OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG, i’m in such A fuckgin good mood.
OMG, am i in a FUCKING GOOD MOOD, it’s like 12:22 am here, and i just got
off the phone with danny, hehe, he just randomly called. fucking random. OMG,
such a good fucking mood, i guess he’s been sick all ducking week, poor him.
we talked for like 10 minutes or so, it was soooooooo great. OMG, OMG, OMG,
i’m so not going to be able to sleep now. OMG. fucking OMG. hehe, hehe, hehe,
hehe. OMG. i’m going to go out now, later all.
Sometimes i just don’t get things. nope, i just don’t
get it. yeah so in this class we have, yeah, it’s american govbernment. and
the teacher guy is fucking nuts. he’s doing like this simulation, and he hasn’t
really explained anything yet. it’s all screwed up. he’s like, ok get into
your parties and figrure out who’s on what committees, then get into your
committees and then figure out who’s your leader, and then go talk to so and
so and tell them when you want to present your bill. and then he LEAVES, just
leaves, and doesn’t come back for the rest of the time, WTF? he just left
us all there. so yeah, i think we all got it figured out, but who knows. so
i have to give my bill on the 8th of feb. so we’ll see how that goes, lol.
and you know what else, i just wish i was more spontanteous, i want to call
danny so bad, and you know i dial like all the digits, except the last one,
i just can’t bring myself to dial that last digit. i just can’t dail that
last number. damnit, i want to talk to him so bad. i haven’t seen him since
sunday when he called :'( and he claims to have changed his number, so i don’t
even know if that’s thier # anymore. damnit. why won’t he tell me, why won’t
he open up to me. i know, i know. it’s an internet relationship, but still
talking to him means alot to me. having him there, knowing that i can tell
him stuff. just seeing him on-line is enough for me, i’ve never really been
able to open up to people, like i can with him. people here don’t know me,
people at home don’t know me, people in my family don’t know me, people in
scouting don’t know me. only he had even come close to seeing the REAL me.
and he’s just so detatched, i just don’t get it. i wrote him a letter the
other day, i think it was pertty damn good. here, i’ll put it here so in many
years i remember what i wrote: Sometimes, you just don’t
want to know what someone is thinking, other times you wish they would say
more. tell you more of what they are thinking. Other times, you just wish,
whis they were there, so you can see what they are thinking, what they are
doing. How thier life is going. What’s hurting them, what makes them happy,
what makes them cry, what makes them laugh. Sometimes you just wish they would
say hi, so you know how thier day was going, so you can hear them, you can
tell alot from one’s voice, from one’s words. Sometimes…….. Sometimes
you wish they would tell you everything, sometimes, you wish the person you
love most, would tell you what they are thinking, what makes them cry, what
makes them laugh, what makes thier day what it is. Sometimes. Not sometimes,
all the time, all the time i wish the person i loved would tell me what they
were thinking, all the time, i wish they would tell me what makes them happy,
what makes them cry, yes. all the time, i love that person, i want to know
what they are thinking, what makes them happy, what makes them cry, what makes
thier day what it is, what makes thier life what it is. I want to know…….
Because I Love you. so yeah, you think it’s good? i thought it was
damn good, but i haven’t heard anything back from him about it. why doesn’t
he reply to e-mails? fuck, i’m 🙁 now. i know i don’t love him the way i can
love someone, truely, but i do love him in the sense that he’s there, that
he’s someone that i can talk to, someone that i can say stuff to without feeling
like a fool, someone i can talk to about personal stuff. i think that if we
met in real life, we would either get along REALLY well, or just totaly hate
each other, i know we are total opposities, but i think that’s what i’m looking
for, is someone that will get me out, someone that will get me to use my energy,
instead of just sitting here thinking so much, and i think (notivce the word
THINK) that he’s looking for someone to bring him down, someone to get him
to sit more, instead of being out so much. i think he’s realizing who he is.
and that his freinds are really “jock, assholes” (his words). and
that he want’s to seperate himself from that somewhat. but i don’t know. maybe
i’m just making generalizations. ok well enough babbling about him. i’m going
to go make some phone calls.
People are so fucking rude. you know that. RUDE MOTHER
FUCKERS. yeah, so i wasn’t feeling to good last night, so i went to bed at
like 9 or so. then my roomie came in with a bunch of his freinds and were
all loud and shit, so i was like fine DAMNIT. so i watched some tv tell they
left, then i tried going to sleep again, but some mother fucker upstaris decided
they wanted to play backetball in their fucking room, so they were like bouncing
this fucking ball tell about 1 am. and it was REALLY fucking loud. so i didn’t
get to sleep tell really late. and then i had to get up early to fucking hell
go to class and shit. bastards. that’s the problem with having most of my
classes on Tues, Thurs. is that most other people don’t have any classes on
these days, they are all MWF classes. so they stay up late M and W nights.
assholes. o well. tonight had better be quiet. well i haven’t talked to danny
since sunday morning when he called (12:02 am his time). it was so cool when
he called. i love his voice it’s so soft and sweet. but yeah, not much going
on here. so hmm, i don’t know. what should i do.
ahhh, insanity is setting in already, it’s umm, like
3 in the afternoon, i’ve now been up for about 12 hours. i haven’t been sleeping
well lately, i think it’s just getting used to this bed again. hmm. the repaet
rate on this keyboard isn’t fast enough, i’m going to go fix it.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
much better. lol. well i had a nice chat with danny last night. i still think
he needs to open up to me more. but i love him. so we won’t let that get in
the way. hmm, i’m still debating on weather or not to send in that application
to philly, i think it would be really cool to work out there and i would REALLY
love to meet danny, in fact, they offered me more money to stay and work in
iowa, so now the only major reason to purse this option is to be able to see
him. but still in the back of my mind there’s just that little thing of DO
i want to meet him. i mean we get along and all and i do love him, but i HAVEN”T
even seen a picture of him yet. hmmmmmmmmm. o well i guess i’ll send it in
and shit, and just see what happens. ok on to other things, all my classes
seem like they should be pretty easy. i mean, accounting, econ, government,
visual BASIC, how simple can that shit be, just as long as i keep up with
the reading and shit, i hope it all works out that way. some of the teachers
are them foreign types and i can’t hardly understand them sometimes. o well,
i’m happy, i got my internet back today, hehe. yeah. fucking fun, i had a
shit load of songs to download off napster i had like 20 of them or so, i
got them all in under an hour, i was so happy, i was getting like 150Kbps,
hehe, it was cool. well i’m going to go off somewhere now, bubye
WOW, i lived through christmas break, and what a ton
to talk about. well i guess i shall start where the last left off, eh? well
on sat the 23rd we went to my uncles house and had christmas there, that really
sucked ass. pam was there the fucking bitch. it just plain sucked, i don’t
want to get into that. and then on sunday we had part of our christmas, i
really hate the holidays, they just plain suck, i can’t be who I AM. i have
to be someone else. and i hate it. i have decided that if i ever find someone
to live my life with, we won’t be at my families very much for the holidays,
my cousin and i have been talking about it some lately too. so yeah. but christmas
itself just really sucked to. you know i hate the whole gift giving shit,
but yeah, well i gave y Pu’s a ist of fairly simple things, k, well they only
fucking got me one thing oiff the list, and i was like, damnit. if you’re
going to ask for a list get shit that i want off the list, not other shit
that i have no use for, k. bastards. o well, i got my coat, that’s all i really
wanted anyhow, other then to be with danny, but we all know that wouldn’t
have happened. but yeah, then i spent the week’s at my G&G’s which was
ok, i got the whole bed to my self and shit, and didn’t ahve to put up with
the sibling, or the PU’s, but dannydidn’t call me while i was down there,
have had access to a phone, but i’m still asd that he didn’t call. well then
i got back home, and xak had a party at his house, which was pretty fun. yeah.
hehe, it was fun. and then i spent a week at home, going insane and shit.
and working at the HS. i had somefun there. but yeah, i’m going to stop now,
i could go on for hours about shit that happened, but i won’t cause i’m going
to go read this mag i got, it’s XY’s latest, it’s FILLED with cool stories.