May 16, 2001

may 16, [brian mcknight, "back at one"] ok i feel really weird

writing this here. but this started out as a place that i can express myself

and write down what i’m feeling, so i’ve been thinking alot lately. and i

have feelings for someone in our "group" i mean i don’t really get

to talk to him all that often, we’ve never even really talked all that much.

when ever we’re around each other it’s with the rest of the group and such,

so i can’t really talk to him. but i mean, i’ve been thinking alot about him

since i got back home, well more like since spring break, but these feelings

have come out even more since i got home. sometimes i just want to go up to

him and ask him out to supper or something, but like i said, everytime i see

him, it’s with the rest of the group, and we’ve never really talked either.

it’s odd, we’re in such a small group of freinds, but i’ve never _really_

talked to any of them about my life or anything. nor do i really know about

thier life. but ok back on topic. i feel kinda weird about just going up and

asking him to supper, or even just talking personal stuff with him. cause

i don’t know if he shares the same feelings. but at the same time, i get the

feeling that he might. i dunno i suck at this shit.

May 15, 2001

may 15, #2 [tonic, "soldier’s daughter"]. so i was downstiars on

the computer using the internet and my dad comes in, "you on the internet",

"yeah", "so what are you hiding with the solitare game",

"nothing", "so who’s been calling here so late at night",

"friends", "well you think they could call at a decent time",

"it is a decent time", "friends from philly", "no",

"friends who", "just friends", they he walks off. does

so shit, comes back "you still on the internet", "yes",

"we don’t let andy on the internet tell mom gets home", "so",

"so how’s she supposed to call if you’re on the internet", "the

cell phone’s turned on", "why would she call the cell phone",

"cause the phone line is busy", then he starts yelling at me about

shit. it’s like, well damnit. get another fucking phone line or something.

how many times have i told you to get one? grrr.

May 15, 2001

may 15, [live, "selling the drama"] ok so sorry i haven’t really

updated this lately, it’s really annoying not having my computer hooked up

to the internet. i went into NP this morning at 6:30 thier raid card on shoemaker

was fried by lightening. $900 to replace the damn thing, luckly insurance

will pay for it. we even had to call bennett on the senior trip to get approval

to order a new one. hopefully it should be in by the end of the week so i’ll

have to go back in to install it. other then that nothing’s been going on

here today. it’s been pretty crappy. danny called last night, that was nice,

i wish i could call him more, but the pu’s are always around. lol.

May 14, 2001

may 14. [live, "white, discussion"]well today’s been ok i guess.

haven’t really done much, i got up this moring about 8 and went to the bike

trail and did some rollerblading, then i came home sat in the hot tub with

the dog (he _really_ likes sitting in the hot tub) then i laid out and tanned

for a bit. then i went and working the garden and round the pond some. but

other then that it’s been pretty boring here today. my dad’s a selfish pig

though. we had hamburgers, chips, and beans for supper, he put cheese on all

four hamburgers, cause he wanted cheese, well are you going to eat all four

hamburgers? we had chips, did he bring any dip home for them? no, cause we’re

having beans for that, does everyone here like beans? no, only two out of

four people like beans here, so why couldn’t he bring home dip for the chips,

cause he knows everyone likes dip, we also were out of ketchup, he didn’t

bring any home though, cause he didn’t want ketchup with his hamburgers, yet

he knows that everyone else would like ketchup. it jsut really annoys me.

i ripped a ton of CD’s today that was fun. i also went to compusa, mm, cute

guy. lol. but no i went there and got some software. i dunno, this is a sucky

update, i’m leaving.

May 13, 2001

may 13, #2. [craig david, "walking away" remix] ok so i guess it’s

been a pretty good weekend with the family and all, seems to be getting along

with them fairly well, nothing really big yet. it’s been a great two nights

though, i’ve gotten to see alot of the people again and yeah, it’s all good.

last night i went out with xak and nic. well first we went to wal mart cause

nic wanted to fill out an application and julian was working in layaway, so

we did that, and that was just funny shit, then nic went off an a tangent

that he needed to get a mothers day gift for his mum, and he was going to

get her a teddy bear. so we started heading for the toy section but somehow

ended up in the cd/dvd section and he decided to get her a cd of some sort,

but anyhow we had to go to target to get that, and that was fun, i’d never

been to the target in ankeny before. so yeah. then we went to java joes, and

there were alot of cute guys there, lol. then we went to the sky walks, and

that was just major totally cool fun. yeah, yeah. we saw valleys prom and

some wedding, and yeah, nic and xak tried getting into both places and got

kicked out, lol. then we went back to java joes, more cute guys. lol. then

we went to my house and sat in the hot tub, that was cool. nic’s going to

try and get some X and bring it over next time, so that’ll be cool if he does,

i’ve been wanting to try some. then after the hot tub, i called danny, and

that was sad times. i dunno, it’s all confusing times there. he says he’s

got two "legal" names, and i’m just lost as to what to do. i mean.

it’s weird. but i’ve thought alot about it today, and i mean i dunno really.

but i want to try to give this a chance once i get out there. i really do.

we talked today though and that was good times, he talked to my dad too. lol.

when i got home my room was packed full of all kinds of shit, so i took pictures

of it. i’ll get them up in the fall sometime, it’ll be after camp and such,

unless i find lots of other things to take pictures of before then, 😉 i got

most of it cleaned out, i just kinda stacked it in the corner. so yeah. and

i’ve started packing for camp, only two and a half weeks before i have to

leave for there. i also got my computer hooked set up all right, so that the

only thing of mine that people can access is my mp3’s and i’m ripping a whole

bunch more of them right now. i told danny that i was going to come out to

my pu’s as soon as summer camp was over, but he’s like, "you should talk

to your friends about that" so i dunno. i mean i _want_ to tell them

so badly, but i mean if things go bad, it’d be a sucky rest of the summer.

i still need to find somewhere to hide all my XY’s and stuff. that’s going

to be more of a problem then i thought it would be, cause it appears that

even though i’ve moved out my brother has decided that he likes going through

all my stuff even more then he used to, so it’s hard to hide anything now.

so where everi do end up hiding them, it’s going to have to be outside my

room some where. my pu’s and i also talked about going to philly, like i said

some where up there, my mom didn’t get her arse in gear and didn’t get things

linded up, so we aren’t going to make it out there this month. she’s now saying

"in late july" but then it’s going to be a whole family thing, like

my, both pu’s and my brother, so that’s going to just suck. but whatever,

i still get to go there, that’s good i guess. i’m going to go sit in the hot

tub some again. laters.