abandoned iowa

abandonediowa Check out this COOL ass livejournal! I wish I had thought to do things like this while living in iowa… THere’s so many abandonded places there!

Maybe I should start a California one, but we all know I’ll say I will and then not do it… Oh well.

If only I had someone to do it with! Now that’d be fun!

Like, when I was on the Queen Mary,t ehre were so many placed that said “Stay Out” but clearly were NOT well secured. I totally wanted to go in them.. My mom said she’d go to, if I weren’t there. She can’t add to my badness. lol

Laters.

PS. sorry for all the random postings. 🙂

Why…

He’ll give me his favorite sweatshirt. (especially after he put his cologne on it)

He’ll stay home with me and watch Disney Movies.

And the only person he would ever watch it with would be me.

He’ll call me at 3 AM and ask me what I’m doing.

He’ll tell me he couldn’t fall asleep because he was thinking about me, and he needed to hear my voice.

And he always whispers something sweet in my ear.

He’ll take me to a concert to see his favorite band.

And he won’t get embarrassed to tell me he loves me in front of his friends.

When I cry he’ll tell me I’m too beautiful to and he’ll kiss every tear.

He’ll always make me feel better because he knows the perfect things to say to me.

All of his friends will know we’re in love because he’ll talk about me to them.

He’ll stay up with me all night when I’m sick.

When we’re walking together he’ll stop and pick up a flower and put it behind my ear.

He’ll love everything about me and tell me that I’m perfect.

We always end up laughing about silly fights.

We won’t get mad for making fun of each other because we crack up at every bit of it.

Even if we’re a million years old, butterflies will still go crazy inside of me…every time he kisses me.

He’ll tell me he’d die without me.

He’ll surprise me by bringing me over my favorite food when I’m having a bad day.

He would think I was beautiful if I dressed so crappy it was classy.

When we go out for ice cream, he’ll put some on my nose,then I’ll put some all over his face. And we just never stop laughing.

He wouldn’t be scared to cry in front of me– and would hold me when I cry…

He’ll introduce me to his friends as the coolest girl he’s ever met.

We would have contests of how far we could spit our gum, or how far we could jump off a swing.

He would grab my waist and kiss my neck.

And we’d always take pictures in photo booths.

He’ll let me go places with his mom.

We would play tag and not care whose watching.

We’d kiss in the rain.

And when I hear him speak, I’ll fall in love all over again.

I want a boy who can argue over stupid things with me, and than go totally soft when I got sad and apologize.

I want someone who would lay with me outside under the stars.

Someone who will squirt me with water guns in the house.

When we kissed our hips would be pressed together.

I want someone to be there no matter what … always and forever.

I’ll be his everything.

And he’ll be even more to me.

He will love me for always.

Why did I ever let it go when I already had it? Stupid fucking me.

Crushes

So… I know I haven’t actually updated since Sunday… Sorry, I’ve been under a lot of stress, and just not feeling up to it… But the last two days I haven’t slept for shit because I have something on my mind…

Anyways, go recap my days first. Andrew called me on Sunday. It was really good to hear his voice again and to talk to him but we got into a fight because I won’t elaborate on something I wrote about on my journal here… I had just gotten over about it and I really didn’t need him bringing it back up. We got cut off though because he kept cutting out, so that sucked. I wish I had been able to say a better goodbye. I’m sure he’s having a ton of fun too. He made out with some boy as well.

Work has been work. Boring yet busy. I’ve been studying both the VoIP and Netbackup stuff. So learning lots, other then that nothing has gone on in my life.

Now, the point of this update… I DO have a crush on someone, it’s Myke… Even though he hardly talks to me online, or at least hardly compared to what I’d like to talk to him. I’m not exactly sure what it is about him that’s made me have such a strong crush on him… It could be one of many things or all of them… The fact that he’s in college and wants to get his PHD…. The fact that he’s so into computers and geeky things and it’s amazing to be able to talk to someone for so long about it. (One of the major things I didn’t like about andrew and I was that he never was interested/understood what I was talking about)…. The fact that he’s hot as hell…. or the fact that he reminds me so much of andrew…

But either way I have a really strong crush on him… HE admitted on his journal on friday that he had a crush on someone else though and that really actually hurt me. I sent him an e-mail, and well that’s what I was talkinga bout the other day. Anyways, he finially answered my question last night after I brought it up to him on aim…. He said that anything between he and I, he didn’t see happening. Which is understandable, I’m just not good enough for him, and I figured that from the begining..

But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him, about how fucking flirty he was with me when I went over there that one night…. I keep asking myself, WHY WAS HE SO FLIRTY. It’s so annoying because he gave off signs and then says a different thing. It’s like, DAMNIT Don’t play with a fragile boy’s mind like that!

I also just want to cuddle with him again…. It was so nice to be able to cuddle with someone again, to just lay there on his couch and hold him, and watch TV. It felt so amamzing… Sometimes it’s better then sex.

SOMEONE GET HIM OUT OF MY HEAD!

I realy wish I could just have a cuddle buddy friend, and he’d be perfect for that…

Either way, he said he does want to hang out, when he has time. So who knows HOW LONG that’ll be… I’d really like to hang out with him again this weekend. Cause it is July 4th weekend, and if he doesn’t. I can bet you I’ll end up sitting at my house all weekend alone and depressed…

Also this weekend marks one year since I went back to Iowa and basically the weekend that my relationship with Andrew ended… So some company would be very welcomed to keep my mind off of that.

Goodnight.