Feb 24, 2001

Weekends really suck. they are so fucking boring, specially

round here, yucky. it’s been raining all morning and now it’s snowing, they

are saying like 5-12 inches before monday, damnit, one week before “sring”

break and it’s still snowing, i remember a couple years ago we already had

the pool up and running by spring break, granted it wasn’t quite warm enough to swim yet, but it was getting there. My pu’s are so irresponsible. my mom

can’t ever get anything done on time. like out contract with network solutions

for our domain name expired jan 28 and she still hasn’t paid it. Only cause

the committee hasn’t approved the spending yet. but damnit i gave her the

cost info long back in november so they’ve had three committee meetings to

get it approved and it still hasn’t been done. i mean how hard is it to get

the $70 apporved? And like back when we had to pay for college she said she

would depsoit the money in my account that day and just to go ahead and write

the check. So i do that, almost $5,000 she didn’t get the money put in the

account until a week later, my check fucking bounced, and they pulled the

cash out of *MY* savings. damnit. But at least she filnally got the damn thing

depositited. but damnit, one of *MY* checks bounced. I’m really picky about that type of shit. she always does that shit, like she’ll say “Well we’ll

get it done this weekend” or something, that weekend rolls around, “well

i have to go into work and get some stuff done” DAMNIT, you said we could

do such and such THIS weekend. now you’re telling me you can’t do it. FUCKYOU.

and it happens alot now just everyonce in a while. i really have a huge hatred

for my parents. they were really never around when i was growing up, they

would work like 80-90 hours a week. Usually more. I had to cook most nights,

take care of shit. Damnit. Just like they open their mouth and i just want

to scream at them so bad. And if you’ve seen me talking to them you can usually

see it. One of my aunts said it was really bad over christmas break when she

was there. But damnit. It really hurts that they are such fucking assholes.

and they were never around when i needed them there to talk to, and they were never really open about shit. Like when i tried to tell them i was gay once,

back when i was 12. god, that was a crappy ass night. Basically it was a TON

of screaming, and bitching and trowing stuff. by the end of the night most

of my room was all over the front lawn, including my bed, and my tv. they

fucking trew most of my stuff out the second story window. it was bad, then

i found my self in “counceling” for 4 years. and on Zoloft for 6

years.i guess i can be gratefull they didn’t kick me out completly. but Damnit,

bastards. i still hate them for all of that shit. Like i’ve said before, when

iget out of here, i won’t be talking to them much, and who ever i end up spending

my life with, they won’t be seeing much of my family.

Feb 22, 2001

Government teachers are stupid. so we had this government

test, right. and one of the questions was “Explain the concepts behind

our federal system of government. Identify at least three of the specific

powers given to each government orginization and shared by them. Explain why

the founding fathers delegated teh power to each” now how would you answer that?. I answered it based on the federal government and the three branches,

you know, legislative, executive, and judicail. right, well the question was

worth 20 points, guess how many i got wrong on it, 20, damnit, i got a fucking

C on this damn test because of one godamn question. i asked him about it after

class and he even said that most people got that whole question wrong, so

is that not showing that htere is a problenm with the question or a problem

with the way he taught it? stupid bastard.

Feb 21, 2001

my econ professor is totaly nuts. we had a test today

in econ, yeah. and he would like ask the same question five times. it was

so messed up, but it was pretty easy, i think i did good on it. i hope i did

good on it. it’s snowing again here too. damnit snow in feb is just nasty.

redundant, yucky, snow in december and jan is ok, but snow this late in feb

is just nasty, and it’s coming down really hard too, i like the last hour

or so we have gotten like an inch or two. i also have some wierd people on

my buddy list, i don’t even know who they are. it’s like, hmmm. i know i added

them for a reason but why are they there, and who are they? where did i find

them at? right now i have about 5 that i have no idea who they are and like

10 others that i have just a vauge idea of who they are. but i’m not really

sure who they are or why they are there. i also got a letter from my home

camp the other day. they are basically saying that if i want to work at camp

this summer all i have to do is call and i got the job. i think it would be

a cool job if i don’t get one else where. so yeah, i have a test tonight to.

i really don’t want to go take it, it should be pretty easy but accounting

is just one of thost classes that you don’t like the tests in cause it’s just

copying numbers from one place to another and it’s just redundant and boring

shit. i don’t see why it’s a required course. i think i’ll go read some of

the book here soon. i should really get to work on that. XY is like the coolest

magazine in the world. i love it. they have all kinds of great articles and

such in it. once i get some free time where i know the r won’t be in i’ll

scan a bunch of the articles and put them up, cuase some of them are just

really good. i currently have 7,429 e-mails. i need to clean some of that

out sometime, but i really don’t want to. it’s to much work to go trough and

see what i need to get rid of. they go back over 2 years. hehe, i know most

of them i don’t need. but yeah. it’s cool.

Feb 20, 2001

So yeah, i’ve been gone all weekend, it was so cool.

hehe. but right now i’m soooooooo out of it. i bout fell asleep in my accounting

class and then the professor gave me an extra problem “so i wouldn’t

get bored” i was like, damnit. i’m like out of the world i can’t do this

now. so i just satt there and looked at it the whole hour. well lets see this

weekeend, wel i got to my cousins at like 5 and she wouldn’t be home tell

like 5:20 or so, but her husband was home, and he was supposed to let me in,

but he didn’t he was still in bed. so i had to wait for like 10 minutes tell

she got home. lol, it was cool. there’s these weird people down the hall and

you could hear everything they were saying i was amused. well we really didn’t

do much but it was cool. yeah. danny called on sat night, that was cool but

i haven’t talked to him since then, 🙁 it was fgunny though cause when i got

off the phone with him, my cousin was like “i didn’t know it was a love

thing” and then she kept saying aww, a love thing. i was like yeah. lol.

and i talked to her mom that was funny shit too cause we were talking and

then all of a sudden she was like “are you drunk” it was great.

lol. and then on monday we went to UNL, soooo fucking boring. YUCKY. i sooooo

don’t want to go there, that is my last choise anymore, it’s a crappy ass

campus, i would rather go to SDSU or the other college i applied to. yeah,

that would be really cool. i think i might have talked my mom into letting

me go to philly sometime, “to check out the camps” yeah, right.

lol. but it would be cool. but yeah, i think that if i do go out there i don’t

know if i would WANT to see danny. not yet. i might but i don’t know i would

like have to wait tell i get there to see if i want to see him. ya know what

i mean. it would be really freaky to see him, i want to see him, but do i

really want to see him yet, are we ready for it? i don’t know. but i would

so love to go to philly, just to be in philly, just to be there.

Feb 15, 2001

People are stupid. just so we’re all clear on that.

i think the drinking age should be lowered to 16. yeah, people today, they

are drinking anyhow, so why not make it legal. they would have more control

over it then, and people wouldn’t be out having keggers and the like. and

kids social liveswould be greatly imporved. now i know there’s MADD, which

in my opinion are just a bunch of mad mothers. and not mad in the sense of

mad, but mad in the sense of MAD. you know what i mean. yeah, ya know england

has a 16 drinking age, and you don’t see all the problems there that we have,

do you? i think we should be more like the UK. it would be cool. yeah, i think

abortion should be legal too, i don’t like it, but it’s the woman’s choice,

it’s her body, it’s her. she should be able to choose. the courts and the

government should just stay the fuck out of it. i also think the smoking age

should be lowered to 15. and gay adoption and marrige should be legal, and

i don’t think i have to explain myself there, 🙂 i’m using those smilies way

to much. i should stop. MSN is so cool cause you get to change your name thingy

when ever you want, hehe. it’s cool. i thnk the government should say the

fuck out of the internet too, they have no idea what they are doing, and they

are just regulating it way to much, there’s really nothing, one sertian country

can do, people will find a way around it. if they are going to regulate the

internet it should be one world regulating industry, but i definatially wouldn’t

go for that. nope. but yeah, so what if they are trading music, not like the

recording industry is REALLY losing all that much money. assholes. i also think that e-mail and the such should be treated with the same privacy of

snail mail, where as employers, school, government, etc, shouldn’t be able

to read it as they can now. ok back to the MADD bitches, so who’s always going

to win there, a kid wanting to have fun, or a mother with a dead kid? but

just look at the numbers, look at them, i’m not going to give them to you,

you go find them, but look at them, in england the deaths from drunk drivers

is soooooooo much lower then in the US and they have a much lower drinking

age, when they raised the drinking age 15 years ago, they just pushed all

those kids that were drinking socialy into hidhing where they drink just to

get drunk. maybe if i get time i’ll put up an article i have on the issue.

it’s a good one. i also think they should legalize some drugs. yeah, i mean

people do it, so why make them criminals, legalize it and tax it, MAKE money

instead of wasting billions of dollars on a losing battle. damnit. stupid

ass government they have lost touch with the people, and the way the real

world works. they don’t understand that makeing something illegal doesn’t

make the problem go away, it just increases the problem. now i’m not saying

they should legalize murders or anything, but little things like drinking

and smoking, and a few drugs. what can that hurt? really, i mean. fuckers.

why the hell do i even bother going to programming? he never teaches anything

that i don’t already know. it’s such a waste of time. yay for OOP, he’s making

it out to be this huge hard thng, when it’s really quite simple. ya know maybe

if they learned how to program before he taught the class. and yeah i liked

today, he spent most of the day telling us how it is in “real world”

programming, WTF does a person with a fucking history Ph.D. know about real

world programming? dumbass. there was something else i was going to bitch

about when i started. damnit. i can’t remember it now. oh, yeah i’ve been

looking trough all these colleges that i’ve allpied to, and it’s getting kinda scary. i mean, it’s like cali, that’s a damn long way away, i want to go there,

i want out of this state, but it’s just a scary thing, ya know. it’s expensive

too, i don’t want to put that much of a burden on my PU’s but ya know i kinda

look at it though as they have the time, i’ve given them the info, they said

they would take care of all the money, so if they don’t get going on all the

grants and loans and scholarships and shit then it’s their problem, they said

they would take care of it all. i’ve sent them more then enogh information

on everything, i’ve sent them cost info, places to get info on scholarships,

everything. so if they don’t tell me what to fill out or if they don’t get

it done, then it’s thier problem, not mine, i shouldn’t have to pay shit, when they said, “you can go anywhere, we’ll take care of the cost”

i mean i don’t have a problem with me paying for extra things like supplies,

and clothes and entertainment money. but they said they would pay for books,

and tuituon and housing tell i was 21. so back when they said that i said

fine, and quit my job, cause i have been working a partitme job since i was fucking10. and i took the last two summers off and worked at jobs that were

fun, and i spent time traveling. i still had a lot of money, enough to get

me through tell the next summer when i could work again, but now that they

are throwing this whole thing of saying i have to pay 60% of the cost, or

the difference from instate college to out of state college. that just fucks everything up. does it not? i want out of this state, they are trying to limit

where i can go by this, and i know it and they know it, it’s *really* not

money probelms, they have the money, everyone knows it. they just want to

limit where i can go. they want me to stay in iowa, or close by, and i’m sure

my grandma has a big hand in it, cause ya know they didn’t bring this up tell

after christmas, after they talked to her, after she found out i was looking

at san diego, i bet she has the biggest hand in it. ARG. i hate my family.

if i find someone to spend my life with, i know that they won’t be seeing

much of my family, and we won’t be making many holiday trips to iowa. nope,

were going to their family, or actually i would much rather just stay home

and spend the time with them. ya know i think i should get a different system

for these updates, the files are starting to get alittle big. but yeah, damnit

that’s another thing i’ve beenworking a fucking paying job since i was 10,

in the store first and then in 95 when it closed i went and started at kum

and go, and i usually worked 30-40 hours a week DURING the school year. fuck,

i’ve worked long enough. i want some time off, i don’t want to have to wrok

like that during college, i want to have fun, my HS life sucked ass. i want

to live during college, iwant to be somewhere where i can have fun. out of

this state, that’s for sure. so far i haven’t lived, i don’t ahve the money

to live, most of my money that i made over summer was spent when i traveld

in august. but this summer, no matter where i work, i should make enough money

to get me trough the next year, with plenty of money to spare. and also round here, you have to go all the way to sioux falls to have any fun, and that’s

an hour drive, plus there really isn’t much there to do, sure they have a

huge ass mall, but it’s a fucking boring mall. really it is, trust me. and

then there’s a few clubs, but they aren’t really all that great. ya know sometimes

i just wish i could say SCREW YOU. and leave. i really do. it’s sad really. time for class.