:14:18 PM austin: i’m fucked up and overdramatic

4:14:29 PM blackc2004: I’d agree with that

4:14:45 PM austin: well then i think we’re done here.

4:14:50 PM austin: Goodbye chris

4:14:55 PM blackc2004: done here with what?

4:15:29 PM blackc2004: ……

4:15:42 PM austin: this aweful emotional rollercoaster for u

4:15:44 PM austin: i’m going

4:15:44 PM austin: bye

Now he won’t fucking answer me or his phone.

God damnit… Why can’t I just drop his ass and move on. I know it’s the best thing I should do right now.

I’m going to start applying for jobs out of state again.

Ugh, I forgot to mention ANOTHER let down… On Friday everyone from the SA Team went out drinking together.. No one invited me. I heard them talking about changing the place where they were going to hold it as I was leaving work. That makes me feel really bad.

It’s Over … Maybe?

Sooo… Long weekend. Lots to update about.

Friday at work was LONG LONG LONG. Nothing to do, I just wanted to fucking go home all day.

I finially got off and went home and took a nap because I didn’t sleep worth shit the night before. Austin called me at like 4:30, woke me up, and wanted to go to the movies. So I suggested the 7:40 showing so that way I would have time to eat and shower and wake up, etc.

But he wanted to go to the 5:30 showing, so I just jumped up got dressed real quick and went down there. Got there and wasn’t really in a talkative mood so we just went to the movie. Saw Date Movie. It was OK, but not all the best. They could have done it a lot better.

After that got out we went back to his place and talked and hung out and watched Beauty and the Beast. After the movie was over we laid in bed talking for a long time and it was really good. BTW, he got a job offer Friday, so we were talking about how that should go and what he wants to do.

It kinda upset me because he kept saying that he doesn’t want to learn more and he just wants an easy job. That’s really not what I’m looking for in a guy.

But still the talk was good, and I was happy. I was hoping that he would invite me to stay. But about 11:30 I said, “Well unless I’m staying, I should head home cause I’m going to fall a sleep” So I got up and left.

It always upsets me when he doesn’t want me to spend the night. I love sleeping with him, well I love sleeping with anyone. But still. He’s just so cozy to sleep with.

So I come home and went to bed.

Saturday I spent the morning doing laundry and cleaning, etc. Left here about 1 and went shopping for a few things. Austin met up with me here at my house about 4, he was really pissed off because he was supposed to pick up his brother to come shopping with us, but his brother disappeared and didn’t call Austin to tell him where he was at.

It’s VERY understandable that he was pissed, but he really took it out on me, which upset me a lot. And he keeps telling me to “Shut up” or “Be quiet”. I know he usually says it jokingly, but it still upsets me. :'(

So he got here and we went off to Ikea, shopped around and I found a bed frame that I really like, but it was $300, so I didn’t buy it. Also found some other stuff. Either way, we left there and came back to my area and got food. On the way back we got into this argument about going out. Again, he doesn’t like the fact that I’m not out going when we go out and he says it’s uncomfortable being out with me because we just sit there and watch people. I’m sorry, but that’s what I do, I enjoy going to the bar and hanging out. I DO NOT DANCE, etc. So we got into it at Panda Express and started yelling at each other. It was sad.

Came back to my house and he ate his food. Then we talked some and made up and decided to lay in bed and watch Mysterious Skin, he hated it. I still think it was a really good movie. Whatever.

After that we got into another argument about something else. I can’t even remember now, but it ended up with him leaving and me screamning. “GOOD BYE” out the door. Cause he wouldn’t acknoldege that I was saying anything to him. He came back and I laid in bed and he sat there talking to me. I’m not even sure how it happened, but we ended up deciding to go out anyways.

So I got up and got dressed and we went to H Marys. It was lots of fun, and we laughed and talked and stuff. I got REALLY drunk and drunk dialed Andrew, Oksy, Jenks and a few other people, but I can’t remember who right now. And I lost my phone somewhere, so I can’t look it up.

We did end up dancing, but he said he was getting pissed off with me dancing. I don’t fucking know why though.

Anyways, we came home and I threw up some. And I’m sure he’s pissed at me for that too. So we went to bed and I passed out as soon as we did. Woke up this morning and he jacked me off. Then he went home.

I feel asleep again and didn’t wake up till 2, layed in bed and watched Project Runway till 4, then got up showered and made dinner. Now I’m laying in bed writing this.

I think I’m over this whole thing with Austin. I can’t deal with his attitude any more. So unless he really changes once he starts his job, nothing’s gonna happen any more. I just can’t deal with the emotional ups and downs of his.

Adios yall.

Busy Busy Weekend

So… It’s been one hell of a weekend for me.

Lets go back to Friday, Austin was in the area when I got off work, so we went over to Fashion Island and ate lunch. He got annoyed with me because he didn’t think it was very smart to just ride over in one car. But he seemed ok with it all by the time we were over.

Drove back to my house and the traffic was pretty bad. Got there and the first thing he did was jump into my bed and take his shirt off and say. “Come lay with me for a while.”… So I was like thinking yay, you know he wants to cuddle and it’s going to be a good hanging out again.

So we end up laying in my bed from like 4 to 8 watching this movie, Beaches. After that we get up and I’m hungry so I start making dinner and he’s like, “Well I’m going to go home, I need Austin time and I can entertain myself more.” So I get really offended by that, I’m sorry that I have to take a minute to FREAKING COOK MySELF DINNER. Plus I was pissed because I was really hoping that he would spend the night again. :'( We haven’t slept together in forever, and I like that. I LOVE SLEEPING with people! Grrr.

So get into it and he leaves and I’m all pissed off, we had a big long convo about it once he got home and he said:

9:13:28 PM austin: i like you a lot, but i don’t think ur the guy for me

9:20:36 PM austin: i feel like i need someone more dominating

9:21:08 PM austin: more controlling

I’m not sure WHY he wants that though, those things never freaking work out. The controlling person always gets mad because they feel like they are being too motherly and the other person always gets mad because they eventually feel like the other is being too controlling. I’m really hoping that it’s just that he does have a job and is feeling lost. But who knows.

Anyways, I went to bed about 10 and slept horribly. Got up at 8:30 and cleaned up my house some and then met Robert for a bike ride at 9:30. We did that and I got home about noon and showered and tried calling Mark, etc to figure out plans. Everytime I’d call him he was like, “I’ll call you back in a minute” But he never did, so that was annoying. FInially Austin and I said we’d just go up there and hang out. Thankfully as we were heading out to meet each other Mark called back and we got the plans made.

We met up at the mall and he came up and hugged me which was nice. He ate lunch and we had a good talk then headed up to my house. Got in my car and started driving and he got all pissed at me because I didn’t have any music in my car and I just like to listen to the radio. So we drove there without really saying much to each other.

Got up there and I had a really good time. Skyler (with his wierd spelling) and James were both there. It was fun seeing them again, but I wish that they would have come out to dinner with us that night. James is so yummy! Too bad he’s uber straight! lol.

So we hung out at the conference and had a good time, talked to lots of random people and learned alot. So that was good. We went to this “Weakest Geek” thing and it was pretty entertaining.

Mark and Austin really talked a lot while I was off talking to other people, so they were getting along and it seemed like Austin was enjoying himself.

Oh, somewhere in there we picked up this guy named Brandon who was also family and kinda cute in a really geeky way.

So after the weakest geek we all pile into Scott’s truck and headed up to Santa Monica to Thrid Street. We found this nice Italian place and got right in without a problem! We all sat around drinking and talking and having a really good time and the food was amazing! We were there for over 2 hours, and I had 2 martini’s and Mark was nice enough to pay for everyone, it was like $60 a person too!!

We headed out after that to West Hollywood. Somehow Mark ended up between Austin and I in the car and they were being all cuddly and to me it even looked like they were giving each other little kisses here and there… Thus began my being pissed off for the rest of the fucking night.

So we get to The Abbey. We get in there and on the way there, Austin runs into someone he knows.. Which annoys me a bit. Then he starts talking about how he was there for new years and went home with this random guy. Which PISSED me off even more. So we get in there and the place is fucking PACKED like crazy.

We walk all the way to the back and buy everyone a round of drinks. Then on the way out Austin runs into this other guy he knows, and I’m just so annoyed with him by that point that Brandon and I just keep walking. We get outside and stand under this heat lamp thing and this cute little lesbian comes up and starts talking to us, so we chat with her for a bit and I bum a smoke off her. She eventually leaves and Austin, Mark and Scott STILL aren’t back, so Brandon and I go find a spot to sit down because I was starting to have this crazy break down and started crying.

So we find a spot and sit and talk and I poor my guts out to him and then FINIALLY Mark and Austin show up and Austin starts being all cute with me and stuff and asking if I’m pissed and I just pretty much ignored him. So we stay there till like 2 and finially we all leave and Mark and Austin sit next to each other again and AGAIN it looked as though they were giving kisses. Grrr.

We get back to the hotel and Austin’s all talking about just going up to Scott’s room and sleeping there. But he doesn’t. So Mark and Austin get into the same bed, so I just take the other one, then they somehow both ended up in the bed I was in, but those two cuddled all night and I just kept my back to them. I was SO FUCKING PISSED AT Austin.

Got up at 8am, still drunk and drove back to Aliso from LAX.

We get back just as my Aunt’s are calling me saying they are there… So Austin meets them for a second and then goes home. We go into my place and I shower and head out for a REALLY long day with them.

I took them up to Top of the World and thankfully it was clear, cause when I was up there Saturday morning it was all cloudy and nasty. They all seemed to enjoy that. They we drove around downtown laguna for a while, then headed up to Newport Via PCH. Took them up through there and then showed them my office since we were driving right past it. There was some girl there with a group of really cute guys and we all took the same elevator, but she couldn’t get her key to work and stuff. It was funny.

After that we drove up to Long Beach and went to the Aquarium of the Pacific which totally isn’t worh the $20 to get into there! Blah.

From there we headed back to Newport to eat lunch and at Hamburder Mary’s. They really liked it, but our waiter was kinda an idiot. After lunch (well, it was like 4). We went off to Newport Pier and walked along the beach for a while. My aunt is crazy and she stopped and asked this guy how much it costs to rent a one of the beach houses in that area. And he said it was $6,000 a WEEK during the summer! How fucking insane is that!

Once they got bored with the beach we came back to my house and they left. I stayed up till like 7:30, but was laying in bed and then finially just couldn’t stay awake any longer… And went to sleep. lol

I’ve got another date with the same guy from last Thursday… tonight. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Well, I’ve written a book, so I’m out.. Adios!

Two Dates….

So last night was pretty good… I had another date, amazingly.

This guy was cool. We’d hung out once before, but this time we went and saw the new Queen Latifah movie and it was just the two of us in the theater, so we laughed and talked all the way through the movie! It was HILARIOUS.

I left after that and went down to San Clemente to hang out with Austin and go to the Boom Boom. We had had this HUGE converstaion earlier in the day about how he likes going out and I don’t and that’s a problem and blah blah blah. But like the last few times I’ve asked HIM to go out, we always get together and then HE ends up saying. “I just want to hang out” so we don’t go. And he was blaming me, and made me feel like I bore him.

Well this time was NO DIFFERENT. I get down there and we talk and we head out, then he’s like. “I want to buy some drinks before we go.” So we go to Albertsons and buy drinks, then we drive to the Boom, and it looks dead. So then he’s like. “Well I don’t want to go”. So we go back to San Clemente and try finding a bar there, and we drive by these two that are actually kinda busy looking and then he’s like, “Well I’m not in the mood any more.”

SO we end up going back to his place and this was like midnight, so I’m just like… “Well, I’m going to go home then.” And he gives me this evil look, so I try asking him what he wants me to do, and he’s like, “Well, I’m just going to read and go to bed, but you can stay and drink”

But it’s like, well I don’t want to stay and drink if all you’re going to do is read and then go to bed… Plus he had JUST COMPLAINED THAT DAY that he doesn’t like just hanging out there because he feels like he has to entertain me!

Gah, so he’s so confusing! So I get ready to leave and we’re standing there next to the door and he’s giving me this evil look with his arms crossed, and I say. “Can I have a hug.” and he just sighs and gives me this even more evil look. So I’m just like, “OK, no, see you later” and left.

I was SO ANNOYED!

Ya know, I really think that maybe this boy is in love with me (or REALLY likes me) and just doesn’t want ot admit it, because when I told him about these dates he was all annoyed sounding. AND when I wasn’t back late on Tuesday he CALLED me at like 10:30 to find out where I was. AND when I told him about this one he was suddenly all wanting to hang out.

BTW, if you’re on my LJ friends list and haven’t been seeing posts by me lately, hit up my site and read what you’ve missed. There’s been a bug in the LJ Crossposting plugin that I use and I just got it fixed last night, thanks to the plugin maintainer! 😀

Adios, yall.

Mysterious Skin

I watched the movie Mysterious Skin last night. It was really good. A little slow moving, but still really good. It amazes me how many movies Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a gay man, or a gay-identified person. Makes you wonder if he really is gay! lol.

Other then that I spent the night being pissed off at Austin. He just seems way too moody for me. He got pissed because of the friends only post that I wrote about him. I dunno what to do, should I really change what I’ve been doing for the last 5 years because of him, or should I just say, “learn to live with it”?

I’m thinking he’s too much work to deal with, he’s pulling on my emotions way too much. First one way then the other… And he’s a complete jackass when talking to him online. He’ll ask you for something and then get mad at you when you try and talk to him about it, IE this whole being mad last night, I had to drag it out of him. And he’s always just signing off / going away in the middle of converstations, etc.

It’s just that I’m so happy and have a really good time with him when we hang out, but any other time he just pisses me off.

I’m not sure if Blake is coming down today or not. Either way I really don’t want to see him, but if he does come down him and Austin will hang out… They hung out this past weekend… It makes me really jealous. Mostly because Blake lied about something to big, I just don’t see how Austin can still want to hang out with him. But then like he said, “I don’t have as much tied up in him as you do”.

If I find out that Austin acts at all with Blake the way he acts around me, I’d have to just stop talking to him, because clearly then he wouldn’t really be meaning the way he acts with me.

Blah, Boys! ! !