Ok well here is a bit more indepth update about what’s going on. Though there really isn’t much to say.
The basic gist is that I miss Chris a lot. A whole hell of a freaking lot. I really wanted to go visit again but then he said that it wouldn’t work out. I was totally willing to spend the money. But he wasn’t willing to take the days off from work, as I found out today. I got mad about it. I know I shouldnt’ve, and I’m not now. But still
I just want to see him so bad and it isn’t fair and I don’t want to wait till Christmas. Right now it seems like so far away. 11 weeks… about 72 days… 🙁 🙁
It’s too much for me to handle. I try not to think about it, but everytime I talk to him, I’m just like OMG I MISS YOU. I just want to be with him. I know he feels the same, and I know we need to save our money. But it’s still very hard.
I guess that’s all I really have to say about it. This year is going to continue to be very hard, but I suppose I will just do my best and attempt to work through it as best as I possibly can. And also try to be the best boyfriend I can. I feel bad that I have no money b/c I want to send him anniversary gifts (6 months is in a month and 10 days!) but I just don’t have the money to 🙁 I really need a job.. but that’s a whole other entry.
I miss Chris!!

I really miss Topher man. being with him again made me see that. I’m not sure I can last until Xmas.

I want to go to him. I want to work out a way to come back again. I suppose I might have to just bear it and see what Mother will do for me. Though I doubt she will help. Maybe if I explain that we just got back together… and that Court is uber depressed.. MAYBE she will at least help pay for it.

Missing you…..

Took Me Long Enough

So here’s an update for Chris, since I know that he has been anxiously awaiting one.

Ok, well as soon as I walked in, I was just completely floored. I had no idea what it would be like to see him again, but it was a million times better than what I had hoped for. As soon as I saw him, I knew that I had made the right decision in coming.

So we hugged and kissed and it was so amazingly amazing to hug and kiss him again. At first, I was afraid taht he might not want to kiss me, but as I found out, he clearly did. So that was great. He made dinner for me and that was wonderful and I asked him out and that was even better!!!! I’m officially in the longest relationship ever. Yay for me and Topher!

Most of the stuff that night and next day is covered in the other entry. Oh wait, well we did kinda do stuff Thurs night. He just jacked me off, and it didn’t take long at all, and I came really really hard. Good to know he still has that touch 🙂

We messed around again Friday during the day, I had my thong on and I’m hoping he enjoyed that. I’m pretty sure he did.

Sleeping both those nights in his arms was so wonderful, I’d forgotten how warm he is and how great it is to feel him holding me. If only he was here now.. 🙁

Saturday was another great day, even though we had our little fight in the morning. I don’t really want to discuss it all here, b/c frankly, it doesn’t need to be discussed at all. It’s over and everything is fine, and that’s that.

Saturday night we had a lot of fun. We hottubbed and we were gonna make love in there but we had no condoms/lube. We decided to try it anyway and that didn’t really work out so much. So we just made out some more and talked about the millions of places that we wanted to make love in. We went back to Ames and had some fun. I wore my cowboy hat, thong, and playboy pants. So that was hot for Chris lol.

We took some shots, him more than me, and made out and had a really hot time on the chest. Though it hurt my back until we put a blanket down. So we ended up in a position where he was dry humping me (well, we should call it wet humping, since my mr. ass was way wet from a rimmy and hoodie was oozing precum). Anyways, hoodie definitely went in a little bit. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Obviously nothing too bad, considering I continued to press up against him. Yeah, but that really wasn’t a big deal. We did end up making love though. And boy, was it ever hot. He was on the chest on his back, and it was just tons of fun. I’ve never heard him moan that loud. He even threw in a few “GOD” and “JESUS” in there too. So that was good times. I thoroughly enjoyed it. After awhile, we moved to his bed, and I wanted to cum on his face, since we had talked about that before. So yeah, we both jacked off, I came ALL over his face and he came all over my ass. I think he really enjoyed it, and as for me, I found it very hot as well. That one might be repeated some day 🙂

So yeah that was about all that wasn’t in the public entry.

Tons of I love you’s were dispersed throughout my stay. I’m sad now that I don’t get them anymore. Well, I do, but it’s only on the phone and I like to see his face when he tells me he loves me. ANyways…. today sucks, I wish he was here. Can’t wait till next year, where when I have a bad day at school, bad test etc.. I can just have him pick me up and we can go to his apartment and I can be hugged and kissed and told that everything’s fine. It will really be a nice change from sitting in my dorm room all day and all night.

Yeah that gets old real fast.

ANyways, that’s about it, I miss my Topher, can’t wait to spend 5 weeks w/ him over xmas break!!!

but i miss you when you’re gone…

Whew….. So it’s been a pretty crazy couple of days. Ok, let’s recap.. It all began about 2 weeks ago. I was sitting in the library and randomly decided that I felt like going back to Iowa to see everyone b/c I missed them all. So that day and night I looked for some good plane deals, I found one the next day, and booked a flight. So that’s the background. Then to be fun, I thought I wouldn’t tell Chris so that I could surprise him and it would be way fun and he would be excited and stuff. I told most other people since they would need to come back from college and stuff.

So yeah…. FINALLY October 2nd comes, and it’s time to go. I had class till 9:45 and Martha and I left right after that. There was some drama driving as we were confused, there are so many interstates/highways in California!!! So we finally got there, I had a coffee and a danish and sat around waiting for my flight. While sitting, I read some Frankenstein. Got on my first flight, I don’t remember anything interesting happening there. I finished up Frankenstein, rocked out to Mates of State, and thought about what method I would use to surprise Chris. I also got very nervous and sweat a lot. And the guy next to me was asleep and snoring and he kept swinging his head towards me and almost hitting me. Very creepy.

I got into Chicago, and called Chris. I knew he would find something suspicious b/c I didn’t pick up my phone and he had called twice. So I thought of a good lie, which was that I had a meeting w/ my Science group… yes, I would’ve just put my phone on silent and I’m sure he knew that. But at any rate, it was right around 7, and I said I was gonna eat, work out, and then shower, so I’d be awhile. He’s like About 2 ½ hours ? and I was like yeah, sure. I had anticipated it being just around that time. Well, no.

My stupid flight out of Chicago just sat on the runway for a long time, which was uber annoying b/c the pilot was like There’s just a small plane sitting on the runway right now. I don’t know what it’s doing. So finally it left or whatever and we took off about a half hour late. So that was sad. I was so nervous and excited on this 2nd flight I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted to get there.

So I finally land in Des Moines. So then I couldn’t get my phone to work but eventually it did and I called Martha and let her know I was there. I wanted to call Chris so bad, but I couldn’t think of an excuse as to why I couldn’t actually talk to him for like another 45 minutes. So I found Neil and we were out.

Drove to Chris’ house, I was uber excited the whole time, and didn’t quite realize how far we were from Ames. I just wanted to get there!! Neil and I talked about random stuff the whole time… excitement.

So I finally get there and I’m just DYING. I had finally decided that what I was going to do was call Chris, and tell him that my internet was broken. Then I was going to ask him to look up the tracking # of the package I sent him (In case you didn’t know, that was the ruse. I told Chris that I sent him something, of course the something was me.

However, it was very funny b/c I had made up tracking #’s and everything). So I was gonna have him look it up for me. While he was doing this, I was going to be unlocking his door and coming inside, and when he said the tracking # didn’t work, I was going to say Well, actually I think your package is in the living room. And he was going to come out and we were gonna freak out and stuff.

It didn’t go QUITE that way. I called him and he was in bed. Problem 1. And he was mad at me for calling so late. Problem 2. So he’s mad at me, I’m not even saying anything b/c I’m just trying to open the freaking door, and that’s where Problem 3 happens. My key wouldn’t work! I could not for the life of me open that damn door. So I got frustrated and I was like Ok, I have to go to the bathroom, let me call you back in a couple minutes. And he’s like fine. So then I use both hands to try and get the door open and it STILL wouldn’t open. So frustrating … and of course I’m shaking and freaking out the whole time b/c I was so close! So I called him again and I’m like Go into your living room. and he’s like why? And I was like Just do it. And so then I was just like Open the door. And he’s like Why? And I just didn’t say anything…. And then he opened the door, and poof! There I was!

He seemed very excited. I was very excited. We stood in the doorway and hugged and kissed and cried. Some crazy came down the stairs, so I brought my bags inside and we continued hugging and kissing. We probably stood there for a good half hour before we could move. We just couldn’t let each other go, it was amazing. I had no idea what I would feel when I saw him, but this was 10 x more than what I ever expected. So after all that, I was gonna eat something, but I wanted to lay down with him for a few minutes. So we went and layed in bed for probably another half hour. Then he made me some tacos, and we watched the movie of our relationship on his TV and talked and had such a great time. It was GRRRRRRRRRREAT to see my baby again!! And while we layed in bed, that is where perhaps the most exciting news came in.
There had been talk of dating other people, and Chris had brought up that he wished we had just tried the long distance thing. So I had been contemplating that for awhile, and I didn’t know what I wanted. However, I really thought I was going to decided that we should see other people… at least until we were in a better position to date each other. But then I realized something… there was a reason I cried every time we talked about it, there was a reason I spent XXX to come see him, and miss classes that I really shouldn’t of. There is a reason that I stay in my dorm room all afternoon and talk to him online. And I thought Now why the hell would I want to lose that for something that I don’t even want to work out? And that’s when I decided that I as well wanted to try. So I told him this while we were laying in bed. I actually asked him out, formally J So as of very late on the night of October 2nd, Chris and Andrew are officially the cutest gay couple in the world again! So that was very exciting, and I know that he was happy.

We layed around and talked that night, I told him the plans for the rest of the weekend and he seemed cool with it. All was good.

Woke up at 4:30 or so…. Couldn’t sleep. We kissed and talked. Went back to bed and woke up at 7 something. At this point, we just gave up and got outta bed. We showered and watched Jerry Springer, which was really funny, and then we just hung out and talked and stuff. I showed him the movie of my friend and I from Cali and he said that Ross was cute. He seemed to like everyone (Well, at least the tape version of them) so hopefully that’s a good sign. And I’m sure everyone in Cali will just love him too! And if they don’t… well I don’t care! Eventually he had an interview, so we went to the mall.

He went to the interview, and I called Martha and talked to her for a few minutes. I went to the really good cookie place and bought him a cookie for being so great and getting an interview, and then I sat on a bench and waited for him. So he was done at some point, I gave him the cookie, he said I was sweet, and we were off. The interview was shorter than expected, so we went to WF, where I deposited my check and Chris opened a savings account. And I got a brownie. MMM.

After that, we went to see Katie at ISU. I really really love that campus. I’ve never really thought about it before.. But it’s really pretty. I think I would like going to school there. But let’s face it, I don’t think I’m gonna move back to Iowa anytime soon. Unless it was for the rest of this year to be with my Topher man! Saw KT’s dorm room, and then Sasha’s. I made fun of them for not having their own bathrooms/air conditioning/carpet. Chapman dorms have spoiled me rotten. So that was fun, and very random. Then we went to Gerry’s room, and I saw him, Marcus, and Matt Shwery, which was all just very random.

We broke soon and went home so Chris could change, and then went to Hickory Park where we were going to meet up w/ my sis and Bryce. So while we were waiting, some randoms drove by and said something about a hot ass or tight ass or something. I was like are they talking to us? and Chris was like Let’s kiss. So we kissed and then these kids were screaming Do it again! out the window and I flipped them off, and uttered a death wish to them. Fuckin kids.

Bryce and Jaime eventually got there, but we had already been seated and our waitress was a bitch. She came to us and was like Are the other two people almost here? and I was like yeah, just a couple minutes. And she’s like Well we don’t seat parties that aren’t full. I was like ooook, yeah well obviously we ARE seated, so take that and shove It up your ass Kim. So Jaime and Bryce got there, and it was all good times, and as Bryce was commenting on how Kim’s teeth looked like a horses’ she came up right behind him and got him a new drink or something. Very funny, he can be so tactful sometimes. So we had dinner and that was all around good times, I finally got the patty melt I’d been craving. MMMM it was yummy. Chris and I split some ice cream too. And Bryce commented on our sex life. Very weird. Chris paid for me, thanks honey!

After that, we went to Sam’s club b/c I was gonna get some protein bars, but I didn’t end up getting anything. So we went to Jaime’s apartment and got a movie and went back to Chris’s and watched It. It was Bridget Jones’ Diary. Not quite as funny as I thought it would be, it was more random than anything. After that, I don’t think it was even 11 yet, but we were uber tired so we just went to bed.

The next morning, we woke up pretty early, around 7:15 ish b/c I had to meet my friends. The morning started off bad, and it really upset me. Chris was upset b/c he wasn’t invited to breakfast, then I got upset b/c I thought he didn’t understand that I had to see those friends as well, and that they also wanted alone time, and then he thought I didn’t understand him, and then I got upset b/c I didn’t fly to Iowa to fight.

Though it wasn’t a big deal. We did eventually get it all straightened out and it turns out that everyone thought Chris was coming to breakfast anyway. But no one cared to inform me. No biggie, he came to breakfast, as did Danielle, Rach, KT, and Court, and it was all good times. After that he broke, and we all went to Court’s house.

Talked to Gbor for awhile, and then Jaime and Bryce called and she was gonna make a copy of my house key so that I could go get my jackets. So she did, and then Court and I went to pick it up (Rach and KT broke). Got the key, went to my house. Looking back, I should’ve taken more stuff, cause I meant to grab a few sweaters. But opening up the boxes, finding what I wanted, and then repacking seemed like too much work. So I just grabbed 2 jackets, a few ties, other assorted things, and we broke. Went to a deli and Court got some soup and I had a cookie, which was yummy yummy. After that we went to the mall, which is completely finished and looks cool. Not that I would now spend more money there just b/c they redesigned, but it did look cool. After that, it was time for WF.

We pulled up there and I felt all nostalgic and stuff, even though I complained about my job tons. Nicole was there, as was Cara, Jean, and Brenda, and apparently one of our newest team members, Lauren Williams. All very random. John Petermeier now inhabits my old seat, and everyone else pretty much got moved around. So much change! I sat and talked with Jean in her new supervisor’s office (Brent’s old one), and then walked around and talked to people. Cara and Nicole both wanted to know about Chris, and they were both very excited to find that we had gotten back together. I laughed b/c at everyone’s desk there are these mirrors and there is a thing around the outside, a frame I guess, and it says ‘SMILE! What is the customer hearing? SOOOO Funny. I would die if I had to have one at my cubicle. But yeah.. I really hope I can work there over Christmas and also over the summer. If not, I don’t know where I’ll get any money from. But yeah, we hung out there until Jean was ready, and then Her Court and I broke and went to Cheddars.

I wasn’t even really hungry but I wanted a Chicken Tender Wrapper. So I got that, and we just all sat around and laughed a lot. Jean said perhaps there is someway I could combine stripping and sperm donating into one profession. Very funny. Court had a cookie monster, so I got to eat some of that too, very good. And randomly the waitress apparently finished working halfway through our meal, and she just left. I though they had to stay until everyone in their section was done eating. Eh, that was annoying. But we had a really good time, and Jean paid, that was very nice, thanks Jean Jean!

Went back to WF, called Chris and told him we were done. He said he would be there soon and had to get something for his parents first. So went back to Court’s unloaded her truck w/ all her college stuff and hung out. I went through all her pics and put little notes on the ones I wanted doubles of.

She thinks I got a bit overzealous. She’s right.

Chris eventually came and we all sat around for a bit and talked and had a good time. After that, Chris and I broke. Ginny called and wanted us to come over to KT Rodger’s house.

So as we are heading over there, we stopped b/c I saw Savanna. So she freaked out, told me about her plans to move to Vegas, and then left. She was going to homecoming. Very random. So we went to Katie’s and Alanna was there with some boy, and Ginny came a few minutes later. Good to see everyone. Alanna was like I could’ve signed you up for the dance.. I was like Uhhh that’s ok. So we hung out there for a bit, and then made plans to meet up w/ Becky and Neil at 7 downtown. Took pics, did randomness, then we broke. During all this, KT had called and wanted me to come over so she could see me one more time and say goodbye.

I know Chris was a bit annoyed b/c we told his cousin 7 and it was already almost 6:45ish, but he said it was ok. So we went to KT’s probably spent about 15 minutes there, and then headed downtown.

Twas cool to be there again, nothing too too exciting. Sat and had a frozen mocha that Topher bought me, thanks ! And then we broke b/c Neil was hungry. So we went to this random place far out and had some good Chicken alfredo pizza thing? I dunno, it was good and I ate more again, even though I wasn’t hungry. Neil paid that time, thanks!! After that, they took us back to our car and we went to Chris’ in Polk City.

Got there, and we hottubbed for awhile, and it was really hot in there. Talked and generally had a good time. After that, we got all dryoffified, and then got ready to go back to Ames.

Drove to Ames, talked about places it would be fun to make love in, and went to Hy-Vee, where we got some breakfast food. Went back to Chris’, and I put on my cowboy hat, which he thought was really cute. The rest of the night will be delegated to a private entry.

Went to bed and decided we would sleep in. So we woke up at 10 something or 9 something, I can’t remember. He showered, I showered, my sis called and said she was gonna come soon for breakfast, so Chris made some pancakes and omelletes and Jaime came over and we ate and it was all good times. After she left, I packed up all my stuff and we headed to the Blank Part Zoo. Got a little lost on the way there, but eventually found it. That was good times there, even though it was a bit on the smallish side. They had some really cute giant turtles and they were fun. The bugs were insane. That’s one thing I DON’T miss. I didn’t even realize that Cali has no bugs. But when you go back to Iowa, oh boy do you realize. I spent more time than I should’ve complaining about the bugs at the zoo. But we had a good time, and again Topher paid for my admission, which was sweet of him! He paid for mostly everything this weekend, so BIG HUGS go out to him. We had a rootbeer float at the zoo and that was good. Uh oh, only 15 min on my battery left!! Must hurry!

After we left the zoo, we went to the porn store and wandered around for a short while. It was really funny b/c someone actually came up to us and asked if we needed help finding anything. I just felt weird… like what are you supposed to say? Yes, can you help me find a dildo that would suitable for my big fat ass? Thanks.. Yeah random.

So we left there, and went to some aquatic stores and looked for stingrays, they didn’t have any!! Very sad. But yeah after that we went over to Saylorville, which was uber uber romantic, and a very good time. There was this little Peninsula that we went out to. There was nobody there except for the two of us and we sat on a rock together and watched the sunset and had a really good time, and talked about stuff. I tried to convince him to come to Cali with me today, but he denied L It’s ok, I understand, I just don’t want to have to deal with the next 3 months until I get to see him again! I wish I had enough money to go back for another weekend. Perhaps if I get to the sperm bank I will… just kidding.

So we hung out there for a long time, the sunset was so pretty and we took some pics which hopefully Chris puts up on his website.

Oh I forgot to mention. When Chris first answered the door and let me in, he was just in his boxers. And let me just say that his working out has totally paid off, even in the short 6 or 7 weeks he’s been doing it. He looks slimmer, and has definitely gained more muscle. His abs are hard too. I just thought that was great, I’m sure he’s glad to hear that there IS a visible difference, and I hope that he continues doing as great as he has been!

Anyways, after the sunset, we decided to find the Chinese buffet place, to have some dinner. We finally found it, after deciding that it in fact was not on 86th street.. Which I really didn’t think it was on to begin with. Sat down there, and ate like blargmonsters, as always. I tried to pay but he wouldn’t let me, and he paid again! He did a lot of paying this weekend, and I feel bad L

So after that, we went back to his house. We really wanted to hot tub one last time, but decided it would be best to just go to bed. So we went to sleep around 10 something. I slept fairly well, considering what was about to happen the next day. Chris’ dad banged on the door and I heard that and I felt really bad b/c I had left his dome light on the night before and he had to go turn it off and I was afraid that the battery may have died. When he came back, I apologized. He said it was ok though. Went back to sleep and we woke up at 5 and that totally sucked.

I got ready, and we went downstairs and suddenly leaving on a jet plane got in my head, and well it would not leave. So that of course sent me off on a cryfest. And I pretty much cried from Chris’ house all the way to my plane. I broke once in there from the crying so that I could get my ticket. But besides that.. It got to the point where I didn’t even want to look at Chris. Seeing his eyes and his face and all the affection just got to me. So I stared out the window and all the sad songs in the world played in my head and I just cried and cried. When we got to the airport, it sucked, and I refused to get out of the car.

Eventually I had to. We went in and it was sad, and we both teared up. We made our way to right in front of security, and the line was getting pretty long, so I had to get in there or else I would miss my flight. Which, considering I skipped all classes today, I wish I would’ve taken a later afternoon flight and spent more time with Christopher. Ahh, regrets. So yeah, I cried a few times on the plane but attempted to keep it under control.

When I got to LAX, the weather was horrible and foggy and I just wanted my Topher back so bad. He had left me 2 messages and so I listened to them and at least was able to smile for a few minutes. Then I called to let him know I was there, and it was good to talk to him, though it made me all the more sadder. The whole drama with finding Mike was too much for me, and as I stood there waiting for him, I cried some more. I’m so pathetic sometimes.

It’s the opposite of last time we said goodbye. We both cried, but Chris was doing it a little more than me, and I kept saying oh it’ll be ok, don’t worry it’s just a small amount of time we can do it blah blah blah and this time it was me who couldn’t control myself and Chris who was trying to soothe me with those words. Anyways….

Chris called while I was at lunch and he told me not to be sad. But I am. I miss him so much. I’m not gonna gush here, it’ll make everyone sick.

Well, all in all, I had a VERY VERY wonderful weekend, probably the best one since I’ve been here. I have to write a private update now… and then do lots of schoolwork that somehow got neglected.


For some reason, I’m very scared that something is wrong with Chris.
The more I sit and think about it, the more I think that something has gone awry. I hope that isn’t the case…
If he can just hold out until it gets there.. he will be happy, I swear.
Just hold out Topher.. I hope nothing is wrong. Please don’t let there be.
I miss you terribly.