Not Much To Say

Not much to say here. Friday night had potential to turn out bad, we were both in bad moods. Thank God it all turned out alright. I was just in a bad mood b/c of the trip, and all the driving and whatnot, and Chris was annoyed b/c I was annoyed. At least that’s what I assume. I was really upset when he just went I just want to go home. I wanted to cry, but I kept up my stone façade.

When the fireworks started and his arms went around me, I realized that none of it was a big deal and what was I doing fucking up the last few hours we had together before I left? So then I was fine, and we had an enjoyable rest of the night.

Hard saying goodbye, but eventually we did and it was really cold.

The next day we had a pretty good day, well a pretty good few hours. He came over and I finished up some last minute stuff then we headed to HalfPrice Books. Anyways, we went to the airport. I wished that I could’ve taken the flight that got in today instead of yesterday so that I could spend the night with Chris.

But alas, they found me a new flight so I had to leave. Saying goodbye wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I mean, it was hard. Luckily, both of us were able to resist from crying, though I wanted to. We hugged and kissed for a really really long time, though I don’t think the people who kept walking past us really enjoyed it. But whatever. So we said bye, and I love you. and then I didn’t want to leave.

Talked to him once from Ohio, and then once when I got back to the actual villa/apartment thing. I tried calling him today, but he hasn’t called me back yet. Hopefully he does soon. Or else I’ll cry.

Shall We Do It Up There?

Today’s been sad. After the last update I went and picked up Andrew. From his house we went off to the Used Book store, it’s much larger then I thought it would be. I was expecting some dumpy little place with like 10 books. But they had TONS!

We looked around for a bit, but we didn’t have much time to get Andrew to the airport. Drove him there and went to check him in.

There’s weather in Chicago, so he was either going to have to fly there tonight and spend the night, or stay here and leave tomorrow morning. Ended up they got him on a Delta flight to Ohio and then to SC. He had a 3 hour layover there though, sucks to be him.

After we got all that straigtened out we walked over to the area before the security. It’s really annoying now that you can’t go past there unless you have tickets. I hate the new rules. I want to be able to be there at the terminal to say goodbye, so that we have as much time as possible together. I also like being there to be the first thing they get to see when getting off the plane. It’s like when someone comes out of coma or something, they should see someone that they care about.

We stood at the top of the stairs hugging, kissing. I was holding back the tears as much as possible, and I did a pretty good job. I didn’t want to start crying because I knew that if I did, they wouldn’t stop, and it’d just make it harder to leave him there.

We didn’t stay long, it was a short goodbye. A stupid fat child stared at us as we hugged, he didn’t say anything, just stood there staring at us as he waited for his slow parents to come up the stairs. Once they saw us though, the quickly grabbed the child and walked briskly the other way. The kid kept staring, and we kept hugging.

It’s sad to have him gone, though I’ve talked to him a few times already since he’s like, just for like 5 or 10 minutes at a time though, because we’ve both been busy when the other calls.

The first time he called I was just getting ready to go to Biaggi’s with my family… That’s a whole nother story. The second time he had already gotten to the villa they’re staying in, and was with his family and getting ready to go to bed. As was I. I was fairly annoyed though that he waited untell he got to the villa to call though. I wished that he would have called once he got into SC, but I suppose there was a reason for his waiting. I’m guessing that his father/family was there, and had to be nice and not just suddenly get on the phone and talk for a while. So it’s fine.

After that I tried to go to bed, but I just can’t sleep. It’s now 1:03 AM, according to my computer here.

I’m at the PU’s house, tomorrow I’ll be painting all day, then I think I’ll go up to camp. Another thing to make me more depressed.

I don’t want him to go to college, I’ll miss him too much. My mom and I made a bet this evening that he wouldn’t make it a year there. I say he will, once he’s there he’ll stay, maybe not a Chapman, but he’ll stay in school in Cali. My mom says that he’ll either come back to Iowa, and go to school here, or go to NJ with his family and go to school out there. I know she’s wrong. I should have upped the wager, though I’m not realy sure what it is now.

I wanted to get drunk tonight, or at least a little tipsy, but the PU’s don’t have any alocohol in the house.

Didn’t go to Angel’s wedding today, didn’t think I’d really be welcome there. Not after what happened last night. And also since she’s yet to call me since she’s been back. I was going to call her and at least wish her congradulations. But never did. I felt to stupid, perhaps I’ll call her tomorrow. Andrew wishes that I would call her, and find out why she won’t talk to me. She hasn’t since last summer, or perhaps it was the Christmas before that since she’s talked to me… In any case, it’s been far to long. I do know that I last attempted to contact her last Christmas break. Left her messages on her cell phone, and at her house. But never once did she return a call.

Ran into her at Wal-Mart a couple times that Christmas break, she always said she’d call, and that we could hang out. Never did. Though, I did try calling her. What did I do to her to deserve this? Nothing, I don’t think I was anything but a great freind to her. I respected her religious beliefs, I wasn’t mean to her. I always thought that we had a very close friendship. What happened?

I beleive I know, but that’ll stay between Adam and her, and I guess me and Andrew since we both know as well. But it’s not our place to tell.

Though after 14 months of dating Adam, I finally found out why he dumped me the first time. Should have left it that way.

Perhaps tomorrow I’ll have time to swim some more. I went tonight and I thourghly enjoyed it. Much great times in the at pool. I want to have a swimming party, but I guess I don’t really have enough friends to make that happen anymore.

See why I need to get drunk.

Maybe I’ll go buy some Vodka and OJ.

Night.

Oh, Hello…

So I really hate DM, and I hate all the people in it.

Andrew and I went out to the Arts Festival last night, that in it self was good, seeing all the people that I hate was bad. Seeing all my “friends” was even worse.

… Last night I had alot to say about this subject, but it all seems to irrelevent now. Just lets say, that I’m pissed at all these people that claim to be my friends, but have taken what Adam said as being the truth and never even bothered to ask me my side of what happened. And now don’t talk to me because of that. I can’t wait to get out of this town/state so that I don’t have to see these people any more. I’m sick of it all.

Once Andrew leaves my journeys to DM will diminish.

Other then all the annoyances with stupid people in DM last night, it was overall a good night. Though I was fairly bitchy, and I appoligise to the people that I was with.

It was a very long and stressfull day at work yesterday. We’ve been working on making all these streaming presentations…”http://www.doe-sci-comp.info/presentations/” <~~Go there if you'd like to see what we're doing (And then click on one of the Real Media Links, Tony Mezzacappa always has the best presntations, so if you're willing to sit through the full 45 minutes, I suggest looking at that one. I don't want to link to that site because they watch the refs and I don't want my site to show up and sparck curiosity). Well we had them all nearly done, only 3 of the total 20 left. When Nazanin makes the brilliant decision to encode them all in V8 Real, instead of V9 Real. Now for those of you that don’t know what I mean when I say encode. It means that we take the origianl AVI file of the presentation, usually anywhere between 1 and 2 gigs, and use a program called Helix Producer to format it in a differenct codec (in this case RealMedia) so that the files are smaller. Essentially it degrades the quality, and drops the duplicate frames from the motion video. If you need more of an explanation go look it up. lol. The story is that, we’ve been working all week on encoding all these videos, most of that time was taken remixing Audio, but now we have the original AVI’s with good Audio, etc. So we just had to put those through Helix. Now this doesn’t sound like it’s that big of deal, but it really is. Because each AVI files takes about 2 hours to encode into RealMedia, and we had already done them all once. I was just UBER pissed about all of that, and then I was working on the last 3 that had to have Audio and Video remixed and that pissed me off more because the Audio man cut the tapes for one of them, so I had to splice those together before I could do anything else, and yeah. Just everything that could go wrong went wrong. I was not a happy camper by the end of the day, luckily though I only had to work 5 hours instead of 7 hours. Thursday was also an annoying day. Just a lot of little things. Although Andrew did call me on his break, and that was nice of him! After work on Friday I drove to DM, and that just pissed me off even more. Stupid stupid people were out driving. Between the East mix-master and the hickman exit, people were going 65 exactly in the left hand lane, and all the other lanes were only going 55. I was like, “WHAT’S THE HOLD UP!” I swerved in and out and got past a ton of people, but it was just uber annoying. Got to Andrew’s shorly after 5:30 and we waited around tell Jenny got there. Then off to the Arts festival. Which was tons of fun, though I would have liked to look at more of the art that was there. Too bad it’s all so expensive, cause I would totaly buy a ton of that shit! After that we went and got Ice Cream and Andrew made me pay. The ice cream was really really good. I don’t remember what I got though. Mmmm, ice cream. From there back to Andrew’s where we dropped Jenny off and then back downtown… Which is where this entry started. Laters all!

Not Much Time.

So I don’t have much time but I will write as much as I can in the next few minutes.

The rest of my day with Chris was GREAT!!!

We went to SalVal and Goodwill and didn’t find anything good. We also tried to go to a 1/2 price bookstore, but it was closed due to a water pipe burst or something.

So then we went to a porn store, which was just funny cause it was really small and we went in the middle of the day. We looked at stuff and I contemplated buying a dildo. I seriously would get one, a really small one, just to work on my boo tay. Though I think I might be too scared to actually purchase one.

I’d probably tell them it was for a friend lol. I would just feel weird.

We also rented Dolores Claiborne. So we went back to Chris’ and watched about half of it. It’s reallygood, I love tha tmovie. Though it really is a bit creepy.

After that, Chris started making dinner, and I went out for gas. When I got back, I saw that Chris had set out some candles and a blanket on the floor for us. I guess he was planning to have it ready for when I got back, but I came too soon. So I closed my eyes and ran to the other room. He came for me a few minutes later. I guess he thought that it was stupid, at least thats what his journal indicated. Well, I Thought it was totally sweet and totally cute. It was very thoughtful and as we sat there eating, neither of us said much, and I just spent most of the time looking at how beautiful he is, and eating my yummy food! I was so happy that my Topher would plan out something like that!!! YAY! After that, we finished watching the rest of the movie.

I’ve gotta stop now b/c I have to go to work, but a list of things to look forward to later

Gifts
The “L” word
Crying
The shower

I will update when I get home from work.
BREAK!

So Gifts??

Ok here is the contiunatin of my last update.

So gifts…. Chris got me the best, most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever gotten. He made me EVERY Cranberries CD there is…actually made with the pictures on the covers and everything. And tehre was another extra CD with all the songs they didn’t have on albums, plus a CD of the MP3s so I couldp ut it all on my computer. It was the sweetest gift ever!! He also got me the book culture jam, which I really wanted. And he gave me a photo album (which I also really wanted/needed) and he printed off all the pics of my graduation and the zoo and put thema ll in there! ALl the gifts were sooo totally sweet I couldn’t even believe it!

He truly is the best boyfriend ever!! Everyone is sooo jealous of me 🙂

So I’ll just skip to the good part 🙂 We were just laying down on his bed, talking, and I started crying. I think what set me off was Chris saying something about where has all the time gone, and then I had a panic attack about leaving, and started to cry. Pretty soon we were both crying. Eventually we seemed to compose ourselves. Chris was laying on top of me. We were talking about if he liked me or not and I was like “How much do you like me?”

And he leaned in close, and whispered in my ear,
“I love you baby.”

I started to cry again. I didn’t even know what to do. I know it was hard for him to be the first to say it. I told him that I loved him as well. Then we were both crying and I didn’t know what to do. The emotions were so strong right then.

It was insanely hard to leave that night. I just wanted to stay with my baby and make sure that everything was ok with him, and with myself. But I had to force myself out and before i left, he told me he loved me again. Oh those words mean so much to me. If only he knew!!

So in short, amazing night/day/night, and I can’t wait till tomorrow night when I can see my beautiful baby again!!!