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E-Mail To Beak.

Well I’m glad you found someone to go out with…. Is today the day? Or tomorrow? Hope you have a good time… Where’d you meet him? Etc… All those other Grandma like questions….

Speaking of dating though, it things don’t change really quick I’ll be back on that scene too. Things lately have just really been going downhill with Adam. Every little thing he does annoys me, he won’t shut up about “Our Future.” Which is just really annoying because I’ve told him NUMBEROUS times that I’m not ready for that. I mean, he’s my only bf I’ve EVER had. And I just want to see what else is out there. How do I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him if I don’t know what the rest of the guys in the world are like. Even one or two others.

He’s always saying things like “If someone took everything away from me, and all I had left was you, I’d still be happy.” But I don’t feel the same way, and I just don’t know how to tell him that. Or if I should tell him that. I mean, what do you really say to something like that.

My world right now is so messed up. There’s this other boi, or friend Andrew, who is practically in love with me. I know he is, and so does Adam. However Adam’s been sooooooooooo overly posessive about everything and jealous about ANY time that I spend with him. He has a right to be somewhat jealous, but he’s just taking it WAY to far! I don’t really know how to explain it. In short, he’s just REALLY pissing me off!

Another thing that happened… And we’ll make a LONG LONG story short is that I made out with this other boi (Adam was there, he did the same). Now when I kiss Adam, and we do stuff (I’ll leave out the gory details, just to be nice) it’s not the same. In fact, it’s HORRIBLE compared to kissing Andrew. I just think that it would be so much better with him, and to leave Adam behind.

But again, I don’t want to end a 15 month relationship over something that I don’t know if it’ll last. I can’t decide if I want to stay in a bad relationship, or to dump him (and throw away the 15 months) and take the chance of being single again.

Andrew goes to Cali in August for school. We were talking the other night about if a relationship between us would work, when I brought up that he was moving in a short time, he said, in a very serious tone “You can come with me, and finish school there.”

It was very touching, really.

I just don’t know what too do.

I’ll stop bitching at you now…


Cj B

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