Tag: Iowa

Giving Bad Advice

Well, Andrew’s having problems. He feels that he doeesn’t really fit in out there, and he wants to come back, or transfer or something. Just get out of Chapman.

We’ve spent a lot of time talking about it lately, and I really want to give him some really bad Advice. I really want to tell him to drop the hell out and come back here. I just want him back here so badly. I want to be with him again, even if it is just as friends. I just want my friend (And maybe even boyfriend) Andrew back.

But I know that I should tell him to stick it out. I know that that’s what will be best. He should stay there a year, and then transfer to where ever it is he wants too. Whether that be a community college so that he can make up those 60 credits to get into SDSU, or to another state college, such as SFSU, or something.

I also believe that if he REALLY hates it there he should transfer at semester. The only problem with that is that he’d have to make that decision RIGHT now, and he still doesn’t know how much he’s going to like/dislike it there.

In all actuallity I think he’s just homesick, and once things start to pick up, and he gets more busy things will be better. He’s got what seems like a great group of people to hang out with. If you consider them friends, or just people he hangs out with. they’re still great, and I think that he could eventually become friends with them. He just needs to give it all some time. Everyone else there is still trying to find thier group, and so is he.

Eventually the groups will get smaller, and he’ll find that group that works with him and his personality. I mean just look at how many people here in Iowa that he’s hung out with over the four years that he was here. There’s so many different groups that he was involved in. He just has to start that process all over again, and it’ll work out.

Now I just wish I could say the same for me.

Anyways, We’ve been talking a lot lately and I just don’t know what to tell him. All I hope is that I’m making things better, not worse. I’m really glad that we’re keeping in touch as much as we have been, and can only hope that things keep going this way over the next couple months!

Much love is sent his way and I hope that things get better. I hope that I can still be here for him when he feels the need to talk and I hope that he finds his group there. I don’t want him to be miserable everytime we talk. It’s really sad to hear him pick up his phone and answer it the way that he has been lately. I want to hear my cheerfull Drew Bear’s voice once again.

I can’t wait tell he gets back for Christmas though. I want to spend a whole day just sitting on the couch and talking! It’ll be great. Plus I already have a few mischievous plans.

Another Weekend.

Well this weekend is coming to a close, unfortunately it’s a three day weekend, so there’s one whole more day of it. I dunno if I can handle that.

Friday night I just went home and spent the night there. Nothing too exciting.

Saturday I got up about 9:30 and went to the mall about 10. Got my new glasses ordered and then walked around the mall for a while since I had time before I had to be at Beak’s. It took all my strength not to buy tons of clothes. I was feeling down, and that’s what I do, I spend money. Plus the Gap had some REALLY cute Cords and some UBER cute shirts! I wanted them all.

And then Express Men had the shirts that I love on sale. Though luckily they didn’t have any colors that I really wanted. So that’s good.

I got out of there without buying anything and then headed over to Beak’s. Hung out there all day. And I do mean ALL day. I finally left about 9:30 or so.

Though it was tons of fun. We went to Wal-Mart and the whole time I was there I was talking to Andrew, spent about an hour on the phone with him. Good to talk to him, though he seems to be taking things abit hard right now. All that for a private update.

After Wal-Mart, or was it before? I don’t remember, we went to IHop and had the WORST waitress in the WORLD! I swear to god. I must be cursed.

Went back to Beak’s and tried fixing her computer. It was being a whore bag. But eventually got it going, after they left to go back to Wal-Mart to get Beak’s new bike. That took them forever and by the time they got back I had it up and running agian. Got online and went to download all the patches, and within like 5 minutes she had the god damn worm AGAIN!

So yeah, that wasn’t good. Tried reformatting AGAIN! But it STILL didn’t work. Very annoying. So I finally left.

IN between there there was lots of random running around, we went to the half price book store and I found a book that I wanted to get Andrew, so maybe I’ll go back adn that’ll be his Christmas present. Though I have also found a few other things I want to get him for that.

After the book store, we went to the mall and I picked up my glasses and then we went to the Gap, and I just HAD to buy the cords. So I got them. Very amusing. I also REALLY wanted the shirts. I’ll have to keep an eye out to see when they go on Sale.

I wish I still had Gap Boy’s IM, I could ask him to watch for me.

Oh, we also ran into David #3 (From Coring) at the mall, we talked for a bit, though not long. I wanted to tell him to give me a call next time he was in DM, but I forgot too. It’d be fun to hang out with him again.

Anyways, on the way home from Beak’s I called Andrew and we talked for a bit. Again, he’s having problems. Also talked about Cort. I guess she’s having problems too. So sad, really.

Ended up talking for another hour or so. I really enjoy the weekends because we can talk whenever we want too.

I’ve been looking at new cell phone services and I think I may get sprint, because I can have the Sprint to Sprint unlimited calling, so we could talk whenever, for however long we wanted. Instead of having to wait tell the weekends to do that.

Got home, and just sat in my drive way talking to him and watching the fireworks.

Got to bed about midnight.

This morning I woke up about 10 and got ready, then went downstairs and just lounged around tell my PU’s got home so that they could pay me for my glasses. Got that taken care of then headed off to Ankeny to get some food.

It’s REALLY cold here in Iowa today, (IE, 64 according to my computer) so I though Chili sounded good. So I went and got some stuff for that, and come home. Made it and then called Andrew. We talked for like 40 minuies before someone came in and asked if he wanted to go tot he Beach. He did and we broke.

Hopefully he’ll call me back and say that he had a GREAT time there.

Anyways, time tob reak. Laters all!

Whew, so I am doing a lot of typing today. I just typed that UBER long entry for my reg. journal, then wrote Ms. Hanigan a long email and Ms. Beal a quick one.

Anyways
I basically have to update about the talk that Chris and I had. It was a sad one. We talked about how he doesn’t really have many friends, and how no one seemed to care about his trip, and what happened with me and stuff. He started crying pretty hard, and it took all I had in me to keep from running to the nearest airport and flying right back to Iowa to be with him. I missed him so badly last night, and I just cried right along with him on the phone. Eventually we got away from the crying and just talked about random stuff.

I miss him so much. I really want to come out to someone, if not only so I could tell them what a great boyfriend I had, and how much I wish he could still be with me.

Our talk was good, just lots of randomness. Very good though, I was happy to talk to him for that long. We had another good talk today while I was in the liberry, though he has started saying LOL a lot. 🙂 But it seems like he may have found a friend, and the guy’s pretty cute too, go Topher! hehe. So that’s good… and tomorrow he’s going to the ice cream social, which is just so cute! AND he’s got his weightlifting class, where I’m sure he can make friends with the guy he’s parterned with. So he’s got lots of opportunities going for him. Though if he keeps up with his weightlifting even after class ends, and also keeps running… ooh I won’t be able to keep my hands off of him once I see him again. Not that I’d be able to even if he didn’t do any of that. But I’m so happy for him b/c I know he’s been wanting to get into shape for a long time, and now he’s got four months where he has to go to an actual class to do it, and it’s for a grade (I think), and he’s motivated to run and stuff. He’ll be much buffer than me by time I get back.

Anyways I miss the guy like crazy, I can’t wait to talk about him to someone…. and I just wish he were here.
And I’m a hypocrite. I told him not to choose where he wants to live based off of where I am………

BUT
The reason I keep pushing for SDSU and not SFSU (where I will easily have enough credits to transfer) is b/c he said he wants to live in San Diego. I know, I know.. I’m a hypocrite. Well sue me. I really love him.

I can?t decide how I feel. I go through these bad stages.

Like when I?m out with the girls and stuff, I feel fine, and happy and stuff, but then suddenly I have this spell of missing Chris. Sometimes I even think I?m kinda over it. Not ?over? over it, but it?s like I?ve known for so long that it was coming, that it wasn?t like it was shocking or anything. But then other times, I put in his CD and hear ?Leaving on a Jet Plane? and I just cry. I?ve talked to him a lot since he?s left. It still feels like I?m just on vacation or something, since it hasn?t even been a week yet.

But I think once like 3 or so weeks hits, I?ll be missing him pretty bad. Well, it?s not that I don?t miss him now.

I just don?t know. It would be a lot better if he was just here, or I was just there. I?m already excited to see him again?. But it isn?t for four months. I probably will see him like the 26th or 27th of December. That seems so far now.

I told him I loved him. I do love him. Judging from the reaction on his journal, it wasn?t something I should?ve said. It?s just so natural to say it.

I miss having someone to kiss, someone to hold? the other night I just cried as I tried to sleep b/c I was imagining his warm arms around me, and remembering how well our bodies fit together when we slept, and remembering how wonderful it is to make love to him, and to kiss him.

Ok time to stop, I can?t upset myself like this before classes. I think I?m gonna sit in bed for awhile, listen to Cranberries, go to bed, and wake up in Iowa.

A Night Out..

For someone else.

So yesterday at work was the LONGEST day ever. I really didn’t want to be there, because I knew that it was the first friday in forever that I didn’t have anyone to go out with. I just sat in my office on the verge of tears all day long. I was so sad.

Andrew called me right about 10:30, but I couldn’t talk long because I was on my way to a meeting. I really wanted to just sit in my office and talk to him about how things were going, and tell him how much I miss him.

But I couldn’t. I told him to call me back if he had a few minutes, but he never did call.

I left work about 5:30 and just went home and played video games for about an hour and a half. Then after that I came back to PC and just sat around all night long. Hoping that my phone would ring and someone would be there to talk to me.

It never did. Why am I such a loser. I hate my self for being like this. I can’t just go out on a limb and talk to new people, and I suck at meeting new freinds.

Andrew finally called early this morning and we talked all about his last couple days. Sounds like he’s having tons of fun and meeting TONS of new people. I’m happy for him, but at the same time really pissed at him too. I know it’s what he’s supposed to be doing and I can’t be mad at him for meeting new people. So I try not to be.

But then I hear that he’s going to a party where there’s going to be drinking and that just makes me so mad. I know I no longer have any control over him, we’re just friends now. But I want to bitch at him and tell him not to go. I don’t want to see him go do that, I don’t want to see him go and drink. I hate when people drink, and I don’t think that it’s good for you.

But most of all I’m mad at myself for feeling that way, and being mad at him for it. I just want him back here, and I want things to be the way that they were. I want him to be my boyfriend again, and I want to be able to hold him, and have him hold me when I’m down.

I’m scared that he’s going to change so much now that he’s out there, I’m scared that he’s going to drink to much, and that he’s going to change and not be my Drew Bear any more.

I’m so scared of losing him forever.

And now I’m sounding just like Adam. I have to stop this.

Meanwhile, I’m stuck here in Iowa with nothing.

As we were saying goodbye on the phone today, he said “I love you”.

This threw me a bit, becauuse well. I just wasn’t expecting that, and now I’m confused as to what’s going on. I know what our deal is. We’re just friends. But what the hell?

I’m out. Laters.