Ha, OG just posted this… What’s he doing sitting inside my head?
what is it that one is supposed to do with one’s life? Is it to be better? Better than what? Better than who? And when you are better, is that it? what about then? Is one supposed to get things? to get wealth? to get stuff? and when you get it, is that it? What happens then?
If one feels empty, how does one fill up? and once you fill up again are you destined to always run out? And do you have to fill up again?
What is one’s life all about? Grow up, go to school… or not… get a job.. or not. Have a family and kids so you can go visit other families with kids. Do families-with-kids stuff like soccer practice and sunday games. Attend events with people you dont know while pretending that you do. Is this what is all about? And when you’ve done all this, then what?
You get up in the morning and go to work… break your back in a mostly contraceptive and detttachaed work environment. Then you go home and start all over again… just for the weekend, just for the paycheck. Oh, and also to justify pretending that you care about what you are doing.
And for what? at the end of the day everything you’ve done so far does not matter. And what’s more important… is that you have zip to show for. Nobody’s life was saved, no great achievement was acomplished. So what is our life for?
In other news…. Austin’s being crazy still. He says he’s so into this other guy, but yet he calls me all the time all day long. Like when he’s on his way home, etc.
We got into yesterday twice.. Once because the night before I had asked him to the boom with me. He said he would call me back and let me know. He never did. I called him twice and he didn’t answer. He went out with Orlando. he lied to me saying he “fell asleep”. Yeah right.
What a fucking jerk. He’s so rude. So I was like, “goodbye for now.” and then like an hour later he IMed me again and said, “We have communication issues, I promise I’ll try harder.” And then he went on talking like nothing happened. It was so random.
Then later in the day, he asked me if I knew what a VLAN was. I said I did, but apparently I had a tone and he got all pissed off about that and hung up on me! OMG! Drama Queen.
Anyways. So it looks like I’m just going to be second fiddle to him from now on. IE, he only wants to do things with me if Orlando doesn’t call.
But WHY does he keep calling me so fucking much. Gah, it’s just wierd.
I have an office lined up, now to just approach my boss about going back. I had a long convo with my mom about it all and she had some good ideas, but I dunno. I’m just really nervous about appearing to be flakey, etc.