Must Sleep….

I haven’t been able to sleep well lately (Tuesday night (Wed morning) I went to bed at about 3 Am and was up again at 8, Wed night, I went to bed at 4ish, and was up again at 6 for a 7:30 final, then I worked all day today, and yesterday, and now it’s Friday morning, and I’m not even tired yet) . I dunno why. Probably because I’m fairly mental disturbed by everything, and stressed out and depressed cause I feel like I’m putting on pounds, and lots of other shit, that I really don’t have the energy to care about right now.

In fact, I feel as though I haven’t had the energy to care about anything lately, and I think that my relationship with Adam has been hurting lately because of it. Hopefully things will turn around soon and fun times will be back.

The biggest problem is that t-day break didn’t come early enough to keep me from burning out.

I do have a doctors appointment tomorrow to make sure I’m not dieing. I have to get a blood test for diabetes tomorrow, last time that I got one they told me not to eat anything for the 24 hours prior, but this time they didn’t say anything, so I”m not going to eat again tell after my appointment, that way I’ll be uber hungry for supper at Chili’s. Good times.

Speaking of good times, today was pretty good. I worked all day, and that was amusing. I also popped by NP and talked to bennett. As always he was amusing. Tonight was the Krell Christmas party and that was amusing. Rachel’s funny shit.

I watched survivor, yummy bois.

They need to sell cases of nair on-line.

I hope that I’m out of this slump by next semester. I don’t want to start the semester on a down note.

I called Mid-Iowa yesterday, I got the number for Chris K in Topeka. I’m going to call him and see about a job there, also Pete L isn’t the camp director this summer, so I’ll find out who is and see if I like them anymore. Perhaps I can end up working at Mitigwa again, which is what I would really love to do, but I know to many people there, and I think that it’d be wierd to go back again after i quit. You know how that is, eh?

Oh, and…

Dear Mother Nature,

Thanks for returning to us that great day of weather, it really helped my mood. You can continue on now with the other requests for a “white” christmas as you had planned.

Thanks again,
Cj B

PS, I will continue with my ramblings.

On the hills…

Above the river, in amongst the trees.
Flows the flag, of Camp Mitigwa, Waving in the breeze.

Lately, that song has been about the only thing on my mind… Well that song and all the other songs that we sang as Boy Scouts.

I don’t know what it is that really brought all this back up. Maybe it’s that I want to camp this summer, maybe that it’s all the drama and I just want to get away for a while, perhaps it’s school, and the stress, maybe it’s the pictures that Adam and Andrew found, that reminded me of all the good times I had at camp, maybe it’s a lot of things, and a combination of things. But, lately, scouting is the only thing on my mind.

It’s been so hard to get over Scouting, and I don’t know why. Why do I still love an orginiaztion that hates me so? I don’t know.

I’ve been thinking about going back to work these this summer, maybe all of it, maybe just for Cub camp. I don’t know where though, I can’t go back to Mitigwa. Even though that’s the real place that I want to be. I talked to anouther gay guy about it here at ISU, he said Freeland Lesile, but that’s in WI, and I don’t like the idea of being thrown into something that I have no control over, somewher that I’ve never been before.

Maybe I can call up Chris, in his council, and ask if he’ll give me a job. That would be nice. At least that way I know someone that’s there.

I want to call Peg Dehout (sp?). But I don’t know what I’d say to her. I want to call Pete, but I don’t know what I’d say to him.

I just want to work somewhere fun this summer, somewhere that I know I’ll enjoy it. I want to be outside, and go back to what I’ve done so many times in the past. Why is everyone holding me back from this. Why?

I’m going to call people this week. I don’t know when, but I will.

In other news. Today was Adam and my one year. Congratulations to us!

And 3 down, one more final left to go. I can’t wait for the semester to be over.

I don’t know why they complain about what they’re getting paid. Do a search for “premkumar G”. Yeah, he’s TOTALLY not worth anywhere near that. Fucker.

::beeeeeeep::

Well, one down, three more to go. I must leave here soon to go study for my Calc test which is tonight at 7pm.

Dear Mother Nature,
Could you please return to us the nice weather that we’ve had? It’d be very nice of you.

Thanks.

Umm, so yeah. My UPS has been BEEEEEPPING at a greater consistency lately. Rarr at that. Perhaps I’ll have to call APC and see if my battery is still under warranty. I would think it should be.

I’ve been trying to install The Sims today. I can install Sims, Livin’ Large, and Vactaion, but House Party and Hot Date are both too scratched up to install. Fucking brother. I’m going to blame him for that one.

“Large bedroom to rent in nice flat with easygoing bloke with SOH. Suit someone who does a lot of traveling and needs a place to keep a space toothbrush, or non-UK resident looking for an address for tax/housing benefit dodge. No pets, no friends, no conversation. Paranoid introverts who keep themselves to themselves and are also invisible especially welcome. $100-800 pw (depending on how much oxygen you use).”

Should I be concerned that someone from DPS visits my site frequently?

Hello out there.

//Edit: Quoted from a strangetalk posting:
“A war on condoms? If this is true, I’m going to go ahead and finish Bush’s work for him and declare a war on the morning after pill, a war on cancer cures, a war on America, a war on all of humanity, and a war on myself. Then I’m going to declare a war on my war.”

Blah

Ok, so what’s going on.

Friday night, Adam and Andrew came over to my house, we watched QaF, very un-exciting night. But it was fun.

Saturday, I went shopping with my mom. Fun times. It really wasn’t all that busy, but still really busy compared to normal.

Saturday night went out with Andrew shopping and then met up with Adam after he got off work. Went to Perkins and ate supper. I saw my Math Recite instructor at Java Joe’s and I wanted to punch him. He’s always got this REALLY stupid facial expression. Rarr.

Adam spent the night here (in ames) last night. That was nice. Today we went shopping at the mall here in Ames, and then came back here and sat on our asses. It was boring, but I cleaned some, which needed to be done. We also talked about why I didn’t want to live together right now. I’m just not ready.

Speaking of talking to people, Andrew, Adam and I never did get a chance to talk this weekend. We listened to the message that Mike left Adam. Very Very rude indeed. What as asshole he is. No one’s ever brave enough, I think that’s the word, to bring it up. Cause we all know it’s going to be wierd. So yeah.

I’d still like to talk about it all though.

I have my first final at 9:45 tomorrow. I have yet to study for it. Oh well.

I’m really tired. So I’m going to bed. Night all!