Andrew’s Back

So Andrew left Friday morning, and by noon I was already missing him. Even though I normally wouldn’t have even seen him tell like 8 that night. Luckly it started snowing in Ames, so I had an excuss to call him. So I did. We got to talk for a while about things, and that was cool.

By Saturday I was really missing him. He called and we talked for a while just after he got out of the lunch thing. Then he called later whilst Beak and the gang were at Wal-Mart and we talked for like 15-20 minutes. After that I called him back and told him that I missed him, I think it kind of surprised him, and afterwards I felt kinda stupid for calling him just to tell him that. Like I had told him too much.

That was the last I talked to him until later that night, I was surprised to see that he was calling me again. He was just calling to say that he was getting ready for bed, and he said that he missed me too. That made me feel so much better, to know that he felt the same way. Although, of course me being Queenie McNegativity, I couldn’t help but feel that he was just saying it because I called him and said it. But we talked a bit more, and I really did feel like he meant it.

Today he came back and I couldn’t wait to see him again. He met me and Adam at Adam’s house about 3ish. Luckly we didn’t have to stay there long and Andrew and I left to go places, we went to MHM and then his house, and just drove around alot. It was really fun to hang out with him again, and _really_ good to see him again. We talked about all kinds of things again…

Eventualy it was time to go, I didn’t want to, but we were out of things to do, so eh, it was time to go. I parked next to his car (In front of Adam’s house.) We leaned in and hugged, but I really wanted to kiss him good bye, a real kiss goodbye. But I felt as though I shouldn’t. Even though Adam wasn’t home, I couldn’t kiss him infront of Adam’s house. So I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. Again, it was one of those things that after it happened, you felt kind of stupid about doing it. But then he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek to, again making me feel better. After that we departed ways.

The whole way home I was debating as to what I want. Everytime I talk with someone I think I know, yesterday Beak and I spent hours talking about everything that’s happened. And said I should go for what I want, but I don’t want to feel like Andrew’s a rebound boy. Also I felt kinda stupid all the way home about kissing him and about wanting to actually give him a real kiss.

I also felt bad because I haven’t been giving out friendship it’s all lately, at least I don’t feel like I have been. Perhaps to try and give Adam his time that he’s asking for, perhaps because I don’t know what I want yet, or that I want to know that all feelings really are reciprocated. Hopefully I’ll get some time to talk with Andrew about how he’s feeling soon. The last week before he left so much happened between us and we didn’t really talk much about it all.

Anyways. In accordance with the rules, I must send this to Andrew. lol. So I’m going to end it all here and get it out to him.

Laters,

Cj B

Visit To JJ’s.

So last night was another GREAT night…

I was just planning on getting back from class, siting around and reading Fast Food Nation because I just haven’t been able to put it down yet. But Andrew called me whilst on his break and BEGGED me to come down, so I did… And I’m glad that I did too.

Got down there about 6:45, I knew Andrew wouldn’t be there tell after 7 sometime, but I had brought the book, so I sat around and read it tell he got there about 7:30. Once he got there we just sat around and talked in JJ’s. Ran into Betsy (sp?) and of course had to tell her our little disclaimer….”You DID NOT see us here!!” We just need a sign to put on the table, or carry around that says “YOU DO NOT SEE US!” lol

Talked to her some about the break up, apparently Adam had told her today. Good to see her again! I’m worried that she’ll blab to Adam though. I know it’s going to happen sooner or later, so I should figure out what I’m going to say here soon. lol.

After she left we just sat around and talked some more. Lots of random shit again. Got loud at JJ’s so we went to the sky walks and Andrew kept just flopping on the floor, so wierd. We got lost in 801 Grand, it was very scary cause we didn’t know where we were going!! And there were creepy people wearing those flower things you get… So crazy.

After that back to JJ’s where we talked about my insecurities and how I am when it comes to social situations and how he is. It was a good talk. We both have the conclusion that if Adam hadn’t been bothering me so much, I would have friends around Ames by now. lol.

We also talked very very briefly about how people are jealous of him. And honestly, I think that I’m one of the few people that’s friends with him, that isn’t jealous of him, or intimidated by him. I mean, most things that people are jealous of him for are things that I’ve had a chance in my life to do. Going to a good private school out of state, having money, being cute (ok, so I’m not that, but I’m not jealous of him for bieng cute, or sexy, or hot as a mother fucking hotest boi on earth. lol), being smart, etc. I’m honestly not jealous of him for any of that, his life and my life are so much alike really, he just started earlier.

However, if things keep going in the direction that they’ve been going, and we do end up in a relationship, I think that then I would feel a bit intimidated. Because, well it’s hard to explain, I think that I would then feel intimidated by his looks. Compared to him, I feel so fat, and I’m working on that, but it’s not going to go away before he does, which is sad. I know that he tells me so much that I’m not fat, and that really does make me feel special, but it’s just me being self-conscious. Anyways, enough of that topic…

We also talked about his teeth, which I found amusing because it was totaly random. Anyways, just FYI, Andrew, you just need more floride. Get a floride mouth wash… It’s marked as such! I use one because my teeth used to be the same way once they took off my braces, and they’ve gotten much better.

Lots of other random topics that I’d like to bring up, but I have to be getting to class here soon!

So we left about ten, and it was DAMN cold out since I had just worn my shorts and a t-shirt. We went out to his car and hugged, and then we kinda leaned back, and I wanted to kiss him so badly, but I didn’t know if I should. So I just leaned in and gave him a quick kiss… I would have liked to stay and kiss him some more, but it was so cold out and I knew that my breath probably was horrible. It’s so sad to see him go and I’m going to miss hanging out with him this weekend.

Alright, well lots more on my mind that I want to write about, but I really must leave for class now… LATERS!

A Day In Ames

Today was such a great day!

So I got outta school at 10:20 b/c it was early out day, so that was totoally cool. I worked out real quick, and I do mean REALLY quick, and then I went home.

I had made plans to hang out with Chris, since we weren’t gonna see each other this weekend. So I drove up to Ames, and met him at his apartment, where I gave him the two books he asked to borrow, plus a pic of me and him that Jenny gave me today. It’s really cute, at least I think so!

So then we went out to lunch at Great Plains, which had pizza, and it was really good. I bought Chris lunch b/c I’m just a good guy like that. We left and then went to campus. We just walked around there for a really long time, sat down and talked on the grass. We saw Ramsey, who Chris works with, and he’s hot! lol. I enjoyed him. THen we just did a lot of walking around, there were some really good looking guys around, so that was nice! However, there were definitely some unfortunate souls as well lol. We ran into Julian at the library and that was cool too, I haven’t seen him in such a long time!

Eventually, we made our way to Dairy Queen and I bought us ice cream. It was like a special, so no big deal. We ate it and that was fun.
We eventually made our way back to Chris’ apartment. He did tell me that next summer I Could live with him, instead of going to NJ. Which honestly seems like it could be a real possibility. He said I’d just have to pay for utilities (like 20 bucks a month) and then I would just have to find a job and get a car, and things would be good. And I bet with a bit of coaxing, I could stay in the bed! Hehe 🙂

So at his apartment is where things got interesting. We were wrestiling a lot, with Chris pinning me down, but only sometimes lol. Eventually, we somehow ended up with him sitting on the couch and me like laying down with my head in his crotch and he had his hands on mine. *sigh* So nice. We just talked and wrestled some more, and then we went into his room to play some music. We layed down on the bed together, and that was really nice. We were just laying there, I had my arm across his chest, and then we were just laying there. I told him I had a really good day (which I totally did, it was awesome!) andhe said he did as well. Then I kissed his cheek. Then we kinda just sat there, and I think we both knew what was coming. I am a bit surprised that he was the one who actually brought his lips up to mine. It was reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally nice. We kissed for a little bit. I asked if he was tired yet, b/c he always says he gets tired of that stuff…. he said no, I felt special. We kept kissing… it passed the time when I should’ve left to go see Trisha. I couldn’t leave… “I should probably go in a few minutes” Famous words lol. It was really really nice to kiss Chris again. It was really nice to be able to look at him and see him smiling back, even if it was only with one eye open 🙂 He is such a special guy. Eventually, much to my dismay, I had to leave. I really didn’t want to, especially when Trisha called and said she just wanted to go get ice cream for a short while.. I was like “I wanna stay with Chris!” and then I whined some more. We hugged goodbye, a nice long hug…. he kissed me again, I was beaming inside. And out as well, I’m sure. It was just soooooo wonderful, and it makes me not wanna go to Cali this weekend and just spend it all with Chris. Not to sound obsessive or anyhing, but I only have a limited time here and I want to make every minute count.

It was really good to kiss him. I don’t think I’ve said that enough. It was really sweet kisses…. not ‘let’s fool around’ kisses, which aren’t necessarily bad… but they aren’t something that needs to happen right now. These kisses are so…. gentle and caring.. I can really tell Chris cares about me. There is always that .0000001% of me that doubts…but I think Chris is sincere. He always has been in my experience.
*Sigh* I want to be with him! I don’t care if I have to keep it a secret…. Topher is what I want right now!

Anyways… I am thinking I’ll let him read this… but only if he lets me read his private one, which I am sure he wrote after today’s events!
Here’s to having a great day with Chris! *Raises glass* Cheer cheer!

Andrew’s Visit

So today has been WONDERFULL!

Andrew got here shortly after noon and we went to Great Plains to eat. Really good food. He bought, it was so nice of him. I love the pizza there too. Very good shit.

From there we went to Campus, sat by the campinile (sp?) and talked for a long time about random shit. Ran into Forrest and Ramsey there too. Talked to them for a while. Good times, it was run into randoms day. We all talked about so much shit, it was amusing as hell.

Then we walked around some more, pass/veto was played big time. Lots of cuties running around. Went into the library looking for Julian because I always seem to run into him there, and just as we were leaving we saw him heading up the stairs. We ran and caught up with him and talked for like an hour. Good to talk to him again.

From there we walked around some more, went to the lake and walked around. Sat and talked.

After that we got on the bus again, went to campus town and ate ice cream at the DQ, again treat of Andrew’s.

Came back here and hung out, talked again (What the hell all did we talk about!!). Then we wrestled some more, laid on the couch cuddling, etc. It was all very good. Then we came into my room, listened to music, and laid on my bed….

Laying, turned to hugging, turned to cuddling, turned to kissing.

So good again to kiss him, and even better since I didn’t have the burden of feeling like I was cheating on Adam.

He was supposed to leave at 5:30, but stayed until 5:45, all the time laying in my bed kissing. Then he had to leave, we stand there hugging, and kissing some more. So very very nice. Words can’t explain the feeling.

One thing though, I’d like to talk to him before any more happens.

Andrew’s Coming Up!

So today’s really beautiful out, supposed to be in the 80’s again. Nice nice weather. I’m really liking this.

Not going to work because Andrew’s coming up. I can’t wait to see him. It’s like those feelings that I used to have for Adam. I really like him, but I just don’t know what I want right now. I mean, I JUST got out of a relationship, should I really be getting back into one so soon. Also with him moving, and his obsession about getting 100% of guys, etc. What’s the use. But at the same time, I want to have that with him…. So confusing.

The plan for today is for him to get here about 1:00 and then off to somewhere to eat. I was thinking Great Plains, or somewhere in the MU or campus town. Then come to campus, hang out on the Central Campus (Between Beardsher, and Curtis) and talk about it all. He complained the other day that I don’t tell him enough of what I’m thinking, and feeling. Also hopefully they’ll be some making out on Central Campus. I’d really like that. Two cute gay bois on campus making out. How cute.

He has to leave about 5ish to get back to DM to meet some other girl, dunno what I’ll do after that. I’m sure I’ll find something…

Laters.