Rape!!!

So, we had our first Calc test today, and I got totally ass raped by it. It sucked MAJOR ass…. Every problem but one he you had to use this (f(x + h) – f(x)) / h. Something that looks easy, but I never did understand it. I figured we’d be able to use all these other rules that we’ve been learning about since like the 2nd week. But nope. So yeah, I got the right answer for EVERY problem, but I didn’t do it the way that he wants, so I’ll get 2 of the 6 points for all the problems, which isn’t passing. So that’s NOT good. Rarr!!

But in good news, this is the 6th week of classes… So we’re getting there…

Adam was online today for like 10 seconds, but I was busy with a group project, so I couldn’t talk to him 🙁 He said he’d be on later tonight, but I don’t think I will be. Rarr!

Umm, Redhat 8.0 is SWEET!! I love it. Everything’s so pretty and shit. I just haven’t found the place to change the theme, etc. It’s usually under something called “Look and Feel” but it’s not here anymore. Rarr! But I’m happy with it. Samba STILL doesn’t work, which was the reason that I upgraded, but I’m sure it’s just some stupid thing. (Mental Note: Must find a SAMBA expert)

Also Opera doesn’t work, but I know why. Damn librarys and shit! But Mozilla’s nice.

Anyways, I’m going to study… Or at least attempt too. Laters!!

Redhat 8.0

So tonight it appears that my Linux box will be getting a major work over. I’m downloading Redhat 8.0. I hope that it’s better then 7.3 but doesn’t have all the bugs that the typical even releases have. I remember with 6.0 came out, and there were SOOO many bugs in that one, we had to wait tell 6.1 (which was really nice) came out and then 6.2 came out and boy, that was a pain as well. Then 7.0 came out and it was alright, but TONS of bugs in it as well. Then 7.1 and then 7.3 came out, both very nice, but 7.3 has quite a few bugs in it.

I hope that 8.0 is nice. I’m also going to download Mandrake 9.0 and Suse 8.0 once I find ISO’s of Suse… I’ve got a good place for the Mandrake ones. (Which I’ll start downloading tonight at work)

So yeah, not much else has been going on. I was expecting Adam to call me yesterday, but he never did. Oh well… Hopefully I’ll get a call from him today. But we’ll see.

Anyways, I have alot of work to do. So I’m out!

that’s like 14 years of being pregnant

GRRRRR…. I am maddened. So things in Publications were semi-ok. I need to be more creative on creating the paper, which doesn’t really work out, because I am not too creative. I did ask Jenny to help me out at times though, and she said ok. So today we sorta talked, but not really. And I guess she told Skinny about what’s happening between us, which makes me mad because like 2 days ago, she was saying how she was done with Skinny and blah blah blah. So he calls me and is like “you need to talk to jenny.” I was like “excuse me? How do you know what’s going on? I don’t even know what’s going on.” So grr. Then, surprise surprise, her and Ginny ran off to the bathroom AGAIN! It made me so fuckin mad today, I almost stopped and said something. And yet AGAIN, I was not said bye to. I had to say it first, and then I got it back, pretty bitchily. They couldn’t even turn around and say it. What the hell did I fucking do to deserve this? I’m sick of it, it’s bullshit. I am just tired of being this clueless person, who has no idea what is going on with his friends, who just has to deal with them being nasty to him. I doubt that’s what friends are supposed to do. And Ginny didn’t ask if I was going to Youth Group tonight, so I guess I’m not going unless she calls me. Though I’m sure if Jenny is going, I won’t get an invite. *sigh* Why is life so godamn hard?

I thought about David last night. Can’t say it was the best thoughts to have. It really makes me frustrated that so many things remind me of him… Here are a few:
Brandy (especially song #14)
Avril Lavigne
Phantom of the Opera
The Golden Girls
The GAP
Prom
Drag shows
Java’s
“Eveything’s Eventual”
My “sherpa” jacket
My jeans, polo, and collared shirt he bought me
“It’s hot up in this bitch”
“Standing Still”
Song 3 on Mates of State
Enrique Iglesias
Court
Drinking
Messy hair
Silver rings/earrings, etc..
Sassyness/Bitchyness
Galants
Janet Jackson
Aalyiah (sp?)
Misery
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Saylorville
That country song “and I’m thirsty anyway, so bring on the rain”
My straw necklace
Tongue rings
Hip bones
Practically everything I see/own…
*sigh* There are so many more. Why did he have to call me? I miss him….. I’m so pathetic. I was telling Emily about it today and she said I need to drop him and that he can’t just play me while he’s with Nate. Except he isn’t really playing me, because he isn’t indicating that he still cares for me. Although I’ll be the first to admit that the phone call said a lot to me. I honestly expected to never hear from him again. I doubt he even knows what he is doing. Everyone always does so much to me without even knowing it! I’ve contemplated writing him a letter to let him know how I feel. But I fear he would dismiss me as another “clint”, so to speak, and that is the last thing I want to be. I want to be remembered as a good boyfriend. Not just good.. the best. Because I was the best. Even now, I don’t think David could honestly say that someone has treated him better than I did. I was the one who drove to his house every day after school, I’m the one who always brought him flowers, I’m the one who went crazy finding stuff for his Open House the day of, I’m the one who bought him tickets to Phantom of the Opera, I’m the one who made him cards and a box, I’m the one who held him and who made everything better, I’m the one he could always turn to, I’m the one who his family loved, I’m the one who made him dinner, I’m the one who would and did drop everything for him, I’m the one who gave my all to make him happy, I’m the one who loved him…. I’m the one who will always love him………..I’m the one who hates myself for feeling this way…..this sucks..
How can it be that I still feel this way? It’s been over 3 months! I know what it is. We cannot deny what happened before he left for college. I know it wasn’t about the physical stuff, I know it wasn’t a “heat of the moment” thing. There was too much surrounding it…way too much. I could even tell that whole day that nothing had felt changed at all. And I know he didn’t want it to be changed. He kept calling me “honey” and touching my arm or back like he used to do at his house. What we have is undeniable. It’s true, it’s pure. It’s not over. It can’t be… and at the same time, it has to be. Why doesn’t this make sense? David, how do you feel? Do you love me still…?

Rainy Season??

I think mother nature must be confused as to wether it’s Spring or Fall… It’s been raining the last two days and it’s supposed to rain again tomorrow. Rarr! I rode my bike to school yesterday. At 7:15 it was nice and fairly sunny. When I got out of my class at 8:30, it was still nice, so I went to the basement of Carver and worked while I waited for my 12:00 class in Carver. I went upstairs to my class, and what do you know, but it’s POURING down rain. I was like, SHIT! I hope it stops before I have to go to work. We got out early, and it wasn’t raining, so I was like. YES! Perhaps I can get there before it start again. So off on my bike I go… I get to Elwood and 16th, and it starts POURING rain. I was like SHIT SHIT SHIT! By the time I got to work, I was sooooo very wet. it was not a fun time.

Other than that, not much else happened yesterday.

Adam’s officially gone, I beleive he left about 8:30, they should almost be to Phoenix by now. I hope that he looked out and saw the cool clouds from above… That’s one of my favorite things, is flying when it’s raining out… That and flying at Sunset/Sunrise. Both are so VERY cool!

Well, I’m going to go read shit before my next class. So laters! Hope everyone’s having a great time!

Jobs, Hw, and Bois!

So yeah. Not much has really happened since yesterday. I was planning on staying on campus and doing HW last night, but I didn’t. I said, “Eh, I can get it done at home.” Well I made the mistake of sitting down at my computer, and then the mistake of cooking stuff, and then the mistake of turning on the TV, so nothing got done. But I did do it this morning, so it’s all good.

Adam’s apparently going to a concet in KC in a couple weeks. Yeah, after being gone for one weekend, then home one weekend and then gone the next. I’m so excited for that! (Sarcasim, and spelling?)

Oh well, I’m sure he’ll have fun in KC, and AZ and where ever else he may be going in the near future. lol. I dunno what the hell I’ll do those weekends. Perhaps I’ll just sit around and do things I’ve been meaning to get done. Such as study for the Religion test that’s on the 11th, or the Meteor test that’s on the 16th, or the MIS test that’s coming up soon.

Perhaps, I’ll work on that new update, since it’s being such a bitch. It just won’t format right for me. Damn thing. I’m also learning CSS on the way. So that’s cool though. I found out that HTML 4.0 has deprecated a bunch of tags (strike, center, bold, italics, etc). Which is amusing to me. But I’m sure no one else cares. lol.

The PU’s anniversary is this weekend, on Saturday actually. So I’m going to have to spend time with the whole family. But I guess it’s alright, cause I didn’t have anything else planned for that time, and plus, G&G haven’t seen my hair yet, so that’ll be amusing.

I haven’t really had much to talk about lately, it’s odd really, and I haven’t figured out yet, whether ir’s because I’m horribly pissed, or if it’s because things are just going so well. I dunno.

Anyways, I’m going to go to class, so laters all!