Author: Cj B

Randomness.

Chick #1: Who’s that actress who plays Blanche Devereaux?

Chick #2: Rue McClanahan!

Chick #1: Okay, you can say it. You’re not drunk enough yet.

I admit I can’t let things go… I still hold little bits of my heart for Adam and Andrew, etc. I still get mad about thinking about things Andrew did to hurt me forever ago. I still wonder what would happen if Justin and I had gone further, or if Jed and I had been honest with each other those many years ago at Camp, or what if I had made out with Ben Shep that night in my car? I need to work on just getting over things and moving on.

Speaking of Andrew, I think he got a new screen name.. And even though I haven’t talked to him in months.. It annoys me that I don’t have his new one.

I spent half an hour last night trying to find a song that was stuck in my head.. I had the music, and the video stuck, but I couldn’t think of the damn Band or the song name or the lyrics! It was so annoying.. It ended up being “The World I Know” by Collective Soul.

Yesterday was an even busier day for e-mail, 445. God, why is this such a mess.

I’ve got an office lined up now. Now to talk to the boss and make a final decision about going back. My mother said to just wait till Easter and take it as a vacation. I dunno if I can wait it out that long. But now things aren’t seeming as bad as they were, so I’m not sure if I want to go to the expense of doing it.

I’m such a nerd, I have 38 playlists in iTunes.

OG posted a great blog yesterday.. Go read it.

It looks like Germany isn’t going to happen.. The cous can’t get funds.. Anyone else want to go with me?

It’s been so long since you’ve gone away

And I know things will never be the same

I break it all down so it will show to me clear

But all the while I’m wishing you were here

In my dreams I can see and feel your face

But next to me sits an empty space

Sometimes this life doesn’t make any sense to me

I need some time to heal and some space to breathe

I’m breathing you in and I’m breathing you out

As I lay on the floor and I wonder why

I thank God for you and the memories

But I still wish you were here with me

I’m breathing you in and I’m breathing you out

Gone away and I pray for the strength to

Strength to carry on

As I am breathing you in and I’m breathing you out

I still feel you though you’re gone

I’m breathing you in and I’m breathing you out

Breathe – Seven Channels

Private: OGs Blog

Ha, OG just posted this… What’s he doing sitting inside my head?

what is it that one is supposed to do with one’s life? Is it to be better? Better than what? Better than who? And when you are better, is that it? what about then? Is one supposed to get things? to get wealth? to get stuff? and when you get it, is that it? What happens then?

If one feels empty, how does one fill up? and once you fill up again are you destined to always run out? And do you have to fill up again?

What is one’s life all about? Grow up, go to school… or not… get a job.. or not. Have a family and kids so you can go visit other families with kids. Do families-with-kids stuff like soccer practice and sunday games. Attend events with people you dont know while pretending that you do. Is this what is all about? And when you’ve done all this, then what?

You get up in the morning and go to work… break your back in a mostly contraceptive and detttachaed work environment. Then you go home and start all over again… just for the weekend, just for the paycheck. Oh, and also to justify pretending that you care about what you are doing.

And for what? at the end of the day everything you’ve done so far does not matter. And what’s more important… is that you have zip to show for. Nobody’s life was saved, no great achievement was acomplished. So what is our life for?

 

 

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In other news…. Austin’s being crazy still. He says he’s so into this other guy, but yet he calls me all the time all day long. Like when he’s on his way home, etc.

We got into yesterday twice.. Once because the night before I had asked him to the boom with me. He said he would call me back and let me know. He never did. I called him twice and he didn’t answer. He went out with Orlando. he lied to me saying he “fell asleep”. Yeah right.

What a fucking jerk. He’s so rude. So I was like, “goodbye for now.” and then like an hour later he IMed me again and said, “We have communication issues, I promise I’ll try harder.” And then he went on talking like nothing happened. It was so random.

Then later in the day, he asked me if I knew what a VLAN was. I said I did, but apparently I had a tone and he got all pissed off about that and hung up on me! OMG! Drama Queen.

Anyways. So it looks like I’m just going to be second fiddle to him from now on. IE, he only wants to do things with me if Orlando doesn’t call.

But WHY does he keep calling me so fucking much. Gah, it’s just wierd.

I have an office lined up, now to just approach my boss about going back. I had a long convo with my mom about it all and she had some good ideas, but I dunno. I’m just really nervous about appearing to be flakey, etc.

I’m out.

Prep Work

So I started some prep work in a effort to return to Iowa for a week without having to take it as vacation.

I honestly don’t see why the would have any problem with it here.. I mean all the work I do could be done from a beach in the Bahamas for gods sake!

So I called Krell this morning to see if I could use an office there. I asked for Barb first, but she’s apparently still in DC for another year. 🙁 Then I asked for my favorite person Nazanin. She wasn’t there either, so then I just started listing everyone else. I think the secretary thought I was crazy. Finially I found someone in the office who was there! Lucy! I love Lucy!

Anyways, so I talked to Lucy and she was all “Oh it’d be good to have you back in the office and I’m sure it won’t be a problem, blah blah blah”. So that got me in good moods.

Then I noticed like an hour later that someone from there went to my website.. Oh god!

I start looking through the logs and they did a google search for ‘nazanin cjb’. And found a page where I did a little complaining about her. Though NO WHERE near as badly as I had in other times.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s a nice lady and all, just that she pissed me off sometimes when I was working there.

So anyways. 3 hours later, I get anohter call from Lucy.. I missed it but she left me a voice mail. Her tone was VERY different and you could tell she was just looking for a business way of saying that Nazanin said he didn’t want me there because I bad mouthed her. I have the voice mail in MP3 format, I should just post it so you can all hear. 🙂 lol.

So yeah, Krell is out for office space, hopefully Bennett will say it’s ok to use NPHS. He likes me and I’ve never bad mouthed him.

I’ve been trying to get ahold of my mother all fucking morning. I’ve called her like 20 times, the damn woman is HORRIBLE at answering her phone!

Anyways and JP is up in Santa Monica today and will be busy in meetings all day tomorrow, so it won’t be this week that I’ll be coming home… If it happens at all. :'(

God I just need to get there for a little while to become sane again!

I talked to that Jon fellow this morning, the guy I met a Boom… Come to find out he’s an IT person as well, and we had a good convo. He’s apparently going up to Mammoth with Joel and Ryan this weekend. That sounds like so much fun. I’ve been wanting to go up there!

Adios!

Give Him My Card.

So yesterday was an insanely busy e-mail day for me. It seemed like every time I turned around I had new e-mail. Incoming mail yesterday: 373 messages. Gah! Hopefully today will be quieter.

Got home from work and did my bike ride, which I haven’t done in forever. So that was a good change. My iPod is still broken though which is sad, so I had to do it without music! So unfun.

Sat around the aprtment for a while doing nothing and called someone to see if they wanted to go to the Drag show at the Boom that night. They said they weren’t sure and would call me back later to let me know.

I went out at about 7ish and hung out. Had an appointment at 8:30, he said that if I talk to Austin to give Austin his card.. cause he sounds like he’s got mental issues way worse then me. I found it funny. But I’ve been reading this book and it’s constatnly like, “OMG that’s SOOO Austin”. Maybe I should anonymously send him this book. I doubt he’d read it though. lol

Got done with my appointment about 9:30 and called the person again, since they hadn’t called back. And they didn’t answer thier phone. I called them again about 15 minutes later and they didn’t answer again! I’m so pissed about that.

I called Jenks last night too… Just talking with him again makes me SO want to go back. My Dr. guy said that I should wait a week to go back home, so that I plan it and it doesn’t look flakey to my boss. But I just want to go back NOW for a week.. And after talking to Jenks, I just want to go back even more. I miss that boy!… I miss EVERYONE in Iowa. :'(

However, tickets for the next two weeks are running about $800 to fly back. I’d have to wait till 4-1 to fly back to get any good prices.

I applied to Savis back in Chicago… I think that was the fastest rejection I ever got! I sent it in in the morning and was rejected in a few hours. lol.

Got a call yesterday though about one posistion, but she said it was Contract to hire and not paying any where NEAR what I needed. So yeah. 🙁

Ugh, what to do, what to do!

Interest

So.. I’ve been meaning to write about this for awhile…

But in TWO months I’ve made more interest in my Orange Account then I did the entire YEAR last year in my regular savings account.

Last night was very productive for me… Went out for a few hours with this guy. He was nice, but alas, still nothing great.

I was thinking about that in bed last night though… Why are all these guys so annoying to me.. I mean how many guys have I been going out with lately (12 that I can remember, but it seems like way more… Only 2 of them have gotten second dates, and one got a thrid), and they all just annoy me, or I’m not into them for one reason or another… Maybe I’m just way to picky.

I also spent a few hours fixing my MythBox and updating my iTunes library. I finially have ALL my music re-imported, so that’s good. I’m still sad that I lost the majority of my play counts, which means most of my Smart Playlists are fucked up. But oh well. I can fix that eventually.

In all I only lost ratings on 813 songs, out of 7,189. So that’s not bad. I’ve created a playlist for them and will spend the next few days listening to all the songs and re-rating them. Thankfully some of them I was able to Mass Rate, because I know I love/hate the band as a whole.

My mythbox is still being a bit of a problem.. First MythWeb isn’t connecting to the backend for some reason, which is annoying. Secondly, I can’t figure out which tables to re-import to keep my Previously Recorded settings and to keep my Recording Schedule. I really don’t want to have to go back through and have it record all those shows that I’ve already seen and recorded and deleted.

I’ve posted things on the forums, but no help as of yet. :'(

I’ll continue to work on that tonight though. But I’ve got stuff going on as well, so I’m not sure how much I’ll get done.

My mom randomly called me at like 9 last night too.. Very strange that SHE was still up at that time. Told me that my dad had been taken to the hospital on Saturday and that the dog had been taken to the doggy hospital on Sunday! They had a busy weekend! Thankfully they are both ok.

Apparently the dog got caught up on some barbed wire in our back yard and tore a huge gash on his leg and was bleeding like crazy. Got some stitches and is ok now.

My dad apparently had something where he was in horrible pain and couldn’t move. Not really sure, she said they did an MRI. He’ll be fine too, just a few days of pain I guess.

I’ve been invited down to Oceanside by some Marine boy to hang out on Friday night… I dunno how I feel about that. He wants to go to the casino and then just “hang” out. Which I bet means fucking. Gah! Perhaps I’ll go for the casino and just drive back home. It’s like 40 miles away, so it’s not that bad. He’s cute. lol. Plus hopefully I’ll win some money, cause I sure need some! Not sure what’s happened this first part of the month, but all my money is gone! :'(

Mental Note: Trying to edit a 30 Meg text file with 265,870 lines WILL kill your computer… Be sure to use vi! Cause it rocks! 🙂

Adios!