Author: Cj B

Login/Out

So, I’m really liking the new wordpress 2.0.1. I’m very annoyed that the fun controls don’t work in Safari though. 🙁

I’ve started modifying the source though. I don’t like that there’s no distinciton between public and private entries on the main page when you are logged in. I’ll submit my code to the tree once it’s done. But that might take a while. They’ve changed nearly everything since I last did any real coding to the tree way back in b2 days, so I have to relearn what most of the functions are doing, plus they completely got rid of the old way of doing user levels, so that’s all strange now.

I’m also working on adding a private search function and mass edit to the admin menu. I again don’t like that there’s no easy way to show all private entries or to mass edit them to public. IE for me, private enteries only stay private for a year max. Then I go to the DB and run an update statement. But sometimes I screw it up, like a few months ago, and accidentially made some private entries public that werent’e meant to be.

And lastly on this topic is that now I have to be more careful when other people are using my comptuer so that they don’t go to my page and see the private entries on there. IE, lately there’s been a private nearly every day, so when Austin came over last night I had to make sure to log out before he could look through it. haha.

Speaking of though, he came over last night after getting back from out of town. He decided not to go to San Fran after all. I was very glad to see him, he spent the night… More in the LJ Friends Only post.

Work today is exciting, I’m making lots of progress on things. 🙂

Adios!

Night With Austin

Ok, so the confusion is still going strong!

Warning, TMI to follow:

Last night Austin txted me and said he would be back in the area about 9 and wanted to go to Luckys. So he came over, and like the second he was in the door he was all over me, cuddling with me and shit on the couch and rubbing my head and being all cute and this…

So then I showered and he made himself dinner. I got all pretty, nice new pants and a nice shirt, did my hair and put in contacts. Everything!

Then we sit down on the couch waiting to go and again he’s being all cuddly and stuff, then its time and he’s like, “I’d rather just stay here and talk with you”. So that was nice of him to say.

So we lay around on the couch and watch TV and it’s getting late and I’m getting tired so I just suggest he spend the night cause it was REALLY foggy out and you couldn’t see anything. So we go and lay in the bedroom and he watches TV for a while and stuff.

I fall asleep for a while then all of a sudden he grabs my hand and puts it on his penis (he still had underwear on). And he says, “Why don’t you ever want to touch me.” And I just wantd to say so badly… “Why don’t you ever want to kiss me.” But I didn’t want to get into it then, it was too nice cuddling with him and stuff. lol. So I leave my hand there and start playing with him a bit through his underwear and he’s playing with me. Then he starts kissing my cheak and my arm and he starts to move in like he’s going to kiss me for real, and I’m getting all excited then at the last minute he moves and kisses me on the corner of my mouth and then backs off some.

So eventually we both end up nude and we jack each other off… And that was nice, but whatever. So we slept nude and cuddled all night…

I just wish that he would freaking stop confusing me so much! Make out with me and do something… Gah, it’s just so confusing.

Boys, I tell ya!

Saturday Night…In

Ugh, another weekend of doing nothing. And with Ausitn out of town, I haven’t even had him to bug to hang out. haha.

So I’ve sat in my apartment all weekend playing video games, catching up on the pile of reading that’s been sitting around my house for months. And getting back into my book. So I guess it’s been good. I did get on my bike yesterday and did 10 miles. I’m thinking that maybe next weekend I should get Robert together again and go biking on saturday morning before going up to LA.

Strangly enough I had a dream about that last night too… We had this big group of people together, it was WF, DS, and MH all from work, and then Robert, Ben, Austin and me. Strangely enough I introduced Austin to the work guys as “my boy”… I might get into my thinking behind that a little later. Anyways, we all went on a bike ride and it was fun.

Last night this guy Drew, who I’ve been talking to forever, wanted to hang out… But he changed his mind at the last minute. Probably for the better anyways, because I think he wanted a little more then just hanging out… As illistrated by his saying, “I’m a top and you’re a bottom, we’ll see where that goes”. He seems like a cool guy, but whatever. I ended up getting Vinnie to come over and hang out. We watched Annie. Then we hung out for a while, he left about 1am and I went to bed.

I got up about 8:30 this morning and have just been sitting around. Nothing is on TV, it all sucks. Damn football.

Ugh, I’m so annoyed with stuff right now, I’m getting really depressed. I just want that damn bf, that I was supposed to have by now. I’m getting older, I don’t want to end up being one of those old guys who hangs out at the bars all the time or on A4A because I don’t have a special someone… I know it’s been over a year and a half since Andrew broke up with me, but I’m just still so pissed that my plans got all fucked up and now I just still feel lost.

I was talking to Austin the other day about it and he said, “So you need another guy before you feel like you’ll have a purpose again.”

Well, I guess in a way… The answer is “Yes”. I want to have that life of coming home to someone every night, someone to sit down to dinner with, someone that I’ll always have to go somewhere with. I hate never knowing where I’m going tomorrow of if I’ll have something to do on the weekend. I hate not being able to plan 3 or 4 months in advance for a trip because you never know if you’ll still be talking to someone then! IE, The Iowa trip last year, going to the theater, etc.

I guess I just have kinda of a White Picket Fence House Dream… The gay version. haha.

I really hope that this next week goes by fast. Austin may or may not be out of town. But I don’t thinke ither way it will make much of a difference, as he hasn’t been wanting to hang out as much lately. (more on this later). Either way, this next weekend should prove to be a good weekend, going to dinner with Mark and Austin, then drinks with them and Scott. Sunday my aunt and the other woman are coming down this way, or I’m going that way. One or the other. And hopefully Austin will come for that as well. It’ll be good to see her, sad that beak isn’t coming as well though.

Soooo Then. About this whole Austin thing….

It’s really been messing with my emotions lately. We started out really strongly, hanging out nearly every day, he went through this period of calling me ‘hun’ and ‘babe’. We spent the night a lot (still we have not had sex/bjs/etc). He said he missed me when his mom was here, he even suggested we just spend the night at each others house every night.

Robert interrogated him, and he said he wanted more from me then just friendship. (Though, who knows if Robert understood right).

Then all of a sudden he went through this period of barely talking to me, not wanting to hang out and when we did he didn’t want to cuddle anymore.

Then last Wed, we hung out and he was all cuddly and we slept together, and he choose just hanging out and talking with me over going out to the club.

Yet he still says he just wants to be friends!

Cleary, if you’ve paid any attention to my blogs, I want more! I think if he doesn’t then we’ll have to stop the whole cuddling/sleeping together thing. Because I’m getting to attached. I got so jealous of him this weekend when I found out he slept at some other boys house.

With Justin it works, because I know how he feels about me, he knows how I feel about him, and we both know it wouldn’t work out if we did have a relationship. So we can sleep together, make out, hell, even bjs. But with Austin he’s so all over the map, that it’s just hurting me.

I’m hoping that it’s all just because of the whole no job thing… That he doesn’t want to get involoved with someone incase a job out of the area comes up.

I just wish there were a simple answer to the whole thing.

Adios all!

Germany?

So… I might be going to Germany in June.

You might all remember that I mentioned my cousin and I talking about a trip there over Christmas. Well she FINIALLY e-mailed me back yesterday about it. She’s still trying to line up the funding and is going to be taking out a student loan to go. haha. However she needs someone to co-sign and her parents refuse.

So, it’s probably not going to happen. Though I REALLY want it too.. I mean, hello, free room and board, a free translator, and someone who knows the area! How sweet would that be! She wants to go for 2-3 weeks, but I could only pull off 1 max… Who knows.

Yesterday was so productive, yet unproductive. I got up and worked and found some php-upload programs. Then I went out shopping about 10 and bought a bunch of stuff for the cats and some food and then got my hair cut.

It’s so wierd that the guy there ALWAYS remembers me. Last year I spent $80 on hair cuts, which means I went once every 2.5 months. And I didn’t ALWAYS go to this guy. Anyways, he’s this short little asian guy and it’s just wierd. But he does a good job and it’s cheap. 🙂

I ended up spending like $150 yesterday which sucks. Blah damn cats are expensive sometimes!

Came home and worked some more, downloaded Sims 2 University and Nightlife, Rollercoast Tycoon 3, and Worms Arm / 3D. I fell a sleep about 3 and woke up again at 7. And then spent the night sitting around playing the Sims2.

Today will probably be more of the same!

Adios.