Tag: Iowa

Three Day Weekend

TGIF, and thank god I have a three day weekend!

I’m really burned out today for some reason. Maybe it’s because NOTHING EVER WORKS RIGHT FOR ME!

Damon got mysql installed. I needed to install libxml2. So I did ‘apt-get install libxml2’

It complained about something and told me to run ‘apt-get -F install’… So I did, and it fucking UNINSTALLED mysql!

God damnit.

So now I have to get him to re-install it.

And I was so close to, I had rt working, it was logging in, I was just about ready to fucking import the production DB and then make the domain thing work. GAH! GAH!!! Why’s Solaris hate me so.

I feel bad too because this was supposed to be done by today. Which it’s clearly not going to get done. I really hate missing deadlines.

I have a lot to do this weekend. Mainly car type things. Oil, wash, vac, etc. I also need to get a haircut. But I just don’t have enough money for all that. I wish this place was like Krell where paychecks would go through on Friday if payday fell on a weekend, but no… Here they go through on MONDAY! Fuckers. If it’d go through today, I could afford it.

Alas, I could take money out of savings, but then I wouldn’t make my goal of $4,000 savings by the end of the month. And I really want to stay on track for this year, because by Dec I should have about $9,000 saved. $4,000 of that will go to my Roth, $1,500 to a years worth of insurance, and then I can use the rest of that for something fun! Like maybe a trip to Mexico for my birthday or some shit like that. I’m hoping that maybe I’ll get a bonus again this year and I can use that towards my fun thing!

Hmm, what else to talk about…. Oh! I had a dream last night, that my interview went really well and they offered to fly me back to Iowa.. So I went back on Friday morning and then flew back here Monday afternoon. It was so much fun! I hope it really happens…. But I am very nervous about it. And then what if they offer me a job for the same as I make here… Or even better, what if they offer me MORE! Do I really want to move back? Or should I stay here, or should I look somewhere else? I fear that if I go back to Iowa now, I’ll be stuck there for life… Or at least for a long amount of time. What will happen to my dream of living in lots of places… What about Boston, or SC, or Chicago and all those other places! So much to stress about. Don’t be surprised if I get sick again here soon….. I’ve found I get very sick when I’m stressed… Look at how bad I was when I moved here!

So another story… Yesterday morning it was raining like a mofo when I left to go home for work, most people were doing about 60 or so on the interstate and there was this one guy probably doing at least 70, maybe 80 in the far right lane… well he lost control, skidded all the way across 7 lanes of traffic, nearly missed me in the far left lane. SLAMMED into the center divder…. Skidded back across three lanes of traffic (Nearly missing me again), SLAMMED into a moving/step van type thing and then skidded back across traffic and hit the center divider again… Finally stopping….. Oh, and did I mention it was a brand new (still had the dealer plates) BMW 5 series? Sucks to be that guy… You’d have thought he was driving on pure ice or something! Idiot… But seriously there was an accident like every half a mile on the way home. People here do NOT know how to drive in anything but sun!

I made some honey wheat bread when I got home yesterday morning too. It wasn’t as good as it should have been. I think my yeast is dead, or getting old at least. It’s still really good tasting, just didn’t rise as much as it should have, so it’s a little tough. Thankfully Good Eats last night was about making bread. So I learned! 🙂

I’ve decided that I’m going to take the time to download Tiger, so that I can at least be using it before I have the money to buy it (Probably something I’ll buy with my fun money at the end of the year). Anyways, it’s got 23 hours left 🙂 Hopefully it continues to transfer this fast. The next challenge is getting it burned to DVD.

Laters all.

Two Years

So tomorrow.

2 years ago tomorrow, I was sitting at my desk, working away and taking phone calls, when I turned around and saw my supervisor walking in my general direction with some flowers. It was Johnny’s last day (he sat right next to me) so I assumed they were for him. Instead, Brent set them down at my desk and said “these just came for you.” My heart raced, my cheeks flushed, and I hurriedly opened the card.

“Andrew- Let’s drop the ‘almost’ – Topher”

And just like that, I had a boyfriend. At that instant in time, I had no idea that I was in for the happiest 14 months of my life, and the most depressed 9 months after. I had no idea this would take me to Omaha, to Kansas, to NJ, to Cali, to zoos, malls, gardens, hot tubs, coffee shops, museums, and everywhere in between. I had no idea I’d be so in love with someone and fly home twice my first semester to see them. And that they would love me so much they would come twice to see me my second semester. I had no idea I would give everything I had to one person, and receive it in return. I had no idea I would know real love, and be taken to heaven. And I definitely had no idea I’d drop so far into hell afterwards, and experience a sadness and depression I’ve never known.

Yes, 2 years has passed. What started out as a love that yearned to live forever, has now degraded into him wishing I’d rot in hell. Him having another boyfriend, who he openly admitted would never be as good as me. And me. Here, unable to understand why I can’t stop crying. Forcibly stopping myself from calling, and wishing things had turned out different.

It is kind of funny. I told him one time that I would be willing to move back to Iowa and go to ISU for him, if he thought that’s what it would take to get us back together. I was that in love with him, that I would’ve uprooted my life just for us to be happy again. And now I am leaving… but without him. And now he hates me for leaving. And I might never see him again. All I have are pictures, and I can’t even look at them, it’s too painful. All the while he is happy with someone else.

We’ve been broken up 9 months now. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday we kissed for the first time, or just yesterday that we spent all day at Rieman Gardens, or just yesterday that he flew me out to college… or just yesterday that I flew back to Iowa just to tell him I loved him.

“Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth,

Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt,

Still a little hard to say what’s going on

Still a little bit of your ghost, your weakness

Still a little bit of your face I haven’t kissed

Stones taught me to fly

Love taught me to lie

And life it taught me to die

So it’s not hard to fall

When you float like a cannonball”

I wish this wasn’t happening to me. I wish everything would be alright. I hate feeling like this, and I don’t know when it’s going to stop.

Tomorrow is going to be even worse. I’m going to try not to cry, but I’m not promising anything. Based on today, I probably won’t be able to control myself.

STOP CALLING ME

Oh, wait, I mean…. Keep calling me.

So I got a phone call at 8:30 this morning.. I woke up to it and for some reason thought it said 6. Thus meaning 6pm. I was like holy shit, I slept that long already! Cause I had like JUST fallen asleep!

Anyways, I didn’t answer it, but listened to the message…

Now, I’ve been applying to jobs back in Iowa, and well, I hadn’t applied to this comapny who called and yes… Asked for an interview! Woot.

So I’ve got an interview next tuesday to be a sys admin at a company in West Des Moines.

I dunno quite how I feel about it. But I’ll interview and see what they offer.

I also went and spent some of my gift card. I got two tiki torch things for my balcany, and also a new toaster, which is pretty bright red, and a few other misc things from Target. I still have $20 left to spend.

Well, laters all.

Out Cold

Well, I’m sure you’re all wondering where I’ve been for the last couple days, eh?

Well, honestly I’ve been a bit depressed and also very sick…

Late Wed I came down with a fever, and my body couldn’t decide if it was hot or cold, I went through about 20 minute periods of hot/cold/hot/cold. It was annoying as hell. I also had a splitting headache and my back was killing me. I stayed home and worked from home on Thursday, taking only 2 hours of sick leave. Which I shouldn’t have done at all because I did put in a full 8 hours, but whatever. Thursday during the day my body finially decided on a temp, and stayed there and then gradually went back down to normal. By the time I was supposed to be going to work Thursday night (Friday) my back was still killing me and it hurt to move at all. Plus I still had a horrible headache. So yeah, stayed home again that night. However I didn’t take any sick leave that day because I ended up putting in about 4 hours friday night working on things for Oscar.

On top of all that, I was really pissed/depressed about shit with Andrew. He wrote on his journal that I had been writing “Bull” about him… Which for anyone who doesn’t read my journal, I have done nothing of the sorts. This really pissed me off, and he also claimed that by not running to read my journal it made him somehow a better man. Whatever, by writing that I was writing bull, made him less of a man because he didn’t even take the time to come to my journal to read it to see that I wasn’t writing bull. Anyways, the point of the matter is that the more and more I think about this whole thing I more and more pissed/depressed I get…. And yes, it is both.

I’m fucking pissed at him for moving me out here, and putting me through all this shit and then just up and moving back to Iowa. I’m depressed because this was supposed to be the happiest year of my life, and coming here was supposed to have been such a great thing, and yet it’s been the worst fucking time. The worst fucking year.

I was really hoping that when he came back in the fall from the trip abroad, we could get together again, work things out and by then I wouldn’t be so pissed at him, and we could at least be friends again…. But now he’s fucking up and leaving for Iowa and I’ll probably never see him again.

This state has done nothing but ruin me. Mentally and physically.

Speaking of that, I’ve now officially gained 25 pounds since moving here… Tomorrow I’m going to Costco, buying two big things of protien bars and one of those HUGE ass things of shake mix. That will be my diet until I get back down to my goal wieght. And if JonJon wants to eat at my house, he can buy and bring his own food from now on, because I’m not getting fat here.

Anyways, someone cleaned my desk while I was out sick, it’s very annoying. I like my desk messy. It makes it look like I’m working. Speaking of working, looks like the new guy might have started working as well, blah.

This weekend was a total waste as well. Friday, went to Ikea, sat at home finishing my bookshelf (Which does look hot, I should post pics)

Saturday during the day, Sat at home…

Saturday night, went to the Klatch. I wanted to walk around Laguna Beach.. JonJon said:”There’s nothing to do” He doesn’t quite understand that there doesn’t have to be anything OPEN to have a good time walking around a pretty place. So I got pissed and we went home. and went to bed… Total time out: 1.5 hours

Sunday day: Sat at home watching this countdown of American Presidents… Who knew about some of those random ass ones.

Sunday Afternoon: Went to Ikea to return something, then southcoast for a little bit. Then home to sit around and do nothing.

What happened to all these friends we had around here… Hanging out with Nikki and Nichole every day, and all those parties at Lauren’s and shit?

Blah. I want to go back a year and tell myself to fucking stay in Iowa. Date Jed or Justin or someone.

Or maybe go back two years and just fucking tell Andrew to go to ISU to fucking start with… Maybe I could still be working at Krell and getting my Masters now.

Grrr..

Night all.

V100-Solaris

Well, I lied, this week is proving to be just as busy as last week, if not more so.

Last week we just had one 5.1.* release to the stg,trn,prd sites and we had the normal two 6.0.* releases to the QA sites. However this week we have one 5.0.* to stg,trn AND a 5.1.* to stg,trn and then two, maybe three 6.0.* releases to the QA sites. And I think two 5.0-6.0 upgrades to do.

But things are looking up so far this week. We finally finished the demo deploy, which I’m doing right now, plus the build for tonight which had 39 scripts actually deployed to icarbs on the first go (This has only happened 2 twice before, and both those deploys had less then 10 scripts). So that’s pretty much a miracle!

Not too much else going on. I can’t remember if I mentioned it or not, but I dug this HUGE bookcase/entertainment center out of the trash over the weekend. It’s like 6.5′ tall, and a good 6′ wide, plus it weighs a TON! It was already painted black, and it had a can of black paint with it, so I touched up the spots that were scratched up, and then went and bought a really dark red and we’re painting the back panel of each cube red. I’ll take pics of it when it’s done. Only problem is that I have NO IDEA what to fill it up with! So anyone who wants to buy me little nik-naks that’d be great.

This evening I also made some banana cake, which turned out really good. My cousin sent me the reciepe a long time ago and I’ve just never got around to making it. Well tonight Ihad some extra banana’s sitting around that were too brown to eat, so I just turned them into the cake. I also made the frosting but it was a bit too runny. It still tastes good though, and that’s what matters. I brought it into work here so people can eat it, causeI really can’t eat any more bad foods. I HAVE to get into shape.

How many times have I really said that. I keep having this wonderful plan of working out everynight from 10:30-midnight, but it just never seems to work. JonJon’s always bitching cause I’m ditching him, and he’s always making me eat unhealthy food. Gah, I wish I were still in college and had my routine I had then. I was pretty hot. My goal is to get back down to that by August, so I’m hot for Iowa. 🙂

I’m trying to write a script here for work which is causing me a lot of pain. It’s an automation script to go through and make sure everything works. Well, I had it working pretty nicely yesterday. But then I deployed the newest deploy to the site and things are broken. They apparently changed is so that you can’t have punctuation in names now, which is annoying cause I had been using Test_VERSION_NUMBER. So I can’t have the “_” or the “.”‘s that are in the version number now. blah! Also for some reason it’s having problems selecting the PT’s gender, which is a required field for sumbitting. So yes. I must work on those tonight.

It’s the rainy season back in iowa… Thunderstorms, tornado’s, etc. I’m so sad that I’m missing that. Out of all the rain we got here, there was only ONE time that I heard thunder, but saw no lightening. Very annoying.. I LOVE THUNDER! I wish I could do my job from home… And I mean HOME as in Iowa home. 🙁

And on a completely random topic after just complaining about wanting to move back to Iowa, I’m now going to talk about buying a place here… Apparently these Apartments down the street from me are being turned into Condo’s. I’m going to check them out to see what they might be going for and see if I can afford to buy one. I’d really like a place of my own that I can paint/wire/etc without having to get approval from someone, or change it back the way it was when I moved in. Plus, i figure I can do one of those interest only loans since I’ll only be here a short time, they’d be a good option for me.

I’m also very tired, which is annoying because I got enough sleep.

Does anyone know of some good Tech jobs back in Iowa? If so keep me posted.

Laters all.