PAIN!

I’ve been in much pain lately. Not good times.

Got my wisdom teeth out Tuesday. Spent that day and Wed just sitting around, high on Drugs.

Adam came over Tuesday afternoon and then Andrew came over that night. We watched Simpsons. It was very nice of them both to sit around with me whilst I was feeling like shit.

Today I’m at work, it’s very hard. I’m in pain, and I’m tired (I was awake at 4:30 this morning, because the pain meds wore off, not good). I’m going to attempt to take some while I’m here today, but they’ve been knocking me out withint 15 minutes of taking them. So that’s not good.

Random Posts For The Day:
1) Family Tech Support. Read all the comments VERY funny!
2) Dear MAILER-DAEMON.
3) Strike on Iraq. As of this posting there’s ~3200 comments.

Lots more that I wanted to post about, but I just don’t feel like it right now. Laters all!

E-Mail To Beak.

Well I’m glad you found someone to go out with…. Is today the day? Or tomorrow? Hope you have a good time… Where’d you meet him? Etc… All those other Grandma like questions….

Speaking of dating though, it things don’t change really quick I’ll be back on that scene too. Things lately have just really been going downhill with Adam. Every little thing he does annoys me, he won’t shut up about “Our Future.” Which is just really annoying because I’ve told him NUMBEROUS times that I’m not ready for that. I mean, he’s my only bf I’ve EVER had. And I just want to see what else is out there. How do I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him if I don’t know what the rest of the guys in the world are like. Even one or two others.

He’s always saying things like “If someone took everything away from me, and all I had left was you, I’d still be happy.” But I don’t feel the same way, and I just don’t know how to tell him that. Or if I should tell him that. I mean, what do you really say to something like that.

My world right now is so messed up. There’s this other boi, or friend Andrew, who is practically in love with me. I know he is, and so does Adam. However Adam’s been sooooooooooo overly posessive about everything and jealous about ANY time that I spend with him. He has a right to be somewhat jealous, but he’s just taking it WAY to far! I don’t really know how to explain it. In short, he’s just REALLY pissing me off!

Another thing that happened… And we’ll make a LONG LONG story short is that I made out with this other boi (Adam was there, he did the same). Now when I kiss Adam, and we do stuff (I’ll leave out the gory details, just to be nice) it’s not the same. In fact, it’s HORRIBLE compared to kissing Andrew. I just think that it would be so much better with him, and to leave Adam behind.

But again, I don’t want to end a 15 month relationship over something that I don’t know if it’ll last. I can’t decide if I want to stay in a bad relationship, or to dump him (and throw away the 15 months) and take the chance of being single again.

Andrew goes to Cali in August for school. We were talking the other night about if a relationship between us would work, when I brought up that he was moving in a short time, he said, in a very serious tone “You can come with me, and finish school there.”

It was very touching, really.

I just don’t know what too do.

I’ll stop bitching at you now…

Laters,

Cj B

Man, it’s HOT!

So this weekend has been TONS of fun.

Friday I got up and hung out around here tell my mom got here. We went off to the dentist, where I got sick upon hearing the procedure. It wasn’t pretty.

After that I changed real quick into my UBER SEXY outfit (Black pants, orange shirt… Rarr. I’d do me!). Then I went off and met up with Andrew at VWM. We shopped and had a good time. From there we went downtown and hung out.

Adam showed up about 10ish or so, and we stayed tell 11. After that Adam and I went back to my house, talked about things. And then went to bed.

Saturday we went out and did stuff tell Andrew got off. Then we all hung out all night. We highlighted our hair, and did other stuff, we all look VERY cute now!

Stayed out tell like 12:30 or so. Not that late of a night really, but I was DEAD tired. Scott and Sheila were downtown and that was amusing. Other hot bois throughout the night too!

I used Funky Chunky (sp?) on my hair, and like I tend to do. I checked the ingredients. The second one was something called “dimethylaminoethylmethacrylate copolymer” and being who am I. I was curious as to what exactly it was. So I went and looked it up. It’s the same stuff they use in InkJet Printers to adhear the ink to the paper. Very interesting.

Today we got up, my contacts got all fucked up so Adam had to drive me to my house so I could get my glasses. Got those then called Andrew.

Met up with him about 1ish or so and we went to Saylorville and walked around and talked. Good times.

Went back to my house, talked some more, went to Adam’s house, talked some more. Good times really. Rather boring, but still good.

Came back home about 5ish, then went out for a bike ride cause it was so damn nice out! Rode about 8 miles or so. I really need to get a thingy that tells me exactly how far I’ve gone.

I wish that I lived on the 3rd or 4th floor. Since I ride my bike everywhere during the summer, and there’s no bike racks around here I carry my bike up stairs and down the stairs and by the time the summers over, I’d be THIN (from riding), big arms (from carrying the bike), a nice ass (from climbing the stairs). And other things. I’d be so hot!

Anyways, I’m out now! Laters!

Hanging Out

So random shit yeah….

Hanging out with Adam and Chris tonight was fun… but the problem is, I just want to be with Chris so bad and I feel I make it pretty obvious.
But sometimes… when we are driving and he looks at me through the rear view mirror, or when we are just looking at each other while others talk. Do I really see it? Do I really feel it when he hugs me? Or do I just tell myself that I do so that I don’t feel like such a dumbshit…?
Who the hell knows?
This is so stupid… I get so upset for no freaking reason… I mean, obviously I CAN’T be with Chris…
I don’t know why I just won’t accept it and move on. Best friend and love interest all at once isn’t a good combination.
It’s so frustrating! Grrr…. I just wanna disappear sometimes! Or just have freaking August get here so I can just go away and not deal with it…
Here I am, again, sitting home by myself, with no one to care for me and nothing to show….
Whatever…grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Who needs boys anyway….? Not me, apparently…
Oh well

Damn, this sucks.
Current mood: depressed
Current music: faye wong “eyes on me”