Hanging Out

So random shit yeah….

Hanging out with Adam and Chris tonight was fun… but the problem is, I just want to be with Chris so bad and I feel I make it pretty obvious.
But sometimes… when we are driving and he looks at me through the rear view mirror, or when we are just looking at each other while others talk. Do I really see it? Do I really feel it when he hugs me? Or do I just tell myself that I do so that I don’t feel like such a dumbshit…?
Who the hell knows?
This is so stupid… I get so upset for no freaking reason… I mean, obviously I CAN’T be with Chris…
I don’t know why I just won’t accept it and move on. Best friend and love interest all at once isn’t a good combination.
It’s so frustrating! Grrr…. I just wanna disappear sometimes! Or just have freaking August get here so I can just go away and not deal with it…
Here I am, again, sitting home by myself, with no one to care for me and nothing to show….
Who needs boys anyway….? Not me, apparently…
Oh well

Damn, this sucks.
Current mood: depressed
Current music: faye wong “eyes on me”

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