Author: Cj B

A Week of Bad News

This week has just been a really bad week for news.

First the whole Const and I issue. I have had some great support from my friends, and a lot of people who read here have really been very helpful. I also called my mother and she gave me some amazing support. I’ve never talked to her about these sorts of things, but she was a lot of help. I asked her to come out for the weekend, but sadly she as working.

Second, one of my good friends told me he was HIV Positive. Very scary. I did ALC last year and didn’t know anyone who was positive, and now my friend is. It really hit home that it could happen to any of us. I’m very sad for him. We went out Friday night though and had a great time chatting an catching up and what not.

Third, my friends Jason and Steve broke up which is very sad for us all. At least it seems like this was more mutual on their parts, but they both seem very hurt. Then we found out that one of our mutual friends (we’re all friends with him) went and spent the night at Steve’s house the night that they broke up. Which is just UNACCEPTABLE.

Fourth, I found out something about Const that I do not approve of at all. Who knew he was like that.

Fifth, I got an email from my grandma stating that both my grandpa and my great grandma are getting worse by the week. That’s very sad for me. I’ve always really looked up to my grandpa and respected him so much. It’s so sad to see him like this. I was thinking of heading back there for a week or two just to hang out at their house again like I used to in HS.

One More Day…

One more day, one more time
One more sunset, maybe I’d be satisfied
But then again, I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still for one more day with you
One more day…

First thing I’d do is pray for time to crawl
I’d unplug the telephone and keep the TV off
I’d hold you every second
Say a million ‘I Love You’s’
That’s what I’d do with one more day with you

Heart Broken

Well, the weekend was bad.

He got here on Friday night and right away at the airport things were awkward. We headed out to dinner and had some off conversation there. It was hard to talk for some reason and hard to find things to talk about. After that we walked to the theater to see a play. Which was horrible (the play that is). Things were starting to pick up by this time between us, but still kinda strange. After that headed out to a bar and had a drink and then came home. We got into an argument in bed because he was acting strange.

Out of LoveWe cuddled in bed, but nothing really happened, no kissing or anything. It was clear that things were not going to happen. We got up Saturday morning and I served him breakfast in bed. After that things crashed and burned. We got into it again that he wasn’t trying to get us back on track, he wasn’t trying to make things better. He was just going along with things. So we were over. He packed up all his stuff and I drove him home. Lots of crying and lots of talking on my part. He just kind of sat there. All the things i had planned for him on saturday went down the drain.

I dropped him off and went home to drown myself in wine. Sirin knocked and I bawled at her for a while and then she drug me out to Pomona. Got home that night and drank some more and cried and spent the night in misery. Sunday I woke up at 3am and decided that I had to see him one last time, so I went rock climbing with them that morning. We talked a little bit, I drove him to the airport and he confirmed that this is what he wanted.

I told him that I wasn’t going to try contacting him at all, if he wants to talk, be friends, try and start something again, he can call me. I gave him a big hug as he was leaving the car and kissed him on the cheek.

I just want to wake up tomorrow and have this all be a horrible nightmare. I want to wake up and have it be Friday morning again, so that we can start this weekend all over again. I want to go to bed tonight, and wake up in the morning as happy as I have been for the last 8 months. I want to go to bed tonight, and wake up in the morning and have him laying next to me. I want to see his smile again and be able to kiss his lips, to run my fingers through his hair. I want to tell him every day that I love him…. But I know that stuff will never happen again, I’ll still be sad, I’ll still probably cry all day tomorrow at my desk. If only I knew how to fall out of love….

His Return

Constantine arrives at LAX in 5 hours. My stomach has been going crazy all day with butterflies. I am very nervous for his return. How will I feel! How will he feel? I’m going crazy!

I have lots of stuff planned for the weekend, so I really hope that things go well.

I’m pretty sure they will, but you never know.

Work has been crazy busy the last two days and I have been keeping myself VERY busy at home.

Constantine introduced me to this wine called Fetzer Gewurztraminer. I highly suggest it. It’s delicious!

California Poppy Reserve

What a busy busy weekend…

Lets see, Friday I wasn’t feeling good at work, so I headed home at noon and took a nap. That evening I went out to a play called Regretrosexual with Jess. It was a really funny play about a guy who had a 2-year gay experience. He’s dating this girl and who’s past fiance turned out to be gay. So he’s trying to tell her about her gay experiences and past. We laughed a lot and it was at this tiny theater which was fun. After that we headed out to WeHo. First stopped at Fiesta Cantina. Had a drink there and chatted for a while and then headed to a place called Trunks, I had never been there, but it was interesting. From there we headed to The Abbey. Tal met up with us there and we all hung out for a while. Eventually Tal and I headed back to his place and I crashed on his couch. I was very tired, but could not sleep.

Saturday morning we got up early and headed out for a bike ride. Ended up doing the 35 mile ride which was lots of fun. The group was very odd considering the normal group that I used to ride with. They weren’t as considerate as I’m used to. Either way we had a great ride and were done by 11 so I headed home, showered and napped some.

Saturday night I headed up to Santa Monica and went shopping at 3rd Street. I bought three new shirts which were needed because my wardrobe has been a little boring lately. From there I headed over to a restaurant called Hidden. My conclusion, it should STAY hidden. I was very unhappy with the food. We got a $25 cheese plate that was TINY. I got a $23 salad that was TINY, the other people got Kobe Beed tacos, etc that were all TINY. And considering we spent nearly $40 a person and all left still HUNGRY! How does that happen. The atmosphere was great though, I would suggest going there for drinks (DURING happy hour) and then going somewhere else for appetizers and dinner. One plus was that we saw Dylan McDermott there.

From there we headed to The Other Room in Venice which was lots of fun. I’ve never really explored Venice that much, even though it is supposed to be a great town. This place was great, and I suggest people check out the beers there. I had a really fun night with these guys though. One of them does basically the same thing as me at Cedars Sinai so it was a lot of fun to talk to him about that stuff. For once I could tell someone what I did and they actually UNDERSTOOD! Hahah.

Sunday morning I got up early and headed up to Canyon Country to meet up with Jerry and gang. We headed out to Vasquez Rocks for some quick rock climbing before heading out to the Poppy Reserve. It was absolutely amazing and beautiful out there.

You can check out the other photos of the Poppy’s on the photodump.

Got home about 5:30 Sunday night and tried doing a Skype call with Const, but for some reason it said that there was not enough bandwidth! How annoying. He comes back this weekend and I am planning lots of stuff to do. Hopefully it all goes excellent.

Just a few random words.
1) 3 years ago I upgraded to WordPress 1.5, this past weekend I upgraded to WordPress 2.5. I have to say I am not very happy with it right now. The new Admin interface is very strange, and they took out a lot of small features.
2) Absolute Vodka recently did an add in which they depicted the SouthWest US as part of Mexico. I thought it was funny. But apparently there was a huge uproar and talk of boycotts. Really? get over it people!
3) This set of Satellite images makes me very sad. 1, 2, 3. It’s the before, during and after of Jordan Creek town center in Iowa. Very sad to see that. 🙁

That’s about it! Adios!